Welcome to an evolved "The Examined Lives" podcast! What started as a deep dive into the drama of the The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives reality show has evolved into a bold exploration of modern love, non-monogamy, and its portrayal in mainstream media. Join hosts Lauren, an ENM relationship coach and swinger, and Ben, an ex-LDS polyamorist, as they bring their unique perspectives to mainstream media’s portrayal of ethical non-monogamy. From dissecting TV shows to sharing their own insights and experiences, Lauren and Ben invite you to laugh, learn, and rethink what love can look like. Whether you're here for the spicy stories, thought-provoking discussions, or just some good company, this podcast is your go-to for real talk about relationships that break the mold. Buckle up—it’s about to get real, raw, and a little rebellious! Still, unofficially representing real communities sometimes misrepresented in media Hosted by: Lauren Hayes, Swinging Lifestyle Coach & her poly friend, Ben
Send us Fan Mail We reviewed The Invite! It has everyone talking, including us. I don't usually give this away in the description, but I loved this movie so much I want everyone to know... and to go see it themselves. Listen as Ben and I break down the movie's most defining moments and relate them to our own lifestyle and relationship experiences. This one is so much fun! (And apologies to Seth Rogen for what I said... I really wouldn't mind seeing him naked.) STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Down to Feel Good St. Louis
Send us Fan Mail Lauren and Ben return with a deep dive into HBO Max's DTF St. Louis - a weatherman, a case of peyronies, and a friendship intimate enough to be its own subplot. Is it a show about ethical non-monogamy? Not exactly. Infidelity is doing a lot of the heavy lifting here, but is it sex positive? Weirdly, mostly yes. Lauren and Ben work through where the line is between "ethical for me" and "not my responsibility to police," why validation and self-esteem get so tangled up in sex and dating apps, and why so many messy non-monogamy storylines in TV seems to end the same way (spoiler: it's not good). They also get into the show's surprisingly tender male friendship, a very memorable new term (SPH, if you're taking notes), and why "modern love" might be the most overlooked phrase in the series. Plus: BBC myths, hot wife dynamics, and the eternal question of what happens when your self-worth is riding on an app match. Got a show or movie with an ENM thread we should cover next? Send it our way. More from Lauren at swinginglifestylecoach.com and @swinginglifestylecoach on Facebook and Instagram. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
She’s Gotta Have It — and So Do We
Send us Fan Mail Ben and Lauren kick off this week’s episode with a few spicy tales from her latest swinger shenanigans at a lifestyle resort- because why ease in when you can dive right in? It’s late October, which means it’s officially Swinger Christmas (aka Halloween), so the party-talk begins. From there, they turn their attention to She’s Gotta Have It (2017), the bold, unapologetic series about Nola Darling - a free-spirited Black artist navigating love, sex, and identity as she dates three men and a woman. Lauren and Ben unpack the gender dynamics, power plays, and deeper layers that make Nola such a complex character - not just as a polyamorous woman, but as a whole human being. With themes touching on women’s autonomy, sexual assault, body image, and self-expression, this lively conversation explores how She’s Gotta Have It dares to mix art, sex, and social commentary in ways that still feel fresh and provocative today. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Splitsville: Comedy Win, ENM Fail
Send us Fan Mail Lauren and Ben dive into Splitsville —the gloriously unhinged new movie where a handjob-fueled car crash leads to divorce, an “open marriage circus,” and a bro-fight so long it could’ve had intermission popcorn. Lauren actually saw the whole film (so you don’t necessarily have to), while Ben only managed the trailer—though that doesn’t stop him from handing out hot takes and wishing for raunchier American comedies. Along the way, we get weekend updates: cozy threesomes, Billy Idol rocking shirtless at 69, and Ben sheepishly asking Lauren to boss him around more. The conversation hits all the messy intersections of monogamy and ENM—“no rules” hookups that go sideways, honesty that isn’t honest, and whether penises deserve serious actor cred. It’s a roast of cinematic chaos, equal parts disaster and delight. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Trigonometry & the Awkward Art of Adding a Third
Send us Fan Mail Lauren and Ben kick off with Ben's hilariously mundane life updates - school stress and parties - while Lauren reveals about her French nudist swinger village jaunt, where badges are mandatory but clothing is not. This episode covers everything from unicorn cakes to awkward throuple jealousy. They dissect "Trigonometry," a slow-burn British gem where a couple accidentally throuples with their Olympic swimmer lodger, complete with vulva slip-ups, drag bar unicorn roasts, and a honeymoon ruined by overthinking the "third." Their poly insights shine: no role models means dramatic mess-ups, but it's refreshingly real on unicorn vulnerabilities and coming-out chaos. Tune in for laughs around the truisms that ENM is sometimes stickier than movie theater floors. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Season 2 Trailer: The Examined Lives (ENM Vibes) has Evolved (as everyone should)
Send us Fan Mail We started out as a reaction podcast to The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives because we haaaate it when our community is represented by those who know nothing about our community. Well, we were fooled by the click-bait, and it had little to do with our community. Ben and I pivoted and now we review shows with ENM themes. We review them and discuss how ENM is portrayed...and if the show is any good. We are a couple of friends - he's poly, I'm a swinger - and we love our communities - and hanging out with each other. So join us for some light-hearted ENM fun. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Dying for Sex (and Lasagna)
Send us Fan Mail One host just got back from a 2500-couple sex convention. The other is sleepy by 11 PM. Let the games begin. Lauren and Ben tackle the profound TV show Dying for Sex. But not before they workshop the best story for a sprained finger. The whole thing descends into anarchy when Lauren realizes she missed the episode with all the kink, leaving Ben to explain dom/sub dynamics, dick-kicking, and the vital importance of bringing lasagna to a sex-party. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Compersion Season 2: ENM & The How Not To
Send us Fan Mail Fresh from the dusty desert plains of a Burning Man-esque festival, a sleepy Lauren and Ben kick things off with tales of naked bike rides, spanking vs. stomach-raspberries (you'll have to listen to find out who chose what), and a goddess statue with vape-juice teats. Then, they dive into the final season of "Compersion," a show with a plot so bonkers it leaves Ben speechless: a wife inviting her husband's affair partner over for lasagna to… get them back together?! Tune in for a masterclass in (mostly) what not to do. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Compersion Season 1: A (kinda) Cautionary Tale
Send us Fan Mail Lauren kicks things off by humbling Ben’s enthusiasm—turns out she’s not soooo good, just “regular good.” From there, they dive into a lively pre-show chat that includes music festival misadventures and an unfiltered look at Lauren’s “Sacred Sluts” project. Then it's time for a no-holds-barred breakdown of Compersion Season 1: morning-after mishaps, questionable partner choices (maybe don’t date the kid’s teacher?), and the ever-controversial one-penis policy. There’s laughter, a little cringing, and plenty of insight into what not to do in non-monogamy. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
A Love Story: A Professor, a Triad and a Super Hero
Send us Fan Mail Lauren and Ben trip over pleasantries straight into naked hot tubs, Tropicana slander, and the dread of floppy poolside antics. On this episode they dissect a movie about a polyamorous relationship (in the 20's!) and Wonder Woman's kinky origins. Professor Marston and the Wonder Women gets a solid review, along with plenty of made-up speculation. There are tangents on power dynamics and why Ben shouldn't date Sabrina Carpenter. As usual, it makes zero sense and perfect sense! STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Wanderlust, Winding Through ENM, & Wasted Ski Days
Send us Fan Mail Lauren’s fresh off a very successful swingers’ trip (tan lines included!), while Ben’s still mourning a flat tire that ruined his ski plans. Ouch! They dissect Netflix’s Wanderlust, calling out TV’s obsession with simultaneous orgasms and the awkwardness of meeting your partner's other partners. The conversation takes a heartfelt turn as they discuss the complexities of telling kids about polyamory, with Lauren and Ben sharing their personal experiences and the unexpected reactions from their children. They also ponder the cultural differences between the swinging and polyamorous communities, and whether "Wanderlust" is secretly a monogamy manifesto in disguise. Expect playful jabs, surprisingly deep dives into poly vs. swinging, and a karaoke song recommendation you need to add to your repertoire. Plus, Ben bravely reviews Lauren's book (spoiler: he loved it!). STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Wanderlust is Not a Bust
Send us Fan Mail Tune into "Examined Lives " where Lauren, the Swinging Lifestyle Coach, and her friend Ben dissect Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) in pop culture. This week, they discuss BBC's (now seen on Netflix) "Wanderlust", where a couple messily cheats their way into non-monogamy. They debate infidelity-as-a-gateway to non-monogamy, the perils of office masturbation (in a disabled toilet?), and whether train sex beats plane sex (it does). Lauren defends Utah's surprisingly secretive ENM scene, and Ben relays his recent adventure at "the club that shall not be named." Tune in for the awkward endings and surprisingly deep dives as Lauren and Ben bicker their way through the wonderful world of open relationships, one bad sex scene at a time! STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Couple to Throuple Again and Part II
Send us Fan Mail Lauren and Ben are back with their review and commentary on the rest of the Peacock series, Couple to Throuple. They'll break down the pairings, the swaps, and everything in between. Expect some drama, some laughs, maybe even a few tears—and of course, they’ll share their favorite contestants. Plus, stick around till the end for a fresh and funny take on the term compersion ! STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Three's Company: Love, Drama, and Boundaries on Couple to Throuple
Send us Fan Mail If you’ve ever wondered what happens when The Bachelor meets ethical non-monogamy (ENM), here it is. Lauren and Ben dive into Couple to Throuple, the Peacock reality show that’s equal parts fascinating, cringe, and surprisingly educational. Spoiler: It’s not just about threesomes—it’s about feelings, boundaries, and the emotional ride of adding a third to your relationship. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Easy Does It: Open Marriage Gets Real on the Small Screen
Send us Fan Mail Lauren and Ben are back with a fresh take on their podcast! Say goodbye to Mormon wife drama and hello to a spicier exploration of non-monogamy in mainstream media. In this episode, they dive into Netflix's "Easy," following the adventures (and misadventures) of Andy and Kyle - a power couple testing the waters of open marriage. Our hosts break down the show's portrayal of non-monogamy with wit and wisdom. They share their expert insights on everything from the "30-minute threesome" (Lauren's next bestseller?) to the delicate dance of balancing multiple relationships. They offer both laughs and legitimate advice on navigating ENM and the lifestyle. Whether you're curious about ethical non-monogamy or just enjoy candid conversations about relationships, this episode serves up realness with a side of humor. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Topless Tastings & The ‘Book of Rumors’ Season Send-Off
Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Ben shares his experience at a body-positive, topless whiskey-tasting party, and Lauren recounts a comedy competition where swinging humor sparked mixed reactions—and some unexpected misunderstandings. With Halloween, aka “Swingers’ Christmas,” approaching, Lauren and Ben discuss their costume collections and themed parties. They recap The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives finale, covering Whitney’s departure from #MomTok, Jen and Zach’s uncertain future, and Taylor and Dakota’s new baby. Wrapping up, Lauren and Ben reflect on a previous discussion about which MomTokers they’d hypothetically date and tease future projects that promise a fresh look at non-monogamy. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
We are Not in Utah Anymore
Send us Fan Mail Listen in as Lauren and Ben talk about episode 7 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which all takes place in Sin City. The women are getting along better than ever (sans Whitney) but now the husband and boyfriend cause most of the drama. Sexy male strippers & gambling are the backdrop, and we’ll discuss oily bodies, toxic monogamy & relationship and also the question of what it looks like to truly support a friend (sometimes it’s not pretty). STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Peach on the Beach and Cream Colored Jeans (E6)
Send us Fan Mail In this spicy episode Lauren and Ben discuss labiaplasty, why no one does paintings of balls and whether rubbing oil on a Chippendale's chest will keep you out of (Mormon) heaven. Speaking of heaven, Ben describes the Mormon afterlife and spoiler alert: the most obedient people still might get to have sex. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Book of Broken Friendships
Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Lauren and Ben discuss friendship, ENM, stress, conflict and soda shops. While this episode focuses on the fracturing of the #MomTok gang, we discuss vulnerability and a different way to look at their conflict . We'll also discuss some Words of Wisdom in ENM / The Lifestyle as well as more on the LDS church. As always, join them for fun, silliness and a bit of education. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
Garments, Drama, and Oh Boy, the Truth Box! (E4)
Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Lauren and Ben discuss Episode 4 of 'The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives', sharing their personal updates before diving into THE key event, the “sh*t show” of the birthday celebration weekend. Ben educates us on the history and current use of Mormon garments, inspired by their favorite quote “Can we Door Dash garments?” The Truth Box serves its purpose at the party and certainly shakes things up within their friendships. Ben and I discuss it all, including their own answers to the Truth Box questions. STD Hero : or use coupon code Lauren10 at checkout. Retreats: https://www.swinginglifestylecoach.com/inperson-retreats Get my book: For Better or Even Better: 7 Lessons on Love & Life from a Non-Monogamist or PDF version here: https://go.swinginglifestylecoach.com/book Website: SwingingLifestyleCoach.com Social Media Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/swinginglifestylecoach Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SwingingLifestyleCoach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVZR-9HggJ51NaJnXCnq0Ew
