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Published by Dr. Kevin Skinner
Rise is a podcast for anyone navigating the devastating impact of sexual betrayal. Season one, hosted by Dr. Kevin Skinner , Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, alongside MaryAnn Michaelis , Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, brings together over 50 years of combined professional and personal experience to offer hope, direction, and healing. Season two, hosted by MaryAnn Michaelis features weekly conversations with leading betrayal trauma experts exploring personal and clinical experience and observations, tools and resources for stabilizing, then thriving in post traumatic betrayal growth. Each episode blends research, clinical expertise, and real-life experience to address the most pressing questions betrayed partners face: Am I going to be okay? Why does my mind keep racing? Can I ever trust again? How do I make sense of the shattering that just happened? Listeners will gain: Validation that what they’re experiencing is real and normal. Practical tools like grounding techniques and emotional regulation exercises. Research-backed insights from studies with thousands of betrayed partners. Guidance for couples seeking to rebuild trust and safety after betrayal. Hope-filled stories that remind you healing is possible—one step, one breath at a time. Whether you’ve just discovered betrayal or are months or years into your healing journey, Rise offers a safe place to learn, reflect, and gather the tools needed to rebuild your life and reclaim your sense of self. To learn more and access additional resources, visit humanintimacy.com/reclaim .
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After sexual betrayal, your body can react before your conscious mind has time to understand what is happening. A smell, a phrase, a look, a partner's behavior, or even a subtle shift in someone's expression can suddenly leave you flooded, hypervigilant, or convinced that something is wrong. But how do you know whether you're experiencing a trauma trigger—or a genuine warning sign? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, for a conversation about learning to understand what your body is communicating after betrayal. Your nervous system is designed to detect danger and protect you. After betrayal, however, that system can become highly sensitive. Sometimes your body is responding to a real pattern in the present. Other times, it may be recognizing something that resembles a painful experience from the past and sounding the alarm—even when you are safe right now. The goal isn't to ignore your gut. And it isn't to assume that every feeling of danger means something is wrong. The work is learning to slow down, listen, become curious, and fact-check what you're experiencing. In this episode, MaryAnn and Kris explore: Why betrayal can make you question whether you can trust anyone—including yourself The difference between a trauma trigger and an observable warning sign Why seemingly insignificant sensory experiences, such as a smell, can activate an intense trauma response How your body can detect information before you consciously understand what you're sensing Why some triggers are connected to actual patterns in a partner's behavior How to recognize the difference between a familiar trauma response and something happening in the present Why our bodies don't always communicate in words—and why finding language for our experiences matters How trusted friends, therapists, and groups can help us make sense of what we're feeling Using body awareness and body scanning to identify emotions and sensations How curiosity and compassion can replace self-condemnation and self-blame The ways we may have learned to override our own instincts How journaling can help put words and meaning to experiences that initially exist primarily in the body How parts work and IFS can help us understand the different parts of ourselves responding to betrayal Why slowing down can help us respond according to our values instead of reacting from trauma Why healing includes learning to listen to yourself without automatically believing or dismissing every signal Why this deeper work may not be appropriate immediately after discovery—and why early betrayal trauma requires a different kind of care What if my body is wrong? One of the most important ideas in this conversation is that a body response is information, not necessarily a conclusion. Your nervous system may be telling you, Something isn't safe. Instead of immediately dismissing that message—or immediately acting on it—you can begin to ask: What am I noticing? Where do I feel it in my body? Have I experienced this sensation before? Is there an observable pattern happening right now? Am I responding to what is happening in this moment, or to something my brain remembers from before? This process can create space between the alarm and the reaction. From self-condemnation to curiosity Betrayal can leave you questioning your own judgment: How did I not know? Why didn't I listen to my gut? How could I have been so wrong? But healing isn't about blaming yourself for what you didn't know. MaryAnn and Kris discuss shifting from condemnation to curiosity and compassion—learning to look at your experiences with enough kindness to understand what happened, rather than using hindsight to punish yourself. Because the goal isn't to become someone who never gets triggered. The goal is to become someone who can notice what is happening, understand it, and choose how to respond. A reminder for those who are newly betrayed If you have just discovered a betrayal, you may not be ready for this work yet—and that's okay. When your world has just been shattered, your job may simply be to survive, find safety, and get support. The ability to slow down and carefully distinguish triggers from warnings is often a later-stage healing skill. You don't have to figure everything out today. Healing takes time. And as you heal, you can begin to develop a different relationship with yourself—one where you can listen to your body, question your interpretations without dismissing yourself, and make decisions from greater clarity rather than fear and reactivity. You are not broken because your body is trying to protect you. Sometimes it is telling you about the present. Sometimes it is remembering the past. Healing is learning how to listen. About Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT Kris Cristiano is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist who specializes in sexual betrayal, infidelity, trauma, and relationship recovery. She works with individuals and couples navigating the aftermath of betrayal and incorporates trauma-focused approaches into her work. About MaryAnn Michaelis, LICSW, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT MaryAnn Michaelis is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist. She specializes in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, trauma, PTSD, and relationship healing and is the host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal. If this episode was helpful, please subscribe, rate, and share Rise with someone who may need to hear that they don't have to walk the journey of betrayal recovery alone.
Hijacked by Betrayal Trauma? How to Interrupt the Cycle & Create a New Baseline with Brett Judd, LCSW (Rise 2:35) *Note: This episode includes helpful visuals - For the full experience, check it out on YouTube Have you ever been triggered by something your partner said, did, or didn’t do—and suddenly felt like you were no longer in control of your response? You may know logically that your reaction seems bigger than the moment, but your body is already on high alert. You’re anxious, angry, hypervigilant, overwhelmed, or shutting down before you even have time to think. In this episode of RISE, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by licensed clinical social worker and hypnotherapist Brett Judd to explore what happens in the brain and body when betrayal trauma triggers hijack our ability to think clearly and respond intentionally. Brett explains the emotional arousal cycle and how trauma and repeated experiences can create a new baseline—one where the brain becomes primed to anticipate danger, even when we desperately want safety and connection. For betrayed partners, this can help explain why hypervigilance, overthinking, emotional reactivity, anxiety, withdrawal, and shutdown can feel so automatic. But understanding the cycle is only the beginning. This conversation focuses on where we can interrupt the cycle and how repeated interruptions can begin to create a new baseline. You’ll learn how to: • Recognize when you are being hijacked by a trigger • Understand what is happening in your brain and body during emotional arousal • Recognize why your reactions may feel automatic rather than conscious • Understand how past experiences can create new emotional baselines • See a trigger as information rather than an instruction to act • Use curiosity to create space between a trigger and your response • Notice what your body is telling you when your thinking brain isn't fully online • Use simple questions to understand what is happening underneath your reaction • Recognize when “I don't know” may mean your logical brain has gone offline • Interrupt the emotional arousal cycle • Develop a plan for what you can do differently the next time you're triggered • Begin expanding your window of tolerance • Repeatedly practice new responses that can help create a new baseline One of the most powerful ideas in this conversation is that a trigger is information—not an instruction to act. The goal isn't to never be triggered again. Betrayal trauma recovery isn't about eliminating every difficult emotion or reaction. The goal is to recognize the hijack, understand what is happening, create a pause, and learn to respond differently. Over time, those new responses can begin to change the baseline your brain has learned to expect. If you've ever wondered, “Why do I keep reacting this way?” or “Why does my body respond before I can even think?”, this episode offers a framework for understanding the cycle—and practical ways to begin changing it. About Brett Judd Brett Judd is a licensed clinical social worker and hypnotherapist practicing in Southeast Idaho. He has approximately 30 years of experience in personal change and development, with a focus on trauma, the brain, emotional arousal, and the behavioral patterns that develop in response to trauma. To access the emotional arousal cycle Brett shares, use this link: https://app.steadytide.com/j1.pl?ea9831ceeb6281c36f8979caaf80c83330c18597895ff4df5a5840bbabacf3d2 Brett also creates hypnosis resources focused on sleep, relaxation, emotional processing, and letting go. Find Brett's Hypnotherapy Resources at @BrettJuddHypnotherapy, including resources focused on deep sleep, relaxation, emotional processing, and letting go. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoLr-X9l-0Bh91otlaDKSYg A reminder from MaryAnn: Healing is a journey. Give yourself compassion as you learn to understand your responses, interrupt old patterns, and create new ones.
The 3-Step Superpower You Already Have: How IFS Can Help You Heal from Betrayal Trauma with Jenna Riemersma What if you already have an internal resource that can help you navigate the anger, confusion, hypervigilance, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm that can come with betrayal trauma? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, talks with Jenna Riemersma, CSAT supervisor, IFS Certified Therapist, and IFS Clinical Consultant, about Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, betrayal trauma, nervous system regulation, self-compassion, and healing after sexual betrayal. When you've experienced betrayal, it can feel like you're at war with yourself. One part of you may want to leave. Another may desperately want connection. One part may rage, while another shuts down. You may find yourself researching, monitoring, people-pleasing, threatening to leave, forgiving too quickly, or struggling with behaviors that don't seem consistent with who you are. Jenna explains why these seemingly conflicting responses can actually make sense through the lens of IFS and trauma. Rather than judging or fighting against the parts of ourselves we don't like, IFS invites us to approach them with curiosity and compassion—and discover what they're trying to protect, what they need, and how we can respond differently. In this episode, you'll learn: • What Internal Family Systems (IFS) is and how "parts" develop • Why betrayal trauma can make you feel like you're at war with yourself • What IFS means by Self with a capital S • How trauma can burden parts of us with shame, fear, anger, and beliefs like "I'm not enough" • Why some parts become managers while others react through anger, compulsive behaviors, dissociation, shutdown, or people-pleasing • Why you can desperately want connection one moment and want to run the next • How different parts interact with the nervous system during betrayal trauma • The connection between IFS, fight-or-flight, shutdown, and nervous system regulation • Why understanding a part does not mean excusing harmful behavior • How self-leadership can help you make wiser decisions about boundaries and relationships • Why fighting, shaming, or rejecting parts of yourself can make healing more difficult • How IFS can help you approach the question, "Do I stay or do I go?" • Why recovery from compulsive sexual behavior involves more than willpower • How unburdening can help wounded parts return to their original positive roles • The connection between IFS, recovery from pornography and compulsive sexual behavior, and healthy intimacy • How self-compassion can create space between you and a triggered emotional response The 3-Step Superpower: Notice, Know, Need Jenna shares a simple IFS-based practice you can use when you feel emotionally hijacked. NOTICE: "There is a part of me that's activated." Remember: this is a part of you—not all of you. KNOW: "What do you want me to know about you right now?" Instead of assuming why you're angry, afraid, or overwhelmed, pause and listen with curiosity. NEED: "What do you need from me right now to feel a little less agitated and a little more comforted?" These three steps can help you slow down, reconnect with yourself, understand the message underneath your emotions, and move toward a more intentional response. And you may be surprised by what you discover. The goal isn't to get rid of the angry part, the scared part, the hypervigilant part, or the part that wants to protect you at all costs. The goal is to understand these parts, help them feel safe, and reconnect with the wisdom and self-leadership that are already within you. If you're healing from infidelity, sexual betrayal, pornography addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, or betrayal trauma, this conversation offers a compassionate and empowering way to understand what's happening inside you—and begin responding to yourself differently. Resources Jenna Riemersma / Move Toward: JennaRiemersma.com Human Intimacy: HumanIntimacy.com — Resources and education for healing from sexual betrayal, compulsive sexual behavior, and relationship trauma. About Jenna Jenna Riemersma, LPC is a leading authority in the integration of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy with compulsive sexual behavior and betrayal trauma treatment. As a Certified IFS Therapist, IFS Clinical Consultant, and CSAT Supervisor, Jenna brings over a decade of specialized expertise to the intersection of these critical therapeuticmodalities. She is the #1 best-selling author of Altogether You, IFS Integration, and her newest book Move Toward. Jenna's Books Altogether You: Experiencing Personal and Spiritual Transformation with Internal Family Systems Therapy — an introduction to IFS with a focus on spirituality. Altogether Us: Integrating the IFS Model with Key Modalities, Communities, and Trends — explores integrating IFS with approaches including trauma, EMDR, polyvagal theory, couples work, sexuality, and addiction. Move Toward: A Simplified IFS Therapy Tool to Welcome All Parts of You — Jenna's three-step Notice, Know, Need approach for bringing IFS into everyday life and triggering moments. Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal is hosted by MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and features conversations with betrayal trauma experts and explores betrayal trauma recovery, sexual betrayal, infidelity, compulsive sexual behavior, relationships, boundaries, and healing. This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.
What if the problem was never that you weren’t enough—but that somewhere along the way, you learned to believe you weren’t? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, explore one of the most painful and often overlooked effects of sexual betrayal: the way repeated criticism, gaslighting, denial, and emotional wounds can change how a betrayed partner sees themselves. After betrayal, many partners find themselves asking: Was I not enough? What was wrong with me? Why wasn't I worth choosing? Can I trust my own perception anymore? But these questions often reflect internalized messages—not the truth about a person's inherent worth. MaryAnn and Karen explore how beliefs about being “less than,” unlovable, inadequate, or somehow responsible for a partner's behavior can develop over years or even decades. They discuss how childhood experiences and earlier trauma can create vulnerabilities that are later reinforced by betrayal, gaslighting, criticism, or emotional abuse. They also explore why your worth is not determined by your productivity, your appearance, your partner's behavior, or whether someone else recognizes your value. In this conversation, you'll hear about: Why sexual betrayal can profoundly impact self-worth and self-image How gaslighting and repeated criticism can create deep self-doubt The connection between childhood experiences and beliefs about being “not enough” Why we can begin to believe the negative stories others tell us How to question the beliefs and narratives you've internalized The difference between your actual worth and your perception of your worth Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) concepts to connect with wounded younger parts of yourself A practical tapping/EFT exercise for trauma, self-acceptance, and emotional regulation Why looking at a childhood photo can be a powerful way to reconnect with compassion and innocence The powerful question: When does a baby lose its value? Why your worth doesn't increase when you achieve—and doesn't decrease when someone betrays you How trusted people can sometimes hold hope and truth for us when we can't see it for ourselves yet One of the central messages of this episode is simple but profound: What happened to you may have changed the way you see yourself. It did not change your worth. If you are struggling with shame, self-blame, low self-esteem, self-doubt, or the belief that you weren't enough after sexual betrayal, this conversation offers a compassionate place to begin looking at those beliefs differently. About Your Hosts MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is a therapist specializing in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, trauma recovery, and relationship healing. She is the founder of HART (Healing Addiction, Relationships, Trauma) Recovery Institute and host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal. Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and relational healing. She brings a trauma-informed perspective to helping individuals and couples understand the impact of betrayal and move toward healing. If this episode is helpful, please share it with someone who may need the reminder that their worth was never the problem. To find more healing resources, please check out our online courses at humanintimacy.com
What happens to your sexuality when the person you trusted most betrays you? Betrayal doesn't just affect your emotions. It can change how you experience your body, your sexuality, intimacy, desire, trust, and even your sense of yourself as a sexual person. In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by Dr. Stefanie Carnes, one of the most recognized voices in the field of sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and relational recovery. Dr. Carnes and MaryAnn take an honest look at sex after betrayal—including why sexual intimacy can feel impossible even when a betrayed partner desperately wants connection, why rebuilding trust has to come before sexual reintegration, and how betrayal can leave partners questioning their bodies, their desirability, and their own sexuality. They also explore the difficult territory that often goes unspoken: What happens when you don't feel safe enough to have sex, but you still feel like you should? What happens when you feel angry about the sexuality that was taken from you? And how do you begin reclaiming your sexuality without abandoning yourself in the process? Dr. Carnes shares insights from her work with betrayed partners, including the Partner Sexuality Survey and the updated edition of Facing Heartbreak, which gives partners a framework for exploring the many ways betrayal can affect sexuality. Together, MaryAnn and Dr. Carnes discuss: Why betrayal trauma can profoundly affect sexual desire and intimacy Why trust and emotional safety are foundational to sexual connection What happens when sexual behaviors become betrayal trauma triggers Why trying to “fix” sex before addressing the trauma can backfire The impact of pornography and comparison on body image and self-worth Why betrayed partners may feel pressure to become their partner's sexual outlet Sexual self-abandonment—and the deeper wound of betraying yourself The grief of lost time, intimacy, and even childbearing years How partners can reclaim their sexual agency after betrayal Creating a shared vision for healthy sexuality after betrayal The importance of boundaries and a couple's sexual health plan Why emotional healing is the bridge to sexual reintegration How couples can begin rebuilding intimacy without rushing the process Dr. Carnes also discusses her books Facing Heartbreak and Courageous Love, and why recovery is possible—even after profound betrayal. Facing Heartbreak is specifically designed to help partners work through the devastation of betrayal and move toward healing and hope. If you are struggling with sex after betrayal, you are not broken. Your response may be telling you something important about safety, trust, and what your nervous system has experienced. This conversation gives language to an aspect of betrayal trauma that is often overlooked: the betrayed partner's sexuality matters, too. Resources: Gentlepathpress.com humanintimacy.com Books mentioned in this episode Facing Heartbreak — Dr. Stefanie Carnes (newly updated) Courageous Love: A Couples Guide to Conquering Betrayal — Dr. Stefanie Carnes Key Topics Sex after betrayal • betrayal trauma • sexual intimacy after infidelity • sexuality after betrayal • sex addiction • pornography betrayal • rebuilding trust • rebuilding intimacy • sexual reintegration • body image after betrayal • sexual boundaries • Partner Sexuality Survey • Facing Heartbreak • Stefanie Carnes • Patrick Carnes • betrayed partners • couples recovery
After sexual betrayal, one of the most painful questions can become: Should I stay, or should I leave? What if there is no obvious right answer? And when divorce enters the conversation, the decision can feel overwhelming. Children, finances, family, faith, fear, hope, anger, trauma, and the possibility of your partner changing can all pull you in different directions. In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, take a compassionate, honest look at divorce after sexual betrayal—and how to make an informed decision about whether leaving is right for you. They explore why this decision is rarely as simple as “stay” or “go,” and why no one else can make it for you. In this episode, you’ll hear about: Why sexual betrayal and infidelity are significant factors in many divorces The unique experience of being betrayed and divorced—and the gaps in support for this population Why deciding whether to leave may be one of the most difficult decisions you ever make How friends, family, religious leaders, and even therapists can unintentionally influence your decision The difference between getting support and being told what you “should” do Why it is important to gather multiple data points before making a life-changing decision How children, finances, family systems, and the long-term impact of divorce complicate the decision The difference between hope, apathy, numbness, and feeling like the “light has gone out” Why watching your partner’s actions—not just their words—matters when evaluating recovery How boundaries can help you step out of helplessness and begin making decisions from a stronger place Why some people choose to stay while others choose divorce—and why neither decision should automatically be judged The importance of self-compassion when looking back at the choices you made at different points in your healing What support can look like during and after divorce The impact of divorce on children and family relationships across generations Why healing doesn't end when the divorce is final The importance of rebuilding your identity and remembering that your worth is not defined by whether you stay or leave When you’re stuck between staying and leaving One of the most powerful themes in this conversation is that you don't have to make your decision based solely on someone else's opinion. You may have people telling you to leave. You may have people telling you to stay. You may have a partner who promises to change. You may have children who make the decision feel impossible. You may have financial concerns that make leaving feel terrifying. And you may simply not know. Dr. Skinner emphasizes the importance of gathering information, seeking support, and paying attention to what is actually happening—not just what you hope will happen. Because ultimately, this is your life, your relationship, and your decision. If you're considering divorce after infidelity or sexual betrayal This episode is for you if you've found yourself asking: “Should I stay?” “Should I leave?” “Can I trust that my partner is really changing?” “What if I regret leaving?” “What if I regret staying?” “How do I know I'm making the right decision?” There may not be an easy answer. But there can be a more informed one. And wherever you are in that process, you deserve support—not judgment. Remember Whether you stay or leave, your worth does not change. Sexual betrayal may profoundly affect your relationship, your sense of safety, your identity, and your future—but it does not define your value as a person. You don't have to have everything figured out today. You can gather information. You can seek support. You can listen to yourself. And you can make the decision that is right for you. Related Resources Rebuild Your Life After Divorce - Online Course with Personalized Feedback and Assessments For additional support during the process of divorce and recovery, visit HumanIntimacy.com to access the Rise Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal Course, our Course on Boundaries, Communication, and resources to help repair and enhance your relationship. If you are newly discovering sexual betrayal, be sure to explore Season 1 of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, created specifically for those early days and weeks after discovery. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may be walking through sexual betrayal or considering divorce. No one should have to walk this path alone.
Can trust really be rebuilt after sexual betrayal? When you've been betrayed, everyone seems to have an opinion. Some people tell you to leave immediately. Others encourage you to forgive and move on. But the question that often gets overlooked is this: What does real recovery actually look like? Before you decide whether to stay in your relationship, it's essential to know what you're looking for. In Part 3 of this series, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, unpack the characteristics of authentic recovery—not the kind that is fueled by guilt, fear of consequences, or a desperate attempt to save a relationship, but the kind that reflects genuine transformation from the inside out. Recovery is more than attending therapy, joining a support group, or saying the right words. It is a gradual process of becoming emotionally mature, learning to regulate emotions instead of escaping them, embracing humility over defensiveness, choosing transparency over secrecy, and developing the capacity to create emotional safety for the person you've hurt. Whether you're asking, "Can my relationship heal?" or "How do I know if my partner is really changing?" this episode will help you move beyond hope alone and begin looking for evidence of lasting change. In This Episode You'll Learn Why no therapist, family member, or friend can tell you whether you should stay or leave The difference between genuine recovery and performative recovery Why humility—not shame—is one of the strongest predictors of long-term healing What emotional maturity actually looks like after betrayal How emotional regulation creates the foundation for rebuilding trust Why transparency and honesty reduce shame and increase safety The role of community, accountability, sponsors, therapy, and healthy support systems in lasting recovery How to recognize when recovery is driven by validation instead of transformation Red flags that suggest someone is managing appearances instead of doing the deeper work Why listening to your intuition is an important part of the healing process The Heart of This Conversation One apology doesn't rebuild trust. Neither does perfect attendance at therapy, saying all the right things, or simply avoiding old behaviors. Lasting recovery is revealed through consistent patterns of humility, accountability, emotional growth, and a willingness to remain teachable. It's seen in how someone responds when they're uncomfortable, how they handle feedback, how they regulate difficult emotions, and whether they continue choosing honesty even when it's costly. Healing isn't about waiting for perfection. It's about learning to recognize genuine transformation. This Episode Is Part 3 of Our Series Part 1: The Battle of Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Why Healing Isn't Always About Leaving Part 2: Considering Leaving a Relationship After Sexual Betrayal: How to Decide Part 3: Signs of Recovery: What to Look for Before You Decide to Stay If you've been wrestling with whether your relationship can survive sexual betrayal, this three-part series will help you move from fear to clarity—first by reclaiming yourself, then by learning how to make wise decisions, and finally by recognizing the signs that real healing is, or isn't, taking place. Because the decision to stay shouldn't be based on promises. It should be based on patterns.
The Battle of Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Why Healing Isn't Always About Leaving How do you know when it's time to leave a relationship after sexual betrayal? It may seem like the most important question—but what if it's not the first one you need to answer? In Part 2 of this conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT explore the deeper battle many betrayed partners face: the struggle to find themselves again after betrayal. While it's natural to become consumed with deciding whether to stay or leave, true healing often begins by reclaiming your identity, your voice, and your sense of worth—regardless of what happens to the relationship. Drawing from Michelle Mays' powerful reflections in her book, "The Betrayal Bind," MaryAnn and Karen discuss how betrayal trauma can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, caught in self-doubt, and trapped by old beliefs about your value. They explore why healing isn't about fixing your partner or earning a particular outcome, but about untangling yourself from the lies betrayal has reinforced and becoming whole again. Whether your relationship survives or ends, the journey of recovery is ultimately about rescuing yourself. In This Episode Why deciding whether to stay or leave is rarely the first step in healing. The hidden battle many betrayed partners wage within themselves. How betrayal trauma can lead to self-abandonment and loss of identity. Why you can't control your partner's choices—but you can reclaim your own life. Michelle Mays' powerful perspective on rescuing yourself from the lies you've believed. How healing old attachment wounds helps you make decisions from clarity rather than fear. Why becoming whole matters whether your relationship is restored or not. Finding hope, peace, and a stronger sense of self after betrayal. Key Takeaway The greatest healing after betrayal isn't always found in leaving—or staying. It's found in becoming the kind of person who no longer has to abandon themselves to keep a relationship. When you reclaim your identity, your worth, and your voice, you're finally able to make decisions from a place of truth instead of fear. If you're struggling to decide whether to stay or leave after sexual betrayal, remember this: before you can know what's right for your relationship, you deserve the opportunity to rediscover the person who gets to make that decision. Resources Mentioned "The Betrayal Bind" by Michelle Mays Connect with Us If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may need hope today. Your support helps us reach more individuals navigating the pain of betrayal trauma and searching for healing.
Considering Leaving a Relationship After Sexual Betrayal? How to Decide One of the most painful questions after discovering sexual betrayal is: "Do I stay, or is it time to leave?" If you're considering ending your relationship after infidelity, pornography addiction, or another form of sexual betrayal, you're not alone—and you don't have to rush your decision. In this episode, betrayal trauma therapists MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, explore how to thoughtfully navigate one of the hardest decisions you'll ever face. Rather than telling you what to do, they discuss the questions, relationship patterns, and signs to evaluate so you can make a decision that aligns with your values, safety, and long-term healing. You'll learn why emotional clarity often comes after your nervous system begins to heal, how therapeutic separation can create space for discernment, and what healthy relationships have in common when genuine repair is possible. Whether you're newly navigating discovery or have been wrestling with this decision for months—or even years—this conversation offers compassionate guidance without pressure or judgment. In This Episode Why you don't have to decide immediately after discovering betrayal The difference between therapeutic separation and divorce How betrayal trauma affects decision-making and emotional clarity Why patterns of behavior matter more than promises or apologies The importance of safety, respect, honesty, and accountability How healthy boundaries reveal the health of a relationship Questions to ask when evaluating whether your relationship can heal The role of hope, genuine recovery, and consistent change Common fears that make leaving feel impossible, including finances, children, faith, and starting over How to make a decision you can live with—without regret Key Takeaways Give yourself permission to slow down before making permanent decisions whenever safety allows. Look for consistent actions, not just sincere words. A healthy relationship is built on respect, emotional and physical safety, honesty, friendship, and mutual effort. Healing your nervous system often brings the clarity that trauma initially obscures. No one can decide for you—but you can learn what to look for as you discern your next steps. Resources Mentioned Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lundy Bancroft Gottman's Four Horsemen of Relationship Breakdown Human Intimacy recovery resources Connect If you're healing from sexual betrayal and looking for additional support, visit HumanIntimacy.com for courses, resources, and educational content designed to help individuals and couples navigate recovery.
Can a relationship truly heal after sexual betrayal? After nearly 20 years of helping couples recover from betrayal trauma, renowned therapist, author, and creator of the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model (ERCEM), Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW, CSAT-S, CCPS, joins MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT to answer one of the most difficult questions couples face: What does real healing actually require? In this powerful conversation, Carol shares the lessons she's learned from working with thousands of individuals and couples navigating sexual addiction, infidelity, pornography addiction, and betrayal trauma. She explains why healing isn't about "getting back to normal," but about creating something stronger through safety, empathy, grief work, and intentional recovery. You'll also learn why grief is often the missing piece in betrayal recovery, why trust takes years—not months—to rebuild, and what healthy recovery actually sounds like. Whether you're a betrayed partner, someone in recovery seeking to rebuild trust, or a therapist working with couples, this episode offers practical guidance, realistic hope, and a clear roadmap for lasting healing. In This Episode Why betrayal trauma is one of the most devastating relational injuries a person can experience The three phases of the ERCEM (Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model) Why emotional safety must come before attachment repair The essential role of grief in healing after sexual betrayal What genuine empathy looks like—and sounds like—from the offending partner Why recovery is rarely linear and how to navigate setbacks How full disclosure, restitution, and consistent actions rebuild trust Why lasting recovery typically unfolds over three to five years The difference between CSAT, CPTT, and APSATS-trained professionals How couples can experience post-traumatic growth and create a healthier relationship than before Key Takeaways Healing begins with safety—not forgiveness. Grief isn't a setback; it's a necessary part of recovery. Trust is rebuilt through consistent empathy and accountability. Healthy recovery creates a new relationship rather than restoring the old one. Recovery takes time, but lasting healing is possible. Resources Mentioned Help Her Heal by Carol Juergensen Sheets Help Them Heal by Carol Juergensen Sheets ERCEM (Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model) APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals) Carol's website: Sex Help with Carol the Coach Grief After Betrayal Impact Survey HumanIntimacy.com About the Guest Carol is a licensed social worker and personal life coach. She is a Certified Sexual Addictions Therapist – Supervisor and a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist for and a faculty member of both training organizations. She was a lead trainer for APSATS on the Multidimensional Trauma Model educating professionals about trauma & partner betrayal. She has developed a training and certification Program: ERCEM--The Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model for professionals to help couples heal. She has trained over 250 professionals worldwide on the ERCEM Model and is currently training all over the world. Carol started the first podcast on Sexual Addiction in 2007 and started the APSATS podcast specifically on partner betrayal. Carol’s books include Help. Her. Heal. An Empathy Workbook for Sex Addicts to Help Their Partners Heal, Unleashing Your Power: Moving Beyond Sexual Betrayal, Help. Them. Heal Teaching You Both How to Navigate Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal. Her new book, Helping Couples Heal After Infidelity and Find Love Again teaches ERCEM skills to help couples build a new relationship that has honesty and truth as its foundation. Her workshops, trainings have changed the world of problematic sexual behavior and partner betrayal have changed how professionals work in this specialized niche. If you'd like more resources for healing please visit humanintimacy.com to access our online companion courses focused on betrayal trauma, boundaries, communication, and sex addiction recovery. Contact us at info@humanintimacy.com with questions or podcast topics you would like us to address.
When betrayal shatters your reality, it's natural to look outward for safety. But safety can be difficult to find when you feel disconnected from yourself, questioning your instincts, doubting your reality, and struggling to regulate overwhelming emotions. What if healing begins by learning to trust yourself again? Healing doesn't begin by controlling your emotions—it begins by changing your relationship with them. In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, host MaryAnn Michaelis, LICSW, CSAT, CPTT, welcomes mindfulness expert and therapist Dallin Bruun, AMFT, MBSR, for an inspiring conversation about using mindfulness to recover from betrayal trauma. Together they explore why mindfulness isn't simply meditation—it's learning to meet your pain with curiosity, compassion, and presence instead of fear or avoidance. Dallin explains how betrayal activates survival responses like fight, flight, and dissociation, and how mindfulness gently teaches the nervous system that safety can begin from within. You'll also hear practical ways to begin reconnecting with yourself through breath, body awareness, self-compassion, and simple grounding practices that anyone can begin today. Whether you're newly navigating discovery or further along your healing journey, this episode offers hope that trusting yourself again is possible. In This Episode You'll Learn Why betrayal trauma disrupts self-trust The difference between reacting and responding How mindfulness calms the nervous system Why your body holds emotional pain How self-compassion helps heal betrayal trauma Practical mindfulness exercises for emotional regulation Why awareness—not fixing—is often the beginning of healing How to reconnect with your intuition after gaslighting Gentle grounding techniques you can practice today Why healing starts with your relationship to yourself Memorable Quote "You can become the source of the safety, compassion, and trust you've been searching for." Resources Mentioned Tara Brach and the RAIN meditation practice Kristin Neff's Mindful Self-Compassion practices Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) courses Somatic approaches for trauma healing Connect with MaryAnn and the Human Intimacy Team If this episode encouraged you, subscribe to Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, leave a review, and share this episode with someone navigating betrayal trauma. For additional resources, courses, and support for betrayal trauma recovery, visit www.humanintimacy.com . If there's a topic you would like us to address, or you would like to share comments, questions or concerns, please send an email to: maryann@humanintimacy.com
How do you know when you are ready for couples therapy after betrayal? An Attachment-Based Conversation with Dan Oakes Healing after betrayal isn't simply about stopping unwanted behaviors—it's about rebuilding safety, restoring attachment, and learning an entirely new way of relating. In this episode, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, sits down with Dan Oakes, LPC, CSAT, and Certified Sex Offender Treatment Specialist, founder of the Arizona Family Institute, for a thoughtful conversation on what true recovery looks like after sexual betrayal. Through the lens of attachment theory, Dan explains why compulsive sexual behaviors are best understood as disruptions in the attachment system, why couples counseling should never begin too early, and how both partners can begin rebuilding trust. Together they explore why healing isn't about "getting over it," but about creating a relationship where fear can be spoken, received, and soothed. In This Episode You'll Learn When couples counseling is appropriate—and when it's too soon The essential conditions that create emotional safety before relationship repair can begin Why betrayed partners often experience fearful-avoidant attachment after discovery How betrayal trauma affects the nervous system long after disclosure Why honesty and transparency matter more than perfection The difference between traditional couples therapy and betrayal-informed couples therapy Why healing requires learning entirely new emotional skills How therapists help couples create corrective emotional experiences that rebuild secure attachment Why recovery isn't about eliminating fear—but learning how to respond to it together Key Takeaways Recovery Is About More Than Stopping Behaviors Dan explains that compulsive sexual behaviors are often attempts to regulate distress through artificial sources of dopamine rather than healthy human connection. Lasting recovery requires rebuilding the attachment system—not simply relying on willpower. Couples Therapy Requires Readiness Healing together begins only after meaningful safety has been established. This includes honesty, accountability, stabilization of compulsive behaviors, and the betrayed partner feeling ready to begin reconnecting. Betrayal Changes the Attachment System After betrayal, many partners experience fearful-avoidant attachment. They deeply desire closeness while simultaneously experiencing intense fear and nervous system activation around the very person they love. The Nervous System Is Protecting, Not Failing Hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, sleep disruption, emotional flooding, and avoidance are not signs of weakness—they are adaptive responses designed to keep someone safe after profound relational injury. The Most Powerful Skill in Healing One of Dan's most memorable insights is that long-term healing depends on creating conditions where the betrayed partner feels safe enough to express fear—and where the offending partner actively seeks out that fear with curiosity, compassion, and accountability rather than defensiveness. Recovery Is a Lifelong Practice The goal isn't reaching a point where betrayal is never discussed again. Instead, healthy relationships become places where fears, insecurities, and emotional needs can always be expressed and lovingly received. Memorable Quotes "Secure attachment isn't the absence of fear. It's knowing that when fear shows up, someone will respond." "Healing isn't about never talking about betrayal again. It's about creating a relationship where you always can." "Recovery isn't just solving a problem. It's learning how to build a life together." About Dan Oakes Dan Oakes is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and Certified Sex Offender Treatment Specialist. He is the founder and Clinical Director of the Arizona Family Institute in Mesa, Arizona, where he specializes in attachment-based treatment for betrayal trauma, compulsive sexual behaviors, couples healing, and family therapy. Resources Mentioned Arizona Family Institute SHIFT Men's Intensive If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone navigating healing after betrayal. For individual and couple online resources, courses, and support, visit www.humanintimacy.com
Financial infidelity is a hidden but powerful dimension of betrayal that can significantly intensify the emotional, relational, and financial impact of sexual betrayal. Drawing on her unique background in both Wall Street finance and clinical therapy, guest Debra L. Kaplan, MA, MBA, LPC, PACT-II, CSAT-S joins MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT as they explore the often overlooked intersection of financial infidelity and sexual betrayal. This episode sheds light on the profound impacts of financial secrecy, hidden accounts, debt accumulation, and violations of agreed-upon financial boundaries on betrayed partners. Together, they examine how financial betrayal impacts not only trust and emotional safety, but also financial security, stability, and long-term planning, often leaving betrayed partners overwhelmed and unsure of where to begin. This episode also offers practical, grounded guidance for early discovery—how to begin identifying financial information, what steps to take first, and how to rebuild both emotional and financial self-trust after betrayal. Key Topics Covered Financial Infidelity and Sexual Betrayal Trauma How financial infidelity often co-occurs with sexual betrayal, creating compounded trauma and a deeper sense of destabilization. Why Financial Betrayal Feels So Destabilizing The impact of financial infidelity on safety, security, housing stability, and long-term financial planning. The Spectrum of Financial Infidelity From small undisclosed purchases to major financial abuse including hidden accounts, debt accumulation, and misuse of shared assets. Financial Secrecy vs Financial Privacy Understanding the difference between healthy financial autonomy and harmful secrecy within relationships. Financial Abuse and Control Dynamics How financial abuse may involve restricting access to funds, manipulating accounts, or covertly shifting financial responsibility or debt. First Steps After Discovery Practical initial steps for betrayed partners including accessing bank records, gathering financial documentation, and seeking legal or financial consultation when appropriate. Rebuilding Financial Self-Trust How individuals begin restoring confidence, agency, and clarity after financial betrayal and relational destabilization. About the Guest Debra L. Kaplan, MA, MBA, LPC, PACT-II, CSAT-S, is an author, speaker, and licensed therapist specializing in sexual addiction/compulsivity, sexual and financial infidelity, and relational trauma. After a career on Wall Street, Ms. Kaplan transitioned into psychology, integrating her financial expertise with clinical practice. She is the author of: For Love and Money: Exploring Sexual & Financial Betrayal in Relationships Battle of the Titans: Mastering the Forces of Sex, Money, and Power in Relationships Coupleship Inc: From Financial Conflict to Financial Intimacy (Lead Author) She facilitates workshops, trainings, and intensives focused on emotional, sexual, and financial intimacy, helping clients and couples rebuild trust after betrayal. Contact Information (Guest) Debra L. Kaplan (she/her/hers) MA, MBA, LPC, PACT-II, CSAT-S ✉️ www.debrakaplancounseling.com About the Host MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is the host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal. She specializes in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction recovery, and relational healing using trauma-informed, attachment-based approaches to support individuals and couples rebuilding trust after betrayal.
In this episode of Rise, MaryAnn Michaelis sits down with Michelle Mays for a deeply grounded conversation on BRAVING, attachment injury, identity, belonging, self-trust, and the Betrayal Bind. Michelle Mays is a licensed clinician, betrayal trauma specialist, and the creator of the BRAVING Hope® framework, an attachment-based model for healing after sexual betrayal and relational trauma. Her work helps individuals and couples understand how betrayal impacts the nervous system, attachment systems, identity, and the capacity for self-trust. Together, MaryAnn and Michelle explore how betrayal disrupts not only relationships, but also internal identity structures, emotional safety, and the sense of belonging to self and others. They discuss how the nervous system organizes around attachment injury and why healing requires both relational understanding and internal reconnection. This conversation draws from Michelle’s clinical work, her Braving Hope® immersive program and training model, and her book The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst, which offers an attachment-based framework for understanding betrayal trauma and the path toward recovery. In this episode, we explore: The BRAVING framework and what it reveals about attachment injury Why betrayal trauma disrupts identity and nervous system regulation The concept of the Betrayal Bind and the “impossible relational dilemma” it creates How self-trust is fractured in betrayal—and how it is rebuilt over time Why belonging becomes unstable after relational rupture The role of attachment systems in trauma responses and healing How Michelle’s Braving Hope® program supports structured recovery Clinical insights from The Betrayal Bind and real-world healing pathways Key themes: Attachment trauma • Betrayal trauma • Identity reconstruction • Nervous system regulation • Self-trust • Belonging • BRAVING Hope® framework • The Betrayal Bind • Emotional safety • Relational healing About Michelle Mays Michelle Mays, LPC, CSAT-S, is a clinician, educator, and author specializing in betrayal trauma and attachment injury. She is the creator of the BRAVING Hope® treatment model and immersive program, and the author of The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst. Her work integrates attachment theory, nervous system science, and clinical experience to help individuals rebuild safety, identity, and self-trust after betrayal. Learn more about her work, programs, and resources at: michellemays.com About the Host MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is a licensed clinical social worker and trauma therapist specializing in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, and attachment injury. She is the founder of the HART Recovery Institute and host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, where she explores the lived experience of betrayal trauma and the process of rebuilding identity, self-trust, and relational safety. Her clinical work integrates attachment theory, nervous system science, EMDR, and trauma-informed approaches to support individuals and couples in deep relational healing. About The Betrayal Bind The Betrayal Bind is Michelle Mays’ foundational book on betrayal trauma and attachment injury. It explores the relational paradox at the heart of betrayal: when the person you depend on for safety is also the source of harm. The book offers an attachment-based framework for understanding trauma responses and provides a pathway toward rebuilding self-trust, emotional regulation, and relational clarity. About BRAVING Hope® The Braving Hope® immersive experience is Michelle Mays’ signature program for betrayed partners. It provides structured education and experiential work focused on attachment healing, nervous system regulation, and identity restoration after betrayal trauma. About Rise Rise is a podcast exploring betrayal trauma, attachment injury, and the process of rebuilding identity, self-trust, and connection after relational rupture. Season 2, Episode 23
After discovery or disclosure, many betrayed partners find themselves searching for answers. They read books, listen to podcasts, join support groups, and begin learning about betrayal trauma. Yet even with all of that information, many continue to feel overwhelmed, disconnected, and deeply wounded. In this episode of Rise, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, explore the deeper work of betrayal trauma recovery. They discuss how betrayal impacts identity, confidence, self-worth, and attachment, and why healing often requires more than simply understanding what happened. Together, they explore the connection between present pain and earlier life wounds, the role of support groups and therapy, the challenge of integrating head knowledge into heart healing, and the surprising growth that can emerge through recovery. If you have ever wondered why betrayal feels so devastating—or why healing takes more than time—this conversation offers insight, validation, and hope. In This Episode Why Betrayal Trauma Impacts Identity Betrayal often causes people to question who they are. Many betrayed partners experience significant drops in: Confidence Self-worth Self-trust Sense of identity Feelings of attractiveness and value MaryAnn and Karen discuss how betrayal can trigger long-standing insecurities and attachment wounds that may have originated years before the relationship. Understanding Core Beliefs After Betrayal Many betrayed partners find themselves asking: Was I not enough? Am I too much? If I were different, would this have happened? The episode explores how betrayal can activate deeply rooted beliefs formed in childhood, adolescence, or previous relationships, and why identifying those beliefs is a critical part of healing. The Disconnect Between What We Know and What We Feel Many individuals understand intellectually that the betrayal was not caused by their shortcomings. Yet emotionally, they continue to feel defective, unwanted, or unworthy. MaryAnn and Karen discuss: The gap between head knowledge and emotional healing Why insight alone does not resolve trauma How therapy can help uncover the roots of persistent self-doubt The process of transforming beliefs at a deeper level Healing Attachment Wounds and Past Trauma When Betrayal Reopens Old Wounds One of the most powerful aspects of betrayal trauma is its ability to expose unresolved emotional injuries. The pain of betrayal can reactivate experiences from: Childhood Family relationships School experiences Previous romantic relationships Earlier attachment injuries While painful, this process can reveal areas that need healing and provide an opportunity for profound personal growth. Trauma-Focused Therapies That May Help Karen discusses the value of working with trained professionals who understand betrayal trauma and attachment injuries. Approaches may include: EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) Attachment-focused therapy Trauma-informed counseling The Importance of Support in Betrayal Trauma Recovery We Are Wounded in Relationship and Healed in Relationship Healing rarely happens in isolation. Karen emphasizes the importance of: Betrayal trauma support groups Trusted friendships Recovery communities Healthy therapeutic relationships Supportive relationships can help challenge distorted beliefs and provide encouragement during the healing process. Why Community Matters Many betrayed partners believe they are alone in their experience. In reality, countless others are navigating similar challenges. Being surrounded by people who understand can: Reduce shame Increase hope Provide validation Create opportunities for growth Strengthen resilience Learning to Trust Yourself Again One of the most painful consequences of betrayal is the loss of self-trust. Many partners spent years sensing that something was wrong only to be dismissed, denied, or manipulated. MaryAnn and Karen discuss: Rebuilding confidence in your intuition Giving yourself the benefit of the doubt Learning to trust your perceptions again Strengthening self-awareness and personal boundaries The Role of Self-Care in Recovery A powerful moment in the conversation centers on a simple question: "Who's taking care of you?" For many betrayed partners, self-care has been replaced by caretaking, busyness, and survival. The episode explores: Why self-care is often neglected How busyness can become a coping strategy The importance of addressing your own needs Creating space for healing and personal growth Growth, Healing, and Hope After Betrayal While no one would choose the pain of betrayal, many people discover unexpected growth through the recovery process. Healing can lead to: Greater self-awareness Stronger boundaries Increased self-trust Deeper emotional resilience A clearer sense of identity and purpose Recovery is difficult work, but it can also become a pathway to becoming more grounded, authentic, and connected to yourself. Key Takeaways Betrayal trauma affects much more than the relationship. It can impact identity, confidence, attachment, and self-worth. Healing requires more than information. Understanding betrayal trauma is important, but lasting recovery involves deeper emotional work. Support matters. Therapists, support groups, and trusted relationships can play a vital role in the healing process. Self-trust can be rebuilt. Learning to trust yourself again is one of the most important parts of recovery. Growth is possible. Even in profound pain, healing can lead to greater strength, clarity, and self-understanding. Resources Mentioned Books The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson Therapeutic Approaches EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) Connect With Rise If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may benefit from this conversation. Healing happens in connection, and no one should have to walk this journey alone.
From Sifting Sand to Bedrock: Rebuilding a Foundation After Sexual Betrayal with Kris Cristiano, Rise Season 2, Episode 21 For many betrayed partners, life after D-Day can feel futile, like grabbing at sand—confusing, unstable, and overwhelming, with every thought, memory, or trigger adding to the emotionally unmanageable mess. In this episode of Rise, Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT as they explore what it really feels like to rebuild after sexual betrayal—when your internal world no longer feels stable, predictable, or safe. Together, they unpack what it means to move from emotional instability into grounding, and how to begin rebuilding a foundation that can actually hold weight as they highlight the following topics: What Happens After Sexual Betrayal (The “Sifting Sand” Experience) Emotional confusion and hypervigilance after disclosure Why betrayed partners feel like they are constantly “on alert” The shift from trust to questioning everything Why the nervous system begins scanning for danger The mental overload of outside opinions Social media, family, friends, and conflicting advice Why clarity feels impossible in early recovery The emotional exhaustion of trying to make sense of it all Why nothing feels stable anymore The loss of relational safety The constant search for something solid to hold onto The “sand vs. rock” internal experience Grounding After Betrayal: How Stability Begins Why confusion is a signal, not a failure Noticing when the system is overloaded The importance of stepping back from decision-making in confusion Simple grounding techniques for nervous system regulation Feet on the ground, posture, breath Sensory awareness (5-4-3-2-1 technique) Returning to the present moment through the body Why the body must heal before clarity returns Trauma stored in the nervous system Why thinking alone cannot solve emotional overwhelm Moving from survival brain to regulated brain Rebuilding a Foundation That Can Hold Weight The “emotional backpack” of betrayal trauma Why life feels suddenly heavier and harder Energy depletion and trauma load Why normal functioning becomes exhausting What is and isn’t in your control Partner’s recovery vs. your own grounding Reclaiming internal agency in a chaotic season Small steps that rebuild stability Connection with safe people Connection with body and senses Connection with meaning and identity Moving from Sand to Bedrock Why healing is not linear Cracks in foundations are part of rebuilding Progress vs perfection in recovery Reconnecting with identity after betrayal “Who am I now?” after relational rupture Rebuilding self outside of crisis response mode Finding what helps you “rise” What restores energy and regulation Returning to life with support, not pressure Conclusion Healing after sexual betrayal is not about rushing clarity—it is about rebuilding stability from the inside out. When everything feels like sand, the goal is not to force answers, but to slowly return to grounding, connection, and safety in your own body and life. Resources Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey - please consider taking a few minutes to help with our ongoing research. Visit Humanintimacy.com for the Rise Companion Course, Courses on Communication, Boundaries and both Individual and Couple Healing.
In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, continue their series on rebuilding life after betrayal trauma by focusing on one of the most essential—and most difficult—parts of healing: connection. After betrayal, many survivors begin questioning not only their relationship, but their entire sense of safety with people. Dr. Skinner shares research showing that betrayal trauma often impacts our perception of trust, causing many to withdraw from friends, family, peers, and support systems. Isolation can feel safer in the short term, but healing rarely happens alone. Together, MaryAnn and Dr. Skinner explore: Why betrayal trauma often leads to isolation and avoidance The nervous system’s fear of vulnerability and connection How secrecy and carrying trauma alone impacts the body and mind The healing power of support groups and safe relationships Common fears and barriers people experience when considering group support Why not all groups feel emotionally safe—and how to find healthy support The importance of “parking lot conversations” and authentic connection outside formal group time How healing happens through validation, attachment, and being truly seen The role of safe relationships in calming PTSD symptoms and rebuilding trust Attachment wounds, exclusion trauma, and the brain’s response to rejection How helping and supporting others in recovery also strengthens our own healing Dr. Skinner shares powerful clinical stories illustrating how even one safe relationship can begin to regulate the nervous system and shift long-held beliefs of “I’m alone” into “I matter.” The conversation highlights how group healing is often less about the curriculum and more about the relationships formed through shared vulnerability and understanding. MaryAnn also discusses: The difference between structured therapy groups and 12-step groups Why some group formats may feel triggering or invalidating Reframing harmful “co-addict” or codependency messaging through a trauma-informed lens The importance of finding people who can witness pain without minimizing it How collective healing creates growth, insight, and hope This episode is a compassionate reminder that while connection after betrayal can feel terrifying, safe relationships are often one of the most transformative parts of recovery. Key Takeaways Betrayal trauma frequently disrupts a person’s ability to trust others. Isolation may feel protective, but long-term healing requires safe connection. Group support can reduce shame, normalize experiences, and provide emotional regulation. Being witnessed in pain creates attachment and healing. One safe, nurturing relationship can profoundly impact recovery. Healing often happens collectively through shared stories, validation, and support. Resources Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Kevin Skinner Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Secure by Amir Levine Sue Johnson and attachment-based healing concepts Patrick Carnes recommendation: attend a group multiple times before deciding if it’s a fit Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey - please consider taking a few minutes to help with our ongoing research. Visit Humanintimacy.com for the Rise Companion Course, Courses on Communication, Boundaries and both Individual and Couple Healing. Listener Invitation If you are navigating betrayal trauma and feeling isolated, this episode encourages you to consider reaching out for support. Whether through therapy, group work, trusted friendships, or community, healing often begins when someone says: “I see you. You matter. You are not alone.”
Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Identity and the 8 C’s of Self with Kris Cristiano (Rise Season 2, Episode 19) In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, explore one of the deepest and most painful questions betrayal trauma survivors face: “Who am I now?” When betrayal shatters trust, it often disrupts identity, self-concept, confidence, joy, and connection to self. Together, MaryAnn and Kris unpack the healing process of rediscovering your core self while also making space for the ways trauma and life experiences fundamentally change us. Through personal stories, clinical insight, humor, and practical tools, this conversation explores individuation, differentiation, dissociation, nervous system healing, and reconnecting with authenticity after trauma. In This Episode How betrayal trauma distorts identity and self-concept Why many survivors feel disconnected from themselves The difference between survival mode and authentic living Reconnecting with values, interests, joy, creativity, and play Why healing is not about “going back” but reconnecting with your core self The importance of nervous system regulation in trauma recovery How storytelling helps integrate trauma and rebuild identity Why fun, laughter, and play are essential parts of healing Understanding dissociation and compartmentalization during betrayal trauma Practical grounding exercises to reconnect with yourself Key Themes Discussed Rediscovering Who You Are MaryAnn and Kris discuss how betrayal can cause people to abandon parts of themselves in order to survive, maintain relationships, or keep systems functioning. Healing often involves intentionally reclaiming lost parts of identity — even through small things like favorite foods, hobbies, humor, music, creativity, or values. The Role of Trauma in Identity Trauma changes the brain, nervous system, emotional responses, and worldview. Survivors may struggle with concentration, joy, emotional regulation, or activities they once loved. The episode emphasizes patience, self-compassion, and understanding that healing takes time. Nervous System Healing The conversation explores practices that help regulate the nervous system, including: Meditation Yoga Walking Singing Dancing Play Safe social connection Intentionality Emotional processing Dissociation and Presence MaryAnn shares how betrayal trauma can create a dream-like sense of disconnection from reality and self. The discussion includes practical ways to stay grounded and present while also honoring overwhelming emotions and triggers. Storytelling and Meaning-Making Kris explains how sharing our stories in safe spaces helps the brain integrate trauma, close emotional loops, and rebuild identity over time. The 8 C’s of Self in IFS Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), the episode references the “8 C’s” — qualities associated with the core Self when we are grounded, centered, and not led by fear or trauma parts: Calm Clarity Compassion Confidence Courage Creativity Connectedness Curiosity The conversation explores how healing often involves reconnecting with these qualities rather than abandoning who we truly are. Memorable Moments The story of “watermelon” as a symbol of reclaiming identity after decades of self-abandonment The “what kind of eggs do you actually like?” metaphor from Runaway Bride Why “fun is part of recovery” MaryAnn’s reflections on reconnecting with humor and play after trauma The reminder that healing is not linear, rushed, or one-dimensional Listener Reflection Questions Who was I before betrayal? What parts of myself have I abandoned? What activities, interests, or values made me feel most alive? What brings me peace, joy, creativity, or connection today? What small step could help me reconnect with myself this week? Resources The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk Stephen Covey - Start with the End in Mind The Color Code - Dr. Taylor Hartman GABIS https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale Boundary Basics https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics Explore guided support and recovery tools: humanintimacy.com youtube.com/@human-intimacy
In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, for a deeply compassionate conversation about what happens when betrayal trauma shakes not only our relationships—but also our faith, identity, and sense of meaning. Together, they explore the often unspoken spiritual impact of betrayal and the painful questions that arise in the “messy middle” of healing, including: Why did this happen? Can I still trust my higher power? What do I believe now? For many betrayed partners, recovery is not just about rebuilding trust with a spouse—it can also involve deconstructing and reconstructing long-held beliefs about God, safety, purpose, and self-worth. This episode holds space for that complexity with gentleness, honesty, and hope. In this episode, you’ll hear: How betrayal trauma can impact faith and spiritual identity Why anger at a higher power is a common and valid response The experience of feeling “betrayed by God” or spiritually abandoned How trauma can destabilize beliefs about meaning, safety, and self The role of grief in spiritual deconstruction and reconstruction Why the “messy middle” of not knowing is part of healing How clients begin to rebuild their spiritual foundation after betrayal The connection between truth, lies, and identity after trauma What it means to find your “why” in the midst of suffering Tools and practices discussed: Writing a letter to your higher power to express grief, anger, and questions Allowing and honoring emotions instead of suppressing them Identifying and challenging internalized “lies” after betrayal Practicing self-compassion during identity disruption Reframing painful experiences through meaning-making and reflection Seeking safe relational support during deconstruction and healing Key themes: Spiritual deconstruction and reconstruction Emotional honesty in faith crises Identity loss and rebuilding after betrayal trauma Meaning-making in suffering The importance of safe connection and support Hope in the “messy middle” of healing MaryAnn and Dr. Strange emphasize that questioning, wrestling, and even feeling anger toward a higher power are not signs of failure—they are often part of a deeply human healing process. Over time, many individuals find that their faith is not necessarily destroyed, but transformed. Healing is not linear, and you are not alone in the questions you are carrying. Resources "Man's Search For Meaning," Viktor Frankl GABIS https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale Boundary Basics https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics Explore guided support and recovery tools: humanintimacy.com youtube.com/@human-intimacy
You Are Not Your Partner's Mother, Sponsor, or Dumping Ground: Boundaries and Trusting Your Gut with Rhyll Croshaw (Rise Season 2, Episode 17) In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined by Rhyll Croshaw, a pioneer in betrayal trauma recovery, author of "What Can I Do About Me?",and co-founder of the SA Lifeline Foundation and SAL12step.org. Rhyll brings decades of lived experience, professional insight, and grounded wisdom to a conversation that speaks directly to one of the most confusing and painful parts of recovery after betrayal: How do I hold boundaries and learn to trust myself again when I’ve been conditioned to doubt my gut? In this episode, Rhyll shares her story of 53 years of marriage and insights learned from 32 years of betrayal trauma recovery work, including: what happens when betrayed partners find themselves over-functioning in relationships—becoming the emotional regulator, caretaker, or unintended “dumping ground” for their partner’s emotions, recovery work, or instability. At the heart of this conversation is a powerful truth: You are not your partner’s mother. You are not their sponsor. You are not their emotional dumping ground. And learning this boundary distinction is a critical part of healing. In This Episode, We Explore: Why betrayed partners often lose trust in their own intuition and gut instincts How external voices (partner, sponsor, family, culture) can override internal knowing The emotional cost of becoming the “dumping ground” in a relationship Why boundaries are not rejection—they are role clarification The difference between supporting someone and over-functioning for them What it means to practice compassionate detaching How to recognize when you are carrying emotions that are not yours to hold Why trusting your gut is a recovery skill, not an automatic ability Key Takeaways: Your gut is not broken—it has been drowned out by survival and confusion Boundaries are about identity, roles, and emotional safety You cannot be someone’s partner, parent, and sponsor all at once Compassion does not require emotional over-responsibility Healing includes learning to say: “This is not mine to carry.” Powerful Themes in This Episode: Trusting Your Gut After betrayal, intuition often becomes clouded by fear, doubt, and conflicting messages. Relearning to listen to yourself is central to recovery. Boundaries as Role Clarity Boundaries are not punishment or withdrawal—they define what is and is not yours to hold in a relationship. Compassionate Detaching Detaching does not mean abandoning love. It means staying connected to yourself while releasing responsibility for what belongs to another adult. Emotional Over-Responsibility Many betrayed partners unconsciously become emotional caretakers for their spouse’s recovery or regulation—at great personal cost. Memorable Quotes & Concepts: “You are not your partner’s sponsor, mother, or dumping ground.” “Boundaries aren’t rejection—they’re role correction.” “Your gut still speaks, but too many voices have been louder than it.” “Detaching with compassion means I care—but I don’t carry what isn’t mine.” Hope & Healing Reminder: Recovery is not just about understanding betrayal—it is about reclaiming yourself. Learning to trust your gut, hold boundaries, and step out of over-responsibility is not selfish. It is foundational to healing, clarity, and emotional safety. Resources & References: What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Croshaw Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke SA Lifeline Foundation https://salifeline.org SAL 12 Step https://sal12step.org The Recovery Puzzle Recovery Circles Model Rise online companion course Boundary Basics online course Human Intimacy online courses - communication, relationships, The Intimacy Repair Method GABIS - the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey - Contribute to our Resarch! Share This Episode If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may be: second-guessing their intuition carrying emotional responsibility that isn’t theirs learning to set or hold boundaries after betrayal
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