Notes from the Edge

Dr. Christopher Barker is a clinical psychologist and author whose work explores complex trauma, attachment, and one powerful idea: high functioning and psychological health are not always the same thing. In this conversation, we dig into what happens when competence, independence, perfectionism, and overachievement become survival adaptations. We talk about why you can intellectually know a relationship is unhealthy and still feel pulled toward it, why “energizing” can sometimes be mistaken for love, and how the nervous system can keep anticipating danger long after the original threat is gone. In this episode: • Complex trauma and high achievement • Attachment injuries in childhood and adulthood • Perfectionism vs. healthy ambition • Hypervigilance and waiting for the other shoe to drop • Why “activated” may be more useful than “triggered” • Trauma-informed relationships and finding safe support • Why healing may be better understood as repair • Rebuilding choice, trust, and freedom through repeated experiences Maybe the goal isn’t to get rid of every survival strategy that got you here. Maybe it’s simply to stop letting it run the company. Connect with Dr. Christopher: https://drchristopherbarker.com Connect with Lisa: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Why can leaving someone who hurts you feel almost impossible? Lisa Lacy, trauma educator and relationship advisor, explores trauma bonding and why intelligence alone cannot protect us from relationships that reshape our attachment, reward, and stress systems. At 40, while in inpatient rehab, Lisa was told she was trauma bonded to her husband. Her response was, “I’m too smart for that.” It would take three more years to go fully no contact, and another three to work through the anger and resentment left behind. In this solo episode, she explains the biology of intermittent reinforcement, why separation can feel unbearable, and why shame rarely helps someone leave sooner. In this episode: Trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement Coercive control in abusive relationships Dopamine, oxytocin, cortisol and the stress response Why people leave and return repeatedly No contact and breaking the cycle Moving from survival to self-trust Connect with Lisa: www.Lisa Lacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What happens when the life that looks successful from the outside is quietly falling apart underneath? Rose Ann Forte is an international bestselling author and creator of the Choose Freedom® Program, and her work explores how lasting change can happen without building an identity around shame. In this conversation, Lisa and Rose Ann talk about Rose Ann’s years as a successful executive and church leader while privately struggling with alcohol, toxic relationships, and the pressure to keep everyone else happy. They explore why traditional recovery language did not resonate with her, how neuroscience helped her understand deeply rooted behaviors, and how her Christian faith became part of rebuilding her identity. In this episode: • Alcohol use and behavioral habits • Recovery without shame-based labels • Faith and the renewing of the mind • Neuroscience and habit formation • Toxic relationships and people-pleasing • Self-condemnation versus lasting change • Identity after addiction • Learning to choose freedom Learn more about Rose Ann Forte: https://choosefreedom.today Learn more about Lisa Lacy: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What if suicide prevention is about more than keeping someone alive for the next 72 hours? In this special September Suicide Prevention Month solo episode of Notes From the Edge , Lisa Lacy speaks from lived experience about her first suicide attempt at 15, later attempts, psychiatric hospitalization, and the complicated work of finding reasons to remain when life has become unbearable. Lisa remembers arriving at the hospital still wearing her cheerleader jacket, being met with shame instead of understanding, and later experiencing psychiatric interventions that contained a crisis without necessarily addressing the pain underneath it. She also explores what decades of survival have taught her about meaning, spirituality, mortality, human connection, and making life small enough to survive one hour, one breath, or one tomorrow at a time. In this episode: Suicide prevention through the lens of lived experience Surviving a suicide attempt as a teenager Why shame can deepen an already unbearable crisis Psychiatric hospitalization and the limits of crisis containment Trauma, suicidal thoughts, and emotional pain Why asking directly and listening without judgment matters Finding meaning when purpose feels impossible Spirituality, ancestors, and feeling connected when physically alone Surviving one hour instead of trying to solve an entire life Why a temporary state of consciousness should not make a permanent decision What Lisa wishes the 15-year-old version of herself could have known This is not a clinical guide to suicide prevention. It is one survivor’s perspective on what helped her continue, what did not, and why sometimes staying alive begins with making the horizon small enough to reach. If you are in immediate danger or believe you may act on suicidal thoughts, call or text 988 in the United States, contact emergency services, or go to the nearest emergency department. Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://LisaLacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What if the thing you call your personality is actually something you learned to perform in order to survive? Ashley Townsend is a transformational and integration coach and complex trauma recovery specialist who spent 15 years working inside the mental health system before deciding that traditional labels and approaches were no longer enough. In this conversation, Ashley and I go straight into what made her become a self-described “former LCSW gone rogue.” We talk about what she witnessed working across domestic violence, addiction, foster care and trauma treatment, and how being blind shaped her own experience of trying to belong inside systems that often failed to see the whole person. Ashley also challenges the idea that personality is fixed, arguing that some of what we call personality may actually be protection we practiced until it became familiar. Then the conversation gets even deeper. Ashley shares how she performed being the “nice girl,” performed being sighted as she progressively lost her vision, and eventually performed the role of rescuer, believing she could carry systems and other people on her back. We explore why those protections were once brilliant, why they eventually become heavy, and what happens when we stop building our lives from fear and begin creating from love. In this episode: Complex trauma and the protective patterns underneath behavior Why Ashley chose to leave the traditional therapy model Disability advocacy and the experience of performing being sighted Mental health diagnoses, labels and the limitations of treating personality as fixed Why “just do it” can completely miss the context of trauma The difference between an explanation and an excuse Recovery as an ongoing process rather than a finish line Psychedelic preparation and integration, and why Ashley does not view psychedelics as a magic fix The “nice girl,” the rescuer and other identities we perform to belong Self-trust, play, the inner child and why healing does not always have to hurt What becomes possible when we stop fighting everything and start creating from love Connect with Ashley: http://www.findingyourphoenixcoaching.com/ Connect with Lisa: www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the edge See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What do we reach for when the thing that gave us purpose, identity, adrenaline, and belonging is suddenly gone? Sean Carberry is an award-winning journalist and former NPR Kabul correspondent whose experience raises a difficult question: what happens when you come home from years of danger, but your mind and body are still wired to look for it? In this episode of Notes From the Edge, Sean and Lisa Lacy talk about what happened after Afghanistan, when Sean returned to civilian life carrying undiagnosed PTSD, without the structure, intensity, or sense of purpose that had defined his years overseas. He describes walking into a Maryland casino about six weeks after coming home, initially gambling a few hundred dollars, and how the risk, rewards, recognition, casino perks, and escalating bets gradually began filling something that was missing outside those walls. The conversation goes far beyond gambling. Sean talks candidly about identity loss, loneliness, relationships, the psychological impact of years spent witnessing human suffering, and eventually recognizing patterns he could not see while he was living inside them. He also discusses how writing became part of processing his experiences and why we need to take much more seriously what happens when veterans, journalists, humanitarian workers, and others who have spent years operating in dangerous environments are expected to simply come home and resume ordinary life. In this episode: • PTSD after war and conflict reporting • Gambling addiction and compulsive gambling • Adrenaline seeking, risk, and the nervous system • Identity loss after leaving high-intensity environments • Returning home and adjusting to civilian life • Why danger can begin to feel familiar • Casino rewards, validation, and escalating gambling behavior • Loneliness, relationships, and destructive coping patterns • Mental health among journalists and war correspondents • Supporting veterans, reporters, humanitarian workers, and civilians after high-risk assignments • Why being functional does not necessarily mean someone is okay • Writing, memoir, and processing trauma • Learning to recognize patterns before they become destructive • Why coming home deserves as much attention as going into danger Sean’s work and books: passport-stamps.com Lisa Lacy and Notes From the Edge: lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What if the behavior you’re trying hardest to get rid of was once the very thing that helped you survive? Carol Look is a psychotherapist and founding EFT Master who has spent decades helping people understand the emotional patterns underneath self-sabotage, and why lasting change often begins with asking what the behavior is protecting us from. In this episode of Notes From the Edge, Carol and Lisa Lacy explore the idea that the problem was once the solution. Addiction, procrastination, people pleasing, overworking, staying invisible, and even creating chaos can serve a purpose when the nervous system believes they are keeping us safe. Carol explains why we are wired for safety before success, and why someone can consciously want more visibility, healthier relationships, greater success, or a completely different life while unconsciously pulling themselves backward when the next level doesn’t feel safe. Lisa shares her own experience of appearing highly successful while privately unraveling, using alcohol to avoid painful emotions, and later discovering how uncomfortable peace and stillness could feel after years of chaos. They also talk about functional freeze, grief, hypervigilance, the importance of mentorship, learning to regulate reactivity, and what becomes possible when we stop asking, “What is wrong with me?” and start asking, “Why am I doing this, and what is it protecting me from?” Carol also shares how growing up in an alcoholic family shaped her tendency to take care of everyone around her, how that survival skill eventually became an asset in her work, and why learning to extend that same care toward herself changed everything. In this episode: Why self-sabotage may actually be a protective response Nervous system regulation and why safety comes before success Fear of success, visibility, and “up-leveling” Why procrastination can have an emotional payoff Addiction as a way of anesthetizing difficult emotions EFT tapping and Emotional Freedom Techniques Trauma responses, hypervigilance, and emotional patterns Why peace and stillness can initially feel uncomfortable Functional freeze and appearing capable while internally checked out Grief, emotional avoidance, and learning to feel again People pleasing and taking care of others as survival strategies Why changing your own reactivity can change your relationships Gratitude, emotional well-being, and Carol’s Yes work The value of mentorship and support in personal growth Why healing doesn’t mean life stops being difficult The power of stillness, space, and finally hearing yourself Learn more about Carol Look and her work: www.carollook.com Learn more about Lisa Lacy and Notes From the Edge: www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

How much longer are you willing to wait for someone else to validate what you already know happened? Lisa Lacy is a trauma educator and relationship advisor exploring one powerful idea: sometimes closure is not something another person gives you, it is something you create by trusting your own experience. In this short solo episode, Lisa shares what she learned from waiting for accountability, explanations, and validation that never came, and why healing began when she stopped requiring someone else’s version of the story to confirm her own. In this episode: Closure after betrayal Rebuilding self-trust Letting go of the need for an apology Boundaries without agreement Why unanswered questions keep us attached Moving forward without validation Connect with Lisa: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What happens when everyone needs you to be okay, but you’re barely surviving yourself? Hollywood screenwriter and producer Lee Ehlers spent years learning how to survive rejection, but nothing prepared him for the loss of his wife, Erin, or for discovering that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop pretending you’re okay. Lee’s professional breakthrough and personal devastation collided when his feature film EXES was finally being made as his high school sweetheart and wife of twenty years was dying from breast cancer. Suddenly widowed with children who were just 10, 7, and 5, Lee found himself trying to grieve while becoming the person they still needed every day. We talk about the private cost of performing the “strong dad,” the period when alcohol became the only way he could sleep through overwhelming grief, and the moment he finally admitted, “I’m not okay. I’m struggling.” In this episode: Grief after the death of a spouse Widowed fatherhood and raising children through loss Performing strength when you’re falling apart Depression, isolation, and asking for help Self-medication and coping with acute grief Why grief doesn’t follow a predictable process Supporting someone who is grieving without prescribing how they should heal The strange collision of happy memories and devastating loss Starting over after losing the person you built your life with Identity after loss Persistence through rejection and uncertainty Nearly two decades of pursuing a Hollywood career Screenwriting, creativity, and finding your own writing process What repeated rejection can teach us about survival The making of EXES Why saying “I’m not okay” can be the beginning of getting help Watch Lee Ehlers’ film EXES on Amazon: EXES on Amazon ⁠ Lisa Lacy | Notes From the Edge: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What if real masculine strength has less to do with pushing harder and more to do with learning how to regulate yourself, feel deeply, and stay present under pressure? Michael Ostrolenk, licensed marriage and family therapist and master coach, joins Lisa Lacy to explore one central idea: mature masculinity is not domination, suppression, or performance. It is self-governance. Michael introduces his concept of “Negative 20X,” challenging high performers to consider whether slowing down may require more courage than pushing harder. Lisa and Michael also unpack his Sovereign Gentleman framework, including how unconscious conditioning shapes identity, why men need spaces to experience and express emotion, and what disciplined presence actually looks like inside a relationship. In this episode: Healthy masculinity and masculine maturity Nervous system regulation under pressure The Sovereign Gentleman and psychological sovereignty Male loneliness, mentorship, friendship, and the need for tribe Why high performers struggle with rest and recovery “Negative 20X” and the drive to constantly prove yourself Emotional intelligence, anger, sadness, shame, and healthy expression Masculinity versus domination Disciplined presence during relationship conflict How childhood and cultural conditioning shape adult identity Martial arts, self-defense, capability, and personal responsibility Why kindness can be an expression of strength Connect with Michael Ostrolenk: Website: www.michaeldostrolenk.com Substack: Michael D. Ostrolenk / @michaeldostrolenk LinkedIn: Michael Ostrolenk, MA, MFT YouTube: @michaeldostrolenk Podcast: Resilience Redefined with Michael D. Ostrolenk Team Fudoshin: teamfudoshin.com Connect with Lisa Lacy: What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What happens when you stop the addiction, but the pain underneath it is still running your life? Dr. Dean Sunseri, licensed professional counselor, and HollyKem Sunseri, certified life coach with more than four decades in recovery, explore the work they call emotional sobriety: healing the emotional wounds and protective patterns that can remain long after the substance or destructive behavior is gone. In this conversation, we go beyond abstinence and into what Dean and HollyKem call Stage Two recovery. We talk about why unresolved pain can “seep out” through substitute addictions, anger, isolation, control, relationship conflict, or other coping behaviors, and why simply stopping a behavior doesn’t necessarily heal what created it. They walk us through their framework of the Protector, Wounded Child, and True Self, including how learning to recognize which part of us is speaking can restore choice instead of leaving us controlled by old survival responses. We also explore relationships, why one person changing can change the entire “dance,” and why reconnecting may need to happen before a couple can actually solve the problem they’re fighting about. In this episode: Emotional sobriety and Stage Two addiction recovery Why abstinence may be only the beginning of healing Substance addiction, behavioral addiction, and substitute addictions The emotional pain underneath compulsive and self-destructive behavior The Protector, Wounded Child, and True Self Trauma, triggers, and protective survival responses Why healing doesn’t mean never being triggered again Learning to love the parts of yourself you once tried to escape Self-compassion versus shame in addiction recovery Moving from survival mode into choice, purpose, and emotional freedom Relationships, resentment, defensiveness, and emotional disconnection Why one partner’s growth can change the relationship dynamic Reconnecting before trying to resolve conflict Boundaries, responsibility, forgiveness, and healthy communication Finding purpose after addiction and survival Dr. Dean & HollyKem Sunseri: 1. Take the free Emotional Sobriety Assessment: https://dean-jsegmrly.scoreapp.com 2. Get the Book A Roadmap to the Soul Today! https://amzn.to/478rNG8 3. Learn more about Dean & HollyKem Sunseri: https://www.ihaveavoice.com 4. Watch Free Videos on Emotional Sobriety: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsbxvHYHG8El81rdV6eQ7gM7S55jXPm49&si=FOa14n7V-5OLJOQJ Lisa Lacy | Notes From the Edge: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Who told you that you were too sensitive, too difficult, selfish, dramatic, unstable, or simply too much? And when did someone else’s opinion become part of your identity? In this solo episode of Notes From the Edge , trauma educator Lisa Lacy explores how labels, family roles, survival adaptations, and other people’s perceptions can quietly become the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, and what can happen when we finally question who handed us those stories in the first place. Lisa examines the difference between personality and adaptation, why competence can become armor, and how a label can stop an investigation before it ever begins. She also shares how this question has surfaced while writing Notes From a Certified Madwoman , now autofiction, and why sometimes finding yourself is less about becoming someone new and more about subtracting everybody else. In this episode: How childhood and relationship labels can become identity “Too sensitive,” “difficult,” “selfish,” and the power of labeling Competence as strength versus competence as survival armor Why boundaries can feel threatening to people who benefited from your compliance Family roles, scapegoating, and resistance when one person changes The difference between accountability and self-erasure Survival adaptations that become adult personality traits Why proving a label wrong can still allow it to control your life What happens when you enter an environment where you are no longer “too much” The question that can interrupt an old identity: Who told you that? Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What happens when men are taught that vulnerability is weakness, but connection is exactly what they need most? Jason Lange is a men’s embodiment coach and group facilitator who believes men don’t need to become tougher. They need the language, relationships, and spaces that allow them to become more fully human. In this conversation, Jason shares how growing up without emotional or physical connection left him unable to understand what was happening inside his own body, eventually leading to shame, isolation, and unhealthy ways of coping. He takes us inside the somatic breakthrough that changed everything and explains why men’s groups became one of the most powerful forces in his own healing, relationships, and life. In this episode: Men’s mental health and the male loneliness epidemic Healthy masculinity and breaking out of the “man box” Why vulnerability can feel dangerous for men Emotional neglect, shame, and disconnection Somatic therapy and nervous system healing Men’s groups, brotherhood, and co-regulation Porn, alcohol, overworking, and other forms of emotional numbing Building emotional intimacy in relationships Learning to identify wants, needs, feelings, and boundaries Moving beyond the isolated “lone wolf” model of masculinity Authenticity instead of performing that everything is fine Connect with Jason Lange: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jasonmlange/ Evolutionary Men: https://evolutionary.men Evolutionary Edge Quiz: https://evolutionary.men/quiz Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What happens when you spend decades believing you’re lazy, too much, unreliable or simply doing life wrong, only to discover your brain has been working differently all along? Ellie AuDHD Capstick is an AuDHD educator and podcast host whose late diagnosis gave her something she had spent a lifetime searching for: language for experiences she once understood as personal failures. In this conversation, Ellie gets candid about the collision of ADHD and autism, years of masking and pushing herself into burnout, and why she doesn’t automatically call neurodivergence a “superpower.” She also shares what she wishes she had understood while raising her older neurodivergent children and how diagnosis helped her move from shame toward self-advocacy. In this episode: AuDHD and living with both ADHD and autism Late diagnosis, identity and self-understanding Neurodivergent masking and autistic/ADHD burnout Executive dysfunction versus “laziness” Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) Trauma, vulnerability and neurodivergence Parenting neurodivergent children with confidence Self-advocacy, relationships and dropping the mask Connect with Ellie AuDHD Capstick Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1Ls1EfoRam/?mibextid=wwXIfr LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellie-audhd-capstick-b8a971415 Connect with Lisa Lacy https://www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What if the secret to a healthier, happier, more sustainable life is hiding in a bin of worms, a jar of sprouts and one really good belly laugh? Cathy Nesbitt is an award-winning entrepreneur and laughter yoga teacher who has spent more than two decades showing people how worms, sprouts, and laughter can create a healthier, more sustainable life. In this episode, Cathy and Lisa go from the surprising story behind Cathy’s “worm empire” to why she believes laughter is an essential tool for navigating stress. They talk about turning food waste into “black gold,” growing your own nutrition through sprouts, learning to move toward the weirdness, and what happened when Cathy stopped being a lifelong people pleaser and started giving herself permission to say no. In this episode: Vermicomposting and turning household waste into healthy soil Why Cathy believes worms matter for sustainability and food security Growing fresh sprouts at home Laughter yoga and nervous-system regulation Why adults need more play and laughter Stress, isolation, and protecting your mental health Recovering from people pleasing Saying no without overexplaining or apologizing Why shame loses power when we stop keeping it silent Choosing simple tools for a healthier, more sustainable life Cathy Nesbitt: www.kathysclub.com Lisa Lacy: www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What if moving forward doesn’t require you to “get over” what happened? Stephanie Renner is an attorney, keynote speaker, and creator of the Regret to Resilience Method™, a framework for moving through unresolved guilt and regret without erasing the people, experiences, or losses that shaped us. After the death of her son Jordan by suicide, Stephanie’s understanding of regret became deeply personal. In this conversation, we talk about the brutal “if onlys” that can follow loss, the illusion of control, and why building a meaningful life after grief doesn’t mean leaving someone behind. We also explore how regret reaches far beyond bereavement, showing up in relationships, careers, caregiving, and the decisions we replay long after they’re over. In this episode: Grief, regret, and the “if only” cycle Suicide loss and unanswered questions Responsibility vs. hindsight Moving forward without “moving on” Self-forgiveness and self-compassion The illusion of control Finding purpose after profound loss Turning regret into resilience Learn more about Stephanie Renner: https://www.stephanierennerspeaks.com/ Find Lisa Lacy and Notes From the Edge : https://www.lisalacy.com/ What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What happens when menopause doesn’t create the crisis, but exposes everything your mind and body have spent decades carrying? Lisa Lacy, writer and host of Notes From the Edge , explores how surgical menopause collided with a lifetime of trauma, recovery, psychiatric diagnoses, chronic illness and survival. After having her ovaries unexpectedly removed at 45, Lisa experienced rage, panic, depression, insomnia, brain fog and an unsettling loss of identity. In this solo episode, she examines what happens when hormonal change collides with years of stored stress, hypervigilance and survival patterns, and why women deserve more than being told they’re “just hormonal.” In this episode: Surgical menopause and mental health Trauma activation and survival patterns Rage, anxiety, depression and identity loss Medical dismissal in midlife women High-functioning survival and performance Why menopause can expose what was already there Learn more: www.lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What happens to the spouse when the person with the addiction gets all the attention? In this deeply personal conversation, Lisa Lacy sits down with author, speaker and advocate Roxanna Johnson to talk about the side of sexual addiction that is too often forgotten: betrayal trauma and what it does to the partner left trying to make sense of a life that suddenly feels unrecognizable. After nearly 24 years of marriage, Roxanna discovered that her husband had been living with a hidden pattern of sexual addiction. She calls the disclosure “the bomb” because it didn’t simply reveal a secret. It blew apart her understanding of her marriage, her safety and, for a time, herself. Lisa and Roxanna dig into what betrayal trauma can actually look like: hypervigilance, panic, anger, grief, shame, questioning your own reality and becoming so focused on another person’s behavior that you lose touch with your own wants, needs and identity. They also explore one of the most important distinctions in recovery: boundaries are not control. Roxanna shares how she learned to stop twisting herself into what she calls “a pretzel” to keep the peace and instead use boundaries to create emotional safety for herself, regardless of whether her partner chose recovery. The conversation goes into codependency and counterdependence, lovingly detaching, rebuilding self-trust, finding competent betrayal-trauma support, creating a recovery community, spiritual reawakening and grieving the marriage, family or future you thought you had. And perhaps most importantly, they talk about the spouse’s right to heal independently of the outcome of the relationship. Roxanna’s work and book, Forgotten in the Battle with Sexual Addiction: The Journey of a Spouse , give language and support to partners and families who have too often been treated as collateral damage in someone else’s recovery. Connect with Roxanna Johnson: https://ForgottenSpouse.com Connect with Lisa Lacy and Notes From the Edge: https://www.lisalacy.com/podcast What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

What happens when achievement becomes a substitute for being seen? Writer, memoirist, and speaker Daniel Sterling joins Lisa Lacy for a candid conversation about men’s mental health, male loneliness, emotional vulnerability, masculinity, identity, and what it takes to raise emotionally whole boys. Daniel traces his own journey from an eight-year-old alpine ski racer who discovered the powerful rush of recognition to becoming one of the top ski racers in the country, then pursuing success through television, broadcasting, screenwriting, and filmmaking. But underneath the ambition was something much more human: the need to be seen, valued, and loved. After emotionally cratering in midlife, Daniel began questioning the identity he had built around achievement. A mentor introduced him to self-study, accountability, and a different way of living, beginning what he describes as the much longer journey from his head to his heart. Lisa and Daniel dig into why so many men learn to armor up instead of open up, how childhood messages like “toughen up” and “man up” can follow boys into adulthood, and why our current crisis of male isolation may have roots much earlier than we think. They also explore what parents can do differently: knowing the child in front of them, celebrating effort instead of achievement, allowing boys to fail and recover, giving them a voice, and creating enough emotional safety for vulnerability without removing the structure they need to grow. And perhaps most importantly, they talk about personal accountability: learning to recognize what belongs to you, apologize without defending yourself, change the behavior that caused harm, and discover who you are when you no longer need the performance. Daniel is currently seeking representation for his completed memoir, Hungry , and shares excerpts from his writing through his Substack. Connect with Daniel Sterling: https://daniel-sterling.com Connect with Lisa Lacy: https://lisalacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Why does someone stay in a relationship they know is hurting them? And why can leaving feel almost physically unbearable, even when you know you need to go? In this special solo episode of Notes From the Edge , Lisa Lacy shares her own experience of spending 13 years in a marriage marked by addiction, betrayal, coercive control, gaslighting and trauma bonding. At the time, Lisa was also carrying diagnoses of borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, complex PTSD, chronic alcoholism and codependency while managing a congenital blood disease. Over time, the chaos became so disorienting that she stopped trusting her own perception and began gaslighting herself. She left repeatedly. And repeatedly went back. Because every time she tried to leave, it felt like she was dying. It ultimately took three years to complete the divorce and another three years before she was able to fully go no contact. This conversation explores what coercive control actually looks like when it happens slowly, how trauma bonds are reinforced through cycles of fear, pain, relief and reconciliation, why mental-health diagnoses can make someone even more vulnerable to doubting their own reality, and why asking survivors, “Why didn’t you just leave?” profoundly misunderstands what may be happening psychologically and physiologically. Lisa also talks about the long road back to self-trust, the difference between understanding someone and giving them permission to harm you, and the moment when you stop making decisions based on someone’s potential and finally start looking at their patterns. Because sometimes leaving is not one brave decision. Sometimes it is a process of choosing yourself over and over again until your nervous system finally learns that freedom is safe. Learn more about Lisa and Notes From the Edge at www.LisaLacy.com What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .