Lazy Parenting with Stephanie Kennedy

As our kids get older, the things they’re ready to do get bigger. And somehow, our control over those things gets smaller. Which can be terrifying. In this episode, I’m talking about something I’m still learning: how to separate what my kids actually need from me from what would simply make me feel better. It starts with advice someone gave me when my oldest left for university in 2020, and comes right up to this week, when that same daughter specifically told me not to ask about her CPA exams. (Do you know how hard it is for a mother not to ask ALL THE QUESTIONS?) It turns out the question I keep coming back to is the same whether they’re five or twenty-five: Is this their fear, or is this mine? Because I didn’t raise my kids to stay. I raised them to be able to go. And maybe success isn’t having adult kids who still need us. Maybe it’s having adult kids who choose us .

I was the mom with all the rules. No sleepovers. No violent video games. No food upstairs. No phones until Grade 8. No social media until I thought each kid was ready. Read the book before you watch the movie. And there were plenty more. Looking back, I can see that those rules came from all kinds of places. Some came from my own childhood experiences and things I desperately didn't want my kids to experience. Some came from our values as a family. Some came from fear. And, if I'm being completely truthful, some existed simply because they made managing four kids a whole lot easier. Were all of them necessary? Probably not. In this episode, I'm looking back at the rules I made, the ones I'd absolutely make again, the places I think I overcorrected, and the rules my kids still think I got wrong. But I'm also talking about what happened as they got older. Because rules were never supposed to be permanent; they were guardrails. As my kids showed us they could handle more freedom, the rules could loosen. Trust grew. Their judgment started replacing mine. And eventually, that's the whole point. We're not trying to raise kids who follow our rules forever. We're trying to raise kids who no longer need them. -------------------------------------- Want to watch the episode instead? Head over to my YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@lazyparenting -------------------------------------- Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 91 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

There is a version of parental involvement in your child's education that starts as support and quietly becomes something else. Something that stops feeling like help and starts feeling, to your kid, like you do not quite trust them. In this episode, Stephanie talks about where that line is. And how she learned to find it, sometimes the hard way. Starting with the poster project she made her son redo because the layout hurt her perfectionist brain. And what she understood after, looking at every subsequent messy poster, and walking away. This episode covers: when stepping in is exactly right and when it quietly takes something away. The three questions worth asking before you intervene in your child's school life. What the expectation around grades looked like in a house where nobody got paid for A's (except by their grandmother, who ignored the rule entirely). And why your child's education was always supposed to be theirs to carry. Because their grade was never your report card. Topics include: academic independence, homework, parent involvement in school, grades, school projects, raising responsible students, report cards, teen independence, school ownership, back to school. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 90 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

Did you brush your teeth? Do you have your water bottle? Don't forget your lunch. If those sentences came out of your mouth this week, this episode is for you. In this episode, Stephanie talks about the moment she asked about homework and got back one word: obviously. And what that word told her about a reminder she was still giving for something her kid had already learned to own. The question at the heart of this episode is not: am I reminding my child too much? It is: has the reminder helped build the habit, or has the reminder become the habit? From the family iPad on the wall that became a Google Calendar that replaced the nagging, to the difference between removing support and moving it, to why the goal was never a child with a perfect memory, this episode is about building kids who manage what they are responsible for. Without you doing it for them. Because independence does not mean remembering everything. It means knowing what tools you need so you are not relying on another person to carry it for you. Topics include: reminders, habits, children's independence, school routines, homework independence, building habits in kids, family calendar, raising responsible kids, natural consequences, teen independence, ADHD and executive function, raising capable kids. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 89 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

Back to school is a reset. But most parents use that reset to ask the wrong question. Instead of asking how to make mornings run more smoothly, ask: what could my child take over this September that I was doing for them last year? In this episode, the real, not polished, origin story of Lazy Parenting is shared. Four kids under eight, not enough sleep, an empty fridge, and lunches that were sometimes crackers and cheese and an apple, because that was what was in the house. Practical, honest and built around one uncomfortable truth: doing it yourself is almost always faster. But the goal isn't to save three minutes this morning. It's to eventually work yourself out of the job. From alarm clocks and forgotten lunches to teenagers managing their own schedules, this episode traces what happens when you intentionally, consistently, work yourself out of the morning job. Because a perfectly managed morning might solve today's problem while accidentally preventing your child from learning how to manage tomorrow's. Topics include: back-to-school routines, morning independence, school morning habits, forgotten lunches, transferring ownership to kids, raising capable kids, natural consequences, alarm clocks, packing lunches, teen independence, school routines. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 88 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

Difficult because you love them enough to be the problem. In this episode, Stephanie talks about what it really means to be the difficult parent. The one who asks what movie they're showing before every sleepover. The one who picks their kid up at night instead of letting them stay. The one whose kids have had to explain, more than once, why their family has different rules around screens, sleepovers, life jackets and helmets. Not difficult because of anxiety. Not difficult because of control. Difficult because you love them enough to be the problem. And why giving your kids the script, "my mom won't let me", might be one of the most practical parenting tools you have. Because sometimes the kindest thing we can do is carry the social burden for our kids until they are ready to carry it themselves. Topics covered: peer pressure, sleepovers, life jackets, parenting boundaries, holding the line, screen limits, safety rules and giving kids a way out. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 87 | @lazyparenting

Every parent wonders eventually — will any of this actually matter? Stephanie asked her two oldest children — aged 23 and 24, both university graduates living independently — seven questions about their childhood. What did we do that you didn't appreciate then but are grateful for now? What shaped you that we probably didn't even realize? What would you copy when you have your own kids? Their answers were honest, specific, occasionally surprising, and in her son's case delivered with the enthusiasm of someone doing homework he did not ask for. What came back: the screen rules both kids independently credited without comparing notes. The high expectations one described as exposure therapy to stress. The field trip volunteering that made her cry when she remembered it. The sisters that shaped her brother's ability to communicate. The grandparents that built conversational skills. The financial literacy that made one of them the financially savvy friend in her group. The family being cheap about shoes — and why that turned out to be exactly right. And the line that keeps coming back: The things we thought were just ordinary Tuesdays were quietly becoming their childhood. Not a theory episode. Not a research episode. Just — what they actually remember. And what it turns out was being built all along. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 86 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

Wondering how to raise a reader? Worried about graphic novels, reluctant readers, or kids who just won't sit still long enough to finish a chapter? Trying to figure out whether screen time is killing your child's love of books — or whether your son who only reads Diary of a Wimpy Kid even counts as a reader? In this episode Stephanie reframes the whole conversation. Because the question most parents are asking, "how do I get my kid to read", is actually the wrong question. The better question is: how do you raise someone who thinks of themselves as a reader? Starting with the moment she discovered her daughter Katie used to cover her reading lamp with her hand when she heard footsteps in the hallway so nobody would know she was still awake reading past her bedtime. She wasn't sneaking her phone. She was sneaking her book. This episode covers: Are graphic novels real reading? (Yes. Here's why.) What to do with boys who won't sit still long enough to read. The book list Stephanie's son Nick put together from memory. Every book he remembers loving, organized by age and reading level. What a Yoto player is and why it matters for pre-readers. How to read alongside your kids instead of just telling them to read. Why the no-screens-in-bedrooms rule quietly built a reading culture in Stephanie's house over twenty years. Plus the line that changes how you think about all of it: Families don't raise readers. Families create homes where reading is normal. Nick's full book list — graphic novels, funny books, adventure series, non-fiction and more: NICK’S BOOK LIST FOR YOUNG BOYS BOOKS WITH PICTURES OR EASIER BOOKS TO START WITH • Amulet • Bone • Geronimo Stilton • Lunch Lady by Jarrett J. Krosoczka • Diary of a Wimpy Kid • Captain Underpants (lots of spin-off series) • STAT: Standing Tall and Talented (basketball books) • Smile (maybe more for girls but according to Nick, still good) • Jedi Academy “Really good” • Origami Yoda • Potterwookiee (part of The Creature from My Closet series) • Who Would Win? (books that imagine two different animals fighting each other) • Big Nate A STEP UP - Nick started reading many of these around Grade 3: • Warriors (the cat books) • Harry Potter • Percy Jackson • I Am Number Four (lots of books in the series) • The 39 Clues • Goosebumps (Scary stuff, but good) • The Spiderwick Chronicles • Holes • Magic Tree House • Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume • Choose Your Own Adventure books • How to Eat Fried Worms • Bruno and Boots • Loki’s Wolves NON-FICTION AND OTHER BOOKS BOYS MAY LOVE • Fun facts about animals (the more dangerous the animals, the bette) • Fun facts about space • Books about different climates, including jungles, the Arctic and deserts • Anything about the depths of the ocean, especially creatures like the colossal squid • Books about historical periods such as dinosaurs, Ancient Rome and the Vikings • Guinness World Records • Encyclopedias or “ultimate guides” connected to a favourite show or character, such as the Pokémon Ultimate Handbook • Ultimate guides for video games they enjoy • Where’s Waldo? • I Spy books • Books with titles like The Ultimate Guide to Being a Ninja • Books about aliens and whether they might be real • Books about monsters and how to hunt them • Books about myths and legends: What is the chupacabra, where did the story come from, and how might you find one in real life? Save it. You will use it. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 85 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

87% of people sleep with their phone in their bedroom. In Stephanie's house, that number has always been zero. In this episode Stephanie talks about the one technology decision she and Chris made as parents that she would make again without hesitation: no screens in the bedrooms. Ever. And what she believes that rule quietly built in her four kids over twenty years. From the sleep research that is now very clear, to the unexpected insight her son gave her about proximity and connection, to an honest conversation about her youngest, and the cats that are currently making the downstairs less inviting than she would like, this episode is practical, honest and grounded in two decades of holding a line that was not always popular. Because just because everyone else does it does not mean your family has to. And sometimes the most important thing we protect our kids from is not what we think. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 84 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

Forced family time. The Sunday walk nobody wanted to go on. The car ride with no phones. The trail that seemed too long and the snacks that ran out and everyone who came home closer than when they left. In this episode, Stephanie talks about one of the most underrated things she did as a parent — making everyone come. Not to create perfect memories. But to build something quieter and more lasting: a family culture. One built not in extraordinary moments but in ordinary ones, repeated. From a cold lake in Whistler to a desert trail where she watched her kids pair off ahead of her and felt something she still doesn't have a perfect word for, to her son's observation that proximity was the secret all along, this episode is about the small daily decisions that quietly shape whether your kids will choose each other long after they've left home. Family culture isn't built in extraordinary moments. It's built in ordinary ones we repeat. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 83 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

Chores. Nobody's favourite topic. But possibly the most underrated parenting tool in the whole toolkit. In this episode Stephanie makes the case that chores are not really about having a clean house. They are about belonging. About raising kids who understand that families are not hotels, that everyone is crew, not passengers, and that the work of keeping a life running well is something you learn young or struggle with later. From the "item on the stair" hack that never worked, to the dishwasher rotation that taught the golden rule better than any conversation could, to watching her adult son plan his cleaning day from across the country, this episode is honest, warm and grounded in twenty+ years of real family life. Including the research finding that the best predictor of a young adult's success in their mid-twenties was whether they did household chores at age three or four. Not grades. Not sport. Chores. There are no magic fairies. Teaching our kids this might be one of the most loving things we ever do. Lazy Parenting Podcast | Episode 82 | lazyparenting.ca | @lazyparenting

Last week we talked about getting out of our kids' way. This week is about how to actually do that — without abandoning them. It's called scaffolding. And it turns out it's something most parents are already doing instinctively. This episode is about making it intentional. From setting up a kitchen so a toddler can unload the dishwasher, to knowing when to leave the room while your teenager figures something out, to the moment you watch your adult child walk out the door and realize the building is standing on its own — Stephanie traces what scaffolding looks like at every stage of raising kids. Practical, honest, and grounded in real stories from raising four kids to adulthood, this episode answers the question every parent eventually asks: how do I help without taking over? Because the goal was never to be needed forever, the goal was always to help them need us differently.

Every parent who has ever quietly reloaded the dishwasher, laid out their child's clothes, or helped just a little too much with that school project — this one is for you. In this episode, Stephanie talks about the most common way parents accidentally get in the way of their kids building confidence and capability: the small, everyday moments where we help when we shouldn't, fix what didn't need fixing, and rescue kids from experiences that were quietly building something important. From the story of putting her kids in French Immersion and accidentally removing herself from the homework equation, to the honest confession about still rearranging the dishwasher, this episode is a real and relatable look at why we rescue our kids, what it actually costs them, and the one small thing you can try this week to start getting out of their way. Because confidence is evidence. And, every time we step in before our kids get the chance to try, we take away a piece of evidence they needed to collect for themselves.

Every parent wants confident kids. But what if confidence isn't something we can give our children? What if it isn't built through praise, encouragement, or constantly telling them how amazing they are? In this episode, I share why I believe confidence is actually built through competence. From learning to cook and make lunches, to walking to swim practice, taking public transit, climbing trees, doing chores, playing sports, and solving everyday problems, our kids build confidence when they are given opportunities to do things for themselves. I reflect on conversations with my own adult children, lessons from raising four kids, and why some of the small decisions we make as parents can have a much bigger impact than we realize. Because confidence isn't a feeling. It's evidence. It's the accumulated evidence that you've done hard things before and figured them out. And every time our kids do something for themselves, they collect another piece of evidence that they can handle life.

What does it really mean to raise a capable kid? In this episode, I revisit the idea that has been at the heart of Lazy Parenting since the very beginning. Looking back now with adult children, university graduates, and a teenager about to enter her final year of high school, I share what I've learned about independence, responsibility, confidence, and why I believe capability may be one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids. We often spend a lot of time trying to build confidence in our children, but what if confidence actually comes from competence? From doing hard things, solving problems, making mistakes, and discovering that they can handle it? Join me as I reflect on the early lessons of Lazy Parenting and how they have played out in real life. Because the goal was never independent children. The goal was independent adults.

After a four-year break, Lazy Parenting is back. In this episode, I share where I've been, what I've learned watching my kids grow into young adults, and why I believe helping parents raise kids who can handle life is more important than ever.

From Covid to the Freedom Convoy to now, the war in Ukraine, our children have been inundated with some very hard things in 2022. We have to address these topics with our kids. We need to check-in and make sure they are ok. Today I share some ways, those of us who might not know where to start or what to say can begin. Thank you for hanging out with me today! I love these daily chats and hearing from you as to how they are helping. Don't forget to DM me on Instagram, come follow along on TikTok or send me an email. Even better - you can leave me a voice memo HERE I want this to be a two-way conversation! Also, if you loved today's episode, please help me out and click 5 stars and write a review! Follow Lazy Parenting on IG HERE Join our #lazyparenting community of Facebook HERE Follow Stephanie Kennedy on IG HERE SIGN UP FOR THE LAZY PARENTING WEEKLY NEWSLETTER HERE Be sure to send me a DM with any questions or struggles or just a "hi" over on IG! I look forward to hearing from you!

Today we continue the topic of proactive parenting vs reactive parenting and how the 3 big ideas of Lazy Parenting can be used to combat the challenges of getting our kids to listen to us and getting our kids to bed. Thank you for hanging out with me today! I love these daily chats and hearing from you as to how they are helping. Don't forget to DM me on Instagram, come follow along on TikTok or send me an email. Even better - you can leave me a voice memo HERE I want this to be a two-way conversation! Also, if you loved today's episode, please help me out and click 5 stars and write a review! Follow Lazy Parenting on IG HERE Join our #lazyparenting community of Facebook HERE Follow Stephanie Kennedy on IG HERE SIGN UP FOR THE LAZY PARENTING WEEKLY NEWSLETTER HERE Be sure to send me a DM with any questions or struggles or just a "hi" over on IG! I look forward to hearing from you!

Today we continue the topic of proactive parenting vs reactive parenting and how the 3 big ideas of Lazy Parenting can be used to combat bad behavior. Thank you for hanging out with me today! I love these daily chats and hearing from you as to how they are helping. Don't forget to DM me on Instagram, come follow along on TikTok or send me an email. Even better - you can leave me a voice memo HERE I want this to be a two-way conversation! Also, if you loved today's episode, please help me out and click 5 stars and write a review! Follow Lazy Parenting on IG HERE Join our #lazyparenting community of Facebook HERE Follow Stephanie Kennedy on IG HERE SIGN UP FOR THE LAZY PARENTING WEEKLY NEWSLETTER HERE Be sure to send me a DM with any questions or struggles or just a "hi" over on IG! I look forward to hearing from you!

Confession time - I used to be a yeller. I yelled as a coach when I was a teen working with children and then I yelled as a parent at my kids. My temper has always gotten the best of me. So how did I end up with 4 kids and never having to raise my voice at them through their tweens and teens? Well, I had to change from being a frustrated and reactive parent to being a positive and proactive one. I had to recognize that my childrens' misbehavior was ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS a way of them trying to tell me something. And, that is where we have to agree to begin. You have to agree that all your child's behavior is communication. If we can start there, we can work to end the yelling in your house too. Thank you for hanging out with me today! I love these daily chats and hearing from you as to how they are helping. Don't forget to DM me on Instagram, come follow along on TikTok or send me an email. Even better - you can leave me a voice memo HERE I want this to be a two-way conversation! Also, if you loved today's episode, please help me out and click 5 stars and write a review! Follow Lazy Parenting on IG HERE Join our #lazyparenting community of Facebook HERE Follow Stephanie Kennedy on IG HERE SIGN UP FOR THE LAZY PARENTING WEEKLY NEWSLETTER HERE Be sure to send me a DM with any questions or struggles or just a "hi" over on IG! I look forward to hearing from you!