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Published by Carolyn Tate
Divorce with Carolyn is real talk for women about the hard parts of divorce and the beautiful life waiting on the other side. I've been through two divorces, spent years coaching women inside Women's Divorce Academy, and I'm here to be the divorce bestie you didn't know you needed — straight with you, cheering you on, and always bringing you back to what matters.
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Content warning: this episode discusses domestic and family violence, including deaths. There are links to support services below. If you've sat at the kitchen table late at night working out whether you can afford to leave, this episode is for you. You're not weak, and you're far from being the only one. New ABS figures put divorce near its lowest point since 1976 – in the middle of the worst cost of living stretch in a generation. That's not a sign more marriages are working. It's a sign fewer women can afford to leave. In this episode, I talk through what leaving actually costs in 2026, answer the "just leave" argument doing the rounds at the moment, and finish with three practical places you can start. Free help exists and a lot of women don't know about it – I'll tell you where to look. Support In an emergency, call: 000 (Australia) 111 (New Zealand) 999 (UK) 911 (US and Canada) 112 (Europe, and from your mobile in many other countries) Domestic and family violence support Australia: 1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732, 24 hours. Text 0458 737 732 or chat at 1800respect.org.au Australia 13YARN, 13 92 76, 24 hours, for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people New Zealand: Women's Refuge Crisis Line, 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843), 24 hours UK: National Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 2000 247, 24 hours, free Ireland: Women's Aid, 1800 341 900, 24 hours, free, with support in over 240 languages US and Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours Canada – find your nearest shelter at sheltersafe.ca Anywhere else in the world: findahelpline.com is a vetted directory of crisis lines by country. Choose yours and it will show you what's available locally, in your language. From WDA Free guide : 5 Financial Mistakes Women Make in Divorce – and what to do instead. https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/free-5-financial-mistakes Women's Divorce Academy membership – the full resource library covering property and settlement, the legal process in plain English, superannuation, parenting, work and wellbeing. $74 a month, cancel any time. Charges appear on your statement as Stellar Content Group. https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/wda-membership/ Free financial help Australia – National Debt Helpline, 1800 007 007. Free, independent, confidential financial counselling. Elsewhere, free financial counselling exists in most countries but goes by different names. Search "free financial counselling" or "free debt advice" plus your country – and look for a not-for-profit or government-funded service, not a company selling you a debt product. Free legal help Australia: Legal Aid operates in every state and territory, alongside Women's Legal Services and community legal centres. Many offer free initial family law advice. Elsewhere, search "legal aid" or "free family law advice" plus your country or region. In many places a women's legal service or community legal centre will give you a first conversation at no cost. Support for men My work at Women's Divorce Academy supports women specifically but men experience domestic and family violence too, and there are services specifically for them. Australia: MensLine Australia, 1300 78 99 78, 24 hours. Free professional counselling for men, including men experiencing family violence. UK: Men's Advice Line (Respect), 0808 801 0327. Free, and calls don't appear on itemised bills. US and Canada: The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, supports people of all genders. Australia: 1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732, is open to anyone experiencing domestic, family or sexual violence. Elsewhere: findahelpline.com will show you what's available in your country. If you're a man concerned about your own behaviour towards a partner, please seek support. In Australia the Men's Referral Service is 1300 766 491. Mentioned in this episode The data in this episode is Australian, but the pattern isn't – if you're listening from somewhere else, the equivalent research and services in your country are worth looking up. Australian Femicide Watch, Sherele Moody's project through the RED HEART Movement – https://australianfemicidewatch.org and petition for a royal commission into femicide – https://australianfemicidewatch.org/campaigns/femicide-royal-commission/ Leaving Violence Program – https://leavingviolenceprogram.org.au Anglicare Sydney, Cost of Leaving report 2026 – https://assets.anglicare.org.au/asset/52433ada-8ada-4ee4-b0bc-73a5c3d2bc9a/cost-of-leaving-report-2026.pdf ABS, Marriages and Divorces, Australia, 2025 – https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/marriages-and-divorces-australia/latest-release University of Sydney, soaring house prices and divorce – https://www.sydney.edu.au/news-opinion/news/2025/07/15/soaring-house-prices-may-be-locking-people-into-marriages-new-research-shows.html ANROWS, the facts about intimate partner homicide – https://www.anrows.org.au/publication/domestic-and-family-violence-lethality-the-facts-about-intimate-partner-homicide-html/ National Legal Aid (Australia), find your state or territory service – https://www.nationallegalaid.org Find A Helpline, crisis support directory by country – https://findahelpline.com Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
This week, Carolyn sits down with Sharon Collon from The Functional Family to talk about parenting through separation when ADHD is part of the picture – whether that's your child's, your own, or both. Sharon breaks down why transitions between two households cost the ADHD brain more than our neurotypical cousins, and shares tools you can use straight away: a "circular to-do list" that gives kids a visual path back to safety, a family meeting format that runs over dinner instead of turning into a toilet-roll witch hunt, and a reframe of rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Carolyn and Sharon also talk about what happens when a child comes home dysregulated after time with the other parent, and how to build systems that hold up on your worst day – not just your best one. Key takeaways Kids with ADHD often experience time as "now" and "not now" rather than a clear sequence – visual planners and wall calendars make transitions concrete. A "circular to-do list" gives kids a visual path back to the safety of home, rather than a string of instructions to remember. Family meetings work best short, low-pressure, and paired with an activity – like decorating pizza over dinner – rather than a serious sit-down. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) means divorce is more likely to land as rejection – naming it takes some of the sting out, for kids and adults. Small, predictable anchors – a goodnight ritual, a private hug signal, a proper welcome home – do more for a child's sense of security than long conversations. If a child regularly comes home dysregulated after time at the other parent's house, build in decompression time first: food, quiet, low demands, no big questions. New systems need the child's buy-in, real simplicity, and around twelve weeks of consistent practice alongside a parent before they stick for an ADHD brain. Links Free guide to talking to your children about your separation or divorce: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/free-what-to-say-to-your-kids Free training in September – The ADHD Family System – www.thefunctionalfamily.com/system Further resources ADDitude – Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD , by William Dodson, M.D. Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Starting or rebuilding a business while your marriage is ending sounds like the worst possible timing – but for business mentor Karen Dennett, it was exactly when things started looking up. In this conversation, Karen and Carolyn talk about what it actually takes to build something of your own when you’re low on money, energy and self-belief. You’ll walk away knowing how to work out the lifestyle you want and cost it honestly, how to bootstrap lean without a fancy website, why passive income is possible but never as easy as Instagram promises, and how to keep going on the flat days. Most of all, you’ll hear why the right business friendships – women who get it and genuinely have your back – can make a massive difference. Key takeaways Start with the life you want, then build the business to fit it – not the other way around. Cost your real lifestyle, then check it against your capacity and pricing. You can bootstrap from the ground up. A social media page and a simple way to book can be enough to begin – you don’t need the full bells-and-whistles website. Passive income is possible but not easy. It needs an audience who know, like and trust you – the content is the small part. If you need to take a job to pay the bills, take it. Financial safety helps you make better business decisions and calms the panic. Pausing is not quitting. You’re allowed to pause, pivot and try something different. Find business friends, not just networking contacts – women who understand both the work and the season you’re in. So many women underprice and over-deliver because they don’t yet see their own value. Naming your impact changes that. Links and resources Karen Dennett: https://www.karendennett.com/ Before You Agree to Anything – the financial toolkit for property settlement: https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/know-before-you-sign The Separated Mother's Toolkit: https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/separated-mothers-toolkit/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Charu Moorjani had everything she thought she was supposed to want. Married at 23, on the right life path, ticking all the boxes in the right order. But on day one of her honeymoon, her body gave her a message she couldn't ignore — she was admitted to ICU in Macau with Guillain-Barré syndrome, a life-threatening immune system disorder that left her on a ventilator for a month. She went on to stay in the marriage for four more years. Until she couldn't. In this episode, Charu shares about what it means to stop outsourcing your happiness, the difference between a scripted life and a lived one, and what she now calls "a softer kind of joy." We also get into self-trust, boundaries as a happiness practice, and why your body might know what your mind isn't ready to admit yet. This one is for any woman who has ever built a life for an audience — and is starting to wonder what it might look like if she built it just for her instead. In this episode: The "scripted life" – and why ticking boxes doesn't deliver happiness What Guillain-Barré syndrome on her honeymoon taught Charu about control, stillness and what actually matters Cultural and family pressure to conform – and how it silenced her What the early days of separation actually looked like, and why small routines saved her The confidence that came immediately after leaving – and why it surprised her A softer kind of joy – what it means and where happiness actually lives Boundaries as a happiness practice, not just self-protection Practising "no" in the mirror – and why it works Gratitude as a daily doorway to joy Values alignment – and why Carolyn gets every WDA member to do a values exercise first Resources mentioned: Charu's book: The Happiness Pathway: When Life Unravels, Weave Yourself a Softer Kind of Joy — https://thehappinesspathway.com/shop Women's Divorce Academy membership: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program The link between stress and autoimmune disorders in women: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7292717/ Connect with Charu: https://www.instagram.com/thehappinesspathway/ Connect with Carolyn: Instagram @womensdivorceacademy | womensdivorceacademy.com Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Angela knew her marriage was over long before either of them did anything about it. What followed – infidelity, separation, court proceedings, full-time sole parenting in a regional town on a very low income – was by any measure a brutal few years. What she built on the other side of it is extraordinary. In this episode, Angela shares her story honestly and without filter — the dark days, the therapy (nearly two years of weekly sessions), the anxiety and depression she's open about, the boundaries she had to learn to hold, and the moment she stopped waiting for someone to save her and decided to save herself. She's now a buyer's agent, and she brings all of that experience to this conversation. We cover: - What Angela's marriage breakdown really looked like – and the weight of holding it together for years before it ended - How she got through the dark early days of separation - The role of therapy and boundaries in rebuilding her life - How she fell into a career as a buyer's agent and why it was the right fit - What a buyer's agent does — and why the seller's agent is not working in your interest - A woman who knows her numbers controls her future – what that actually means - Credit card limits and car loans – how hidden debt affects your borrowing capacity - The stepping stone property mindset for women rebuilding after divorce - Why she took the word "just" out of her vocabulary – and why you should too - Mental health, medication, and removing the shame from both If you're wondering whether you'll ever be financially okay again – this episode is for you. --- Links mentioned: Financial clarity toolkit – https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/know-before-you-sign/ Angela's business Oasis Buyer's Agent – https://oasisbuyersagent.com.au/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Download your FREE Child Support Paper Trail guide: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/child-support-paper-trail If you've ever felt like the child support system isn't working — you're not imagining it. In this episode, I'm joined by Crystal Paduch, founder of Child Support Consultants and a former Services Australia child support caseworker, to talk through exactly how the system works, where it falls short, and what you can do about it. We cover: - Your two main options when you separate: binding child support agreement vs registering with Services Australia - Why your ex saying "let's keep it friendly" might actually be a massive red flag - What happens when a self-employed ex declares very little (or zero) income - How to apply for a change of assessment and what evidence to provide - The three-stage review process: change of assessment → objection → Administrative Review Tribunal - The $2 billion in unpaid child support on the system and what the 2026–27 budget is doing about it - What's changing from July 2027 that will help women share evidence more safely I also share my own experience going through an objection process — and why it wore me out even as someone who works in this space. Links mentioned in the podcast: Child Support Consultants (Crystal Paduch's support service for parents): https://childsupportconsultants.com.au/ Services Australia Child Support online calculator: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/child-support-estimator Commonwealth Ombudsman report on the child support scheme (2024–25): https://www.ombudsman.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0022/318460/Weaponising-Child-Support-when-the-system-fails-families.pdf Administrative Review Tribunal: https://www.art.gov.au Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Patricia left her marriage with a washing machine, a toddler, and a baby on the way - with no family nearby or government support - and built a life from there that she never thought possible. Patricia is the author of The Pleasure Lit Way, and in this episode she talks about leaving, rebuilding, and what it actually means to feel safe in your own body. We talk about the domestic violence cycle Patricia lived inside for years, the moment she knew she had to leave, and how she went from feeling completely disconnected from her body to building a life around somatic pleasure. Key takeaways: - The domestic violence cycle - honeymoon, tension, explosion, apology - tends to get worse over time, with the good periods getting shorter - Safety in the nervous system has to come before pleasure - you can't access one without the other - Somatic pleasure is about being present in everyday moments, not just intimacy - A "pleasure menu" - a written list of small and big things that bring you joy - is a simple way to start reconnecting - Letting yourself fully feel a difficult emotion, rather than suppressing it, can lead somewhere unexpected Links mentioned : - Download your own Pleasure Menu here - The Pleasure Lit Way by Patricia - Pleasurelit Support resources : This episode includes discussion of domestic violence. If you need support: - 1800RESPECT (Australia) — 1800 737 732, available 24/7 - Lifeline Australia — 13 11 14 - If you're outside Australia, search for your local domestic violence helpline, or contact emergency services if you're in immediate danger Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Sarah Gallucci gave up her journalism career at 24, became the primary parent, and spent 13 years holding everything together in a marriage that looked fine from the outside. Her body knew it was over long before she did — she just kept overriding the signals. In this conversation, Sarah talks about what it actually feels like to disappear inside a marriage, the $30,000 collaborative divorce that was slowly bleeding her dry, how she turned it around with a $4,000 mediation she came to absolutely prepared, and the slow, beautiful process of falling back in love with herself — through herbs, gardening, her Sicilian roots, and one Beyoncé lyric she held onto through all of it. Key takeaways: Your body is telling you something . Relief when your partner leaves the room, tension you carry everywhere, not being able to sleep next to them — that's not you being dramatic. That's information. "He's a good person" isn't always enough . Not being seen, carrying the whole mental load, having your needs constantly minimised — these things erode a marriage just as surely as the more obvious stuff. Collaborative divorce only works if both people are actually collaborating . If you're the one keeping things nice while the other person takes advantage of the softness, it will cost you. Come to mediation prepared . Know your numbers, know what you deserve and why. Sarah walked in with statistics and a clear position — and it changed everything. Staying together for the kids isn't the protection we think it is . Children are more harmed by living in a high-conflict household than by their parents separating. Recovery takes longer than anyone tells you — and that's okay . It was three and a half years before Sarah felt truly grounded. Be patient with yourself. Links mentioned: Join Women's Divorce Academy program Separation Triage - DM "Triage" to us on Instagram @womensdivorceacademy or email hello@womensdivorceacademy for more details Laid: A Memoir of Love, Sex, and Marriage by Sarah Gallucci To Be Magnetic — https://tobemagnetic.com (the journaling and manifestation work Sarah credits with helping her get clarity) Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Trigger warning : This episode contains discussion of domestic and family violence, including coercive controlling behaviour. Support is available - links below. Ex-detective Anthony Macklin has seen it all – burner phones hidden behind lounge furniture, spy apps that disappear from your screen but keep recording, tracking devices in children's teddy bears. In this episode, he breaks down how surveillance and stalking happen during separation, the signs to watch for, what Australian law actually says, and the practical steps every woman should take to protect herself before and after leaving. This is a conversation every woman going through separation needs to hear – especially if you think it could never happen to you. Important : If you feel unsafe at any time, call 000 in Australia; 911 in the US, and 999 in the UK. (Call your local emergency number if you're outside of those areas.) It's better to feel foolish than it is to be even slightly at risk. That's what emergency services are for. In this episode How common surveillance becomes during separation – and why it doesn't only happen in obviously controlling relationships The technology being used: spy apps, dash cams, vehicle tracking, burner phones, hidden cameras, and more The signs you might be being tracked (including signs that have nothing to do with technology) The "Trojan horse" — what to check when your kids come back from your ex's place What to do if you suspect your phone has been compromised What the law says about surveillance (and what is okay and not okay if you're keeping tabs of your ex) How to build a credible evidence record What to set up before you leave: safe devices, safe accounts, safe network Resources and support 1800RESPECT (national, 24/7): 1800 737 732; https://1800respect.org.au/ Emergency: 000 Anthony Macklin / Rampart Consulting: https://rampart.com.au/ Services Australia (family payments, child care subsidy): servicesaustralia.gov.au Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Psychologist Dr Marny Lishman on why being alone is an unexpected gift – and why the messy middle of healing does the real work. Alone and lonely get treated as though they mean the same thing. They don't. In this episode, I sit down with psychologist Dr Marny Lishman to talk about her new book, Only You: The Unexpected Gift of Being Alone. We unpack why so many of us rush from one relationship straight into the next, what the messy middle of healing really asks of us, and how time alone reconnects you with the person you were before you started contorting yourself to fit someone else's life. It's a warm, honest conversation about grief, growth, fixing your own toilet seat, and learning that a partner should be a bonus in a full life – never a gap to fill. Key takeaways Alone and lonely are not the same thing. You can feel deeply lonely inside a relationship, and content on your own. Grief often starts well before a relationship formally ends, which makes the ending slow and complicated. There's no set timeline for healing, but rushing into the next relationship tends to bury feelings that resurface later. The messy middle – unravelling who you were – is the part most people skip, and it's the part that does the real work. A good therapist holds space, challenges you, and hands you tools your friends can't. Once the stress settles, your brain starts telling you what you actually need – which might be your career, a hobby or an unlived life, not dating. Doing hard, practical things, from fixing the toilet seat to a trip to Bunnings, builds real capability and self-trust. Travelling alone, journaling and reading other people's real stories help you hear your own voice again. A partner should add to a full life, not fill a gap in an empty one. Complete yourself first. You're not alone in being alone. Plenty of people have come out the other side better off. Links Only You: The Unexpected Gift of Being Alone – https://www.marnylishman.com.au/books Dr Marny Lishman – https://www.marnylishman.com.au/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Ten years ago, Carrie left a 16-year marriage. She had three young daughters, no certainty about what came next, and a question she couldn't shake: Am I allowed to do this? Ten years on, her daughters have told her they're glad she left. And she describes her post-divorce life as her best years. In this conversation, Carrie shares the moment she knew, the financial mistakes she wishes she'd avoided, the co-parenting reframe that changed everything, and what life after divorce actually looks like when you come out the other side. Key takeaways: The exhale moment is information. If life feels measurably easier when your partner isn't there, that feeling is worth paying attention to. Superannuation must be requested – it will not be offered automatically. If you took time out of the workforce to raise children, you are likely entitled to a share of your partner's super. One hour with a family law specialist before you agree to anything can change everything. Carrie paid around $200 and walked away knowing her position. Stop trying to be friends with someone who isn't capable of it. The reframe that works: polite business partner. Civil, boundaried, strictly about the kids. Your children are watching – and they notice when the tension lifts. Links mentioned: Before You Agree to Anything toolkit —https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/know-before-you-sign/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Your divorce doesn't have to become trauma. That's not a platitude – it's something somatic therapist Natalia Rachel can explain precisely, and it changes everything about how you approach recovery. Natalia draws a clear line between distress – what's happening to you right now – and trauma, which is what happens when a past experience of threat keeps living in you long after it's over. The difference comes down to one thing: whether you had safe, supportive people around you while you were going through it. In this episode, we cover: Why rage is not your enemy – and how expressing it safely transforms it into power What somatic therapy actually is, and how to start gently without it feeling overwhelming Why your nervous system is wiser than you think about the timing of your own healing How to date again after divorce without falling into the traps that keep women stuck Natalia speaks from both clinical expertise and lived experience – she went through her own divorce nearly nine years ago while living as an expat in Singapore with a company to run and two young children. She knows this territory from the inside. LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE About Natalia Rachel Website: nataliarachel.com Instagram: @natalia_rachel_change Book — Why Am I Like This? : penguin.com.au The Felt Sense — free somatic meditations on Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/12eafp2M1ldBk4qsSeKBaG Resources mentioned Gottman Institute Feelings Wheel: gottman.com APS Find a Psychologist: psychology.org.au If you need support Beyond Blue: beyondblue.org.au — 1300 22 4636 Relationships Australia: relationships.org.au — 1300 364 277 Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Building a support network during divorce isn't optional – it's infrastructure. In this conversation, Carolyn talks with her close friend Gillian about the real art of asking for help: why it feels so hard, how to do it practically, and who belongs in your support team – both personally and professionally. Gillian shares her own experience navigating an unexpected separation, building a network of friends, neighbours, and professionals, and why getting a lawyer and a psychologist on board early made all the difference. Honest, warm, and grounded in lived experience. Key takeaways: Asking for help feels harder than receiving it – but the people around you want to help. Give them something specific to do. Your executive functioning is genuinely impaired during the early stages of separation. A support network isn't self-indulgent; it's necessary. Start with what's close: neighbours, school parents, and anyone with proximity to your daily life can help with practical logistics. Your professional team matters too – a lawyer, a psychologist, and your GP each play a distinct role, and getting them in place early is worth it. Not all support is equal – some people will fuss unhelpfully, others will bring judgment. Know who your trusted people are, and redirect the rest. Even a small network can grow quickly in acute emotional times. Friendships formed during this period are often among the most enduring. Building your support network isn't a luxury. It's the infrastructure that carries you through. Helpful links : Mental Health Treatment Plans (Australia): https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/mental-health-care-and-medicare Coping with divorce (mental health tips): https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/coping-with-divorce-or-breakup Women's Legal Service (Qld - google for similar services in your area): https://wlsq.org.au/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Alyssa thought she'd married the love of her life. What she didn't know was that her husband had been deceiving her in almost every way imaginable - an affair, gambling debts, drug use, and lies that unravelled her entire sense of reality. When he told Alyssa he wanted a divorce, she was completely blindsided. What followed was one of the hardest seasons of her life. Severe anxiety and depression. Months of barely functioning. And the slow, painful work of rebuilding herself from the ground up. In this episode, Alyssa shares the real story of how she got through it - the therapy, the medication, the army of support, the comfort TV, and the one decision that changed everything. She talks about solo travel as a path to rediscovering herself, what she learned about trust and red flags when she started dating again, and how she went on to double her salary, remarry a genuinely kind man, and build a life she never could have imagined. This is the episode to share with a friend who has just been blindsided. It's honest, it's warm, and it's living proof that the other side exists - and it's even better than you might have hoped. Links Mentioned - G Adventures (group travel for solo travellers): gadventures.com - Wi-Fi Tribe (remote work travel community): wifitribe.co If You Need Mental Health Support Through A Tough Time Don't Hesitate To Contact: - Beyond Blue - Anxiety and Depression Support (Australia): beyondblue.org.au - Lifeline Australia (24/7 crisis support): lifeline.org.au Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
In this special episode, Carolyn is joined by her 21-year-old son Connor for an honest, warm, and sometimes confronting conversation about what it's really like to grow up through parental separation. Connor experienced two of Carolyn's separations – at age two and age twelve – and shares what helped, what didn't, and what he wishes had been done differently. An important listen for any parent worried about what divorce is doing to their children. Key Takeaways Divorce is not inherently damaging – but children are far more perceptive than parents often realise. They can feel tension and unhappiness even without words for it. What children absorb from the relationship they witness matters. The dynamics they grow up around quietly shape their own relationship patterns. Consistency and communication – within your own home, and with your children – are the two most important factors in helping children through separation. Parallel parenting is a valid and supported option when co-parenting communication is difficult. Keeping an open channel with your children is what matters most. Listening to your children – even when it's uncomfortable – is more important than keeping up appearances of neutrality. They need to feel they aren't alone in their feelings. Links and Resources Mentioned Women's Divorce Academy membership: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program Kids Helpline: kidshelp.com.au Raising Children Network: raisingchildren.net.au Australian Psychological Society — Find a Psychologist: psychology.org.au/find-a-psychologist Relationships Australia: relationships.org.au Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Ever stared at a pile of financial documents and felt completely out of your depth? Me too – but Julie Garis is here to help. Julie is a forensic accountant who specialises in helping women navigate the financial side of separation and property settlement. Julie has been through divorce herself – and she brings both professional expertise and lived experience to everything she does. We cover what she actually does (and how it's different from what your lawyer does), the financial red flags to watch for, what to do if you suspect your ex isn't disclosing everything, and why 'fair' might not be the right thing to aim for – and what question to ask instead. Key takeaways The earlier you get organised, the better. Arriving at your lawyer's office prepared (with a relationship timeline, asset list, and key financial documents) can save you significant legal fees. Business structures, crypto, undisclosed accounts and gambling are among the most common financial issues she encounters - and she shares what to do in those circumstances. 'Fair' is rarely how property settlement feels for either party. The better question is: can I live with this outcome? Financial clarity after settlement can be life-changing – many women discover their own competence with money for the first time. Resources mentioned Julies' free First Steps: Financial Settlement Preparation checklist – https://www.simplesplitfinancials.com.au/checklist Naomi Holmes – women's financial literacy – listen to our podcast with Naomi in episode 1 Women's Divorce Academy membership – womensdivorceacademy.com Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
If you're going through separation or divorce right now, this episode is for you. After seven years running Women's Divorce Academy and walking alongside over 800 women, I've seen the same 5 mistakes come up again and again – not because women aren't smart or capable, but because nobody tells them this stuff. In this episode I name each one clearly, explain why it happens, and share exactly what to do instead. KEY TAKEAWAYS Getting independent legal advice early – even just one consultation – can change everything. Keeping things 'nice' is not the same as keeping things functional. You're allowed to have needs in this process. Equal and fair are not the same thing. 50/50 is not automatically the right outcome. Rushing to settle can cost you. Taking time to understand your situation leads to better decisions. Children are not primarily damaged by separation – they're damaged by sustained conflict. Having at least one stable, loving parent is what matters most. RESEARCH MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Amato, P.R. & Keith, B. (1991). Parental divorce and the well-being of children: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 110(1), 26–46. Arcangeli et al. (2024). Does Time Heal All Wounds? Journal of Happiness Studies. University of South Australia & University of Adelaide. doi.org/10.1007/s10902-024-00853-5 Clark & Georgellis, Kingston University London — 20-year longitudinal study, 10,000 participants. Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Carolyn speaks with clinical nutritionist Susie Allen about what divorce and chronic stress actually do to your body – and what you can do about it. Susie draws on her own experience of two divorces and her clinical work to explain how the nervous system responds to prolonged pressure, why so many women find themselves wired but exhausted, and how simple nutritional choices can help break that cycle. We talk about adrenaline and fight-or-flight, the gut-brain axis, protein at breakfast, resistant starch (and how potatoes can actually be your friend OMG), sleep disruption, alcohol, and quick meals for when you're running on empty. Key takeaways Running on adrenaline depletes magnesium, B vitamins, and the building blocks for key neurotransmitters Protein at breakfast – within 30 to 60 minutes of waking, before coffee – sends a safety signal to your nervous system Cooking potatoes, rice, and pasta the day before and refrigerating overnight converts them to resistant starch – better for your gut and absorbed differently Late-night sugar and alcohol spike cortisol, disrupting sleep and contributing to the 3am wake-up (booooo!) Morning sunlight triggers the melatonin cycle and supports better evening sleep Guest Susie Allen — Nutritionist, Your Vitality Nutrition Website: www.yourvitalitynutrition.com.au Instagram & Facebook: @yourvitalitynutrition Ebook: Suddenly Single: https://yourvitalitynutrition.thrivecart.com/suddenly-single-ebook/ Resources mentioned Susie's ebook: Suddenly Single – https://yourvitalitynutrition.thrivecart.com/suddenly-single-ebook/ (or FREE inside the Women's Divorce Academy membership – www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program) Wholesomeness (Queensland, Northern NSW, Sydney, Melbourne) – wholesomeness.com.au Youfoodz – https://www.youfoodz.com/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
If you've ever felt completely wired at 2am, unable to make decisions, or like you're operating purely on adrenaline – this episode is for you. I'm joined by my brilliant friend Danielle Colley – integrative life coach and author, and someone who has walked this divorce road herself – to talk about what's actually happening to your nervous system during separation, why sleep feels impossible, how to parent through the fog, and what consistently moves women from survival mode to steadier ground. Key Takeaways Your nervous system responds to divorce as though it's life-threatening danger because uncertainty activates the threat response Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are all normal responses to separation stress Sleep disruption happens because your brain has nothing to do at night but worry – cortisol and adrenaline don't know it's bedtime The 'brain soup' technique – simply writing down everything in your head – can significantly reduce overnight spiralling You don't have to pretend to be fine in front of your children; age-appropriate honesty often brings you closer together Signs that you may need additional support: disengagement, inability to get out of bed, prolonged numbness or heightened emotion Three daily practices that move the needle: consistent sleep, a gratitude practice, and regular moments of pause Breathwork, somatic therapy, and EMDR can all help when talk therapy isn't enough The question 'What do I want?' eventually becomes available – and it's worth having a list ready when it does Resources Mentioned Lifeline: 13 11 14 — lifeline.org.au 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 — 1800respect.org.au Relationships Australia: 1300 364 277 — relationships.org.au Martin Seligman's gratitude research — positivepsychology.com About Danielle Colley Danielle Colley is an integrative life coach and author who works with women navigating major life transitions. She brings both professional training and personal lived experience to her work. You can find her at https://daniellecolley.com.au/ Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
What if your divorce came without any shame at all? Not less shame – no shame? For most women, that question feels almost impossible to answer. In this episode, Carolyn explores the deep cultural, historical and personal roots of divorce shame, what the research says about how women's lives improve after separation, and four grounded ways to start loosening shame's grip. Plus a simple journalling exercise you can try tonight. Warm, honest, and evidence-backed. Key takeaways Shame doesn't start at divorce – it activates something already present from cultural and personal conditioning. Women internalise relationship breakdowns far more than men, and research confirms this has measurable effects on mental health and self-esteem. A 20-year Kingston University study found women report significant increases in contentment and life satisfaction for up to five years after divorce. 100% of Women's Divorce Academy members surveyed (separated 12+ months) said they were happier after divorce. Shame can't survive being spoken aloud to one safe person — connection is the antidote. Patterns in your relationship history are not proof that something is intrinsically wrong with you. They reflect what you learned and believed you deserved — and that can change. A simple journalling exercise can help you examine and dismantle shame gently over time. Resources mentioned Books The Wife Drought — Annabel Crabb Daring Greatly — Brené Brown Self Help — Gabby Bernstein Research BMC Psychology — Self-Stigma and Mental Health in Divorced Single-Parent Women Kingston University 20-year study — ScienceDaily report Meditation Insight Timer — free app Sarah Blondin on Insight Timer Tara Brach on Insight Timer Mental health support (Australia) Mental health treatment plan — Healthdirect Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
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