Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

You keep waiting to feel like yourself again before you start doing the things a person like you would do.That is the wrong order, and it is why so many people try to come home to themselves, fail, and decide something is wrong with them. Nothing is wrong with you. You were given the wrong instructions. → Work with me, one on one: https://theloomlife.com/coaching (open to men and women) Finding yourself is the wrong verb. Finding implies she is somewhere — misplaced, behind something — and that enough journaling or enough quiet will locate her. That is not how a self works. Leaving is an event; a self is a practice. You act your way back. This episode walks the four wrong turns almost everyone takes on the way. Blowing up your life, which feels decisive and takes you with you. Getting a hobby, which treats a missing self as a scheduling problem. Finding a new person, a new group, a new community — the one that looks exactly like recovery and is the single most common way people lose themselves twice. And waiting, which does not look like anything at all and is the most common of the four. Then the thing that actually works. There is a principle at the heart of one of the best-studied treatments for depression: action comes before motivation. Not after. You do the thing — small, scheduled, often before you want to — and the feeling follows. Applied to a lost self, that means you stop making decisions and start running experiments, because a decision says "this is who I am now" and that pressure is exactly what keeps people frozen. Leslie gives a two-question test to run on anything you try: did I lose track of time, and if the person in my life disappeared tomorrow would I still want this? She works it through with golf, which she took up two years ago and which happens to be her partner's sport — and the honest question she kept asking herself about whether it was hers or his. Plus why going back to who you were at twenty-five usually disappoints, what self-expansion research suggests instead, the four quiet signs it is working (including irritation, which everyone misreads), and the way the people around you will react when you start taking something back. Not finding. Acting. One experiment this week, one direction, two questions afterward. CHAPTERS 00:00 Finding yourself is the wrong verb 01:40 The four wrong turns 05:25 Action comes before motivation — and running experiments instead 08:40 The two-question test, and what golf taught me 11:55 Go new, not back: self-expansion instead of nostalgia 14:15 Four quiet signs it is working 17:00 How the people around you react, and your one experiment THE SERIES This is part of The Three Anchors. Start with the first episode: The You, the Me, and the We — [URL PENDING, see A9] MORE SUPPORT Going through a divorce, or rebuilding after one — THROUGH: https://theloomlife.com/sp/through-divorce-program Ongoing support and community — Mindful Untangling Membership: https://theloomlife.com/membership Instagram: @the.loom.life · @loom.life.therapy This channel is educational content and is not therapy. Watching does not create a clinician-client relationship. Leslie is a licensed therapist in Florida only; Florida residents seeking therapy can find that at loomlifetherapy.com. Everyone else, the coaching link above is the door.

You can name every birthday, every grade, every photo — and still not recognize the woman in them. This is the episode about the decade so many of us lose, and how to tell the difference between sacrificing for your children and disappearing into them. Work with Leslie → https://theloomlife.com/coaching Leslie spent her thirties running four other people’s lives with the same intensity she had brought to a legal career. From the outside it looked like a woman doing a great job — the school events, the photographs, the new creative hobby everyone praised. From the inside there was no one left in there. She goes back into that decade honestly here, including the part of the story that usually gets left out: she was not a martyr. Stepping away from the law was partly devotion and partly escape, from a profession that never fit her, and the shame of that second half is what keeps most women from looking at any of it. She walks through the three anchors every woman needs — a place to go, a thing to do, something that is hers alone — and shows how ordinary, devoted motherhood quietly reassigns all three. Her place became their places. Her thing to do became their schedules. Even photography, the one thing she had fallen in love with, turned into a service she provided to a school. It still looked like an anchor. It had stopped being one. Then there is the moment it broke open. A retreat in Costa Rica, a circle of strangers, a blank sheet of paper, and a woman who could have written out her children’s schedule from memory but could not write one sentence about who she was. The back half is the practical part. What psychologist Dana Crowley Jack called self-silencing, and what the research does and does not say about what it costs. The clearest test Leslie has found between sacrifice and disappearance — sacrifice is temporary, specific, and chosen, and you can still name what you gave up. And three questions, about ninety seconds in total, that show you which anchor went first. The one you gave away first is usually the one that leads you back. If you are in the thick of it with young children, take this as a warning. If your house has gone quiet, take it as a door. Either way, you do not have to wait for them to leave home to start. CHAPTERS 0:00 The woman in the photographs I don’t recognize 2:30 The three anchors every woman needs — and where they go 5:30 Not a martyr: when motherhood is also an exit 8:45 Costa Rica, a blank page, and the moment I saw it 11:30 Self-silencing: why devoted, capable women disappear 14:00 Three questions — which one did you give away first? 18:30 Photography, travel, and the way back at 50 MENTIONED The Three Anchors episode — [URL pending, see flags] Dana Crowley Jack, Silencing the Self The Loom Life · Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity · Publishing package MORE FROM THE LOOM LIFE Mindful Untangling Membership — ongoing support for the long haul: https://theloomlife.com/membership Instagram: @the.loom.life Florida therapy clients only: @loom.life.therapy · loomlifetherapy.com This channel is educational and is not therapy. Watching or commenting does not create a clinician-client relationship. Leslie Mathews, JD, MSW, provides therapy only to clients located in Florida, and only through loomlifetherapy.com.

You didn't lose yourself all at once. You said yes to one thing that wasn't yours, and then another, and then another. Shoutout to James Sexton, NYCDivorceLawyer on IG for the inspiration for today's episode! This is the episode about how that happens — and how you come back. → Work with me, one on one: https://theloomlife.com/coaching (open to men and women) If you retired tomorrow, or your kids moved out tomorrow, or your relationship ended, would you still know who you are? Not what you do. Not who you take care of. Leslie opens with a question she couldn't stop thinking about after hearing it secondhand: do you have a place to go, a thing to do, and something to be passionate about? Lose those three and you lose your inner compass. And once your sense of self goes blurry, the relationship goes blurry too — because every relationship is the you, the me, and the we. If the me falls apart, there is nothing left to hold the we together. This one is personal. Leslie tells the story of the years she stayed home with her two youngest, when her place to go became their school, her thing to do became their schedule, and her passion became photographing their lives. She talks about not recognizing the woman in her own photographs from that decade, and about the women's retreat in Costa Rica where she was asked to write something about herself and couldn't think of anything to put down. Then she tells a harder, more recent story: the stretch after her divorce when an old abandonment wound woke up inside her relationship with her partner Frank, and she lost months to worrying — along with her friends, her family, and the attention her new business needed. What Frank told her when she finally came back to her own life is the turn the whole episode rests on. Along the way: what the research says happens to your sense of self after a relationship ends, why people in relationships tend to have fewer close friends than single people, self-silencing and what it appears to cost the body, the friendship numbers that make retirement so much harder on men than anyone expects, and why family systems therapy holds that a real "us" needs two whole people in it — not two halves looking for completion. For women in the middle of motherhood, marriage, an empty nest or a divorce. And for the men in their lives, who are living the same story from the other side. CHAPTERS 00:00 Would you know who you are? 03:00 Why we lose ourselves — and why it isn't weakness 06:15 The three anchors: a place, a thing, a passion 07:50 What the research says about a blurry sense of self 10:00 When I disappeared into motherhood 14:10 Self-silencing, and what it costs the body 15:40 For the men: when work is all three anchors 18:00 Retiring into nothing 19:20 My abandonment wound, and what Frank said 22:20 Two whole people: differentiation and the real "us" 24:40 Why good, loving people hand themselves over 26:30 Coming back MORE SUPPORT Going through a divorce, or rebuilding after one — THROUGH: https://theloomlife.com/sp/through-divorce-program Ongoing support and community — Mindful Untangling Membership: https://theloomlife.com/membership Instagram: @the.loom.life · @loom.life.therapy This channel is educational content and is not therapy. Watching does not create a clinician-client relationship. Leslie is a licensed therapist in Florida only; Florida residents seeking therapy can find that at loomlifetherapy.com. If you are looking for coaching, the link above is the door.

Divorce advice for women from an attorney who has spent 20 years representing women only. Heather Quick, founder and CEO of Florida Women's Law Group, joins Leslie to share what two decades of women's stories have taught her about courage, boundaries, and becoming, and the hard truths about divorce that no one prepares you for. Heather built a Jacksonville family law firm where women represent women, and in this conversation she pulls back the curtain on the parts of divorce that blindside so many of us: why the financial affidavit feels impossible (and why accuracy is your protection), what child support actually covers, and what it never will, why the house you're fighting for may be the thing draining you, and why the first six months are for feeling, not deciding. She and Leslie also get honest about mediation, preparation, and the choice at the center of it all: will you be the victim of this divorce, or the heroine of it? Whether you're contemplating divorce, in the middle of it, or rebuilding after, this episode is a masterclass in walking through one of life's hardest seasons with clarity, preparation, and self-trust. Because your story doesn't end when a relationship does, sometimes that's exactly where it begins. IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Welcome & meet Heather Quick 02:00 From prosecutor to family law 04:30 Why a law firm for women only 08:00 The compassion gap in family law 09:30 Your lawyer is not your therapist 11:00 Starting with YOUR goals, not their assumptions 14:30 How prepared clients win mediations 19:00 The six-month rule: feel first, decide later 20:00 50/50 time-sharing, the kids & the house 25:00 The financial affidavit: overwhelm to armor 30:30 Footnotes, receipts & being questioned in court 33:00 What child support actually covers 36:30 Extracurriculars, medical costs & future expenses 42:00 Strategy over survival mode 44:30 Victim or heroine: the choice is yours 47:30 The fears that come true, and the ones that don't 52:30 Grief, goodbye ceremonies & closure 54:30 Yoga, breath & your nervous system 57:30 Real women's stories: life after divorce 01:02:30 Where to find Heather CONNECT WITH HEATHER QUICK: Firm Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/4womenlaw/ Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenwinningdivorce_/ Heather's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heatherquick_/ Women Winning Divorce Podcast: https://women-winning divorce.captivate.fm YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@FloridaWomensLawGroup LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/heatherbquick/ READY FOR SUPPORT? If you're a woman navigating divorce and you're done doing it alone, THROUGH is my 8- week divorce coaching program built to help you move from surviving to becoming: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram CONNECT WITH LESLIE: Website: https://theloomlife.com Therapy (Florida): https://loomlifetherapy.com Personal: https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.life TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews SUPPORT RESOURCES: Divorce can bring up more than any of us expect. If you're struggling, you don't have to carry it alone, call or text 988 (US) or find free, confidential support worldwide at https://findahelpline.com #DivorceAdviceForWomen #DivorceRecovery #FamilyLaw #WomenSupportingWomen #PullingThreadsPodcast

'Til death do us part is the easiest vow you'll ever make, and that's exactly the problem. This is Part 2 of The Six Words, a series about the promise almost all of us have made and almost none of us have questioned. In Part 1, I traced where those words came from, and how "'til death" once meant roughly nineteen years, not sixty. This episode asks a harder question: not how long the promise lasts, but how little it costs to make it. Standing at the altar, forever asks nothing of you the next morning. And the research on long marriages keeps landing in the same place: once we're certain someone isn't going anywhere, we quietly stop courting them. We save our warmest, most patient selves for coworkers, friends, and strangers on the internet, people who could actually walk away, and hand the person we promised the most our leftovers. The security the vow was meant to give us is the same security that can turn into stagnation. So I want to offer a different promise. Smaller, harder, and braver: I still choose you. Forever points at a future you can't see or control. Still points at this ordinary morning, this actual person, this real relationship with all its wear and tear. You can only keep that one by staying awake to it. This one is for anyone considering marriage, in a marriage, or wondering whether they'd do it differently next time. No blame the whole way through. ▸ WATCH PART 1 FIRST: https://youtu.be/QELnaOhElTU CHAPTERS 00:00 — Forever Is the Easy Vow (The Backwards Idea) 00:55 — Welcome to Part Two of The Six Words 01:50 — Recap: Where 'Til Death Do Us Part Came From 02:40 — What Does the Vow Actually Cost You? 03:35 — The Overnight Shift: "Now We Can Coast" 04:10 — Gray Divorce and a Promise That Never Checks In 05:10 — Why We Save Our Best Selves for Strangers 06:10 — Turning Away: The Micro-Moments That Disappear 07:25 — Leslie's Own Marriage: "Everything Changed" 08:25 — What the Research Says About Long Marriages 09:40 — When Security Turns Into Stagnation 10:30 — Owning the House vs. Renting the House 11:55 — Nobody Has to Put Up With You Forever 12:45 — This Is Not About Making Your Partner Afraid 13:45 — The Higher Bar: "I Keep Choosing You" 15:15 — "Still" Points at Right Now 16:35 — You Don't Need a Ceremony to Start Choosing Again 18:05 — Coming Next in the Series + Where to Find Support WORK WITH ME If this landed and you want to do this work with support, book a 1:1 discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call FIND ME EVERYWHERE Coaching & podcast — theloomlife.com Therapy practice (Florida) — loomlifetherapy.com Personal site — leslieellenmathews.com Instagram — @the.loom.life TikTok — @leslieellenmathews A NOTE ON SUPPORT This episode touches on relationship strain, divorce, and the grief of feeling unchosen. If you are struggling, you deserve real support. In the US, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Outside the US, find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. Subscribe so you catch Part 3, on why we fall out of love, and why nobody warned us. Keywords: marriage vows, 'til death do us part meaning, why marriages fail, gray divorce, taking each other for granted, how to rebuild connection in a marriage, staying in love long term, relationship coaching, marriage advice for couples, personal growth podcast for women #PullingThreads #TheSixWords #MarriageAdvice #GrayDivorce #RelationshipGrowth

“Till death do us part” was written in 1549, when the average person lived to 43. It promised about 19 years. Today it is asked to cover 57. Same six words. Nearly triple the sentence. And we have been quietly blaming ourselves for the difference ever since. If you have ever stood in a hard season of a long marriage and wondered what is wrong with you, this one is for you. ─────────────── WORK WITH ME Book a 1:1 coaching call → https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call ─────────────── In this first episode of a new series, Leslie Mathews pulls apart the most sacred six words we have. Not to argue against marriage, she is emphatic that she is not anti-marriage, but to ask whether a promise calibrated for two decades can honestly carry five. She traces the vow back to Thomas Cranmer and the 1549 Book of Common Prayer, where the original line read “till death us depart.” She looks at what changed between then and now: gray divorce, longer lives, remarriage, and a legal system that makes leaving punishing. And she makes the case that the problem is not the length of the promise at all, it is that we confused the word with the thing. Forever is easy. It costs nothing at the altar because it asks nothing of you tomorrow morning. Presence is hard. Presence is choosing someone on an ordinary Tuesday when the dishwasher is broken and nobody is watching. And if your marriage already ended: you did not fail at forever. Forever was never the thing. The choosing every day was the thing. CHAPTERS 00:20 The Warning: I’m About to Ruffle Some Feathers 01:10 A Promise Written When People Died at 43 02:30 Welcome to Pulling Threads 03:00 To Be Clear: I Am Not Anti-Marriage 03:50 Thomas Cranmer, 1549, and “Till Death Us Depart” 04:30 The Math Nobody Tells You: 19 Years 05:30 Gray Divorce and the Glow-Up 06:10 From 19 Years to 57 Years 07:00 Where the Shame Actually Comes From 07:50 My Own Nineteen Years 08:40 Blame the Programming, Not Yourself 09:30 Forever Is Easy. Presence Is Hard. 11:10 The Loom: Cloth Left Unattended Unravels 12:45 The Irony, We Stop Trying Because We Promised 13:35 Keep Dating the Person You Married 14:20 What Would You Promise Now? 15:00 If Your Marriage Already Ended THIS IS PART 1 Over the next few weeks: the research, what an unhappy marriage does to your body, the pushback, and the vow I would write instead. Subscribe so you catch the rest. ALSO FROM THE LOOM LIFE THROUGH, divorce coaching for women, mentioned in this episode: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram FIND ME The Loom Life → https://theloomlife.com Loom Life Therapy → https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie Ellen Mathews → https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram → https://instagram.com/the.loom.life TikTok → https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews A NOTE ON SUPPORT This episode touches on marriage strain, divorce, and grief. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. In the US you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. Outside the US, findahelpline.com will point you to local support. Nothing here is therapy or a substitute for it. TELL ME What would you promise now, knowing what that word actually asks of you? I read the comments. Keywords: till death do us part meaning, wedding vows history, marriage vows explained, gray divorce, how to heal after divorce, rebuilding identity after divorce, long marriage problems, personal growth podcast for women over 40, mental health podcast for women, relationship coaching #TillDeathDoUsPart #MarriageVows #GrayDivorce #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreads

Trauma bonding is not weakness. It is neurobiology. In this teaching session, therapist and coach Leslie Mathews explains exactly what happens in your brain and body inside an emotionally abusive relationship -- and why leaving is so much harder than anyone outside it understands. Ready for structured, guided support through your divorce? THROUGH is my 8-week divorce coaching program for women: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram ABOUT THIS EPISODE If you have ever asked yourself why you cannot just walk away -- or why you keep going back to someone who hurts you -- this episode is the answer, and it has nothing to do with your character. Leslie walks through the four-stage cycle that keeps people bonded: idealization and love bombing, devaluing and gaslighting, the discard and silent treatment, and hoovering, when the charm comes back and pulls you in again. She explains intermittent reinforcement -- why unpredictable warmth builds a far stronger attachment than steady, reliable love -- and then breaks down the specific brain chemistry underneath it: dopamine driving the seeking and the craving, oxytocin physically reattaching you to the person hurting you, and cortisol and adrenaline holding you in fight-or-flight, hypervigilance, and walking on eggshells. She also explains why the prefrontal cortex -- your rational, decision-making brain -- goes offline under chronic stress while the amygdala takes over, which is why it becomes so difficult to think your way out of a relationship that is harming you, and why distance from the person makes clarity possible. The session closes with cognitive dissonance: the experience of holding two contradictory truths at once -- this person is harming me, and this person is my person -- and how the mind minimizes harm to survive that contradiction. Plus the practical ties that keep people in place: money, children, a shared home, a future already built. Staying is not a character flaw. It is a neurobiological one, and it can be understood and undone. This episode opens with a short grounding meditation. If you would like to skip straight to the teaching, use the chapters below. This is Part 1 of a series. Upcoming episodes cover how to leave, and how to protect yourself if you are choosing to stay. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT YOU WILL LEARN - The four phases of the narcissistic and emotional abuse cycle, and how each one hooks you - Why intermittent reinforcement creates a stronger bond than consistent love - What the craving to reach out actually is -- and why naming it as chemical changes everything - The role of dopamine, oxytocin, cortisol, and adrenaline in keeping you attached - Why your thinking brain goes offline and your survival brain takes over - What a trauma bond is, and why you cannot fight what you believe is only love - How cognitive dissonance minimizes harm, and how to recognize it in yourself - Why letting go of the shame is the first real step in recovery CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome -- who this session is for 02:20 Grounding meditation 05:40 Why the neuroscience removes the shame 07:00 A personal note from Leslie 10:15 The abuse cycle: idealization and love bombing 11:40 Devaluing, coldness, and gaslighting 13:10 The discard phase and hoovering 13:45 The covert devaluing most people miss 14:45 Why the relief is what hooks us 15:45 Intermittent reinforcement explained 16:45 Dopamine and the chemical craving 19:15 Oxytocin and physical reattachment 20:45 Cortisol, adrenaline, and the offline thinking brain 22:20 What a trauma bond actually is 24:15 Cognitive dissonance: holding two truths at once 26:00 Eroded self-worth and the ties that keep us 27:45 Staying is not a character flaw 28:30 What is coming next in this series SUPPORT RESOURCES If you are in immediate danger, call 911. National Domestic Violence Hotline (US) -- call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. Free, confidential, and available 24/7. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US) -- call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Outside the US, please search for your local domestic violence or crisis line. - WORK WITH LESLIE The Loom Life -- coaching, programs, and resources: https://theloomlife.com Loom Life Therapy -- therapy for clients in Florida: https://loomlifetherapy.com CONNECT Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@parandpeace --------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this episode helped you, the most useful thing you can do is subscribe and leave a comment -- it helps someone else searching for this at 2am actually find it. Please note: this episode is educational and is not therapy, diagnosis, or a substitute for individual mental health care or safety planning.

Burnout recovery is not a personal willpower problem — and if you are a working parent trying to hold a demanding job and a full life at the same time, this conversation will name something you have been carrying quietly. Leslie sits down with Jessica Lattif, founder of Not Working in Tech, a platform and community challenging toxic workplace culture and the myth that burnout is just the price of success. Jessica spent more than a decade in the tech industry, rising to senior engineering manager, before a string of illnesses, a chaotic team, and a performance plan led her to take medical leave — and never go back. Together they get into what actually drives burnout: the unspoken cultural rules that punish anyone who is neurodiverse or simply unconventional, the impossible math of caregiving alongside a job that expects round-the-clock availability, and the way hustle culture asks individuals to solve problems that were never individual to begin with. Jessica also shares why she now tells clients to take the leave they have already earned, and what it looked like to rebuild a working life on her own terms. If this one lands, the invitation at the end is simple: you do not have to figure out the next chapter alone. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ WORK WITH LESLIE ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Book a 1:1 coaching discovery call → https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call Coaching + programs → https://theloomlife.com Therapy (Florida clients) → https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie Ellen Mathews → https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram → @the.loom.life TikTok → @leslieellenmathews ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ CONNECT WITH JESSICA LATTIF ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Not Working in Tech → https://www.notworkingintech.com Instagram → @notworkingintech TikTok → @notworkingintech LinkedIn → https://www.linkedin.com/company/not-working-in-tech ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ CHAPTERS ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 00:00 Welcome & meet Jessica Latif 01:18 Growing up between cultures and feeling like an outsider 07:30 From nutrition policy to sustainable seafood 13:15 An unexpected path into tech 15:15 Career pivots, imposter syndrome & starting over 17:25 "Family friendly" doesn't always mean parent friendly 18:10 What working in tech was really like 21:00 Burnout, motherhood & becoming the first parent on leave 23:15 The job that pushed her to the breaking point 27:30 How burnout quietly builds over time 30:00 Can employers access your mental health data? 33:20 Why taking leave can change everything 36:10 Entrepreneurship, hustle culture & the social safety net 40:35 How Jessica helps people recover from burnout 42:40 Why burnout isn't something to solve alone 45:00 Hidden resources most people never hear about 47:10 Building Not Working in Tech 49:45 Why teachers, healthcare workers & parents are burning out 53:00 Why young people are rethinking work and family 54:10 Envisioning a healthier future for work 55:10 Final thoughts and Closing ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ SUPPORT RESOURCES ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ This episode discusses burnout, workplace discrimination, and mental health. If you are struggling, support is available. US — call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) Outside the US — find a helpline at https://findahelpline.com This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or legal advice. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ KEYWORDS ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ burnout recovery, working mom burnout, tech industry burnout, toxic workplace culture, taking medical leave for burnout, neurodivergent at work, hustle culture, life coach for women in transition, mental health podcast for women, career burnout support #BurnoutRecovery #WorkingMomBurnout #ToxicWorkplace #PullingThreads #TheLoomLife

Rebuilding confidence after starting over doesn’t happen all at once. It happens one small, brave choice at a time. In this episode of Pulling Threads, Cammy De shares what it really looks like to reclaim your voice and take up space again while you’re still in the middle of healing. Cammy didn’t expect to be starting over at forty. A mother of three, farmer, speaker, and stand-up comedian, she’s rebuilding her life after leaving an abusive marriage and business partnership, walking away not just from a relationship, but from a successful career, a way of life, and the communities that came with it. Instead of waiting until she has it all figured out, she talks openly about healing in real time: the uncertainty, the grief, the small wins, the laughter, and the surprising ways we find our way back to ourselves. She and Leslie get honest about the fog that only lifts once you get distance, why confidence built on achievement can vanish overnight, and what it means to rebuild, a career, a voice, and a sense of self, without an existing platform. They also talk about the tools that actually help: humor, stand-up comedy, listening to your body, and letting healing move in seasons. In this conversation: • Living a “double life,” confident in public, silenced in private • How clarity comes only after you create distance • Rebuilding confidence from who you are, not what you’ve done • Finding the joke in what was meant to hurt you • Reclaiming your voice (and the surprisingly hard “mirror practice”) • The role AI, algorithms, and podcasts played in her healing • How to know when to rest versus when to push forward If you’ve spent years taking care of everyone else and lost touch with your own voice, this one is for you. 👉 Follow Cammy: @Cammy.De.Speaks on Instagram and Facebook. 💬 If this resonated, leave a comment with the one small brave thing you did today, and subscribe for more honest conversations about rebuilding, reclaiming your voice, and taking up space. ⏰Chapters: 00:00 Welcome & meet Cammy De 00:40 Starting over after divorce at 40 01:45 Building a successful farm while being silenced 05:10 Why clarity only came after leaving 09:25 "The clarity came when I walked out the door" 11:20 Gaslighting, finding support, and rebuilding confidence 17:25 Leaving everything behind to reclaim herself 22:45 Finding her voice after abuse 24:40 Rebuilding confidence from within 28:30 Starting over one small step at a time 32:00 Using comedy to reclaim power 33:05 Reclaiming your voice after being silenced 42:40 Why hearing other women's stories matters 43:35 Learning to rest instead of constantly pushing 49:45 Healing through life's seasons 54:00 Recreating the life you thought you lost 56:35 Celebrating small wins while healing 1:02:00 The relief that comes after divorce 1:05:30 "You are worth it" 1:06:40 Where to find Cammy De Keywords: rebuilding confidence, starting over at 40, reclaiming your voice, healing after abuse, taking up space, healing in real time, midlife reinvention, rebuilding your life, women rebuilding, finding your voice again #RebuildingConfidence #ReclaimYourVoice #StartingOver #TakingUpSpace #PullingThreads

The neuroscience of why heartbreak physically hurts — and how to rewire a brain stuck in survival mode. In this episode of Pulling Threads, Leslie Mathews welcomes her first-ever male guest, mental health creator and coach Collin Patrick, for an honest conversation about overthinking, emotional regulation, and rebuilding a life after everything falls apart. After a near-fatal motorcycle accident left him bedridden for months — during the same stretch his marriage ended — Collin turned a season of grief and recovery into a deep dive into neuroscience. Together, he and Leslie unpack why your brain keeps steering you back toward familiar pain, why feeling stuck is a pattern problem (not a motivation problem), and what real emotional regulation actually looks like day to day. They also get candid about men and anger, the pressure of “be the man of the house,” and the difference between leading and simply managing the people you love. WHAT WE COVER • How overthinking becomes a learned habit that quietly shapes your identity • Why heartbreak registers in the brain like a physical injury — and what that means for healing • The pull of “familiar pain over unknown peace” and why we repeat relationship patterns • Clarity over solutions: what most self-help gets wrong • What anger is often masking for men — and the emotions underneath it • How small, daily wins compound into real, lasting change CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome — meeting Collin Patrick 01:15 The motorcycle accident that changed everything 05:00 Hitting rock bottom and facing himself 08:00 How healing led him to neuroscience 10:30 Your brain is doing exactly what it was programmed to do 13:00 Why self-awareness matters more than quick fixes 16:30 Trauma bonds and the chemistry of attachment 20:00 The neuroscience of heartbreak and emotional pain 24:30 Why survival mode disconnects you from yourself 27:00 Familiar pain vs. unknown peace 31:00 Small daily choices that rewire the brain 38:00 Why lasting change comes from tiny wins 43:00 Reacting vs. responding with intention 47:00 Healing your identity instead of chasing motivation 53:00 Confidence is built through evidence, not affirmations 59:00 Reprogramming your brain for happiness 1:03:00 How Collin helps people transform their lives 1:06:00 Where to find Collin and his resources CONNECT WITH LESLIE — THE LOOM LIFE Coaching & podcast: https://theloomlife.com Therapy (Florida clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram: @the.loom.life · TikTok: @leslieellenmathews CONNECT WITH COLLIN PATRICK Instagram / TikTok / Threads: @Collin.Patrick.Health Still Moving Journal: https://collinpatrickhealth.gumroad.com/l/stillmovingjournal 1:1 coaching: booking link in Collin’s Instagram bio WORK WITH LESLIE If this conversation resonated and you’re ready to understand your own patterns and rebuild from a steadier place, Leslie offers 1:1 coaching. Book a free discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call A NOTE ON SUPPORT This episode touches on grief, trauma, addiction, and the aftermath of hard relationships. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to navigate it alone. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. Outside the U.S., findahelpline.com lists free, confidential support in your country. Keywords: neuroscience of heartbreak, why heartbreak hurts, survival mode nervous system, overthinking, emotional regulation, healing after a toxic relationship, trauma bonds, men’s mental health, nervous system regulation, how men heal after a breakup #MentalHealthPodcast #Neuroscience #HealingJourney #MensMentalHealth #PullingThreads

What happens when a high-achieving wife and mom walks away from a 15-year, six-figure career to heal her body, her marriage, and her family? In this conversation, Kayla Licari shares how leaving her physician assistant career unraveled the deeper truth she had been carrying, chronic back pain, chest pain, anxiety, and a marriage held together by white-knuckling and self-abandonment. Kayla and Leslie unpack what it really looks like when two people heal alongside each other through complex PTSD (CPTSD), nervous system dysregulation, and the cycles of rupture and repair that most couples never get language for. This is honest, embodied conversation about the science of the nervous system, the wisdom of the body, and the slow daily work of rebuilding intimacy, including the parts most podcasts skip over: low libido as data, self-abandonment as the hidden cost of high achievement, and how to broach the hardest conversations with your partner without it blowing up in your face. Whether you're in the messy middle of your own healing, considering whether your marriage can come back to life, or simply trying to understand why your body keeps speaking up when your mind says everything is fine, this episode is full of practical, compassionate insight. TIMESTAMP 00:00 Introduction to Kayla Licari 02:00 Leaving a 15-year PA career 05:00 Burnout, stress, and choosing family first 08:10 Financial security vs. self-abandonment 12:00 Why high-achieving women struggle to ask for help 14:00 Understanding complex PTSD 18:20 How childhood experiences shape relationships 22:20 Healing together instead of growing apart 30:00 Navigating conflict through nervous system awareness 37:15 How unhealthy relationship dynamics affect your health 42:00 When growth together can save a relationship 46:20 Stress, libido, and emotional connection 52:10 Staying connected through marriage and parenting 58:00 Receiving love, pleasure, and intimacy 01:04:45 Why every challenge can strengthen your relationship 01:08:15 How to talk about intimacy without blame 01:12:15 What to do when you've lost desire 01:16:00 When staying isn't the right choice 01:19:10 Healing together changes every relationship ✦ WORK WITH LESLIE ✦ → THROUGH, 8-Week Divorce Coaching Program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram → 1:1 Coaching, Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com → Loom Life Therapy (EMDR & IFS): https://loomlifetherapy.com ✦ CONNECT WITH KAYLA LICARI ✦ → Instagram: @kayla.licari → Instagram: @happywivesandhusbands ✦ FOLLOW LESLIE ✦ → Website: https://theloomlife.com → Personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com → Instagram: @the.loom.life → TikTok: @leslieellenmathews ✦ IN THIS EPISODE WE TALK ABOUT ✦ • Leaving a six-figure career to prioritize family, marriage, and health • Body symptoms as nervous system messages, back pain, chest pain, anxiety • What complex PTSD (CPTSD) actually is and why it isn't in the DSM • Healing alongside a partner with complex trauma • Individual work vs. shared work in a marriage • Rupture, repair, and abandonment wounds • Low libido as data, what your body is telling you about your marriage • Lifestyle drivers of sex drive (sleep, sunlight, alone time, connection) • How to broach hard conversations without defensiveness • Setting boundaries with partners, kids, and family • Authenticity and the full-body yes ✦ MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ✦ → When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté → Internal Family Systems (IFS) → EMDR therapy → Esther Perel → Human Design Subscribe so you don't miss new episodes of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity. If this episode resonated, the kindest thing you can do is leave a rating and review. It helps other women find this conversation. Keywords: complex PTSD healing, CPTSD in marriage, nervous system regulation couples, healing marriage trauma, rupture and repair, low libido marriage, somatic healing women, leaving high-achieving career, burnout recovery women, IFS parts work, self-abandonment, holistic marriage healing #PullingThreadsPodcast #TheLoomLife #MarriagePodcast #NervousSystemHealing #CPTSD #WomensHealing #BurnoutRecovery

If years of over-functioning have left you feeling checked out, numb, or disconnected from your own life, this episode is for you. Sex therapist and intimacy coach Dr. Tabitha Taylor joins Leslie to talk about what it really means to reclaim intimacy from the inside out — and why it starts with you, not your partner. 🌿 Ready to feel like yourself again after divorce or a breakup? → THROUGH — Leslie's 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram 🌿 Grab Tabitha's free Gentle Reconnection Guide: → https://drtabithataylor.com ABOUT THIS EPISODE Over-functioning women often don't realize how far they've drifted from themselves until exhaustion, numbness, low libido, or a quiet sense of "I'm not really here" forces the question. In this conversation, Leslie and Dr. Tabitha Taylor unpack the quiet cost of self-abandonment — and how reconnection can be a gentle, micro-moment process rather than another performance to perfect. Together they explore why intimacy is so much more than physical, what "reclaiming intimacy from the inside out" actually means, and how trust and safety within yourself are the real foundation for trust and safety with a partner. Leslie shares her own embodiment story — including the EMDR moment at 47 when she realized she was feeling sensation in her body for the first time — and the post-divorce period of self-discovery that changed everything about how she experiences intimacy now. Whether you're in a relationship that's drifted into autopilot, walking through a divorce or breakup, or in the in-between period of rediscovering who you are, this episode is an invitation to come home to yourself. IN THIS EPISODE What "living checked out" looks like — and the early signs of disconnection Why self-abandonment is invisible to the person doing it How over-functioning trains your nervous system into numbness What reclaiming intimacy from the inside out really means Why trust and safety within yourself comes before trust with a partner The difference between performing intimacy and being present in it How to start with micro-moments instead of another self-improvement checklist Self-pleasure, anatomy education, and reclaiming pleasure post-divorce Why becoming connected can change — or end — relationships, and why that's okay WORK WITH LESLIE 🌿 THROUGH — 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram 🌿 1:1 coaching & discovery calls: https://theloomlife.com 🌿 Therapy services: https://loomlifetherapy.com 🌿 Leslie's website: https://leslieellenmathews.com CONNECT WITH LESLIE 🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life 🌿 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews ABOUT TABITHA TAYLOR Dr. Tabitha Taylor is a Licensed Professional Counselor, certified sex therapist, and intimacy coach. She helps over-functioning women heal from disconnection, self-abandonment, and living checked out — reclaiming intimacy from the inside out through nervous system healing, reconnection, and self-led intimacy. She also hosts the podcast Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside Out. CONNECT WITH TABITHA 🌿 Website: https://drtabithataylor.com 🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/drtabtaylor 🌿 Facebook: Tab Taylor Coaching 🌿 Coaching group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/drtabcoaching 🌿 Email: drtab@drtabcoaching.com 🌿 Free Gentle Reconnection Guide: available at https://drtabithataylor.com 🌿 Tabitha's podcast: Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside Out RESOURCES MENTIONED 🌿 OMGYes.com — anatomy and pleasure education referenced in the conversation 🌿 Sex With Emily — podcast referenced by Leslie 🌿 Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) — Leslie's mindfulness training SUBSCRIBE TO PULLING THREADS, WEAVING AUTHENTICITY If this conversation resonated, please subscribe, rate, and share. New episodes weekly. TIMESTAMP 00:00 Introduction 01:34 Intimacy Is More Than Sex 04:52 What Intimacy Really Means 06:13 Signs of Self-Disconnection 09:20 Self-Abandonment 12:10 Reconnecting with Yourself 15:08 Choosing Yourself Without Guilt 17:10 Reclaiming Intimacy 20:18 The Divorce Glow Up 22:12 Staying Connected Daily 24:02 Why We Disconnect 26:41 When You Change, Relationships Change 30:31 Body Awareness & Intimacy 35:35 Mindfulness & Embodiment 40:46 Simple Reconnection Practices 42:10 Knowing Your Body 44:15 Trust & Vulnerability 47:27 Presence Over Performance 50:12 Why Pleasure Feels Difficult 53:00 Rebuilding Confidence After Divorce 56:28 Rediscovering Yourself 59:00 Tabitha's Work 01:03:34 Final Thoughts and Closing KEYWORDS reclaiming intimacy, self-abandonment, over-functioning women, disconnection, living checked out, self-connection, intimacy after divorce, women's pleasure, nervous system healing, somatic healing, divorce recovery, self-pleasure, embodiment, women's mental health #ReclaimingIntimacy #SelfAbandonment #OverFunctioningWomen #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreadsPodcast

Dating after divorce as a man can feel like you’ve become a whole different person — steadier, easier to be with. Here’s the honest why. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ WORK WITH LESLIE 1:1 → Book a private, no-pressure discovery call: [1:1 COACHING DISCOVERY CALL — confirm booking URL] The Loom Life (coaching): https://theloomlife.com Therapy (FL clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ In this For the Boys episode, Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach — unpacks why the same man can be “the disappointment” in one relationship and a “safe harbor” in the next. It isn’t your character that changed; it’s the container. We get honest about the real differences between being a boyfriend, a husband, and a husband with kids in the mix — plus the question most men skip right past: do you actually want to be a stepfather? Drawing on research from the Gottman Institute, Esther Perel, and leading stepfamily experts, this is a grounded, shame-free look at choosing your next relationship with your eyes wide open. WHAT WE GET INTO: • Why a new relationship feels “lighter” — what’s real vs. honeymoon • The pursue–withdraw pattern and how good people get stuck in it • Dating a woman with kids, by the age of her children • Why blended families take years (not months) — and why that’s normal • Permission to choose the role you actually want CHAPTERS (timestamps are estimates — verify against final edit) 00:00 Intro — boyfriend, husband, stepdad: what this episode is 02:00 The paradox: the disappointment in one story, the safe harbor in another 04:00 What actually changed — the container, not your character 08:00 The pursue–withdraw pattern (Gottman Institute) 11:00 Boyfriend vs. husband: the weight the words carry (Esther Perel) 12:00 Remarriage as an “incomplete institution” (Andrew Cherlin) 14:00 Is it real, or the honeymoon phase? What the research says 17:00 Dating a woman with kids — by the age of her children 20:00 The blended-family fantasy vs. reality (Papernow & Bray) 22:00 Do you actually want to be a stepfather? Removing the shame 28:00 Other shapes a committed relationship can take 31:00 Choosing your next container with your eyes wide open 34:00 Honesty, and the one early conversation — plus how to work with Leslie MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: • Gottman Institute — the pursue–withdraw pattern • Esther Perel — desire and the need for space • Andrew Cherlin — remarriage as an “incomplete institution” • Dr. Patricia Papernow & James Bray — stepfamily research RELATED EPISODE: • Keeping the “honeymoon” feeling alive long-term: [COMPANION EPISODE — confirm URL] A NOTE OF SUPPORT: Divorce and rebuilding can be heavy. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to carry it alone — in the U.S. you can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), any time, day or night. KEYWORDS: dating after divorce for men, life coach for men after divorce, boyfriend vs husband, should I be a stepdad, blended family advice, men’s personal growth after divorce, relationship coaching for men, healing after divorce, stepfamily research, how men heal after breakup #ForTheBoys #DatingAfterDivorce #MensMentalHealth #BlendedFamily #RelationshipCoaching

KEEP THE SPARK: STAYING SECURE AND DESIROUS The honeymoon phase fades for almost everyone — but the spark doesn’t have to. In this solo episode, Leslie Mathews unpacks what early passion is really made of and how to stay both secure AND desirous for the long haul. ➤ Work with Leslie 1:1 (individuals & couples): [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK] ➤ The Loom Life: https://theloomlife.com ➤ Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com | Personal: https://leslieellenmathews.com ➤ Instagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews ────────── IN THIS EPISODE We usually treat the honeymoon phase like a single fuel that burns out. Leslie makes the case that early intensity is actually two strands braided together — real love, and a quieter, more anxious wish to secure someone who doesn’t yet feel like yours. Understanding that difference changes what it means when the fireworks quiet down. Drawing on her own three-year relationship, the neuroscience of new love (dopamine, norepinephrine, the serotonin dip), gender differences in bonding, and the work of Esther Perel and the Gottmans, Leslie explains why calm is not the end of desire — and is often the sign that something is finally right. She also takes an honest, careful look at how the honeymoon phase shows up in coercive and abusive relationships: love bombing, intermittent reinforcement, and trauma bonds — and how to tell a bond that’s maturing from a cycle that’s repeating. Then the question she cares about most: can you keep the good of the honeymoon phase alive on purpose? Her answer is yes — through your own regulation and healing work, protecting the space that keeps each person whole, and “chosen reaching” instead of fear-driven reaching. ⏱ CHAPTERS (timestamps approximate — confirm against final edit) 00:00 The feeling that never left 02:00 What the honeymoon phase is really made of 07:30 Two strands: real love + the wish to secure 08:00 Why men and women fall on different timelines 16:30 The brain on new love — and why it fades 18:00 From the chemistry of pursuit to the chemistry of attachment 21:00 When the spark quiets: love leaving, or fear? 22:30 “The threat felt like desire” — Esther Perel 23:30 The honeymoon phase in coercive & abusive relationships 27:00 Trauma bonds & intermittent reinforcement 30:00 Love wants closeness, desire wants distance 32:00 Why security and mystery need each other 34:30 Keeping the spark alive on purpose: the three pieces 37:00 Chosen reaching & the unglamorous work of staying 39:00 You don’t have to trade the spark for safety SUPPORT This episode discusses coercive relationships and trauma bonds. If you’re experiencing abuse, you’re not alone — the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Additional trauma-bond resources are on theloomlife.com. Keywords: honeymoon phase, keeping the spark alive, secure attachment, anxious attachment, attachment styles and relationships, chemistry vs compatibility, keeping desire in a long-term relationship, Esther Perel desire, love bombing, trauma bonds, relationship coaching, mental health podcast for women #RelationshipPodcast #KeepTheSpark #SecureAttachment #HoneymoonPhase #TheLoomLife

Divorce doesn’t just end a marriage — it shakes your nervous system, your finances, and your sense of self. In this episode of Pulling Threads, therapist Kimberly McNary, LMFT, and host Leslie Mathews talk through how to move through divorce with clarity and steadiness instead of being run by panic. Kimberly is the founder of The Classy Girl’s Guide to Divorce and uses EMDR and Emotionally Focused Therapy to help women navigate the emotional landscape of divorce. Together they unpack the surprises no one prepares you for, the early emotional decisions that cost women later, why you absolutely can do EMDR while you’re in the thick of it, and what it really means to stay “classy” (hint: it’s more sassy than polite). ——— READY TO GET THROUGH YOUR DIVORCE — WHOLE? THROUGH is Leslie’s structured divorce coaching program for women who want to come out the other side regulated, clear, and steady. Learn more & enroll: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram CONNECT WITH LESLIE & THE LOOM LIFE → Coaching & podcast: https://theloomlife.com → Therapy (Florida clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com → Leslie’s personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com → Instagram: @the.loom.life · TikTok: @leslieellenmathews CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome & meet Kimberly McNary 02:20 From couples therapy to becoming a divorce therapist 05:20 Can relationships heal after betrayal? 08:10 Kimberly's own divorce and what it taught her 10:55 The shame of being a marriage therapist going through divorce 13:20 The moments only someone who's lived divorce understands 15:50 Financial fears, keeping the house & thinking beyond survival 20:00 Why divorce support should be about more than legal advice 20:45 Leslie's first experience with dating after divorce 24:00 Timing, healing & reconnecting when you're both ready 26:00 How to know you're truly ready to date again 28:00 Dating from fear vs. dating from self-worth 30:00 Dating apps, honesty & protecting your children 33:00 Divorce with adult children and the "wait until they're grown" myth 36:00 Why healing after divorce can't be rushed 39:30 The hidden grief of divorce and rebuilding your identity 43:30 Trauma, EMDR & helping your nervous system heal 48:30 Childhood wounds that shape adult relationships 56:00 Learning to trust yourself again 1:04:00 Boundaries, co-parenting & protecting your peace 1:14:00 Building a life that finally feels like your own 1:18:00 Final thoughts & where to connect with Kimberly Empower women through divorce and breakup transitions, drawing on EFT, EMDR, and her own lived experience. She practices in San Diego, CA. → Website: https://kimberlymcnary.com ABOUT KIMBERLY McNARY, LMFT Kimberly McNary is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 17+ years of experience supporting relationships and personal growth. She founded The Classy Girl’s Guide to Divorce. → Instagram: @classygirlsguidetodivorce & @mcnarytherapy → Facebook: McNary Therapy & The Classy Girl’s Guide to Divorce → LinkedIn: search “Kimberly McNary” A NOTE OF SUPPORT This conversation touches on emotional abuse, trauma, and nervous-system overwhelm. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to navigate it alone. In the U.S. you can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788). Support is available 24/7. #PullingThreads #DivorceRecovery #EMDRTherapy #DivorceSupportForWomen #ClassyGirlsGuideToDivorce

What does it actually look like to leave a life that looks good on paper — a 20-year marriage, a competitive athletic identity, a familiar world — and rebuild from scratch in your 50s? In this episode of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity, Leslie sits down with Jen Rulon — midlife transformation coach, TEDx speaker, 15-time Ironman finisher, and Kona qualifier — who walked away from her marriage, her career identity, and her relationship with alcohol, then moved alone to Costa Rica at 50. Jen and Leslie unpack what they both call "the slow unraveling" — the years of incremental leaving that happen long before anyone physically goes. They talk about how the body keeps score of a life that no longer fits, why high-achieving women keep performing instead of living, and what it actually takes to stop chasing finish lines and start trusting yourself. --TIMESTAMP-- 00:00 – Introduction to Jen Rulon 02:08 – Leaving a life that looked perfect 07:46 – The year everything changed 10:19 – Letting go of a 30-year identity 12:05 – The Costa Rica trip that changed everything 13:00 – Her last drink and a new perspective 16:35 – Marriage counseling and uncertainty 18:18 – Rebuilding purpose and helping women 21:04 – Awakening, questioning, and change 24:00 – Trusting instead of forcing 29:11 – Choosing herself for the first time 30:02 – Realizing she was running from her marriage 33:25 – Separation and moving toward divorce 35:35 – Saying, “I want a divorce” 36:26 – Moving to Costa Rica 39:49 – The power of saying it out loud 41:08 – Performing a life vs. living one 43:00 – Why women avoid the inner work 46:25 – Childhood wounds and relationships 47:47 – What she truly wanted beneath success 50:07 – How inner work changes relationships 54:24 – Trauma bonds, loneliness, and fear 56:02 – Trusting yourself after divorce 58:05 – Jen’s Four Pillars: Movement, Metabolism, Mindset & Meaning 59:53 – Stress, cortisol, and relationships 1:00:29 – Meditation and nervous system regulation 1:03:58 – When relationships hold you back 1:05:57 – “I finally know who I am” 1:06:58 – Finding support and community 1:10:47 – Working with Jen 1:13:18 – Rise With The Tides Retreat 1:15:30 – Life after divorce 1:16:40 – There is life after the change you're afraid to make ▶ WORK WITH LESLIE THROUGH — 8-week divorce recovery coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram 1:1 coaching, podcast, and resources: https://theloomlife.com ▶ CONNECT WITH JEN RULON Website: https://jenrulon.com Free Rise Strong Blueprint: https://jenrulon.myflodesk.com/blueprint Instagram: @coachjenrulon TikTok: @coachjenrulon LinkedIn: Jen Rulon Memoir releasing 11/11/2026 ▶ IN THIS EPISODE • Why "the leaving" happens long before you physically go • Stacy Sims, perimenopause, and the moment Jen decided her last Ironman • Getting sober in December 2019 — and what came into focus once the mask came off • Asking for a trial separation, then asking for a divorce • Moving to Costa Rica alone at 50 — and what her family thought • Masculine and feminine energy, and why so many high-achieving women perform a life instead of living one • Jen's four pillars: Movement, Metabolism, Mindset, Meaning • Trauma bonds, the fear of loneliness, and why the fear is usually worse than the reality • Why finding people who match your energy is non-negotiable ▶ THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF You're a woman in midlife who's done everything right and still finds yourself wondering, "Is this it?" You're navigating a divorce, sobriety, an empty nest, a career pivot — or you can feel the slow creep that you've been living someone else's life. ▶ SUBSCRIBE Hit subscribe so you never miss a Tuesday episode. If this conversation resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it genuinely helps other women find this work. ▶ FOLLOW THE LOOM LIFE Instagram: @the.loom.life TikTok: @leslieellenmathews Web: https://theloomlife.com #midlifetransformation #divorcerecovery #startingover #sobriety #theloomlife

What if your burnout isn't a personal failure — but a systemic one? Award-winning journalist Stefanie O'Connell joins Leslie to unpack The Ambition Penalty. 📕 Get Stefanie's book: https://tooambitious.com/book/ 💧 Ready to move through your divorce with structure and support? Explore THROUGH, Leslie's 8-week coaching program → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram ────────────── In this conversation, Stefanie pulls back the curtain on what the research actually shows about why women — across industries, identities, and life stages — are still systematically held back at work and at home. Her book draws on more than 450 academic citations to dismantle the most persistent myth in modern gender inequality: that women just need to lean in harder, negotiate better, or believe in themselves more. Leslie and Stefanie talk about the data on backlash against women who ask for raises, the 30+ identity characteristics that get weaponized against women in hiring decisions, why the home — not the office — is where most women's burnout actually originates, and the 400-hour-per-year personal leisure gap between U.S. men and women. They also unpack the quiet shift from collective empowerment to individualistic self-help, why the pay gap hasn't budged in 20 years, and what a meaningful collective response actually looks like. This is essential listening for any woman who is over being overworked — but not over her ambition. ─── Timestamps ─── 00:00 Introduction to Stefanie O'Connell 01:15 From theater to financial journalism 04:14 The myth that women lack ambition 06:30 Why the research has been hiding in plain sight 07:01 When negotiating backfires for women 09:24 The hidden biases keeping women out of leadership 12:20 Why ambition is viewed differently in men and women 15:05 The importance of examining our own biases 15:53 What surprised Stefanie most in the data 16:30 The unpaid labor gap and women's burnout 18:45 Leslie shares her personal career and marriage story 22:08 How family dynamics shape workplace culture 24:39 The invisible workload of stay-at-home mothers 26:00 Choosing a partner who supports your ambitions 27:00 Why community support matters more than ever 28:27 The danger of turning systemic problems into personal failures 30:45 Why collective solutions create lasting change 34:40 Entrepreneurship, coaching, and gender bias 36:50 Why women are often judged differently when charging for their expertise 38:00 Building resilience through community and collective action 39:30 Modeling healthy relationships and ambition for our children 41:40 The loneliness epidemic and rebuilding connection 44:00 Why data matters in conversations about women’s experiences 45:30 The gaslighting women experience around work and ambition 46:50 What meaningful collective action actually looks like 48:00 Why progress on the pay gap has stalled 50:20 The growing hostility toward women in the workplace 52:35 A message for ambitious women who feel exhausted 53:35 Building community instead of carrying shame 54:05 Where to find Stefanie and her book 55:00 Final reflections and closing thoughts ────────────── 🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADS Pulling Threads with Leslie Mathews is a podcast about untangling the patterns, stories, and systems that keep us stuck — and weaving something more authentic in their place. New episodes weekly. 🌐 Connect with Leslie: • Website: https://theloomlife.com • Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com • Personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.life • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews 📕 Connect with Stefanie O'Connell: • Book — The Ambition Penalty: https://tooambitious.com/book/ • Substack (Too Ambitious): https://tooambitious.substack.com/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stefanieoconnell/ • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@stefaniemoconnell ────────────── If this episode resonated, please leave a 5-star rating and share it with one woman in your life who needs to hear it. #TheAmbitionPenalty #WomenAndWork #PullingThreadsPodcast #BurnoutRecovery #StefanieOConnell

Touch hunger is the loneliness no one warns divorced men about — when the isolation stops being emotional and becomes physical. (For the Boys, Round 10.) 🧭 Work with Leslie 1:1. Book a free discovery call → [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK] Coaching: theloomlife.com Leslie: leslieellenmathews.com Therapy (FL): loomlifetherapy.com ↓ SHOW MORE CUTOFF — keep everything above this line above the fold ↓ In this episode, Leslie names something the men’s content space and even the therapy world tend to skip: touch hunger (or skin hunger) — the measurable, physical toll of going from a partner’s daily touch to none, sometimes overnight. She walks through what a touch-starved nervous system actually reaches for after divorce (rebound relationships, dating apps at midnight, alcohol, and the modern consolations), what the history and clinical research say about paid companionship and platonic touch therapy, and why most of it treats the symptom rather than the cause. Then she dreams out loud: what a real, trauma-informed concierge support structure for men in the first 12–18 months after a marriage ends could look like — and asks you to weigh in. This is a longer, no-compromises conversation, and your comments are the point. 💬 A note on support If the loneliness has gotten heavy, you’re not weak and you’re not alone — reaching out is the strong move. In the U.S. you can call or text 988 anytime to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re ready for steady, structured support through the season, the discovery call link above is a good first step. ⏱️ CHAPTERS (timestamps estimated — see verification note) 0:00 What this episode is (and why it goes there) 2:00 Touch hunger / skin hunger: what your nervous system is doing 4:00 Why the touch disappeared overnight 5:00 What men reach for first: rebound, apps, alcohol, the ex 6:00 OnlyFans and parasocial intimacy: renting a partner 9:00 Sugar-baby / arrangement apps and the hidden cost 11:00 A short history of paid companionship 14:00 How other countries handle this — and what the research says 16:00 Professional cuddling / platonic touch therapy 19:00 Medicine or anesthesia? The judgment is in the use 20:00 A dream: a concierge support structure for men 23:00 Why virtual-only and clean boundaries are a feature 26:00 A men’s track vs. a women’s track — and a question for you 🔗 Connect Instagram: @the.loom.life TikTok: @leslieellenmathews ▶️ Related from For the Boys Round 7 — the disclosure relationship (referenced in this episode): [INSERT EP 7 URL] Keywords: touch hunger, skin hunger, loneliness after divorce, men’s mental health, life coach for men after divorce, coping with divorce loneliness, how men heal after breakup, men’s personal growth after divorce #ForTheBoys #DivorceRecovery #MensMentalHealth #LonelinessAfterDivorce #PullingThreads

What happens when the systems that raised you also silenced you? In this episode, memoirist and survivor advocate Kate Johnson joins Leslie to talk about religious trauma, purity culture, and the long road of finding your voice after a lifetime of being told to stay quiet. Kate grew up a pastor's daughter inside the PCA evangelical church, where Calvinist teachings around "total depravity" merged with authoritarian parenting to create a childhood organized around shame, obedience, and performance. When her family was placed on the sex offender registry, she learned a second, deeper lesson: her safety lay in her silence. This conversation traces what it took to undo that — through writing, embodiment, estrangement, anger, and the slow reclaiming of identity. Whether you're deconstructing your faith, healing from purity culture, navigating estrangement, or just trying to reconnect with your own voice after years of self-silencing — this one is for you. ─── WORK WITH LESLIE ─── THROUGH — 8-week divorce recovery program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram 1:1 Coaching & Therapy: https://theloomlife.com Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com ─── CONNECT WITH KATE ─── Substack (Quips & Confessionals): https://katejohnsonwrites.substack.com Instagram: @katejohnsonwrites TikTok: @katejohnsonwrites Threads: @katejohnsonwrites Bluesky: @katejohnsonwrites ─── CHAPTERS ─── 00:00 Welcome & introducing Kate 02:30 Trapeze as healing & reclaiming the inner child 06:30 Growing up a pastor's daughter (PCA & Calvinism) 11:00 "You are bad" — how religious shame forms core beliefs 13:30 Parenting across generations: authoritarian to conscious 18:30 Why kids in divorce need their own therapist 23:30 Voice as savior: from buried to spoken 25:30 The sex offender registry: when silence becomes safety 30:00 What most people don't understand about the registry 35:30 Why women stay: shame, survival & "Conjuring the Hurricane" 42:00 Family courts, custody & protecting children 46:30 Purity culture, bisexuality & leaving evangelicalism 51:30 Estrangement, boundaries & what repentance really means 55:30 Embodiment, grounding & coming home to the body 59:30 Reiki, The Artist's Way & reconnecting to creativity 1:03:00 Anger as a signal & reclaiming identity 1:08:00 Quips & Confessionals: humor as reclamation 1:12:00 Final message: trust your body, use your voice ─── FOLLOW THE LOOM LIFE ─── Website: https://theloomlife.com Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie's site: https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram: @the.loom.life TikTok: @leslieellenmathews ─── DISCLAIMER ─── This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or professional mental health treatment. If you are in crisis, please contact a licensed provider or call/text 988 in the U.S. Keywords: religious trauma podcast, purity culture recovery, evangelical deconstruction, healing religious trauma, pastor's daughter, finding your voice, embodiment after trauma, complex PTSD, mental health podcast for women, trauma healing stories podcast #ReligiousTrauma #HealingAfterTrauma #IdentityWork #SelfTrust #PullingThreads

If she left and you never saw it coming, you’re not broken — and you’re not alone. Book a free discovery call → theloomlife.com In this “For the Boys” episode, Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach — unpacks one of the most common experiences divorced men share in private: “I didn’t see it coming.” Meanwhile, on the other side of that sentence, his wife is certain she’d been telling him for years. How can both be true? Around 65–75% of U.S. divorces are initiated by women, and the number climbs in the “gray divorce” (over-40s and over-50s) demographic. Leslie researched what’s actually happening underneath the so-called “walk-away wife” phenomenon — and found five dynamics that explain the blindsiding, with respect for both sides. This isn’t about blame. It’s about turning a confusing loss into a knowable pattern you can understand, grieve, and — if you choose — do differently next time. Whether you’re post-divorce or still inside a marriage you want to save, this conversation gives you language and a way forward. Inside this episode: The Complaint–Decision Asymmetry — why the day her complaining stopped was the loudest signal, not peace Selective hearing and the avoidant nervous system — how years of “I’m not happy” register as background noise The cultural script that treated logistics as love — and mistook structure for substance Hearing vs. taking seriously — the hardest one, and the difference that quietly ends marriages Grief asymmetry — why she can seem “cold” when she’s actually already finished grieving Plus: what to do now — the one question to ask if you’re still in your marriage, and how to become a different kind of listener. → Work with Leslie (1:1 coaching): theloomlife.com → Florida therapy clients: loomlifetherapy.com → Book a free discovery call: [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK — see verification box] This is part of a three-episode set for men. Listen alongside Episode 6 (anger and the grief underneath it) and Episode 7 (men and friendships / building support). They can be heard in any order. Connect with Leslie: Websites: theloomlife.com · loomlifetherapy.com · leslieellenmathews.com Instagram: @the.loom.life · TikTok: @leslieellenmathews If section four landed for you, drop a comment — other men are reading, and they need to know they’re not alone. #DivorceForMen #GrayDivorce #DivorceRecovery #MensMentalHealth #LifeAfterDivorce 00:00 Welcome — “I didn’t see it coming” 02:00 How both things can be true (Leslie’s own divorce) 03:30 The stats: women initiate 65–75% of divorces 04:00 The “walk-away wife” phenomenon — used carefully 07:00 This isn’t blame: what to know before the five 08:00 #1 The Complaint–Decision Asymmetry 11:00 #2 Selective hearing & the avoidant nervous system 12:30 #3 The cultural script: logistics vs. feeling 14:30 #4 Hearing vs. taking it seriously 18:30 #5 Grief asymmetry — why she seems “cold” 20:30 What to do: recognition without shame 21:30 The grief work + Episodes 6 & 7 23:00 Still in the marriage? Ask the separate question 24:00 Real compromise: meeting needs without losing yourself 27:00 Post-divorce: become a different kind of listener 28:30 Closing & how to work with Leslie