Welcome to The Autism Mums Podcast — a supportive space for parents and carers navigating life with autistic children. We’re your hosts, Victoria and Natalie, two sisters raising autistic children. We know the joy, the overwhelm and the thousand tiny moments no one else quite gets. That’s why we created this podcast - to offer a safe space, a sense of community, and some gentle encouragement along the way. In each episode, we’ll bring you honest conversations, shared strength, and expert insights to support your journey. Whether you're celebrating a win, managing a meltdown, or just trying to get through the day, you’ll find real talk and real understanding here. You can expect mum to mum chats, practical tips, mini solo moments and conversations with experts. Whether you’re new to this journey or deep in the day-to-day, we see you and we’re walking this path with you.
In the next of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're talking about how relationships can shift when your family begins navigating autism, even before a diagnosis is confirmed. As priorities change and the reality of advocating for your child sets in, friendships can evolve, strengthen, or sometimes drift apart. Key Takeaways Raising an autistic child can reshape your priorities and change the person you become. How advocacy for your child can challenge social expectations and sometimes make others uncomfortable. Friendships may evolve as your life begins to revolve around meeting your child’s needs. Connecting with other parents of neurodivergent children can create powerful understanding and support. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive people can make the journey feel less isolating. Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In the next of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're talking about autistic burnout. We share our personal experiences of supporting our children through burnout, from shutdowns and sensory overwhelm to emotional exhaustion and withdrawal. We also open up about how life events (including unexpected changes and disruptions to routine) can tip the balance and lead to burnout. We explore what autistic burnout can look like in children, what can cause it, and most importantly what can help. Key Takeaways How autistic burnout can present Increased meltdowns, shutdowns, or physical complaints can be signs your child is overwhelmed and exhausted Sensory sensitivities can intensify during burnout, making everyday things feel unbearable Changes to routine, environment, or support systems can trigger or worsen burnout Balancing energy-draining and energy-giving activities can support recovery Gentle, low-pressure outings (like time in nature) can help rebuild energy over time Reducing demands and allowing flexibility can support your child’s nervous system Burnout is usually temporary, and with the right support, children can recover and feel like themselves again Mentioned in This Episode Understanding Autistic Burnout Autistic burnout: When navigating a neurotypical world becomes too much Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In the first of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're talking about travelling with autistic children. Whether it's a one night stay, a weekend with grandparents, or a long holiday. Trips that other families might find routine can involve a huge amount of planning, uncertainty, and sensory challenges - different beds and pillows, unfamiliar food, noisy or crowded spaces, and even hidden safety hazards in accommodation. We're sharing our experiences - what helped, what didn't, and our suggestions of what might help you too. Key Takeaways Small preparations can help. Consider doing short practice stays before a long trip and build up time away gradually if that feels manageable for your family. Bring familiar comforts: favourite pillows, blankets, trusted foods, and familiar toiletries (toothpaste, shampoo) can reduce sensory upset and make sleep and routines easier. Pack a comfort/essentials bag: include fidget toys, calming smells, noise-reducing items, a spare set of safe foods, charging cables and any sensory supports you rely on. Make plans but stay flexible: a loose “what if” plan for meltdowns, exits or separation can help you respond quickly, but be ready to adjust if things change. Think about personal space: shared rooms or cabins can reduce opportunities to retreat. Consider quieter accommodation options, balconies or separate rooms where possible. Check provider policies in advance. Ask hotels, cruise lines or attractions about quieter rooms, room layouts, food policies and any autism-friendly services they offer. Use airport and venue support. Request assistance like fast-track check-in, quiet lounges or sensory rooms where available to reduce waiting and crowd stress. Balance siblings’ needs. Plan some separate activities or downtime so children with different needs can recharge without upsetting each other. Learn from each trip. Make brief notes about what worked and what didn’t so your next trip can be easier to plan. Be kind to yourselves! Not every holiday will go perfectly. Celebrate small wins and prioritise calm and safety over trying to “do it all.” Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
When ITV News aired a story featuring an anonymous whistleblower who had worked inside a council SEND department, the reaction across the SEND community was striking. It wasn’t shock. It was recognition. In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we reflect on the allegations raised in the report, including claims of deliberate delay tactics, avoidance of written records, and communication strategies that left families feeling ignored or pushed aside. We also share our own lived experiences navigating the system: Unanswered emails and calls Out‑of‑office responses at critical moments Meetings missed, placements delayed Being told consultation had happened when it hadn’t Feeling dismissed, emotional, or labelled “difficult” We explore why so many families feel they are only taken seriously when they escalate to tribunal and what it does to parents when exhaustion feels like part of the process. This conversation is not about attacking individuals. It is about acknowledging patterns that many families describe, discussing the emotional impact of prolonged delays, and asking difficult but necessary questions about accountability and reform. If the whistleblower story resonated with you, this episode creates space to process it together. You were not imagining it. You were not being “difficult.” And you are not alone. Key Takeaways Many SEND parents felt the whistleblower story confirmed what they had already experienced. Ongoing delays and lack of communication can leave families feeling dismissed and exhausted. With most tribunal appeals decided in families’ favour, many parents feel escalation is often necessary to be heard. Keeping clear written records and requesting decisions in writing is essential for protecting yourself. While the process can feel overwhelming, knowing your rights and seeking support can shift the balance. Mentioned in this episode ITV News report discussed in this episode: https://www.itv.com/news/2026-07-03/council-staff-told-to-delay-access-to-send-support-whistleblower-claims SEND Tribunal Statistics (Ministry of Justice): https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/tribunals-statistics IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice): https://www.ipsea.org.uk SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs & Disability Information, Advice & Support Services): https://councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/what-we-do-0/networks/information-advice-and-support-services-network/find-your-local-ias-service Special Needs Jungle coverage of the story: https://www.specialneedsjungle.com Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome SEND dad and advocate, Ricky Du Plessis, to the show. Biography Ricky Du Plessis is a SEND dad, advocate and podcast host on a mission to support the parents and professionals who care for children with special needs in overcoming the associated chronic stress. His son has level-3 autism and an ongoing ARFID assessment, so he lives the chronic stress he talks about. Unusually, Ricky was deep into metabolic health and the link between metabolic health and our mental resilience, before his son was born and his needs emerged, and that head start is genuinely what has stopped Ricky from burning out under the chronic stress load. He now writes, speaks and hosts a podcast making the case that caring for the caregiver is the most overlooked part of SEND support, but one every family deserves. Key Takeaways The caregiver is the primary intervention – if the parent or carer's wellbeing is compromised, everything that flows to the child is compromised too. The hardware/software analogy – your mind (software) runs on your body (hardware), so physical health directly shapes mental resilience and capacity to cope. Metabolic health is central – nutrition, sleep, light and movement all feed into your metabolic health, which underpins both mental and physical wellbeing. Focus on nourishment, not calories – prioritise essential, bioavailable nutrients (e.g. retinol from liver vs beta-carotene from carrots) rather than counting calories. Protect your sleep hygiene – wind down screens before bed, dim the lights, and avoid caffeine after midday to let sleep pressure (adenosine) build properly. Prioritise everyday movement (NEAT) over just gym sessions – being less sedentary throughout the day matters more than a single workout. Cut back on alcohol – even a small amount interferes with sleep quality. Find your "logical entry gateway" – pick one area (nutrition, movement or sleep) that resonates with you and aim to improve it a little each day rather than seeking perfection. Looking after yourself isn't vanity – as the caregiver, your wellbeing is foundational to your capacity to support your child, especially during critical developmental windows. Mentioned in This Episode Brain Energy by Dr. Chris Palmer Connect with Ricky Learn more about Ricky's guidance and framework in his free substack https://substack.com/@rickyduplessis Website - https://www.rickyduplessis.co.uk/ LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/ricky-du-plessis/ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/ricky.du.plessis.85 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ricky_duplessis/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ricky_duplessis Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
If your child is struggling to attend school, you might be wondering what the options are. In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome back Lauren Vermeulen from Victory-us to talk about EOTAS (Education Otherwise Than At or In School). Biography Lauren is the founder of Victory-us, an independent SEND Teacher - supporting, empowering and providing EOTAS to send children. Lauren has taught in a variety of schools and SEND provisions, leading emotional regulation, behaviour support trainings and PSHE. She has expertise in supporting children with bespoke and tailored learning and mental health support, to ensure children flourish on education otherwise than at school. She now supports children their families who can’t access school and need tailored support. Key Takeaways EOTAS stands for Education Otherwise Than At or In School. It is specifically for children who hold an EHCP - this is what sets it apart from elective home education. When a child has an EHCP and cannot be educated in a school setting, the responsibility for funding and meeting that child's needs sits with the local authority, not the parent. EOTAS is not the same as home education. If your child has an EHCP and you are educating them at home, the local authority still has a legal duty of care - and that includes funding. The LA must ensure all of Section F is being met. Getting EOTAS agreed can be a lengthy process. Local authorities are required to work through a list of provisions under Section 61 before EOTAS can be agreed - from mainstream, to resource bases, to specialist and independent schools, to online provision. This is why having a well-written EHCP that accurately reflects your child's needs is so important from the start. EOTAS is not just a tutor. A proper EOTAS package should address all of Section F - educational, health, and care needs. Emotional regulation, OT, SALT, therapy, and community access can all be part of the package, not just academic learning. Positive evidence matters. When building a case for EOTAS, it's not just about what isn't working - it's about evidencing what does. Is your child engaging with an online platform? A tutor? An activity based on their special interest? All of this counts. Section 19 is a different but related route. If your child cannot attend school for health reasons (including emotional school-based avoidance), and has had 15 or more consecutive days out of school, Section 19 may apply - even without an EHCP. It's intended to be temporary, but it can be a valuable window to collect evidence of what works. The goal of EOTAS is holistic, not just academic. Lauren challenges the idea that education means the national curriculum. Life skills, emotional regulation, self-advocacy, sensory needs, and community access are all valid - and essential - parts of a child's education. EOTAS can and should be reviewed regularly. Families should expect six-weekly check-ins with the LA, as well as annual review. If the LA identifies a school placement, parents are not obligated to accept it - as long as they can evidence why it would be less suitable than the current provision. You don't have to figure out the package alone. Lauren works with families to design bespoke EOTAS packages built around the child's interests, needs, and outcomes - starting with what the child loves and working backwards from there. Mentioned in This Episode MindJam — Emotional and SEN support for young people through gaming, game design and digital skills Kiwi STEM Boxes — subscription-based learning activity boxes referenced in the context of EOTAS packages Lisa Lloyd - ASD with a G&T Connect with Lauren Book a free 30 minute call with Lauren via the Calendly link on the bottom right-hand side of her website. Website: www.victory-us.co.uk Instagram: @victoryus.lv Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
If you've ever felt like your child's Education, Health and Care Plan isn't being properly implemented this episode is for you. In this episode, we're joined by specialist SEND teacher and advocate Lauren Vermeulen, founder of Victory-Us, to break down exactly what parents can do when a school isn't following an EHCP. Biography Lauren is the founder of Victory-us, an independent SEND Teacher - supporting, empowering and providing EOTAS to send children. Lauren has taught in a variety of schools and SEND provisions, leading emotional regulation, behaviour support trainings and PSHE. She has expertise in supporting children with bespoke and tailored learning and mental health support, to ensure children flourish on education otherwise than at school. She now supports children their families who can’t access school and need tailored support. Key Takeaways An EHCP is a legal document - the provision written into Section F must be delivered by the school If you suspect the EHCP isn't being followed, your first step is to request a meeting with the SENCo and highlight specifically what is missing from Section F Schools receive funding to implement the EHCP - if they say they don't have the resources, a cost of provision can be requested If the issue isn't resolved, you can request an emergency annual review and involve the Local Authority Section E (outcomes) should be reviewed at every annual review and should directly link to the provision in Section F - if they don't reflect your child's current needs, you can request amendments An EHCP covers education, health, and care - if sensory needs, emotional regulation, or health provisions are being missed, that matters, even if your child appears to be meeting academic targets You don't need to be an expert to advocate - you know your child best, and it is not your responsibility to spell out how provision should be delivered, that's the school's job Free support is available via organisations like IPSEA if you need help navigating the process Mentioned in This Episode IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) — free legal advice for families: www.ipsea.org.uk Connect with Lauren Book a free 30 minute call with Lauren via the Calendly link on the bottom right-hand side of her website. Website: www.victory-us.co.uk Instagram: @victoryus.lv Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about ADHD — what it is, how it’s diagnosed in the UK, the traits parents might notice, and how it can interact with autism in real life. ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects attention regulation, impulse control and activity levels. But beyond the clinical definitions from the NHS and NICE guidance, ADHD is lived — in busy mornings, movement breaks, emotional intensity, creativity and exhaustion. We explore: What the NHS and NICE say about ADHD How ADHD is assessed and diagnosed in the UK The signs of inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity Why ADHD is often misunderstood as “bad behaviour” How ADHD and autism can co‑occur Practical support strategies at home and school We also share our own lived experience navigating assessment, waiting lists and day‑to‑day life because understanding the guidance is one thing, but living it is another. Key Takeaways ADHD is neurodevelopmental not a parenting issue. It begins in childhood and relates to how the brain develops and functions. It is not caused by poor discipline or “naughtiness.” Diagnosis in the UK requires a full specialist assessment. ADHD cannot be diagnosed through a single questionnaire or short GP appointment. It involves developmental history, school input and evidence of impairment across settings. Symptoms fall into three main areas. Inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity — though children may present with a combination, and hyperactivity isn’t always physical. ADHD and autism often co‑occur. Executive functioning challenges, sensory needs, routine preferences and impulsivity can interact in complex ways, making everyday life feel layered and exhausting. ADHD also comes with strengths. Creativity, passion, humour, curiosity and energy are often part of the picture. Mentioned in This Episode NHS NICE YoungMinds ADHD Foundation Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're going back to basics and talking about what autism actually is. We cover what autism is and what it isn't, why the word 'spectrum' is so widely misunderstood, and what it can feel like to hear that word applied to your child for the first time. We also get into some of the phrases that drive every autism parent quietly up the wall and why they matter more than people realise. Key Takeaways Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference - it's about how the brain develops and processes information. It's present from birth and it's lifelong. The spectrum isn't a straight line. It's more like a colour spectrum - a profile of different strengths, challenges, sensitivities, and support needs that looks different in every person. Social communication differences don't mean autistic people don't want connection. They mean they may communicate and connect differently. Repetitive behaviours, strong special interests, a need for predictability, and sensory differences are all part of how autism can present and they can look very different from one child to the next. Autism can co-occur with anxiety, ADHD, or learning disabilities but autism itself is a neurotype, not an illness. 'We're all a little bit autistic' is well-meaning but misleading. Being autistic means having a distinct, lifelong neurological framework and phrases like this risk minimising the real challenges many autistic people and their families face. 'They don't look autistic.' What people often can't see is the masking, the mental exhaustion, and the cost of holding it together. A diagnosis can bring fear and grief but also relief and validation. Many parents describe a shift from panic to advocacy — from 'what is this?' to 'what can I do?' Support needs vary widely and can change across different life stages. What works in primary school may not be enough in secondary. Support isn't static. Mentioned in This Episode National Autistic Society - www.autism.org.uk Autistic UK www.autisticuk.org NHS - Autism overview and diagnosis pathways: www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about the proposed SEND Reforms 2026 and what they could mean for families across the UK. The Government says the changes aim to make mainstream schools more inclusive, reduce EHCP numbers, and introduce new “layers” of support but many parents are concerned about what this could mean for legal protections, specialist provision, and access to support. After attending a local community meeting with our MP and submitting our own consultation response as parents, we share the common themes, key concerns, and the questions that still remain unanswered. This isn’t about resisting reform, it’s about making sure reform strengthens the system, and doesn't weaken children’s rights. Key Takeaways EHCP access could change significantly. Proposals suggest EHCPs may eventually be reserved for children with “the most complex needs” but there is currently no clear definition of what that means. Specialist Provision Packages (SPPs) may replace detailed individual plans. This risks shifting from a needs‑led system to a more standardised, package‑based approach. Legal enforceability is a major concern. If support moves from Section F of an EHCP into Individual Support Plans (ISPs), it may not carry the same legal protection. Mainstream inclusion requires real resources. Training, inclusion bases and expert advice sound positive but without more educational psychologists, therapists and specialist teachers, implementation may fall short. Need must drive provision — not budgets or system design. Reform can only succeed if it strengthens accountability, preserves rights, and ensures support is delivered in practice. Mentioned in This Episode Michael Charles' Facebook page Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Puberty is a long season of change and for neurodivergent children, that can feel especially overwhelming. In this episode, Victoria and Natalie are joined by Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue, who shares practical, reassuring guidance on talking to autistic and ADHD kids about puberty, bodies, and growing up. Cath is late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD herself, and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to the conversation. About Cath Hakanson Cath Hakanson is a clinical sexuality educator, registered nurse, and founder of Sex Ed Rescue, a global platform that has supported over a million families with honest, shame-free sex education. With more than 25 years of clinical experience spanning sexual health nursing, sex therapy, and health promotion, Cath has made it her mission to help parents have the conversations they were never taught to have. Late-diagnosed AuDHD herself and a parent of neurodivergent kids, she brings both expertise and lived experience to her work. Her approach is simple, factual, and built for real family life, neurospicy or otherwise. Key Takeaways Start early and keep it small. Introducing puberty from age four or five through books, casual comments, and everyday moments which means it's never one huge overwhelming conversation. Puberty isn't necessarily different for neurodivergent kids, but the way they experience and process it often is. Sensory sensitivities around hygiene routines, body hair, and discharge can all create friction. Before you problem-solve, ask. The single most useful thing you can do is ask your child what's getting in the way, the answer might surprise you. Small, natural, low-pressure conversations, once a month, in the car, over a TV show, are far more effective and keep the door open for questions as they grow. Hormones can hit differently with a neurodivergent nervous system. Helping your child understand why their emotions might feel more intense during puberty is part of the conversation too. It's never too late to start. Whether your child is four or eighteen, beginning the conversation now is always better than not beginning it at all. Mentioned in This Episode Cath's Top Ten Sex Education Books - https://sexedrescue.com/sex-education-books Hair in Funny Places by Babette Cole https://babette-cole.com/10550-2/ AUsome — Autistic-led neurodiversity training - https://ausometraining.com Free Guide: Sex Education for Neurodivergent Kids - For parents of autistic and ADHD kids who want a clearer way to approach sex ed without making it feel bigger or harder than it needs to be. https://sexedrescue.com/neuroaffirmingsexed Connect with Cath Website: https://sexedrescue.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cathhakanson Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast Natalie is joined by psychotherapist, author and former NHS specialist nurse Caroline Sutton to talk about Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) and why so many neurodivergent children experience school as overwhelming or unsafe. When a child can’t go to school, it’s rarely about defiance. Caroline shares over 37 years of professional experience supporting children and families, alongside her lived experience as a neurodivergent parent. Together, we explore the emotional and neurological roots of school anxiety and why traditional behaviour-based approaches often make things worse. If you’ve ever been told to “just make home less appealing” or that your child is being manipulative, we hope this conversation will feel validating, hopeful and reassuring. Biography Caroline Sutton is a psychotherapist, author, and former NHS specialist nurse with over 37 years of experience supporting children and families. Drawing on her professional background and her lived experience as a neurodivergent parent, she brings a deeply compassionate approach to understanding emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) and anxiety in young people. Through her private practice, writing, and public speaking, Caroline helps parents and professionals see beyond behaviour to the emotional and neurological roots of distress. Her work blends clinical insight with personal understanding, empowering families to rebuild safety, trust, and hope in education and at home. Key Takeaways What Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) really means Why school avoidance is not the same as defiance The link between autism, ADHD, anxiety and burnout How the nervous system responds when school feels unsafe Why forcing attendance can increase distress Signs your child may be heading toward burnout How to balance encouragement with emotional safety Supporting transitions back to school after holidays The importance of compassion for parents navigating EBSA Mentioned in This Episode 📘 A Compassionate Approach to School Anxiety by Caroline Sutton Ebook Paperback 🎁 Free Download: Caroline’s Return to School Checklist 👥 Caroline’s private Facebook membership for parents Connect with Caroline Sutton Instagram Website Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Sensory differences affect up to 95% of autistic people, yet they’re often misunderstood as “fussy” behaviour or being dramatic. In this episode, we break down what sensory processing really is. Key Takeaways The 8 sensory systems (not just the 5 you learned at school) Hypersensitivity vs hyposensitivity Sensory defensiveness Why supermarkets, lunch halls, hand dryers and clothing can feel unbearable How sensory overload impacts eating, sleep, learning and behaviour Practical strategies for calming, alerting and organising regulation We also share personal examples from our own families and discuss how to support sensory needs at home and in school, with curiosity, compassion and less shame. Because behaviour is communication and regulation matters more than compliance. Mentioned in This Episode The National Autistic Society Beat Eating Disorders Loop earplugs Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about what to do when your child is struggling and support feels a long way off. We talk honestly about what it feels like when things start to break down before any formal support is in place, and share the practical things that actually helped us and our children during that difficult waiting period. Key Takeaways You are not alone — there will be other parents in the same situation, often hovering outside the same school gate. Schools receive additional funding for children on the SEN register even without an EHCP. You can ask how this funding is being used to support your child. Under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996, your local authority has a legal duty to provide suitable full-time alternative education for children who cannot attend school - this applies whether or not your child has an EHC plan. Councils and schools don't always tell you what's available. Do your own research. SENDIASS offers free, impartial advice. When your child's nervous system is overwhelmed, reduce demands across the board, including everyday things like getting dressed or sitting at the table. This is temporary, and you can rebuild later. Lean into whatever regulates your child, whether that's screens, gaming, Lego, or their special interest. This is not the time to restrict it. Movement, nature, and quieter environments can be powerful regulators, particularly away from busy, sensory-heavy places. Other parents ahead of you on this journey are one of your best sources of information. If you can access the Early Bird course (or a similar programme in your area) even before a formal diagnosis it can be well worth it. It is okay to say no to birthday parties, family events, and social obligations that are too much right now, for your child and for you. Look after yourself. Connect with other parents, speak to your GP, consider counselling. You cannot advocate well for your child if you are running on empty. Trust yourself. You know your child better than anyone. Don't let that be swayed. Mentioned in This Episode SEN Budget for Mainstream Schools Advice about School Anxiety Getting Temporary Education Put in Place SENDIASS — free, confidential, impartial advice and support for families of children with SEND: find your local service The Horse Course — equine intervention for children with anxiety: thehorsecourse.org Early Bird Programme — support for families of autistic children, usually post-diagnosis Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In this episode, Natalie and Victoria talk about raising siblings who have different needs. Key Takeaways How sibling dynamics shift over time, especially as children reach their teens The unique challenges that come with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) in sibling relationships Why it's important to let siblings just be siblings, rather than stepping into a co-parenting role Sensory clashes between siblings — when one child's coping mechanism is another's trigger Explaining autism to younger siblings in an age-appropriate way How to handle meltdowns when both children need you at the same time Fairness vs. equality — why "everyone gets what they need" is a more helpful frame than equal treatment The importance of one-on-one time and separate activities for each child Mentioned in This Episode Wonderfully Wired Brains: An Introduction to the World of Neurodiversity An informative and inclusive children's guide to neurodiversity for those not in the know and to inspire children who are neurodivergent. MyTime Young Carers — weekly online activities and events for siblings of disabled children Sibs — UK charity dedicated to supporting brothers and sisters of disabled people Young Sibs Contact Carers Trust Sense Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Transcript Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] In this episode, we're talking about what it can look like growing up with an autistic brother and sister. What does that look like for siblings? Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, so we are coming at it from the perspective of parents observing a sibling relationship every family is different, but there are definitely common things that come up that I'm sure you'll recognize. Victoria Bennion: One of the things that comes up, I've noticed is difference in development. Sometimes there's an age gap and sometimes there isn't, but you might notice children reaching milestones. In a different order or at a different pace than you expected? Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I definitely noticed that with mine. I think I've been thinking about this a lot more recently because I have a younger daughter, older son. A son with diagnosis, and the rates of development of each child, in some ways the youngest is catching up with the oldest when there's a five-year difference. And looking at the impact of that on the older one. I think it can bring up mixed [00:01:00] feelings for siblings sometimes it can be motivating or encouraging, but other times it can feel confusing, especially when trying to understand something that seems easy for one child and it's hard for the other. Victoria Bennion: I think that's where gentle age, appropriate explanations can help a bit. Talking about how everyone's brain works differently and how development isn't a straight line. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, we've used books in the past. I don't know if you've, done that. Mine's a much younger child, but we have started introducing, what autism is to her and we do have a book that explains that brains work differently, which we can link to in the show notes, which could be quite helpful. Victoria Bennion: That's a good idea. We've used a couple of videos, which would been helpful, but not books, but mine are a little bit older. Natalie Tealdi: I think another thing that comes up for us is that communication styles can be different. So if one child has PDA, and big anxieties around demands, that can be quite tricky for a sibling to understand. Victoria Bennion: Oh, yeah. Particularly if one uses direct language, even if they [00:02:00] don't mean it unkindly, it can feel like pressure to the other sibling and the other sibling doesn't always realize Natalie Tealdi: yeah, we definitely have that with my youngest is trying to be mothering and be helpful. But using quite a lot of language, like trying to tell my son what to do and it doesn't always go down well 'cause it's not quite how we would phrase things either. So trying to be helpful, but then it's kind of backfiring. Victoria Bennion: Yeah. Something that we've found it quite helpful to do is to try to reinforce to the older siblings that they don't need to be. Co-parent. They don't need to try to manage the other's behavior, on our behalf. I've said that's what me and your dad are for. Your role is to be a sister. But that's something that we've really had to be mindful of and work on because it was causing problems. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And you really wanna protect that relationship. That brother sister relationship can be so important. And you don't really want one of them to be thinking the repair and the other, a child saying, Victoria Bennion: no, absolutely not. [00:03:00] I think really when you're managing different needs within a household or two autistic children that might have really different profiles, there can be this clash and it can be really tricky. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. Like one might really need to make noise or repetition or move more and the other might need quiet and space and predictability and that can be really hard to cater for those needs. Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we've had that. When we were on holiday, we were in a situation and it was quite crowded and one. My children needed to make noise to regulate themselves, and the other needed silence, and then they're rubbing each other up the wrong way and getting very cross. I mean, it's, neither of these needs are wrong, but. It can create friction. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. We have that in the car sometimes as well. Like one will need to make noise. The other really desperately wants some quiet and this really boring journey and I just wanna zone out. So it is at that point we building breaks. Let's have a stop here. And I run around lots and lots of breaks on long trips, drips. Yeah. [00:04:00] So with parenting, you're not just supporting the siblings individually, you're also supporting the relationship between them. Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's important, and I think it's about explaining the behaviors in a way that builds empathy between them, helping them understand each other's nervous systems and what each need. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And I think, that can be received and it just depends how they are at the time, can't it? Sometimes they can be understanding and sometimes they just don't really care. Absolutely. We do our best. Victoria Bennion: I've certainly noticed the dynamic shifted as one of my children became a teenager. When they were younger, It was much easier, but I think maybe becoming older and then wanting more responsibility, that might have changed it a bit and it widened that gap. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. Another thing that is quite important to talk about is the invisible child dynamic. Victoria Bennion: Yes. The child who isn't in crisis, the one that's seeming to be able to cope, the one who gets described as the easy one. I mean, I have one of those once upon a time. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I think it changes depending on [00:05:00] what phases everybody's in. Doesn't it? Victoria Bennion: Well, for sure in our household it's definitely like a Seesaw one is okay and it's not. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. But I think children can learn really quickly not to add to the stress at home. You know, be quiet, Don. Disrupt the balance. And so they might downplay their own needs. Victoria Bennion: Yeah. It can look positive on the surface. They can look mature, responsible, understanding, but underneath there can be needs that aren't being voiced. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, so it is definitely worth...
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're returning to the subject of PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance. PDA is a profile of autism where the standout feature is demand avoidance - and the behaviours that come with it are often misunderstood, dismissed as naughtiness or stubbornness. We're drawing on guidance from the PDA Society alongside our own lived experience to help you understand what's really going on, and what actually helps. Key Takeaways PDA is an autism profile where everyday demands can trigger intense anxiety and a need for control. Responses commonly look like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Many children with PDA have a spiky profile - real strengths in some areas and significant challenges in others. Appearing articulate or socially capable can mask what's really going on inside. Some common approaches make things worse - strict routines, reward charts, behaviour systems, and countdowns can all increase anxiety and erode trust. It varies so much between children. Think of boundaries with an elastic band around them: knowing what really matters and letting the rest go. Language matters. Swapping direct demands for gentle suggestions, indirect phrasing, and offering real choices can make a significant difference. Responding with compassion, curiosity, and calm - even when you're screaming inside - is what keeps things from escalating. The PDA Society frames this as a human rights issue, grounded in dignity, freedom, and choice — and that perspective can help justify approaches that might feel counterintuitive to others. School settings often struggle with PDA because surface compliance hides deep need. Good assessment and clear educational planning really matter. Mentioned in This Episode PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk PDA Society Support and Training - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/support-and-training/ Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Transcript 57 - Parenting PDA [00:00:00] Victoria Bennion: In today's episode, we're returning to a subject that we've covered before PDA, but this time, , we wanna go a little bit more deeper into it, is it something that comes up on a regular basis? And particularly as we were talking about the transitions that the children are going through as they grow up, and how you then handle that with a PDA child. Natalie Tealdi: PDA, which is pathological demand avoidance and the behaviors that come with it are often misunderstood. We've both learned so much more since the episode we did on this before, and we want to share that experience with you. Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we're gonna make sure that we draw on guidance from the PDA society, and we'll combine that with our own lived experience. Talking about common traits. What happens when every day demands trigger intense anxiety, how a rights-based approach changes our responses and where you can go to for support. Natalie Tealdi: The PDA Society describes PDA as a profile of autism, where the standout feature is demand [00:01:00] avoidance. So people struggle with everyday demands, even ones they want or need to do. Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it's often mistaken for naughtiness or being really stubborn. So without the right understanding and support, PDA can really have a massive effect on daily life. Natalie Tealdi: The key point is this demand avoidance is usually driven by anxiety and a need for control. I think that's been a really important one for me to understand. I try to come at it as a point of view of. My child's anxious and they need support rather than them just being Defiant. Victoria Bennion: Again, I know we say this a lot, but it's can't rather than won't, but it's just the way those behaviors come out that I think to someone who doesn't know what's going on, it can look like your child's being really, really naughty. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. Victoria Bennion: I know that we have to be really careful about the language that. We use so that it doesn't come across as a demand, because , if it sounds like a demand and it can feel threatening to the [00:02:00] child and then their anxiety that they feel spikes into panic. So yeah. The PDA Society outlines four common responses. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So fight can look like oppositional or aggressive behavior. Flights may be leaving, hiding, running away. I know some children climb trees to get away, to somewhere that's nice and quiet and away from Victoria Bennion: sound like you have experience of this. Natalie Tealdi: And freeze can be zoning out or becoming non-verbal. And fawn is people pleasing or over agreeing to avoid conflict. Victoria Bennion: Well that's interesting. Natalie Tealdi: Mm. Victoria Bennion: So one of my children certainly freezes. So it's the zoning out and becoming non-verbal. That's what I would see a lot. And I didn't have a good understanding of what PDA was for a while. I saw it as the fight that you would see. So it took me a little longer to realize that's what was going on. Natalie Tealdi: I think between us all four of those things are kind of covered by our kids. Victoria Bennion: [00:03:00] Yeah. Yeah. I think we can, we can cover those. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. Victoria Bennion: For sure. One of the things that we have to be careful about is for example, saying you need to go and have a shower now. That is just gonna be a flat out No. So I've learned over time that it's better to say. I think it would be a good idea to have a shower today. When would suit you? When do you think? Then even if we agree a time that would be forgotten. So I would then likely put a reminder on so it's not me then pressuring it's two o'clock, you said you'd have a shower at two o'clock. I get Alexa to do it. Natalie Tealdi: Right. Victoria Bennion: That seems to work better for us, but a teacher at my son's first school actually used some of those techniques with him , it was in a report that was done where someone was observing that she actually worked those into her, language. It said in the report that he was wearing gloves but had been given a laptop. So as she walked away, she said gloves off rather than, you must take [00:04:00] your gloves off. It was things like that Natalie Tealdi: like just a little suggestion, but also not even using the, the eye contact or anything. Victoria Bennion: That's what was picked up on I think it was quite skillfully done, and that's what's needed, but I've only really become aware of it in the last few months of how much. More I need to be using the techniques that would work for PDA rather than autism. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. I think it's something we've talked about as well is as the children are getting older and you want to encourage a bit of independence in some areas, but also is trying to find that right balance, isn't it, by gently encouraging, but not pushing and making them stressed. Victoria Bennion: Yeah, definitely. , Natalie Tealdi: PDA goes beyond just demand avoidance. Victoria Bennion: Yeah, Many people with PDA have what's known as a spiky profile, so they have real strengths in some areas and big challenges in others. For example, a child could be really articulate but completely unable to answer a direct question. When [00:05:00] stressed the words. Just go. I mean, that's definitely one of my children. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And that masking can be exhausting. Surface behavior can make it look as though someone is coping, but that coping uses so much energy that it needs to break down later. Victoria Bennion: Yeah. I was recently actually in a meeting about one of my children and this came up and I was really surprised that. They obviously cover it so well that nobody sees those struggles. It's pretty much as we've just described, because they're articulate. No one's seeing like the intense emotions that are going on inside because they're managing that superficial social interaction. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So is it then like coming out? Victoria Bennion: Yeah. What I then see is refusal. And just an inability to cope and exhaustion. There are some approaches that are definitely going to be worse if a child has PDA. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So like strict routines, behavior charts. Did
In this 'in case you missed it' episode Victoria and Natalie chat with Julie Green, author of Motherness, to explore the realities of parenting through autism both as a mum to an autistic son and as a woman who discovered her own autism later in life. Biography Julie M. Green is a Canadian writer whose work has been featured in the Washington Post, HuffPost, The Globe and Mail, Today’s Parent, and Chatelaine. She has appeared on CTV, BBC Radio, SiriusXM, and CBC Radio. She writes The Autistic Mom on Substack. For more information, visit JulieMGreen.ca. Key Takeaways Autism in girls and women can look very different from the traditional stereotypes. Julie explains that while boys can be identified through visible traits like lining up toys or having clear special interests, girls may channel their autistic traits into more socially acceptable interests Many girls mask their differences by copying peers The importance of seeing challenging behaviour as communication, not defiance. How self-compassion and reframing past experiences can heal years of misunderstanding and self-blame The need for schools and systems to replace punishment with understanding and co-regulation. Mentioned in This Episode Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism, Parenthood, and Radical Acceptance The Autistic Mom Substack The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible by Ross W Green National Autistic Society Connect with Julie Green Website: juliemgreen.ca Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliem.green Substack: https://theautisticmom.substack.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-m-green-34bb1845/ Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about travelling with autistic children. Whether it's a one night stay, a weekend with grandparents, or a long holiday. Trips that other families might find routine can involve a huge amount of planning, uncertainty, and sensory challenges - different beds and pillows, unfamiliar food, noisy or crowded spaces, and even hidden safety hazards in accommodation. We're sharing our experiences - what helped, what didn't, and our suggestions of what might help you too. Key Takeaways Small preparations can help. Consider doing short practice stays before a long trip and build up time away gradually if that feels manageable for your family. Bring familiar comforts: favourite pillows, blankets, trusted foods, and familiar toiletries (toothpaste, shampoo) can reduce sensory upset and make sleep and routines easier. Pack a comfort/essentials bag: include fidget toys, calming smells, noise-reducing items, a spare set of safe foods, charging cables and any sensory supports you rely on. Make plans but stay flexible: a loose “what if” plan for meltdowns, exits or separation can help you respond quickly, but be ready to adjust if things change. Think about personal space: shared rooms or cabins can reduce opportunities to retreat. Consider quieter accommodation options, balconies or separate rooms where possible. Check provider policies in advance. Ask hotels, cruise lines or attractions about quieter rooms, room layouts, food policies and any autism-friendly services they offer. Use airport and venue support. Request assistance like fast-track check-in, quiet lounges or sensory rooms where available to reduce waiting and crowd stress. Balance siblings’ needs. Plan some separate activities or downtime so children with different needs can recharge without upsetting each other. Learn from each trip. Make brief notes about what worked and what didn’t so your next trip can be easier to plan. Be kind to yourselves! Not every holiday will go perfectly. Celebrate small wins and prioritise calm and safety over trying to “do it all.” Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we’re talking about autistic burnout. We share our personal experiences of supporting our children through burnout, from shutdowns and sensory overwhelm to emotional exhaustion and withdrawal. We also open up about how life events (including unexpected changes and disruptions to routine) can tip the balance and lead to burnout. We explore what autistic burnout can look like in children, what can cause it, and most importantly what can help. Key Takeaways How autistic burnout can present Increased meltdowns, shutdowns, or physical complaints can be signs your child is overwhelmed and exhausted Sensory sensitivities can intensify during burnout, making everyday things feel unbearable Changes to routine, environment, or support systems can trigger or worsen burnout Balancing energy-draining and energy-giving activities can support recovery Gentle, low-pressure outings (like time in nature) can help rebuild energy over time Reducing demands and allowing flexibility can support your child’s nervous system Burnout is usually temporary, and with the right support, children can recover and feel like themselves again Mentioned in This Episode Understanding Autistic Burnout Autistic burnout: When navigating a neurotypical world becomes too much Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we’re tackling a small daily chore that can become a huge battleground — teeth, toothpaste and trips to the dentist. Using our own stories, we explore why toothbrushing can be so difficult for autistic children: the sensory overload, the disruption of routine, strong reactions to flavors and textures, and how a wobbly tooth or a filling can turn a familiar ritual upside down. Key Takeaways Sensory and routine issues can be at the root of toothbrushing struggles — a wobbly tooth, change in texture, or a disrupted order of brushing can cause significant anxiety. We've found it helpful to experiment with alternative toothbrushes (U‑shaped, three‑sided, or electric brushes) and different toothpaste flavours. Small, staged steps and backward chaining (parent starts, child finishes) can rebuild confidence when a routine is interrupted; it may be necessary to take steps back to move forwards. Dental professionals who slow down, explain steps, and ask permission can make appointments far less traumatic — specialist services or hospital dentists may be necessary and very helpful. Mentioned in This Episode Dr Barman Toothbrushes U-Shaped Toothbrushes Hi-Smile Toothpastes Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
