The High Conflict Blueprint | For Stepmoms Dealing with a Toxic or Narcissistic Ex

There's a common trap you might recognise. You might even be in it right now. I call it 'Invisible and Blamed'. Essentially, you do all these things for your stepkids – you remember the sports uniform, you sort dinner, you help with homework, school pickups, washing, schedule changes. And nobody really notices what you do. It becomes invisible. Until something goes wrong. Or, more accurately, until the ex complains that something went wrong. Then suddenly everybody notices. And apparently it's your fault. It wouldn't be so bad if your partner wasn't in on it too. He just seems to go along with whatever the ex says, to “keep the peace". So you decide "Well fine, I'm not helping anymore. Do it all yourself". Or you just quietly seethe. But neither of these is really working is it. So what do you actually do? I'm going to show you today. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

What do you do when your stepchild comes back from their mother's and is suddenly cold towards you? The kid was fine when she left. Now she's barely speaking to you. She doesn’t want a hug. She seems irritated by you just being there. And now you're thinking, “Is her mother turning her against me?” It’s the hurt of being rejected. The fear that her mother is brainwashing her. The fear that your partner can’t or won’t do anything about it. And often, the things we do to try to fix it can actually make the situation worse. Today I’m talking about what could be going on when your stepchild comes home like a different child, and what actually helps. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

Have you ever looked at something the ex has done and thought... “What the f*ck??” She makes decisions without your partner and then complains that she has to do everything. She bangs on about how much the kids hate you when they’ve been perfectly fine with you. It makes no sense. But today I want to show you that a lot of her behaviour actually does make sense – if you know the story she's telling herself. The story about who she is, who you are, who your partner is, how she’s been wronged… Because this story connects together everything she does. And if you understand what it is, it can make dealing with her a whole lot less frustrating. Today I’ll show you how to find that story. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You know that feeling when you're going somewhere you know the ex is going to be, like a school concert, or a birthday, or a handover. And you’re already dreading it. You wonder if she’s going to come over. Will she start an uncomfortable conversation? Accuse you of something? Or will she ignore you. Or act friendly, then twist things later. So then you decide maybe it’s easier not to go at all. So you don’t have to deal with it. Or maybe you try to tell yourself that it’ll be fine, that you’re being ridiculous. But that doesn’t stop the dread at the thought of seeing her. Today, I'll show you how to handle this on your own terms. Because you don't need to know what she's going to do, you just need to know what you're going to do. 👉 Episode Show Notes 👉 Get the 30 Minute Reset: highconflictblueprint.com/reset 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You know that moment you've been triggered and you just react. You say or do something you later regret. Like you're at pickup, and the ex says something in front of the kids, and before you know it you’re having an argument with your partner on the way home about it. And then you spiral into all these thoughts. Thinking about what she said. What you should have said back. What your partner is thinking. You lose the evening arguing with your partner. You lose sleep. You’re distracted at work. And later you’re thinking, “ how did that happen? I don't even want to be doing that. ” But it’s like you just can’t help it. Most of us only recognise that we’ve been triggered once we’ve already reacted, when it's too late to stop it. But your reaction doesn’t come out of nowhere. You have a trigger pattern. Once you can see it, you can catch it earlier – before the spiral completely takes over your day. 👉 Get the 30 Minute Reset: highconflictblueprint.com/reset 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You helped with school pickup – and you were criticized for overstepping. So you stopped – now you're accused of not caring about the kids. Eventually you start wondering what you're doing wrong. Because you're just trying to fit into this family, but everything you do just seems to make things worse. Welcome to the world of the no-win stepmum, where no matter what you do, it's wrong. Most stepmums dealing with a high conflict ex find themselves here. So what exactly are you supposed to do? I'm going to answer that question today. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You've decided to meet with the high conflict ex. That means you’ll be sitting across from someone you don't trust, in a conversation where you have no control over what she says or does. It’s enough to send you into a spiral. If this was a meeting with a reasonable person, then you could just turn up, have a normal conversation, and leave. But dealing with someone with a history of conflict is different. You can't assume the conversation will stay on topic, remain respectful, or end when it's supposed to. Most stepmums make the same mistakes. They don’t prepare, they get caught off guard and set themselves up for trouble. This episode is your preparation – so you can walk in steady, stay in control, and leave on your terms. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

So... the high conflict ex wants to meet with you. She says “it’s not unreasonable to want to meet the woman who’ll be living with my kids.” And it’s not unreasonable... if it was coming from someone reasonable. You immediately know this is a loaded invitation. Now you feel trapped between two bad options – meet and risk being interrogated and having your words twisted, or refuse and risk being painted as rude and uncooperative. So is saying yes the right thing to do? Does saying no make you look like the problem? Today I’m going to show you what’s really behind this meeting request, and how to decide whether to say yes or no. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You're suspicious. Of course you are. The ex has been hostile for months. And then one day… she’s suddenly being nice. It's weird. She must be up to something. But no one else seems to think so. Your partner thinks things are settling down. Maybe your friends think she's finally coming around. And now you wonder – am I just cynical? Today I'm going to show you what's really behind this weird ‘nice’ behaviour of hers, and what to do the next time it happens. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You set a boundary. You meant it. Then the ex lost her s**t, your partner caved, and you backed down. Now you're back where you started. Here's the thing. The reason this happens is not just because boundaries are hard. It's because most of us don't actually know how to hold a boundary. Holding a boundary is a skill. And today, I'm going to show you how to do it. 👉 Ep 13: Setting Boundaries With the Ex When You're Terrified of What She’ll Do 👉 Grab my FREE Escalation-Proof Boundary Planner – identify all the ways the ex might push back and what you'll do to protect yourself 👉 Ep 47: How to Finally Step Back from the Drama… & Stay There (Part 3/3) 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

Boundaries with a high conflict ex are harder than anyone tells you. In this Q&A I'm answering real boundary questions from stepmums: She ignores every boundary we set. How do you actually get a high conflict ex to respect them? She keeps contacting me directly. Should I say something – or just block her? Every time I ignore her I feel so guilty, and then I give in. How do I stop? I resent my partner for not setting boundaries. Am I wasting my energy trying to help him? I set a boundary, the ex retaliated and I backed down. What do I do now? 👉 Episode Show Notes 👉 Ep 8: When Your Partner Won’t Set Boundaries With the Ex 👉 Ep 45: When Stepping Back from the Drama Isn't Working (Part 1/3) 👉 Ep 13: Setting Boundaries With the Ex When You're Terrified of What She’ll Do 👉 Grab my FREE Escalation-Proof Boundary Planner , so you can set your first boundary today and know exactly what to do when she pushes back. 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You're pregnant. You and your partner are building something together. Something that is finally, completely, entirely yours. This was supposed to be one of the best moments of your life. But instead of just getting to enjoy it, you're already thinking about what the high conflict ex is going to do to ruin it. The threats. The financial demands. The things she'll say to the kids. This is supposed to be your moment and you feel like she's stealing it. Today I'm talking about why she's doing it and how to protect your pregnancy from the high conflict ex so she doesn't take your energy, your health and your happiness. If you're pregnant, or planning to be – you need to hear this. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

There's a difference between deciding to step back and actually being able to stay there. From the kind of stepping back where you decide to stop doing something but inside you're still fuming... to the kind where you can actually step back, without the resentment or guilt. This is part 3 of my series on disengaging from the drama – and this is the episode that takes you from " I've tried stepping back and it never works " to " I finally know how to step back and stay there. " 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You told yourself you were done stepping in. So why do you keep ending up in the middle of the drama again? Something is keeping you emotionally tied – and once you understand what it is, what you're doing starts to make sense. In this episode I'm going to show you exactly what's going on and give you something practical you can use today to start to change it. This is part 2 on my series on disengaging – not from your partner, or your family, but from needing something to go a certain way in order for you to feel okay about it. And once you learn that skill, you’ll be able to step back without the guilt or resentment. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You've tried stepping back. Maybe more than once. You told yourself you were going to let your partner handle it. That you've had enough of dealing with the drama. And for a little while, it almost worked. But then he came home stressed after dealing with the ex. Or his phone went off with her endless messages. And before you knew it, you were right back in the middle – managing, fixing, trying to hold it all together. Again. So why does stepping back feel impossible? It's not because you're not trying hard enough. It's because stepping back on its own isn't enough. You can change what you do a hundred times over – you can stop drafting his replies, stop dealing with the ex yourself, stop managing the kids. But if what's driving it hasn't shifted, you'll keep ending up back in the same place. Today we're talking about the skill of disengaging. Not from your family, but from the outcome. And why it's the part that's been missing. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You know you shouldn't react to the ex. But understanding that and actually doing it in the moment are two different things. In this Q&A episode, I'm answering real communication questions from stepmums: She sent accusations I had nothing to do with. I didn't respond – did I do the right thing? If I don't defend myself, won't she just think she's right? Every time I ignore her, she gets worse. What am I doing wrong? She keeps threatening to take it to her lawyer. Do we have to respond? I know I shouldn't react – but how do I actually stay calm in the moment? After I respond, I can't stop going over it in my head. How do I let it go? I've changed how I respond but my partner still reacts to everything. How do I get him on board? These are the exact situations stepmums deal with every day. Here's what to do in each one. 👉 FREE GUIDE DOWNLOAD – Don’t get stuck in conversations that always seem to escalate. Stay calm (no matter what she sends) with this simple 5-step plan + 10 copy-paste responses: highconflictblueprint.com/podcast-free-guide 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You're terrified this court battle is going to cost you everything – your money, your relationship, yourself. The legal fees are bleeding you both dry. And it costs you in ways that go beyond that – the holidays you can't take, the house you can't buy, a future that keeps getting pushed further out. And the arguments between you two are getting more frequent. Going through an endless custody battle gets inside your head. And it starts to change who you are. You're more anxious than you used to be. More reactive. More resentful. And you don’t like who you're becoming. When you're in it, it feels like there's no way out. But there is. And this episode will show you that you have more control than you think – and that this court battle doesn't have to destroy everything. 👉 Episode Show Notes 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

When you’re going through family court, everything you say, everything you do – the ex could twist it and use it against you. So you and your partner have been treading carefully. Explaining every time she accuses you of anything because you don’t want it to look like she’s right. You're probably also letting her bad behaviour slide. Avoiding things you shouldn't be avoiding. Because the last thing you want is to hand her ammunition she can twist for court. And that fear makes perfect sense. She really does twist everything. But the irony is that in trying to protect your case, you're actually undermining it. Because every time you back down, it’s costing you the very evidence you need. And every time you over-explain, you're quietly building hers. This episode shows you how to avoid the mistakes that are costing you your case, and shows you exactly what to do to make sure that your case is strong – and hers falls apart. If you're in court or heading for a custody battle, this is an episode you can't afford to miss. 👉 The No Drama Script Pack – A quick way to respond to high conflict messages from the ex without escalating or overthinking: highconflictblueprint.com/no-drama-script-pack 👉 Episode Show Notes: highconflictblueprint.com/podcast/mistakes-that-destroy-your-family-court-case 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You've watched it happen. She walks into a custody battle confident, emotional, compelling – and somehow, she's believable, even when pretty much everything she claims is false. Meanwhile, your partner walks in with the truth. And the truth should be enough, right? It's not. Not when you're up against a high conflict ex. And here's why. High conflict people are skilled at presenting their story. They know exactly the impression they want to leave. And unless your partner knows how to do the same thing, the ex is going to keep winning. So in order to get the outcome you want, you need a strategy. Today, I'm going to show you what that is. 👉 Episode Show Notes: highconflictblueprint.com/podcast/how-to-win-against-a-high-conflict-ex-family-court 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.

You've read the ex's affidavit – the one that described your home as unstable, your partner as irresponsible, you as a bad influence on the kids. And you thought... surely the judge will see through this. Surely the truth will come out. And then it didn't. If you've ever been through family court with a high conflict ex and walked away wondering how she keeps getting the outcome she wants – this episode will finally give you an answer. Because the court isn't doing what you think it's doing. It's not uncovering the truth. It's evaluating stories. And the high conflict ex? She's been telling her distorted stories – with total conviction – her entire life. This episode is about finally understanding why family court keeps going her way. And once you do, you'll never walk into a legal battle with her the same way again. 👉 Episode Show Notes: highconflictblueprint.com/podcast/why-ex-keeps-winning-family-court 🔍 Not sure if your partner's ex is truly high conflict or just difficult? Knowing makes all the difference. Take my quiz – you’ll know in 2 minutes: highconflictblueprint.com/quiz 📩 Join my list. My emails are where I share things I don't share anywhere else (because I don’t just teach this stuff, I actually live it). Join here: highconflictblueprint.com/email 🎙️Got a question or situation you'd like me to cover on the podcast? Tell me here: highconflictblueprint.com/questions Heads up: I’m a certified coach. Everything I share is for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional legal or mental health advice.