Breaking Upward: Divorce is a break up, not a break down.
Published by Rachel Newhouse
Parenting
Kids & Family
Society & Culture
Relationships
You didn't fail your marriage. You survived it. Now what? Breaking Upward is the podcast for women who are navigating divorce - or thinking about it - and need honest, practical, and emotionally real conversation to help them move forward. Hosted by Rachel Newhouse, Breaking Upward covers everything nobody talks about: the financial documents to gather before you file, how to protect your kids without lying to them, what to do when he won't follow the court order, how to figure out who you are when the marriage is over, and how to actually forgive, not for him, but for yourself. This is not a show where we drown in the sadness of divorce, because life can be SO good after divorce. It's about breaking UP, not breaking DOWN. New episodes every week in each series. Start anywhere, or start from the beginning. Breaking Upward is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for legal, financial, or mental health advice. Please consult a qualified professional for your specific situation. If you or someone you know is in an unsafe situation: National Domestic Violence Hotline — call or text 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Available 24/7 at thehotline.org . Learn more and connect: breaking-upward.com
You are not behind. You are not too late. If you're staring down a divorce in your 30s, 40s, or beyond and feeling like the window has closed, this episode is the one you need to hear. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse — who applied to be a pilot after her divorce — talks about what starting over actually looks like, the neuroscience of new beginnings, and why the women with the most interesting second chapters are the ones who decided 'too late' wasn't a real category. IN THIS EPISODE • The permission slip divorce hands you whether you wanted it or not — and what to do with it • Why 'starting over' is the wrong frame: you are not starting from zero, you are starting from here • The pilot application: what Rachel learned about herself by applying for something completely unexpected • What starting over actually looks like in practice (it's smaller and more specific than it sounds) • The 'too late' myth — and why it's a story, not a fact • Behavioral activation: the clinical technique behind why doing something before you feel ready is exactly right • Nurse's Note: What chronic stress does to the brain — and the research on neuroplasticity, recovery, and why your brain is built for exactly what you're doing right now Your next chapter starts with understanding where you stand today. The Breaking Upward tool helps you assess your situation, understand your options, and take the next step — privately and at no cost. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com Website: breaking-upward.com Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.
Dating After Divorce: Readiness Is a Decision
19 min
You're probably never going to feel 'ready' to date after divorce. And waiting until you do might mean waiting a very long time. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about what dating after divorce actually looks like — the weird parts, the surprisingly good parts, and the conversation nobody prepares you for. If you're wondering when to start, how much of your story to share, what to do when you have kids, and why the STI conversation is actually less awkward than you think, this episode is for you. IN THIS EPISODE • Why 'when are you ready?' is the wrong question — and what to ask yourself instead • What first dates actually feel like after a long marriage (and how much of your story to share with a stranger) • The escape text system Rachel used for her first six months of dating — and why it worked • Dating when you have kids: the one principle that actually holds up across situations • The STI conversation — why it matters, how to have it, and what someone's response tells you about them • What you're actually doing when you date after divorce: it's not about replacing what you had • Nurse's Note: The clinical case for the sexual health conversation — and what a dismissive response tells you about how someone will treat your health and your boundaries Before you can think about what's next, you need to understand where you actually stand. The Breaking Upward tool helps you get clear on your legal and financial situation — privately, with nothing stored. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com Website: breaking-upward.com Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.
When Your Ex Ignores the Divorce Agreement
16 min
A divorce decree is a legally binding document. But when your ex decides not to follow it, the burden of enforcement falls on you — and the system moves slowly. If you're dealing with missed payments, ignored custody schedules, or an ex who treats your agreement as optional, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife and forensic documentation expert Rachel Newhouse walks through exactly what to do, how to build a violation record that holds up in court, and how to protect yourself without letting it consume you. IN THIS EPISODE • The reality of post-divorce compliance — and what to do when it breaks down • Why documentation is your most powerful post-decree tool, and the forensic standard for doing it right • Contempt of court, modification, and parenting coordinators: the three tools that actually exist for enforcement • How to build a violation log that a judge will find credible (not just a pile of screenshots) • The dollar jar: Rachel's system for acknowledging violations without letting them live in your body • What to do when the violation is real but the remedy is slow • Nurse's Note: Forensic documentation from a SANE nurse's perspective — why contemporaneous records are more credible than recalled memory, and exactly how to build yours Understanding exactly what your decree says — and what it means — is the first step to enforcing it. The Breaking Upward Clause Translator breaks down legal language into plain English, privately and at no cost. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool (including Clause Translator): app.breaking-upward.com Website: breaking-upward.com Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.
When Your Friends Can't Handle Your Divorce
12 min
Some friendships don't survive a divorce. Not because people are bad — but because your life is changing in ways that not everyone can follow. If you've lost a friendship during your divorce, or found yourself surrounded by people who don't know what to say, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about why some friendships end, why the people who show up are often not who you expected, and what the research says about social support as a clinical protective factor during one of the hardest periods of your life. IN THIS EPISODE • The books and chapters framework: why not everyone gets to read every chapter — and why that's not a betrayal • The real reasons some friendships don't survive divorce: your marriage mirror, couple friendships, and people who simply don't know how • Why your divorce makes some people in your life uncomfortable about their own marriages • The clinical truth about social isolation during divorce and its measurable effects on health • The people who showed up when Rachel didn't expect it — and what that taught her • How to grieve a friendship while you're grieving a marriage • Nurse's Note: Social support is a documented medical protective factor. The research on isolation, health, and why letting people in right now matters more than it feels like it does You don't have to navigate this alone. The Breaking Upward tool helps you understand your legal and financial situation so you can focus your energy on the people and decisions that actually matter. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com Website: breaking-upward.com Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.
Who Are You Without This Marriage?
10 min
After a long marriage — especially a difficult one — you can lose track of who you actually are. If you've come out of your divorce not quite knowing what you like, what you want, or who you are when nobody's watching, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about rebuilding your identity after divorce, why the blank slate is both terrifying and a gift, and what salsa Tuesdays taught her about the science of starting over. IN THIS EPISODE • The identity question nobody asks when you're going through a divorce: who did you become inside this marriage, and who are you actually? • Why the blank slate is terrifying — and why having preferences again feels selfish when it isn't • How small, repeated experiences of dismissal and accommodation change how the brain processes your own needs over time • Neuroplasticity and new beginnings: why salsa Tuesdays and V-necks are not trivial — they're how identity rebuilds • How to start figuring out who you are without sitting down with a journal and deep questions • What to do when the people around you are unsettled by who you're becoming • Nurse's Note: The neuroscience of identity erosion in diminishing relationships — and what actually rebuilds it Figuring out your next step doesn't have to feel overwhelming. The Breaking Upward tool helps you assess where you are and understand your options — privately, at your own pace, with nothing stored. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com Website: breaking-upward.com Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.
The Emotional Timeline of Divorce Is Not What You Think
23 min
The emotional timeline of divorce isn't linear — and it's not what anyone tells you it is. If you've felt relief when you thought you should be devastated, or devastated when everyone thinks you should be moving on, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife and divorce survivor Rachel Newhouse breaks down what the emotional stages of divorce actually look like in real life — the liberation phase, why grief hits later, when anger finally arrives, and the gut-punch moment that catches every divorced parent off guard. IN THIS EPISODE • Why relief after divorce doesn't mean something is wrong with you — and the biology behind why leaving a stressful situation actually feels better • The five distinct emotional waves of divorce (and why applying the Kübler-Ross grief model as a linear checklist is making things worse) • Why anger often arrives months after you thought you were done — and what it actually means when it does • What to do when your emotional timeline doesn't match anyone else's expectations • The gut-punch moment: when it stops being about your pain and becomes about your child's experience • Practical tools for living inside a nonlinear process: therapy, community, movement, and permission • Nurse's Note: The physiological reality of stress relief — what happens to your nervous system when a chronic stressor is removed Ready to understand your situation before your next step? The Breaking Upward tool helps you think through the legal, financial, and emotional pieces of divorce — privately, without storing your information. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com Website: breaking-upward.com Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.
Episode 5: How to Find the Right Divorce Lawyer (And What to Do If You Can't Afford One)
16 min
Because "just get a lawyer" is not a strategy. Finding the right divorce attorney can make or break your case — and your sanity. In this episode, Rachel breaks down exactly what to look for in a divorce lawyer, what questions to ask in a consultation, and the red flags that should send you walking. She also covers the options most people don't know exist: collaborative divorce, mediation, limited scope representation, and nonprofits like the Lilac Tree in Evanston, IL that help women navigate the process even when traditional legal fees feel impossible. IN THIS EPISODE • Why Rachel hired three lawyers before finding the right one — and what she learned from each • How to treat a legal consultation like a job interview (because it is) • The single best question to ask a prospective attorney • Red flags: the attorney who guarantees outcomes, the one who only agrees with you, and the one who picks fights that don't matter • The full spectrum of divorce options — uncontested, collaborative, and mediation explained clearly • "My sanity had a dollar value" — why Rachel made financial concessions to move faster, and how to decide what's right for you • Legal aid, law school clinics, limited scope representation, and the Lilac Tree — real options when cost is a barrier Save this episode and come back to it when you're ready to start making calls. If you're looking for a nonprofit that helps women navigate the divorce process, search for organizations similar to the Lilac Tree in your state, or contact your State Bar Association for referrals. RESOURCES & LINKS breaking-upward.com — full show notes, resources, and community @breaking_upward_divorce on Instagram | @breakingupward on TikTok If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence: National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org If this episode helped you, please leave a review and share it with a friend who needs it. Reviews help other women going through divorce find this show.
Episode 4: Protecting Your Kids Without Lying to Them
17 min
The conversation delves into the impact of divorce on children, emphasizing the importance of age-appropriate communication, professional support, and the quality of how parents handle the divorce. It highlights the need for honesty and effective communication, as well as the significance of professional support and therapy for children during and after divorce. The overall theme revolves around the well-being of children during the process of divorce and the crucial role of parents in ensuring a positive outcome for their children. Takeaways Children are affected by sustained parental conflict, not divorce itself Honesty and age-appropriate communication are crucial for children during divorce Professional support and therapy for children during and after divorce are important The quality of how parents handle divorce matters more than the fact of divorce Chapters 00:00 The Impact of Divorce on Children 15:13 Professional Support and Therapy for Children breaking-upward.com • @breaking_upward_divorce on Instagram • @breakingupward on TikTok If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence: National DV Hotline 1-800-799-7233 • Text START to 88788 • thehotline.org This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation.
Episode 3: The Money Talk Nobody Has Before They Leave
18 min
She had two years of joint tax returns in a box in their closet. She had signed every one of them. She could not have told you what was in them. She was a professional with a graduate degree. And she did not know what was in her own financial life. This episode is about that — and what to do about it. What we cover: Financial clarity isn't betrayal. It's self-preservation. If you don't know what's in your marriage financially, you cannot make intelligent decisions about your own life. This episode walks you through exactly what to gather, what it means, and how to protect yourself before, during, and after the process. We get into marital property — what it actually means that assets acquired during a marriage are generally considered joint property, even if your name is nowhere on the account. We talk credit, the types of divorce most people don't know exist, the financial mistakes that will damage your case, and what to do if you can't afford a traditional attorney. The woman who is most protected in a divorce is the woman who was prepared. This episode is about becoming that woman. Chapters: 00:00 — The importance of financial clarity: why not knowing is not the same as failing 06:05 — Understanding marital property: what's actually on the table, including assets you've never thought about 17:12 — Mistakes to avoid: what not to do before you file, and why it matters Resources mentioned: Legal aid — search your state bar association's website for free or reduced-cost family law services in your area Law school clinics — supervised law students handle real family law cases at no cost Limited scope representation — hire an attorney for specific pieces only, not the whole case Breaking Upward Triage Checklist — free, no account needed: app.breaking-upward.com Breaking Upward free workbook — the full financial document checklist and 30-day action guide: link in bio If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence: National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 • Text START to 88788 • thehotline.org Breaking Upward is not legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.
Episode 2: How Do You Know You’re Really Ready for Divorce?
16 min
“Am I ready?” is the wrong question. And it’s the question that keeps more women stuck than almost anything else. In this episode, Rachel reframes what readiness actually is: not a feeling that arrives, not a checklist you finish, and definitely not the absence of fear. She walks through the five questions worth actually asking yourself, why couples therapy is often the wrong move at this stage, and what it really means when the cost of staying finally outweighs the cost of going. If you’ve been waiting to feel certain before you make a move, this episode is going to challenge that. Courage and readiness are not the same thing. And readiness, real readiness, is freeing when you arrive there. Breaking Upward is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for legal, financial, or mental health advice. Please consult a qualified professional for your specific situation. If you or someone you know is in an unsafe situation: National Domestic Violence Hotline — call or text 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Available 24/7 at thehotline.org . Learn more and connect: breaking-upward.com
Trailer: Welcome to Breaking Upward!
3 min
Let's talk divorce. This is not a show about empowerment. It's not about toxic positivity or pretending everything happens for a reason. It's about the part nobody talks about - the messy, logistically overwhelming, emotionally nonlinear middle of divorce. What documents do you need? How do you talk to your kids? How do you figure out who you are when the life you planned is over? I'm Rachel Newhouse. I went through this at 29, scared and financially confused, and the show I needed didn't exist. So I built it. Breaking Upward is for women navigating divorce - or seriously considering it - who are done shrinking and ready for honest, practical, real conversation about what comes next. This is where we begin. Remember, you're breaking up, not breaking down.
Episode 1: Why I Left
20 min
Episode 1: Why I Left Leaving a marriage is one of the hardest decisions a person can make. But for a lot of women, the hardest part isn't the leaving - it's the years before it, quietly wondering if what they're experiencing is real, or if they're the problem. In this first episode, Rachel talks about the decision to leave: what it actually looks and feels like from the inside, the difference between a marriage that's hard and one that's genuinely damaging, and why so many women wait so long - not because they're weak, but because they're trying to be sure. If you've ever questioned your own memory of what's happening in your home, if you've ever felt smaller coming out of a conversation than you did going in, if you've ever wondered whether the version of your future that excites you is allowed to not include him - this episode is for you. This is where Breaking Upward begins.
