Mato just raised pre-seed Read more
Podcast charts
Published by Jenna Dalton
A podcast for the neurodivergent woman who notices everything, manages everyone, masks all day, and has nothing left by the time she gets home. The one who catches every micro-shift in facial expression, automatically assumes she’s done something wrong, and ends up blaming herself when the generic relationship advice doesn't work. If you're ADHD, autistic, or AuDHD - diagnosed, self-identified, or quietly wondering - and you've spent your whole life feeling like you're too much and not enough at the same time…. you're in the right place. Hosted by Jenna Dalton - a psychologist who's also AuDHD (diagnosed in her 40s, after decades of collecting "you're so sensitive" labels) - The Neurodivergent Love Lab gives you the tools traditional couples therapy never quite delivered. Because most relationship advice assumes things your brain has a hard time doing on command: assuming positive intent, recovering from conflict in 20 minutes or less, explaining yourself clearly while you're feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions…. That advice isn't wrong. It's just built for a different nervous system than yours. And here's the super important part: the female version of neurodivergence looks different than that fidgety little boy obsessed with dinosaurs and numbers. It’s quieter. More internalized. More masked. Which is exactly why it gets missed. By everyone. Including you. Each week I'll share the science of being a neurodivergent woman in love, in language that actually makes sense, plus give you practical tools for things like: ✔️ Conflict, shutdown, and repair and how to stop feeling like you’re always the problem ✔️ Rejection sensitivity (RSD) and how to ride that wave without crashing ✔️ Masking exhaustion and how to start unmasking with your partner ✔️ How to navigate the mental load of being the caretaker, over-functioning, managing everyone else’s feelings, and the good-girl conditioning underneath it all ✔️ Mixed-neurotype communication and the misunderstandings that keep causing that same fight over and over again ✔️ How hormones make everything louder (so "I'm fine for two weeks and then everything falls apart" finally makes sense - and what to do about it) ✔️ And so very much more.… If you want to feel truly understood and authentically loved, unmasked, this podcast is for you. The goal isn’t to make you neurotypical. It's to help you build a relationship that fits how your brain actually works. One where you feel deeply loved and understood, and your partner finally gets you. Your brain isn't broken. It has strengths and challenges. Both deserve support. New episodes weekly. Cozy up, take me on a walk, grab a fidget, plop yourself in front of your favourite doodle book... however you like to listen, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here.
On the charts
Every published chart this podcast appears in, in the snapshot behind this page. Each one links to the chart it came off.
The Mato Topic Intelligence Platform does not report this podcast as charting in a published category in this snapshot.
From the feed
The latest episodes published to this podcast’s own RSS feed. Titles and descriptions are the publisher’s.
You did the thing. You spent three weeks researching the perfect gift. You sat beside them on the couch, both in your own worlds, and felt so close it gave you the warm fuzzies. You lit up telling them about the thing you love. And then they turn to you and say: “I just don’t feel that connected to you lately. I don’t really feel… loved.” And it knocks the wind out of you - because you’ve been loving them the whole time. Today, I’m going to show you why so much of what you do to show love goes unseen (and prove that there’s nothing missing in you.) We’re taking one of the most famous relationship frameworks on earth - the five love languages - and I’m showing you exactly where it leaves neurodivergent women out, then we'll retranslate it into your actual native tongue. You’ve been fluent in love this whole time. You’ve just been speaking a language the standard advice never taught anyone to read. IN THIS EPISODE What the five love languages framework gets right - and the exact space it leaves you out Why info-dumping is words of affirmation - sharing your special interest is handing someone the keys to your inner world Why parallel play is quality time - closeness without the sensory and social tax of performed togetherness Why a deeply researched gift is an act of service and a love letter combined - you made them your special interest for three weeks Why your directness is a form of intimacy - “I respect you too much to make you guess” The double empathy problem - why the misunderstanding between differently-wired people is mutual, and the gap lives between you, not inside either one of you Three moves to get you both fluent: name your dialect out loud, ask for theirs behaviourally, and build one ritual in each language MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free workbook: How to Feel Understood in Love - the two-way love map, one side for you and one for your partner Free quiz: Is It Actually Me? The double empathy problem: Damian Milton’s concept that misunderstanding between differently-wired people is mutual LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the person who has loved someone with everything they’ve got and been told it doesn’t count (and to the partner who’s been hoping the love was there and not knowing where to look for it.) CONNECT Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Website: jennadalton.com Email: jenna@jennadalton.com A NOTE The Neurodivergent Love Lab is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
For about two weeks a month, you’re doing great. And then, right on schedule, the floor drops out: the light’s too bright, your fuse is gone, and small stuff from your partner lands like a slap. Today, I’m going to show you why that happens, why it was never you “sabotaging” the good thing, and exactly what to do about it. We’ll walk through the estrogen-dopamine link in plain words, the three versions of this pattern: the monthly one, the severe one (PMS and PMDD), and the perimenopause one where a lot of women finally get their answer. And I’ll give you three moves to work with the pattern instead of blaming yourself for it. IN THIS EPISODE Why nobody ever connected these dots for you (and why that genuinely wasn’t you missing something obvious) The estrogen-dopamine link: why your focus, mood, and patience take a hit right before your period Why it’s the drop your brain hates (and why that explains your cycle, postpartum, and perimenopause all at once) The monthly version: how every neurodivergent trait gets its volume turned up in your luteal phase When it’s severe: PMS and PMDD, plus the real (not the viral) research on neurodivergence and PMDD Perimenopause: why so many women finally get diagnosed in their late 30s and 40s Three tools: track it (turn chaos into a forecast), plan around your hard week on purpose, and name the pattern for your partner before the hard week (not during it) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free workbook: How to Feel Understood in Love Free quiz: Is It Actually Me? Episode 14 (flooding and shutdown) , Episode 15 (sensory overwhelm) , and Episode 18 (the capacity audit) LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the friend who’s fine for two weeks and then falls apart (and to the partner still trying to understand her.) CONNECT Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Website: jennadalton.com Email: jenna@jennadalton.com A NOTE The Neurodivergent Love Lab is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If your hard week ever brings genuinely dark thoughts, please reach out to your doctor, a therapist, a crisis line, or someone you trust. You matter, and there are people who can help.
You’re at the restaurant, looking at the dessert menu. You see chocolate cake. You think, yum. Then your partner asks, "What do you feel like?" .... and you freeze. Not because you don’t know what you want. You do know. But before you can say it, your brain scans their face, reads the menu for what they’d like, and out comes: "Oh, I don’t know - what do you feel like?" Later, that familiar ache: why can’t I just ask for what I want? Am I lying to everyone I love? Here’s what I want you to hear in this one: you haven’t been lying. You’ve been surviving. What you’ve been doing has a name - it’s called masking - and it's not the same thing as being fake. This episode is for you if you’re the "easy" one, the low-maintenance one, the go-with-the-flow one.... and you’ve started to notice how much of you has gone quiet to keep everyone else comfortable. We’ll get into what masking actually is (three layers of it), why it goes deepest in your romantic relationship, why there’s real grief in seeing it, and four small, doable ways to start letting the real you back out. No blowing up your life required. IN THIS EPISODE Why "fake" is the wrong word for what you’ve been doing The three layers of masking: hiding, compensating, and the one that costs the most Why the mask works hardest in your romantic relationship, not with strangers How "good girl" conditioning set the whole pattern in motion Why you can have a partner and a home and a full life and still feel completely alone (the loneliness that makes no sense on paper) Why the grief you’re feeling is a signal to follow, not a wound to manage Four ways to start unmasking without a big dramatic talk (starting with what you actually want for dinner) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free quiz: Is It Actually Me? It helps you sort out whether the stuck feeling is your wiring, your relationship, or both: JennaDalton.com/quiz Free workbook: How to Feel Understood in Love : JennaDalton.com/lovemap Episode 17: Why Do I Keep Choosing the Wrong Partners (And How Do I Stop?) LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the friend who’s always the "easy" one, the low-maintenance one, the one who never makes a fuss. She needs to hear that she’s allowed to take up space too. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with me (Alberta): book a free 15-minute consult here A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
If you’ve ever asked for the quiet weekend and then resented the quiet weekend, this one’s for you. You said yes to the dinner on Monday. By Saturday you were quietly hoping it’d get cancelled. And when it did? Relief. Ninety minutes later? Bored, and a little heartbroken that nothing’s happening this weekend. Same brain, same day, ninety minutes apart. You’ve been told to “just figure out what you want.” To “communicate your needs clearly.” To “pick a lane.” And honestly? That advice is solid, even research-backed.... for neurotypical brains . For a brain quietly running two operating systems at once, it lands like a personal failing. Here’s the reframe: you’re not indecisive, and you’re not flaky. You’ve got two nervous systems with genuinely different requirements, and they both belong to you. In this episode I name the five tug-of-wars underneath it all, show you how each one gets misread by a partner, and hand you three moves that have genuinely changed how this works in my own relationship. IN THIS EPISODE What AuDHD actually means, in plain language - and why the old “you can’t be both” myth kept so many women undiagnosed for decades Why this hits women especially hard The five tug-of-wars involved in this Why your needs start looking “unreliable” to a partner - and the heartbreaking thing you do in response Three moves you can use this week MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free workbook, How to Feel Understood in Love (the two-way love map): jennadalton.com/lovemap Free quiz, Is It Actually Me? : jennadalton.com/quiz LOVED THIS EPISODE? Follow so you don’t miss what’s coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the person who’s watched you say yes and then dread it - the one who’s been trying to understand you. CONNECT Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Website: jennadalton.com Email: jenna@jennadalton.com A note: The Neurodivergent Love Lab is for educational purposes and isn’t a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
You've got a list. You'd never call it that. It's not written down. But you could recite it right now: the thing you keep asking for that never happens, the Sunday you'd love to yourself, the light that's too bright, the way their mom talks to you at Christmas. Every item has been sitting there for months. Some for years. And every time one comes up, you run the math: is it worth the conversation, the eyebrow raise, the three days of replaying it? .... and the answer is always no. So it goes back on the list, the list gets heavier, and then one Tuesday it's a dish left on top of the dishwasher and you lose it, and everyone thinks the problem is the dish. Here's the thing: "just communicate!" is genuinely great advice… for a neurotypical brain. For yours, the hard part was never knowing what you want. It's producing the words in real time while you track your face, their face, and six other things at once. So this week I'm not explaining the problem. I'm handing you the words. Ten actual scripts - plus the simple four-part formula behind all of them - so you can finally start clearing that list. IN THIS EPISODE Why you can rehearse a conversation a hundred times and still never have it (and why that's not cowardice) Why scripting isn't fake or manipulative The four-part formula behind every script that works: frame, observation, need, close Ten word-for-word scripts: alone time, what your silence means, sensory needs (including the intimacy version), the early flag, processing time, the mental load, opting out of a social thing, repair after you snapped, asking for feedback without spiralling, and "you're overthinking it" The two rules that make any script work How to use a script without sounding like a robot reading off a cue card MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE The free scripts guide: Just Hand Me the Words (all ten scripts + the formula to build your own): JennaDalton.com/scripts Free quiz: Is It Actually Me?: JennaDalton.com/quiz Come say hey on Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the person who's got their own list of things they've never said out loud. Then pick one - just one - and say it this week. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
It's ten at night, and you're crying about the flowers. Not a fight about the flowers. A comment. Six calm words your partner made about how you keep forgetting to water them. And now you're spiralling. The worst part is you can watch yourself do it and you still can't stop. Then your partner asks the question you have no answer for: “Why do you take everything so personally?” And here's the part that breaks your heart - you agree with them. You'd give anything for it to not be a big deal. So here's what I want you to know before we go any further. You're not overreacting. You're having a full-sized reaction to something much bigger than flowers, with a nervous system with a very specific set of dials. “Calm down” and “just let it go” were never going to work for you - because that advice was designed for neurotypical brains. In this episode I'll show you the three dials that actually run your reactions, why the hours after a fight do more damage than the fight itself, and the tools that raise your capacity between the storms so this finally stops feeling so random. IN THIS EPISODE Why “overreacting” was never the right word - and what emotional dysregulation actually is (it affects most adults with ADHD, and somehow it got left out of the diagnostic manual) The three dials - onset, intensity, and recovery - and why the slow one causes the “why are you STILL upset?” fight Why you're not overreacting to a small thing, you're reacting in exact proportion to a pile nobody else can see The “shame hangover” : the replaying, the over-apologizing, the quiet shrinking.... and why the after is where the real relationship damage lives The eggshells loop your partner's kindness is quietly making worse - and the one calm conversation that dismantles it The capacity audit: a ten-second daily habit that makes your reactions stop feeling random within about three weeks The after-script for apologizing for impact without apologizing for having a feeling at all The one sentence to hand your partner so they stop trying to “fix” you and start actually helping MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free guide: How to Stop the RSD Spiral: JennaDalton.com/rsd Free quiz - Is It Actually Me?: JennaDalton.com/quiz Episode 14: You're Not Overreacting, You're Flooded - the Pause Protocol episode Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the person who has watched you spiral over something small and never understood what was actually happening - or to the partner who keeps saying “calm down” and genuinely doesn't know it makes it worse. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna - book a free 15-minute consultation: JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
Your friend isn't trying to be mean. She loves you. So when she says “you just have a type , hey?” she's smiling. And you smile back. You laugh, you say “yeahhh.” And then you get in your car and the sentence that shows up isn't kind at all: what's wrong with me? Because you can see the pattern too. Different names, different jobs, different hair.... and somehow the same ending. The same slow shrinking. So you do the math: they're all different, which means the common denominator is you. Which must mean you're broken. I don't think that's what's happening - not even a little. In this episode, I'm going to show you the seven mechanisms actually running underneath the choosing, every one of them upstream of the decision and none of them a character flaw. Because most dating advice was built for neurotypical brains, and “you just have a type” has no next step. “You've been choosing under conditions that were stacked against you” has three. And I'm giving them all to you. IN THIS EPISODE Why “why do I keep choosing the wrong partners?” is a trap of a question - and the better one that actually has a way out The seven mechanisms driving the pattern, and why every single one happens before you ever choose How your best mask builds a relationship on an expiry date from date one - and quietly stops you from interviewing them back Why rejection sensitivity turns someone's enthusiasm into relief, and relief into something you mistake for love The difference between activation and safety in your body - and the three-question check to run after every date Why being tolerated got mistaken for being loved - and how to tell them apart How to unmask earlier on purpose and treat it as screening, not confessing The “your gut is data, not a verdict” rule - how to log what you notice instead of talking yourself out of it MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free quiz, Is It Actually Me? figure out whether it's your wiring, your relationship, or the two tangled together: JennaDalton.com/quiz Episode 13: What Masking Costs Your Relationship (and What Unmasking Actually Looks Like) Episode 3: The Neuroscience Of Why You Fall Hard and Then Pull Away LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the friend who's whispered “what's wrong with me?” She needs to hear that nothing is. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with me: book a free 15-minute consultation - Work with Jenna A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
Your partner turns to you - with good intentions - and asks the question every relationship podcast told them to ask: “What do you need from me?” And you’ve got nothing. There’s something in there.... pressure in your chest, heat in your throat, a weight you can’t name. But a word for it? You can't put your finger on it. So you say the thing they don’t want to hear. “I don’t know.” And you watch their face flicker - because “I don’t know” sounds like “I won’t tell you.” Then someone - a therapist, your mom, an Instagram carousel with a nice font - hands you the line: you two just need to communicate your needs better. Directly. Clearly. Kindly. Cool. Great. Thanks. How? Here’s what I want you to hear before we start: you’re not a bad communicator. That advice is a hashtag built for neurotypical brains. It’s asking your brain to do something it can’t do in that exact moment, and then blaming you when it doesn’t work. In this episode I pull the advice apart, show you the four reasons it breaks down for neurodivergent women specifically, and hand you three swaps that finally work with your wiring instead of against it. IN THIS EPISODE The five things “just communicate better” secretly assumes are true about you - and why most aren’t, even on a good day Why the perfect answer seems to always arrive 40 minutes later in the shower Alexithymia in plain words: how you can be flooded with feeling and still have zero words for it The double empathy problem - why the miscommunication was never one-sided, and never only your job to fix The fawn-response trap that’s specific to us: when “no, it’s fine” comes out sounding like communication but isn’t true The Three Swaps: how to change the timing, the format, and the target The one placeholder phrase to pre-load now, while you’re calm, for the moment you can barely think straight, let alone formulate a sentence MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free workbook: How to Feel Understood in Love (a two-way love map you fill in together): JennaDalton.com/lovemap Episode 14: You’re Not Overreacting - You’re Flooded (the deep dive on emotional flooding referenced here) Free quiz: Is It Actually Me?: JennaDalton.com/quiz The double empathy problem: coined by autistic researcher Damian Milton LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this to the person who’s been told to “just use her words” one too many times. Or to the partner who hears “I don’t know” and doesn’t yet know it means “I’m still in here, still processing.” CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
It's the end of a long day and you've finally crawled into bed. Your partner gets in beside you and reaches for you. Just a hand on your back. Nothing wild. A completely normal, loving gesture from a person who loves you. And your whole body says no. Not "no, I don't love you." Not "no, I don't want you." Just a full-body flinch you can feel to your core. And then there's that half-second where you decide whether to pull away, or say something, or hold still and hope your face doesn't tell on you. Then comes the part that actually hurts. When you think: "Something's wrong with me. Everybody else can do this." And quietly, on their side of the bed: "she doesn't want me anymore." Two people. Same bed. Both deciding they're the problem. Today, I'm going to tell you what's actually happening (spoiler: it isn't rejection.) Your body wasn't rejecting your partner. Your body was responding to overwhelm. Those are two completely different things, and almost nobody teaches you the difference. And then I'm going to talk about the thing nobody talks about with this topic: the upside. Because a sensory system with the volume turned up isn't only turned up on the bad stuff. IN THIS EPISODE Why a sensory no is not a rejection of a person - and the exact difference between "not this touch, not right now" and "not you" What the intense world theory says about your nervous system, plus the research on sensory hypersensitivity in autistic women (a group that almost never gets studied) Why light touch can feel like static while deep pressure feels wonderful - and why "she doesn't like being touched" is almost always the wrong conclusion How interoception and alexithymia turn "what do you want in bed?" into a genuinely unanswerable question - and why that's hardware, not a character flaw What masking in the bedroom quietly costs you, and how saying yes when your body means no teaches you to distrust your own signals The five ways a turned-up sensory system makes closeness better A four-step tool you can start this week: your green/yellow/red inventory, adding one green thing on purpose, the three-part translation sentence, and checking capacity before instead of during MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE How to Feel Understood in Love - the free workbook : a two-way love map. One side for you, one for your partner. The free quiz: Is It Actually Me? five minutes to sort out what's your wiring, what's your relationship, and what's both. Episode 13: What Masking Costs Your Relationship (and What Unmasking Actually Looks Like) Love, Sex, and Autism by Candice Christiansen Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab LOVED THIS EPISODE? Follow the show so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the woman who's been apologizing for her own nervous system since she was six. Or to the partner who's been quietly worried they're getting it wrong. CONNECT Website: jennadalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna (free 15-minute consult, Alberta): Book here A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or individualized care. Jenna Dalton is a Registered Provisional Psychologist in Alberta, Canada. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
You’re in the middle of it. The fight has tipped over the edge, and your whole body is screaming " I have to get out of this room. Right now." But you know what happens if you walk away. You’ve lived it a hundred times. If you leave, you’re stonewalling. You’re running. You’re shutting them out, you don’t care, you always do this.... So you stay. Because good partners stay and work it out. And your nervous system has nowhere to go, so it goes off like a bomb. Or you finally break and flee anyway, and the leaving becomes the new fight. Either way, you lose. Stay and detonate, or leave and get convicted of abandonment. Today, I'm handing you a third option. Because that feeling isn’t you being avoidant or cold or bad at love. It’s a flooded, overloaded, rejection-sensitive nervous system trying to protect a relationship it cares about enormously. Most conflict advice was designed for neurotypical brains, and “just stay in it and communicate” asks you to use the exact part of your brain that has already gone offline. There’s a tool for this. And it’s not "just communicate better." IN THIS EPISODE Why “stay in it and use your words” is reasonable, research-backed advice.... for a nervous system that isn’t yours The two flavours of neurodivergent conflict: flooding (too much energy, too fast) and shutdown (the breaker tripped) plus how to easily tell them apart The checklist for each one, so you can finally name what’s happening while it’s happening Why women flood into fawning and over-explaining instead of yelling - and why we shut down while still nodding, saying “I’m fine” What’s going on between your amygdala and your prefrontal cortex that makes a pause necessary, not optional The exact line between a pause and stonewalling - same action, two completely opposite messages The Pause Protocol: name it, hold it, come back - including the one step you can never, ever skip How to regulate during a pause based on your pattern (move the energy vs. cut the input), what to do when the pause turns into an RSD spiral, and what to try if your partner won’t get on board MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free guide: How to Stop the RSD Spiral : JennaDalton.com/rsd Episode 7: How Rejection Sensitivity Hijacks Your Relationship (+ 4 Steps to Slow Its Roll) Free quiz: Is It Actually Me? : JennaDalton.com/quiz LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the woman who’s been told she stonewalls when what she was actually doing was trying not to blow up with the person she loves. Or send it to your partner and help them finally get it. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consult at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
You make it through the whole day. You're friendly with the barista. You're on in the meeting. You read the room, you smooth things over, you remember to ask your coworker about her mom. By every external measure, you're fine. Good, even. And then you walk through your own front door.... and you have absolutely nothing left. The person you love looks up and says “hey, how was your day?" and you can't even find the words. You're flat. You're quiet. You need the lights low and everyone to stop needing things from you for one merciful hour. And then they say the thing that breaks your heart: “You're so good with everyone else. You save your worst for me.” Here's what you need to know: that's not what's happening. Today I'm going to explain what masking really is, why women do so much more of it, the quiet ways it taxes your relationship, and what unmasking actually looks like with your partner. Because it's not the terrifying, all-or-nothing thing you're picturing. And that misunderstanding is exactly what keeps a lot of women masking in the one place they should finally get to put it down. IN THIS EPISODE What masking really is: the three pieces researchers break it into, in plain language Why women mask so much more, and how good-girl conditioning got bolted onto an already-overworked nervous system The come-home collapse that gets read as rejection (and why it's actually the opposite) How fawning, resentment, and the invisible mental-load quietly tax your relationship What unmasking is not (becoming a different person, trauma-dumping, losing control....) and what it actually is The real, undramatic timeline of unmasking, plus three moves for coming home as yourself MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE How to Feel Understood in Love: the free workbook that gives you and your partner the same map, so unmasking lands as trust instead of distance: JennaDalton.com/lovemap Free quiz: Is It Actually Me?: JennaDalton.com/quiz Come say hey on Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the woman who lights up for everyone else all day and comes home with nothing left (and has spent years believing that makes her a bad partner.) She needs to hear this. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This episode references the documented link between masking and mental-health risk, including suicidality. If any of this is hitting close to home for you personally, please reach out to a local crisis line or a professional you trust. This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
You've rehearsed it a hundred times. In the shower. In the car. Lying awake next to them while they sleep. "I think I'm autistic." "I think I'm ADHD." And every time you run the tape, it ends the same way: them not getting it. So you say nothing. For weeks. Months. Because telling the person you've built a life with about the most important thing you've ever understood about yourself, and having them shrug and say "Oh. Okay. What am I supposed to do with that?".... For a woman raised to keep everyone else comfortable, that's a special kind of rejection. This episode is for you if you've been sitting on your diagnosis (or your strong suspicion) because you're terrified of how it'll land. If some quiet part of you is doing the math: if I let them see the real me, will they still want her? I'll be honest. The reason this is so scary isn't that you're being dramatic. There's a good chance your partner fell in love with a version of you that took an enormous amount of energy to produce. So today I'm not just naming why this conversation is so heavy. I'm handing you the actual words to have it, plus exactly what to say when it doesn't go the way you hoped. IN THIS EPISODE: Why disclosure is so much heavier for women specifically (masking, the "good girl" conditioning, and the fawn response most of us are running without a name for it) The most common dismissive reactions, decoded, so "everyone's a little ADHD" and "you don't seem autistic" stop feeling like proof that you're too much Why a partner going quiet is usually grief, not rejection (and why misreading it makes everything worse) The double empathy problem, in plain words: why the misunderstanding was never one-directional, and never all your fault The one reframe that changes the whole conversation Six moves for the actual conversation, from picking your moment to leading with experience over the label Word-for-word scripts for when it goes sideways What to do after you disclose (when your nervous system crashes from the sheer bravery of it) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Free workbook: How to Feel Understood in Love a two-way love map, so you're not the one doing all the translating forever Free quiz: "Is It Actually Me?" figure out whether it's your wiring, your relationship, or both LOVED THIS EPISODE? Follow the show so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you're listening, and send this to the friend who's been rehearsing this conversation in the shower for months and still hasn't said a word. CONNECT: Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab In Alberta and want support having these conversations? Book a free 15-minute consult. A NOTE: The Neurodivergent Love Lab is for educational purposes and isn't a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
It's nearly midnight and you're seventeen videos deep, watching a stranger on the internet describe your entire life in a way that makes you go, "how does she know?" The way you script conversations before you have them. The way one shift in someone's tone can wreck your whole afternoon. The way you read a room before you've finished walking into it, and somehow feel like it's your fault if even one person is in a bad mood. Every single thing she says lands as "that's me." And then, about four seconds later, the second voice shows up: "oh please, everybody's like that, you're not autistic, you're not ADHD, you just want a label to feel special." The honest truth? That second voice, the one calling you a fraud, is not the voice of reason. It's the single most biased person in the room. Today I'm walking through the five researched reasons that imposter voice is so much louder for women, why being "too functional" isn't proof you're actually fine, and the difference between diagnosing yourself from a thirty-second video and getting a search term from one. Because the fear that you're faking it was never proof you're faking it. For women, it's almost a calling card of the real thing. IN THIS EPISODE The five researched reasons diagnosis imposter syndrome hits women so much harder Why "I'm too functional to be neurodivergent" might be evidence of how much it costs you to look fine, not proof that you are The difference between diagnosing yourself from TikTok and getting a search term from TikTok (and why late-identified women are the demographic the system overlooked, not trend-chasers) Whether self-identification is valid, when a formal assessment is actually worth pursuing, and why even gold-standard assessments might miss you How the doubt climbs out of your head and into your relationship, quietly filing every recurring fight under "I'm the problem" The reframe to leave with: imposter syndrome can be a sign you really are neurodivergent, not proof that you're not MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free quiz: Is It Actually Me? Twelve questions to help you see whether what you keep bumping into is your wiring, your relationship, or both together Come say hey on Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the friend who keeps saying "I think I might be ADHD or autistic, but I'm probably just making it up." She's the reason this episode exists. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
You've heard it for as long as you can remember. "You're so cold." "Why do you take everything so personally?" "Really? You're crying again?" "You're so controlling. Why can't you just go with the flow?" Cold and aloof. Then somehow, in the very same breath, too sensitive and too dramatic. You don't mean to be any of those things. You don't want to be labelled any of those things. And yet it's been the pattern your whole life, and you've never quite been able to explain why. Today, I'm going to show you the autism that hides in women. The version nobody was looking for. The you that was missed. We'll go through eight traits that get completely misread by the people closest to you, and I'll show you what's actually going on underneath, so you can finally start translating it, for yourself first, and then for your partner. Because it was never coldness, and it was never drama. It was wiring, wearing a mask nobody taught you how to take off. IN THIS EPISODE Why autism got missed in girls and women for decades, and the two contradictory stereotypes we got handed instead of trains The empathy myth, and the double empathy problem (spoiler: the misunderstanding was always a two-way street, and you've been doing the translating for both sides, alone, for years) Why info-dumping about your special interest is one of the most vulnerable bids for connection there is, and the gendered knife in being met with "yeah, sure, anyway...." Parallel play and monotropism: why being alone-together is closeness, not distance, and why your attention is a spotlight, not a floodlight Alexithymia, and why "I don't know what I feel" is not the same as "I feel nothing" (and how cruel it is to be called too emotional when the real experience was a wall of feeling you couldn't even name) Masking and the collapse that looks like withdrawal: why the mask drops at home, and why "you save your worst for me" gets the whole thing exactly backwards Sensory needs and routine: why "not tonight" was never about your partner, and why your routines are scaffolding, not control Directness, and the masking twist that turns it into an exhausting niceness where you lose the thread of what you even want MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Get the free workbook: How to Feel Understood in Love Get on the waitlist for Wired For Love to get even more support understanding how you want to be loved and how to be loved and accepted for you (not the masked you.) Come say hey on Instagram @neurodivergentlovelab LOVED THIS EPISODE? If this one felt like a warm, weighted blanket, hit follow so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send it to the woman who has spent her whole life being told she was cold and too much, and never had the words for what was actually going on. You might be handing her the key to finally understanding herself, and being understood in love. CONNECT Find me at JennaDalton.com Come say hey on Instagram @neurodivergentlovelab If you're in Alberta, book a free 15-minute consultation A NOTE The Neurodivergent Love Lab is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
You weren't the little boy bouncing off the walls. You were the one staring out the window, daydreaming. The one who waited until the last minute and still got the A. The one teachers praised for being "so bright and so well behaved." So nobody assessed you. Honestly, nobody even thought to. "She's just sensitive." "She's such a daydreamer." "She's so organized, she can't have ADHD." And now you're decades in, finally putting words to something you've carried your whole life. And underneath the relief, there's a quieter voice asking: if it was always there, why did everyone miss it? Why did I miss it? This episode is for you if you got told you were too sensitive, too scattered, too much, and not enough, all at the same time. You weren't missed because you were fine. You were missed because the checklists were built almost entirely by studying wiggly little boys, and your ADHD turned inward instead of outward. Today, I'm going to walk you through what your ADHD actually looks like, why it stayed invisible for so long, and how every one of those quiet, internal traits has been quietly shaping your relationships this whole time. And then I'm going to hand you a simple tool to start translating your wiring out loud, before it gets misread. It was never your fault. The tools just weren't built for your brain. IN THIS EPISODE: How the ADHD checklist was built around disruptive little boys, and who that template leaves out completely The distinction that changes everything What the missed traits actually look like The hyperactivity that doesn't look hyperactive at all Why emotional dysregulation and RSD are often the loudest part, even though they aren't in the formal diagnostic criteria How masking kept you off the radar, and the cruel trap inside it Why your traits genuinely shift with your hormones, premenstrually, in pregnancy and postpartum, and through perimenopause The relationship shadow of every quiet trait, and a three-step translation tool to close the gap between what you mean and how it lands MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Free quiz: Is This My Brain or My Relationship? Episode 3: The Neuroscience Of Why You Fall Hard and Then Pull Away Episode 7 and the free RSD guide (the spiral that turns a neutral comment into a catastrophe) Instagram: DM me with your questions @neurodivergentlovelab LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's next, leave a quick rating wherever you listen (it genuinely helps the show reach the people who need it), and send this one to the woman in your life who got missed too. CONNECT: Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with me: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE: This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
You were the kid who never got the memo. Everyone else seemed to know where to stand, what to do with their hands, how to slip into a conversation like it was the most natural thing in the world. You were a half-second behind - studying what to do, taking mental notes, hoping nobody would notice. And later, in relationships, you heard it again and again: "You're too much." "You're too sensitive." "You're too emotional." "Why can't you just be chill?" So you tried to bottle it up. Be cool. Act like nothing was a big deal.... when the truth was, so many things felt like a really big deal. This episode is for you if you've spent your life quietly wondering why connection seems to come easily to everyone but you (and blaming yourself for it.) Today, I'm doing something I've never done on this show: I'm telling you my own story. The summer camp where no one wanted to pair up with me. The relationships where I felt like too much. And the assessment, at 40, that finally explained who I'd been the whole time: Level 2 autism and severe ADHD. I'll walk you through what AuDHD actually is, the relief and the grief that show up together with a late diagnosis, and why understanding your wiring changes everything. Because it was never that you were bad at being a person. You were just doing it with a brain nobody ever explained to you. IN THIS EPISODE The summer-camp memory that shaped how I saw myself for decades (and why it still matters) How I went from psychology student to realizing I might be neurodivergent myself What my assessment actually revealed (and why the word "severe" caught me off guard) What AuDHD really is (and why it pulls you in two directions at once) The relief AND the grief that arrive together with a late diagnosis The everyday tools I'd been quietly building since childhood to mask executive dysfunction (spoiler: it was never laziness) The AuDHD strengths I finally stopped apologizing for: pattern recognition, deep empathy, fierce loyalty, justice sensitivity.... Why "too much" and "too sensitive" were never flaws to fix (and what they actually are) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE - Free quiz: Is This My Brain or My Relationship? LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the person in your life who's always been told they're "too much" - and is just starting to wonder if there might be another explanation. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
Your partner says, "I'm tired. Can we talk later?" Neutral words. Maybe even kind ones. But they don't land that way. They land as a personal attack. Criticism. Rejection. They don't want to be around me. I'm too much. I did something wrong. They're going to break up with me. Within seconds you're spiralling. Chest tight. Throat closing. Tears coming, or rage, or both at the same time. And the worst part? You know your partner simply said they're tired. You can see - with the logical part of your brain that's currently struggling to exist - that this isn't rejection. You're watching yourself spiral and it doesn't help. The story has already been spun. Today, I'm going to tell you what's actually happening in your brain when this happens. And it's not what you've been told. It's not you being too sensitive. It's not you choosing to take things personally. It's not something you can talk yourself out of with positive thinking or a sufficiently aggressive self-help podcast. It's a neurological pattern called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and once you understand why this happens, you have something to hold onto while the wave passes. I'm also walking you through four practical tools to interrupt the spiral when it happens, plus I'm giving you a free mini-guide to make it all easier in the moment. IN THIS EPISODE Why "just don't take it personally" is the worst advice ever given to an RSD brain The neuroscience of why mild criticism can feel physically painful Why RSD hits harder in romantic relationships than anywhere else (spoiler: it's not because something's wrong with the relationship) The "story engine": why the spiral doesn't feel like an emotional reaction, it feels like a sudden moment of clarity (and why that makes it so dangerous) Four tools that actually help interrupt the spiral What to say to your partner during a non-RSD moment so they can help you reality-check when one hits (script included) MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free RSD in Relationships mini-guide : a one-pager with the four steps you can print, save to your phone, or share with your partner Free quiz : Is This My Brain or My Relationship? LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to a partner, friend, or loved one who has ever spiralled over a perfectly neutral text and didn't know why. CONNECT WITH ME - Website: JennaDalton.com - Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab - Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
Can I be honest? Couples therapy may actually make your relationship worse. Not because the therapist isn't empathetic or skilled. Not because your partner isn't trying. But because every exercise you're given was likely designed without your unique brain in mind. "Maintain eye contact when your partner is talking." "Use 'I feel' statements in the moment." "When you go silent during a fight, that's stonewalling and it means your relationship is in a downward spiral unless you do something about it." "Assume positive intent - whenever your partner does something hurtful, assume they didn't intend to hurt you." These research-backed strategies can work incredibly well.... for neurotypical brains. If you've been in couples therapy before and left feeling like you were the problem. If you were given strategies that you tried to use and they felt like they didn't work the way they were expected to and you assumed it was your fault. This episode is for you. Today, I'm going to show you that it was never your fault. The tools just weren't built for your brain. Some of the most common couples therapy techniques quietly backfire on neurodivergent brains, and once you understand why, you can stop blaming yourself for "failing" at couples therapy. I'm also not just going to tell you what doesn't work, I'm going to share tips to help you shift common couples therapy approaches to actually work for your neurodivergent brain. IN THIS EPISODE Why some of the most common couples therapy techniques quietly fail neurodivergent couples (and what to do instead) Why eye contact is a sensory load, not a measure of love or attention What's actually happening when you can't produce an "I feel" statement on the spot (spoiler: it's not avoidance) Why "assume positive intent" can create more harm than good for neurodivergent people who have spent a lifetime doubting their own perceptions. How neurodivergent shutdown gets misdiagnosed as stonewalling, and what that label does to neurodivergent clients How to adjust the Five Love Languages to work for your sensory needs, executive function challenges, and fluctuating capacity Why the Imago dialogue can lead to more disconnection than connection for neurodivergent and mixed-neurotype couples, and how to adapt it to work with your wiring The exact questions to ask a potential couples therapist before you book the first session to ensure they are neurodivergent-affirming MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free quiz: Is This My Brain or My Relationship? JennaDalton.com/quiz Instagram: DM me with your questions @neurodivergentlovelab LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the friend or partner who has walked out of a couples therapy session feeling smaller than when they walked in. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna (Alberta-based): book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
You're in the middle of an argument, and then... you just go blank. The words are gone. Your thoughts won't line up. Your partner is still talking, still waiting, still looking at you for a response. And you're just… sitting there. Offline. You haven't left. You haven't stopped caring. But you can't move, and you can't explain that, and the longer the silence stretches the worse it looks. Later — an hour, a few hours, a day — the words finally come back. But by then your partner has already decided what your silence meant. They think you checked out. They think you don't care. And you couldn't care more. Today, I'm going to tell you exactly what happened in your brain during that moment. And it's not what you've been told. It's not stonewalling. It's not avoidance. It's not proof that you're bad at relationships. It's a nervous system doing exactly what it's wired to do under stress. And here's the part most couples therapists miss: ADHD shutdown and autistic shutdown look almost identical from the outside — but inside, they're two completely different processes. Once you can tell them apart, conflict stops feeling like it's entirely your fault and you will actually have a plan to navigate it in a way that supports your natural wiring. IN THIS EPISODE Why your brain goes offline mid-argument — and what's actually happening when it does The key differences between ADHD shutdown and autistic shutdown in conflict Why mixed-neurotype couples so often talk past each other without realizing it Why "just communicate better" sets so many neurodivergent people up to fail How to explain your unique shutdown to your partner so they hear love, not disconnection What actually helps both people feel safe enough to come back to the conversation MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free quiz: Is This My Brain or My Relationship? JennaDalton.com/quiz LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the partner, friend, or person who has shut down in a fight and never had the words to explain why. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
"You're too sensitive." "Why can't you just relax?" "You never pay attention." "You care too much about the wrong things." Too much. Not enough. At the same time. Sometimes in the same sentence. If that feeling hits home - this episode is for you. In Episode 4, Jenna goes to the heart of the neurodivergent relationship experience: the painful, exhausting, lifelong message that you're simultaneously overwhelming and inadequate. This isn't just a pattern. It's a wound. And most of us have been carrying it so long we forgot it was there - we just thought it was who we were. This episode is a little different than the first three. Less science-heavy. More personal. The one that might land on a tender spot you didn't know was still tender. Jenna walks through the four sources of the "too much/not enough" message. Why your brain isn't broken, why the system is rigged against you, and the specific neurological and social reasons this story sticks so deep for ADHD, autistic, and AuDHD adults. Then she gives you three things you can actually do with it. IN THIS EPISODE Why "too much and not enough" isn't a personality flaw - it's a wound built by accumulation The basketball-and-the-rim metaphor: how you've been measured on a scale that wasn't built for your brain The masking paradox - why the version of you that "worked" eventually exhausts you, and why your partner falls in love with the mask How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) magnifies a sigh into a verdict on your worth The accumulation effect: why one comment can hit like a thousand Three practical tools to start loosening the grip of this story - including how to separate feedback from identity, name your needs without apologizing, and build a counter-evidence file your brain can't argue with A note for partners listening - what to actually do when this episode hits your person hard MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free quiz: "Is This My Brain or My Relationship?": JennaDalton.com/quiz Send Jenna a DM on Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab CONNECT WITH JENNA Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Website: JennaDalton.com LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the partner, friend, or person who has experienced this and never known what to do with it. CONNECT Website: JennaDalton.com Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com A NOTE This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
Ranking source
Apple Podcasts rankings via the Mato Topic Intelligence Platform.
Observed September 17, 2026. Cached outside the daily freshness window; the positions keep the date they were taken on.
Apple and Apple Podcasts are trademarks of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries.
Pairs with
Bring this source into Mato to read its transferable patterns, then turn them into an original show for your own audience.