We are a long-time married couple deepening our relationship through the swinging lifestyle . We intend for our podcast to resonate with those having similar life experience and values who are either in or potentially entering the lifestyle. Not a "how to" resource but more of a "what if" resource that generates authentic conversation between couples to help them find their place in the lifestyle. Care to join us?
Kink is often misunderstood, wrapped in myths, stereotypes, and cultural taboos that obscure what it's really about. In this episode, we unpack what kink is—and just as importantly, what it isn't. From broad definitions of BDSM and the idea that kink is simply "whatever is taboo for you," we explore why modern media often gets it wrong by focusing on shock value while overlooking the foundations of communication, consent, negotiation, safety, and aftercare. We'll also challenge common misconceptions that kink is abusive, anti-feminist, or only about pain. Theresa from Expansive Connection will help us break down the different elements of BDSM and explain how many forms of play overlap, emphasizing that the labels matter far less than the connection and experience they create. Whether you're simply curious or already exploring, understanding the diversity of kink opens the door to seeing it through a much more informed and compassionate lens. Most importantly, we'll discuss why so many couples and consensually non-monogamous relationships find value in exploring kink. Join us as we explore how embracing curiosity and authenticity can deepen intimacy, strengthen connection, and remind us that desire isn't something to fear—it's an opportunity to grow together. Below are resources that referenced during this podcast: - The Erotic Blueprints, Miss Jaiya: https://missjaiya.com/ - Midori: www.planetmidori.com - NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom): https://ncsfreedom.org/ - NOW (National Organization for Women): https://now.org/ - Journal of Sexual Medicine 2008 study "Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in BDSM": https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00795.x - Journal of Homosexuality 2006 study "Understanding Sadomasochism: An Empirical Examination of Four Perspectives": https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J082v50n02_07
The phrase "taking one for the team" is often treated as a hard boundary in ethical non-monogamy, but we think the reality is far more nuanced. For us, attraction is rarely determined by physical appearance alone. Decisions about whether to pursue a connection are influenced by a combination of factors including chemistry, personality, intelligence, behavior, relationship dynamics, safety, sobriety, and sometimes that unexplainable "ick" factor. We also discuss whether there are times when "taking one for the team" can actually be a positive experience. When you feel emotionally and physically safe, genuinely enjoy someone's company, and trust a couple you've come to know, a lack of immediate physical attraction or chemistry doesn't necessarily have to end the conversation. By keeping an open mind, couples may discover rewarding experiences and relationships they otherwise would have overlooked. Ultimately, deciding whether to play should always be a mutual decision made without pressure, guilt, or obligation—and any "no" should be accepted graciously and without lingering consequences. We believe there is a spectrum between holding out for the elusive perfect four-way connection and feeling obligated to "take one for the team." Mentioned in this episode: Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months! Strictly Anonymous podcast with Mr Jones cancer story Book your Desire Resorts trip here Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios : We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress More Than Monogamy documentary
What if the key to greater pleasure, connection, and fulfillment is understanding your unique erotic wiring? In this episode, we explore the Erotic Blueprints™, a framework developed by somatic sexologist Jaiya that helps explain the different ways people experience desire, arousal, and intimacy. We unpack the five Erotic Blueprints—Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky, and Shapeshifter—and explore how each type experiences pleasure differently. We also share how this framework has become a valuable tool for relationships and individuals. Time and again, we've watched people experience powerful "aha" moments as they discover why certain experiences excite them, why others don't, and where misunderstandings with partners may be coming from. Understanding your blueprint can remove shame, increase self-awareness, and provide a new language for discussing desire, boundaries, and pleasure. We also share our own blueprint profiles and discuss how different types can learn to better understand and connect with one another. Finally, we explore how Erotic Blueprints can enrich experiences within ethical non-monogamy and the lifestyle. The goal isn't to put yourself in a box, but to better understand your erotic "home" while remaining curious about other ways of experiencing pleasure. By learning each other's unique wiring, couples can expand their erotic vocabulary, deepen connection, and create more meaningful experiences together. Mentioned in this episode: Expansive Connection Coaching Events The Erotic Blueprint with Miss Jaiya Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months! Book your Desire Resorts trip here Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios : We Gotta Thing
In this episode, Dr Mitch from Expansive Connection joins us as we explore the powerful idea of "Opening the Circle" — the human need to feel welcomed, included, and connected. We talk about how the first question most people ask when entering any new environment isn't "What's going on here?" but "Do I belong here?" From friendships to community to ethical non-monogamy, creating spaces where people feel seen and valued can change lives. We also share personal stories from our own journey in the lifestyle and the people who intentionally "opened the circle" for us through kindness, mentorship, hospitality, and connection. Along the way, we reflect on some of the challenges that can prevent true inclusion — competitiveness, scarcity mentality, ageism, and prioritizing physical connection over relational connection. Finally, we discuss practical ways to "open the circle" in everyday life: noticing those on the margins, creating emotional safety, welcoming newcomers, and embracing people who are different from us. Whether in friendships, relationships, or community spaces, meaningful connection starts when someone chooses to make room for "one more person." We hope this conversation inspires you to think about who in your world may simply need an invitation, a kind word, or a reminder that they belong! Mentioned in this episode: Expansive Connection Coaching Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months! Book your Desire Resorts trip here Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios : We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress
In this episode we are reframing the traditional concept of "swinging" by moving away from labels that feel intimidating or misleading and instead embracing the broader concept of ethical non-monogamy. While the term "swinger" often implies casual sex with others and the word "lifestyle" is vague and overused, ethical non-monogamy better captures what you actually explore: intentional relationships with open boundaries that prioritize your primary partnership while allowing varying levels of intimacy with others. This shift reflects how modern relationships are evolving and becoming more open and mainstream. By reframing the conversation, this episode aims to make the space more welcoming, less stigmatized, and easier for people to explore, helping you expand your boundaries and realize you're not alone. Ultimately, the message is that this approach creates room for people to discover and define their own version of connection—"their thing." Mentioned in this episode: Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months! Book your Desire Resorts trip here Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios : We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress Trial membership to lifestyle dating sites Kasidie and SDC
In this episode, Kel from Expansive Connection discusses the pervasive issue of comparison, its roots in human evolution, and practical tools to manage it. The conversation explores how comparison impacts self-esteem, relationships, and the lifestyle, offering actionable strategies to foster self-acceptance and joy. Key Topics The evolutionary roots of comparison and negativity bias How comparison distorts self-image and relationships Practical tools for managing comparison and envy The importance of self-awareness and evidence-based self-love Strategies for building confidence and connection Mentioned in this episode: Join the We Gotta Thing Community Contact Mr Jones for a Community Promo Code Expansive Connection Website
We've talked about jealousy, we've talked about body image. We've discussed learning to flirt and being corageous in the lifestyle. But beneath the surface we all have insecurities about ourselves at the root of all these things! In this episode we share what we beleive are the causes of our insecurities, how they manifest themselves in our lifestlye journey and share tools to help overcome them to find freedom in being yourself and enjoying others! Mentioned in this episode: Luxe Music Studio- Playtime on Spotify (Music used with Permission) Contact us for a promo code to try our WGT Community Visit our website Join our WGT Community Follow us on Instagram and 'X' Here is some background on the four Luxe Music Studio songs previewed during this episode (with permission): " I Like to Share": We wanted a song that had an anthem-like chorus that we could imagine being played at lifestyle clubs, events and resorts. While the song focuses on a FFM experience, the theme stands on its own as a celebration of trust, non-jealousy and truly enjoying seeing your partner experience pleasure with others. I find it especially arousing, being bisexual, seeing a woman I find sexy and attractive having sexual fun with my husband. I sometimes like to direct the action so this song celebrates that aspect as well. " Dressed to Undress": We wrote this song to simply celebrate dressing up in sexy attire for the explicit purpose of taking it off during playtime experiences. We love that most of the clubs have themed nights where I can explore all types of sexy outfits for the sole purpose of feeling erotic and arousing others. We love the Halloween parties especially and still need to write a fun song about a swinger Halloween party. " Playtime": This is a track where we decided to scale back on the innuendos and get straight to the point: Celebrating pure, hedonistic, hardcore sex of all types. No romance, just chasing lust and pleasure without apology. The rhythm, speed, vibe and intensity of the track reinforces this theme. " Your Pleasure is Mine": A celebration of same room, full swap swinging. We really wanted to emphasize the point where a swinging couple with maturity, trust, and experience, can truly savor and enjoy the pleasure of watching your lover experience sex with another person while you do the same. A place where we think all swinging couples strive to be, one built on trust, open communication, honesty, clear boundaries, and respect.
There are no shortage of lifestyle sitiuations that will cause us some anxiety! Visiting a club for the first time, going on a first date, being rejected by others, wondering if our partner will 'find someone better,' performance issue worries....and so on. What is actually going on in our brains when we feel anxious or depressed? How can we recognize what's really happening and deal with it in a healthy way? Meshai from Expansive Connection Coaching joins us as we help to address some of these very common concerns. Spoiler Alert: You are not alone in dealing with these feelings and emotions!
In this episode we review our trip to 'The Resort' which was first introduced by George in episode 137. The Resort is a new opportunity to step into ethical non-monogamy in a new format and market. This property is set on the cliffs of western Jamaica and is absolutely stunning! The views, the service, the food, the entertainment, the sensual vibe and of course the sexy people were all amazing! Spoiler alert: you won't be disappointed.... Mentioned in this episode: The Resort website Music by Pornoson (used with permission) Devious Dragonfly Events The Free We Gotta Thing Info Hub Contact Mr Jones for a WGT community promo code
Can the lifestyle become an addiction? Well, it can if we don't recognize what's going on in our brains. In this episode with Catherine from Expansive Connection, we break down the key components at play including New Relationship Energy (NRE), Novelty, Desensation, the 'Pleasure Paradox' and how all of this shows up in our relationships. Of course we also discuss ways to recognize and respond when armed with this new knowledge! Discussed in this episode: Expansive Connection Coaching The Hidden Brain Podcast: The Paradox of Pleasure The Hidden Brain Podcast: The Path to Enough Join the We Gotta Thing Community Request a WGT Community promo code from Mr Jones
What does it take to be 'successful' as a couple in the world of non-monogamy? In this episode we discuss waht we believe to be the four most important characteristics of a power couple in the lifestyle: Be Connected Be Curious Be Confident Be Approachable Important Links: Contact Mr Jones to request a WGT community trial discount promo code Get access to the free We Gotta Thing Information Hub collection of resources Learn how to be successful as a single guy in the lifestyle Learn how to talk to your partner about non-monogamy STD Hero testing kits discount Follow us on 'X' and Instagram
Do you struggle with your understanding of how non-monogamy reconciles with a life of faith? Join us for a thought provoking conversation with Dr Mitch G, the newest member of the Expansive Connection coaching team. His training, experience, and specialization in religion and theology provides a helpful framework and understanding for those with religious backgrounds who find themselves struggling with their belief systems or plagued by shame, guilt, and fear over what they've been taught or once believed. Dr Mitch's Education and Certifications B.A in Religion Master's degree in Theology Doctoral degree in Holistic Health Postive Psychology & Well-being Coaching Certification Resources supporting this episode: Join the We Gotta Thing Community! Expansive Connection Coaching Embracing Prodigals by John Sanders (Cascade Books, 2020) How the Bible Actually Works by Peter Enns, PhD (Harper One, 2019) Inspired by Rachel Held Evans (Nelson Books, 2018) Better Ways to Read the Bible by Zack W. Lambert (Brazos Press, 2025) "Why You Don't Want a Biblical Marriage" with Jennifer Bird, PhD (Podcast - The New Evangelicals) Marriage in the Bible - What Do the Texts Say? by Jennifer G. Bird, PhD (Rowman & Littlefield, 2023) Sex, God & the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy by Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD (Routledge, 2017) Let's Talk About Sex - Challenging the Church's Stance on Sexual Morality by Glen Farell (Love Done Right, 2024) or their podcast " But is it Biblical " with Glen & Lydia Farell Shameless - A Sexual Reformation by Nadia Bolz-Weber (Convergent, 2019) Beyond Shame - Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms by Matthias Roberts (Fortress Press, 2020) The Wisdom of Your Body - Finding Healing, Wholeness, and Connection through Embodied Living by Hillary McBride, PhD (Brazos Press, 2021) NG Podcast - " Reconciling Religion & Non-monogamy " 9/10/2024 Casual Swinger Podcast - " Shame on you! - Love God" 12/16/2019
One of the most common concerns for those in the lifestyle or considering non-monogamy is the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection or disease. We invited Alan Brock, CEO, and Dr William Budd, Scientific Advisor from Better Life Sciences and STD Hero testing to discuss the realities, myths, modern testing practices and services available today. We believe awareness and education along with affordable and accessible testing services comprise the most important aspects to create the best opportunity for safer sex for all in today's world. Mentioned in this episode: Better Life Science and STD Hero Testing STD Hero testing kits discount Free We Gotta Thing Information Hub Access Contact Mr Jones to request a WGT community trial discount promo code Follow us on 'X' and Instagram
We all know that all relationships, monogamous and non-monogamous, will change over time. Many of those changes will lead to the relationship ending. But does it have to end? Why can't the dynamics of a relationship change while preserving the friendship through it's next phase? Kel from Expansive Connection Coaching joins us to discuss how to navigate these changes in a way that can preserve and often grow the relationship! Expansive Connection Coaching We Gotta Thing Community
This 'ask us anything' episode was recorded live at our 9th annual group trip to Desire Pearl. Not only did we answer questions but our friends helped us out by contributing as well. Use Promo Code: WGT100 to receive $100 off our annual WGT premium community membership between now and January 4, 2026.
As a follow up to our episode 142, we hear from Catherine about how the ending of her marriage is affecting her coaching business at Expansive Connection. Will her clients still trust her as a coach? Has this loss made her job more difficult when discussing non-monogamy with her clients? Does she feel like a bit of an imposter? Will this experience make her a better coach? Would you see a coach who has lost her marriage after becoming non-monogamous? Listen in to find out! Safety Statements Join our We Gotta Thing community here! Expansive Connection Coaching
We are joined by Dedeker, Emily and Jase from the Multiamory* podcast to discuss the similarities and differences between the swinging lifestyle and polyamory! We also talk about what exactly New Relationship Energy (NRE) is and how we can recognize and navigate those strong feelings and emotions when they hit you or someone you love. *Multiamory centers multiple forms of love- everything from monogamy to nonmonogamy, casual dating to queerplatoni partnerships, married couples living separately to those who are single by choice, and everything in between. The Multiamory Podcast and Team
This episode gets very real and very personal. Catherine, from Expansive Connection Relationship Coaching, tells her story of how her marriage fell apart while engaged in a non-monogamous relationship with her husband. Many couples fear this type of loss when considering and moving into and through non-monogamy. Catherine courageously shares her story so that others may benefit and be fully prepared for making such an important relationship decision. Expansive Connection Coaching We Gotta Thing Episode 41- A Licensed Counselor Breaks Down Jealousy Making Polyamory Work Episode- Coming Out to Your Kids Normalizing Non Monogamy- Catherine & Ray Jen Hatmaker- Awake WGT Single Guys Only Space
Join us and Meshai from Expansive Connection Coaching as we discuss the six most important things those new to the lifestyle need to know and us veterans of the lifestyle need always to remember: Radical Honesty as the Starting Point Shifting Mindsets: From Specialness to Uniqueness Navigating Jealousy and Compersion with Conscious Awareness Boundaries, Agreements and People-Pleasing Navigating Different Paces in the Journey Co-Creating Evolving Agreements Expansive Connection Coaching We Gotta Thing Community We Gotta Thing Website We Gotta Thing on Instagram
None of us are immune from having 'real life' issues disrupt our relationship or our current life plans and goals. Health issues, family responsibilities, career changes and relocations are just a few of the things that we can expect to encounter in life that will change our priorities. After just over a year of not playing with others in the lifestyle we are happy to announce we are back in the game! Listen in to learn why we stopped, what we had to work through as a couple, what we learned and how we decided to reengage with others at this time. Mentioned this episode: WGT Quarterly Membership Promo Code: WGT930 (expires September 30, 2025) 2 + 2 Swingers Club in Athens, Greece WGT Desire Pearl Event- November 15-22, 2025
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