Love in a F*cked Up World

Send us a message Prisons are designed to isolate, break social ties, and destroy communities. Yet, people fight hard to keep relationships going across prison walls, and through all the crises that prisons manufacture. Episode 26 is Part One of a multi-episode series on relating across prison walls. This episode features conversations with friends inside prison, people who have been released, and people who have been doing direct support to prisoners for decades, about the barriers to connection that prisons create and the ways people stay connected despite them. Topics include the way prison strains or distorts relationships, how to strengthen and repair relationships being stressed in these ways, dealing with unequal power dynamics in relationships, and adjusting to new relationship dynamics as someone comes out of prison. Watch this episode on YouTube Support the podcast on Patreon Become a Penpal One of our hopes for making this episode is that more people will become penpals to prisoners. If you’re interested in becoming a penpal, find a chapter of Black and Pink near you, or check out other penpal programs: Black & Pink Power Blossoms Abolitionist Mail Project Trans Pride Initiative Critical Resistance Prisoner Mail Program Flying Over Walls ARC Gender Justice Links and Resources for this Episode Watch this full-length interview with Corey about feminist relationships across walls and more. If you want to reach out to Endjah, message Dean on Instagram, Patreon , or his website . Write to Donald Antonio Scott, 16317-067 USP Terre Haute, PO Box 33, Terre Haute, IN 47808 Buy and read Eric King’s books, A Clean Hell and Rattling the Cages: Oral Histories of North American Political Prisoners . Read more about Eric’s release here . Read Endjah’s writing here . Read more about Amber’s case here. Read and support Daughters Magazine . Share this Episode with Friends Inside Interested in sharing this episode with friends inside? Some people might be able to find our podcast on their Kiosk system, but for those who can’t we suggest printing the transcript and mailing it in. Here it is in a format that takes up less pages to make printing cheaper and get through page limits: 8 page (smaller font) .docx / 10-page (larger font) .docx

Send us a message Morgan Bassichis is back talking gossip with Dean. Why is it so hard to tell people things directly? Why is it so hard to keep things confidential? How can we tell whether we’re sharing information because it is useful for caring, or because we want to seem important or get social credit? How can we help each other practice direct communication? How can we bring greater care to how we talk about each other, so that we can resist disorganizing patterns in our communities and groups? All this in less than 20 minutes? If you're enjoying Love in a F*cked Up World , check out our Patreon where you can find videos, conversations, and message boards where people are talking about the ideas. We pay for all the podcast expenses through listener support, so if you’re up for becoming a paid member of our Patreon, we really appreciate it. We also would love to see you there as a free member.

Send us a message Tea kettle studies non-expert Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk about resentment—how it can poison our enjoyment of the things we want and need to do, how it can be toxic for groups, how it is a reasonable response to the intense conditions we live under, and what it looks like to try to work through it so we can stay connected to the people, groups, and activities we care about. They talk through some of the tools Dean has been using in recent workshops about resentment and explore how we can work with this difficult mental and emotional tangle. If you're enjoying Love in a F*cked Up World , check out our Patreon where you can find more videos and cute message boards where people are talking about the ideas. We pay for all the podcast expenses through listener support, so if you’re up for becoming a paid member of our Patreon, we really appreciate it. We also would love to see you there as a free member. Resources for episode: Dean Spade: Resentment video for ASA Roundtable Mutual Aid 101: Navigating Conflict When Building Power with Dean Spade

Send us a message Vicky Osterweil, author of In Defense of Looting , joins Dean for a Trans Day of Visibility event organized by CLAGS (The Center for LGBTQ Studies at CUNY). Dean and Vicky talk about the gorgeous threat that trans people constitute to fascism, the power of holding multiple contradictory truths, and how to keep trying things and experimenting to create revolution. Vicky's new book, The Extended Universe: How Disney Killed the Movies and Took Over the World , is out now from Haymarket Books. Also check out more from Vicky at CAW (Collective of Anarchist Writers). Video of this episode is available on YouTube. We will add the link to the full event including ASL interpretation on the CLAGS YouTube channel here when it becomes available. If you're enjoying Love in a F*cked Up World , check out our Patreon where you can find more videos and cute message boards where people are talking about the ideas. We pay for all the podcast expenses through listener support, so if you’re up for becoming a paid member of our Patreon, we really appreciate it. We also would love to see you there as a free member.

Send us a message Dean chats with his friend, the brilliant writer and activist Eli Clare, about his newest book, Unfurl , which Eli describes as a queer disabled love song. Dean and Eli talk about grief and what it means to live with a broken heart, dealing with feelings of betrayal and disappointment in longtime movement work, and the persistence of internalized shame. They also talk about the importance of different types of connections across the long arc of Eli's exquisite work shaping trans politics and disability justice over the last many decades. Learn more about Eli's work. It's publication week for the new edition of Mutual Aid! Join us on Patreon for excerpts and videos about the new edition. You can also order it directly from us on Patreon to support the podcast.

Send us a message Dean sits down with friend and collaborator Benji Hart, a facilitator, educator, writer, and artist with years of experience in multiracial abolitionist organizing. Together, they discuss their anti-militarism work with the group Dissenters and explore the deep connections between transformative justice and artistic practice. Benji shares insights from their experience facilitating transformative justice processes, emphasizing the importance of treating the work as planting seeds, understanding that change takes time and finding meaning in the process itself. Join us on Patreon for unique content, live events, and conversations to go deep on themes from the podcast. You can order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going, and submit your questions for future episodes! More from Benji: Article: No Abolition Without Demilitarization: Black and Muslim Solidarity for Ending Police Worldwide Book chapter: "An Experiment in Addressing Intraorganizational Violence" in Constellations of Care , edited by Cindy Barukh Milstein Check out Benji's Patreon

Send us a message Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk through a listener question about when self-improvement work is too rigorous and/or driven by shame. Morgan and Dean go deep, thinking together about the really painful beliefs about ourselves that sometimes come up and how to move through them. How can we hold ourselves with humility, recognizing our growth edges and taking actions we want to take, but also accept ourselves and each other as we are with gentleness? Join us on Patreon for unique content, live events, and conversations to go deep on themes from the podcast. You can order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going, and submit your questions for future episodes!

Send us a message Dean is joined by longtime collaborator and dear friend Andrea Ritchie, author of Practicing New Worlds , Invisible No More , No More Police , and other essential books and toolkits that you can find linked below and on the Interrupting Criminalization website . Andrea has been documenting, organizing, advocating, litigating, and agitating around policing and criminalization of Black women, girls, trans, and gender nonconforming people for the past three decades. She talks with Dean about the gorgeous community defense work happening in Minneapolis, her work to organize with health care workers against criminalization, what kinds of relationships we need to build in these harrowing times, what has helped them to maintain a supportive friendship with each other over almost 20 years, and much more. If you want to dig deeper, go to patreon.com/deanspade where we have posted much more free content, in addition to ways to support the podcast, and check out our message boards where you can meet other people thinking about these ideas together. Check out Andrea’s amazing work: Interrupting Criminalization Beyond Do No Harm Network Practicing New Worlds No More Police Invisible No More Queer (In)Justice

Send us a message Chani Nicholas, queer feminist astrologer and author of You Were Born for This , joins Dean to talk about how she got politicized, how we hold fear and choose purposeful action in these difficult times, what it takes to stand up for what we believe in when were are under pressure, and what it means to worship time. Visit Chani’s website for access to her app and to listen to both of her podcasts: Astrology of the Week Ahead and Down to Astro . You can watch her 2026 Astrology Forecast for the Year Ahead video on YouTube here . And read her book You Were Born for This . Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations to go deep on themes from the podcast. You can order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.

Send us a message Dean is excited to share an episode of the podcast Green Dreamer , hosted by kaméa chayne. Green Dreamer features thoughtful, engaging interviews with organizers, writers, artists, and thinkers working towards transformative change. You can listen to a recent episode featuring Dean here . This episode features an interview with adrienne maree brown and addresses questions including: How do we navigate friendships in the context of social change and increasing political divides? What does it mean to ground ourselves in concepts that are much older than us — collectively nurturing our “garden of ideas”? And how do we move away from cancel culture to lovingly call one another in — to return and remember our shared values. Listen to more episodes of Green Dreamer , support the show on Patreon , and visit them on Instagram .

Send us a message Dean speaks (in person!) with Peter Gelderloos, whose work has profoundly shaped Dean’s political development since he first encountered How Nonviolence Protects the State in the early 2000s. Together, they discuss revolutionary tactics, the criminalization of resistance, and how to challenge dominant narratives of pacifism. Peter also describes an “ecosystem of revolt” and shares an image that helped Dean conceptualize the new introduction to the recently released second edition of his book, Mutual Aid . Video of this episode is available on YouTube. Check our Peter's books at the links below, along with three recent short videos he made with subMedia, “It’s Revolution or Death,” and some additional interviews. Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can order the new edition of Mutual Aid (OUT NOW!) or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going. More from Peter: How Nonviolence Protects the State The Solutions are Already Here Anarchy Works They Will Beat the Memory Out of Us It’s Revolution or Death : A 3-Part Video Series from subMedia and Peter Gelderloos The Final Straw Radio: Peter Gelderloos on Memory, Community, Organization, and Struggle Last Born in The Wilderness: How Nonviolence Protects the State / Peter Gelderloos

Send us a message Dean sits down with Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman and host of the Co-Regulation podcast to talk about Holly’s critical feminist analysis of how the alcohol industry and the ubiquity of 12-step impact how we perceive drinking and sobriety. We recommend pairing this episode with our previous episode with Shira Hassan , as well as the bonus interview with Shira that you can find for free on Patreon. Shira is the author of Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Reduction , and her discussions with Dean also dug into addiction, sobriety, and 12-step. Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can also pre-order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going. More from Holly: Co-regulation: A Podcast Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Society Obsessed with Alcohol

Send us a message In societies where we throw people away regularly, where carcerality is woven into the emotional fabric of all of our psyches and relationships, it can be VERY hard to give and receive direct feedback. Often we don’t tell people when they hurt us and then we blow up at them or ghost after saving up a pile of hurts. Or we build resentments that are toxic for us and for relationships or groups. And most of us are very defensive when people offer feedback because we’re afraid of being thrown away if we admit mistakes or listen to criticism to find out what might be useful for learning. Morgan Bassichis is back for a conversation with Dean about giving and receiving feedback directly as a way to build and strengthen relationships, and to prevent conflict from escalating to destructive and disorganizing levels. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show, unique content, and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes. Mentioned in this episode: The new edition of Mutual Aid is coming out March 31, 2026. You can pre-order it here to have proceeds go to support the podcast. You can read an excerpt on fame and parasocial relationships here.

Send us a message Shira Hassan brings her brilliance and decades of experience in harm reduction, transformative justice, and self-help to this deep-dive conversation. With thoughtful questions for Dean about Love in a F*cked Up World , she opens a nuanced exploration of the relationship between dissociation and numbness, rebellious awareness and radical acceptance, the role of softness in the midst of hard work, and setting boundaries as an abolitionist and harm reductionist. Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can also pre-order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going. More from Shira: Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Reduction Fumbling Towards Repair: A Workbook for Community Accountability Facilitators Transformative Justice Help Desk

Send us a message Crushes can be fun and enlivening, but sometimes they are ill-timed or ill-suited, and it can be hard to shake them off. Morgan Bassichis is back to discuss one of the most popular tools from Dean's book Love in a F*cked Up World: 7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush. This tool can help you to turn down the intensity of the interest or obsession when you're feeling crushed out. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show, unique content, and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.

Send us a message Jessica Lanyadoo is back with Dean for part two of this AMA, where they tackle more listener questions. They dive into everything from negotiating relationship terms — like how to open a relationship, set boundaries, and talk about safer sex — to conversations about porn, casual sex, gender envy, and parasocial relationships. Listen to Part 1 of this episode on Apple here , Spotify here , or Dean's website here . Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes. Jessica Lanyadoo is host of Ghost of a Podcast, out twice weekly and available everywhere podcasts are heard. Find out more about her work at lovelanyadoo.com and join her on Patreon at patreon.com/jessicalanyadoo

Send us a message Jessica Lanyadoo joins Dean for the first AMA episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Jessica and Dean answer listener questions about how to navigate our relationships with friends in the context of these terrifying times, how to deal with differing awareness and practices around COVID in our community spaces, and how to negotiate and reckon with differences in class and access to resources in organizing. We got so many great questions from listeners that we’ll be releasing this conversation in two parts. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes. Jessica Lanyadoo is host of Ghost of a Podcast, out twice weekly and available everywhere podcasts are heard. Find out more about her work at lovelanyadoo.com and join her on Patreon at patreon.com/jessicalanyadoo RESOURCES FOR THIS EPISODE: Info about Long COVID: https://longcovidjustice.org/resources/learn-about-long-covid/ https://longcovidjustice.org/trans/ Info about mask bloc and clean air club organizing and some examples: https://maskbloc.org/about/ https://cleanairclub.org/about https://www.instagram.com/seattlecleanair/?hl=en https://www.instagram.com/masksforlondon/?hl=en https://www.instagram.com/breathe.better.berlin/ https://www.instagram.com/glasgowmaskbloc/?hl=en

Send us a message Kelly Hayes joins Dean Spade to talk about the relational work of movement building. In a critical moment in Chicago, Kelly and Dean talk about how to establish the trust needed to take the kinds of risks necessary to fight ICE and fascist invasion. They also talk about AI and journalism, and Kelly tells Dean how when confronting fascism, "The truth is a front of struggle." Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, early access, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes. Learn more about Kelly Hayes on her website , and check out her work and key resources mentioned in the show: Movement Memos podcast Read This When Things Fall Apart Let This Radicalize You Organizing My Thoughts newsletter Truthout In It Together Toolkit

Send us a message Weyam Ghadbian joins Dean Spade to talk about Dean's tool 7 Steps for Deescalating a Crush, how Weyam encouraged Dean to discuss the transformative power of love, when attachment theory is useful, and when it's ok to give self help books as gifts. Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, tickets to online events, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes. Check out Turning Towards Each Other: A Conflict Workbook by Weyam Ghadbian and Jovida Ross.

Send us a message Dean is excited to share an episode of one of his favorite podcasts, How to Survive the End of the World , hosted by Autumn Brown and adrienne maree brown. In this episode, "Be My Senpai" the sisters answer a listener question about how to interface with critical feedback and even trolling. They dive into the the importance of belonging and the ways they establish safety and boundaries in their lives, how self-protection is crucial in maintaining mental health, and how competing political priorities can lead to feelings of abandonment but don't need to! Listen to more episodes of How to Survive the End of the World , support the show on Patreon , and visit them on Instagram . You can listen to Dean's interview with adrienne maree brown on episode 1 of Love in a F*cked Up World, and check out Autumn and adrienne's conversation with Dean on this episode of How to Survive the End of the World .