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Published by Sam Maclean
The Lonely Chapter explores the moments in life that shape who we become. Hosted by firefighter Sam Maclean, each episode is an honest conversation with people who’ve lived through extraordinary experiences, faced difficult chapters, or developed something worth learning from. It’s a podcast for people who are doing okay on the surface, but are still figuring out what it means to live well. From resilience, leadership and mental health to adventure, loss, performance and purpose, these conversations explore what happens when life gets difficult and what we can learn from the people who’ve been through it. Previous guests include Medal of Honor recipient Dakota Meyer, London Fire Commissioner Jonathan Smith, broadcaster, author and podcaster Iain Dale, and endurance adventurer and world-record holder Sean Conway. New episodes every Monday.
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What if the life you worked for no longer fits you? At 23, Yusef Smith worried it was already too late to start again. He left a career at BlackRock to study medicine, then later left the NHS to focus on Propane Fitness. In this episode of The Lonely Chapter, Dr Yusef Smith joins me to talk about changing careers, finding purpose and the expectations that shape our decisions before we've stopped to question them. He shares the four currencies he uses to assess a career: money, time, location and impact. How much weight should each carry when you're deciding what comes next? We also explore meditation, overthinking and the pressure to keep improving yourself. Yusef discusses the Sedona Method and his personal experience with TRE (Tension/Trauma Releasing Exercises), including the changes he noticed, disrupted sleep and difficult reactions reported by friends. I share my own first experience of TRE, including feeling calmer and finding the lack of control unsettling. Towards the end, we talk about honest feedback, work-life balance and the friendships that need deliberate attention. Yusef explains why he sets reminders to check in with people, prompting a question about whether making that effort is itself an act of care. Read Between the Chapters on Substack for my reflections on the questions and stories from the podcast. Yusef's links and resources: Propane Fitness Propane Fitness on YouTube Propane Fitness on Instagram Dr. Yusef’s TRE video discussed in this episode Follow The Lonely Chapter on your podcast app, and share this conversation with someone who's questioning their next step.
One bad moment can make you question everything. Confidence can take years to build, yet sometimes a single comment, mistake or setback is enough to make us doubt ourselves. So how do we rebuild that belief when it's been knocked? In this episode of The Lonely Chapter, I sit down with Joshua Paul, founder of Fit4Football, to explore what really builds confidence, why we lose it and how we can learn to trust ourselves again. Drawing on over 15 years of coaching experience, Josh shares his approach to developing self-belief, overcoming the fear of failure and changing the way we speak to ourselves. We explore why our identity can become dangerously tied to what we achieve, how comparison affects our happiness and why focusing on the process rather than the outcome can change the way we approach life. We also get into ambition, obsession and the sacrifices that come with pursuing something you genuinely love. Josh reflects on the choices he's made in his own life, the things he's prioritised and what success really means to him. Although Josh's background is in football, this conversation goes far beyond sport. It's about confidence, resilience, personal responsibility and learning to build a life that feels right for you. Find Joshua Paul: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fit_4_football/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@fit_4_football YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGcFqqcE7laGkHSs-SnLPFA Facebook: Fit4football Website: https://www.fit-4-football.co.uk/ More from The Lonely Chapter: Between the Chapters: https://lonelychapter.substack.com/ If something in this conversation resonates with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it.
Working hard and still waiting for your chance? In the first 'On Reflection', I return to three moments from my conversations with Iain Dale, Martin Seager and Corrie Mustafa, bringing in my own experiences of ambition, listening and appreciating an achievement. Iain’s story of waiting to be noticed makes me reflect on asking for opportunities and taking more initiative with the podcast. An exchange with Martin takes me back to volunteering with Samaritans, and how active listening can help someone feel heard without needing to offer the perfect advice. Corrie’s thoughts on chasing goals bring me to my own milestones: 100 podcast episodes and the Rock triathlon trilogy. I explore the pressure to keep moving forward, the exhaustion that can follow a big achievement, and making room to feel proud of what we’ve done. Read 'Between the Chapters' here: https://lonelychapter.substack.com/
What does it take to believe in yourself when you’ve grown up feeling like the problem? For Corrie Mustafa, a small sense of purpose began in the 24-hour gym opposite his temporary accommodation. Boxing brought routine, friendship and people who wanted him to do well. In this episode of The Lonely Chapter, Corrie joins Sam Maclean to reflect on growing up with ADHD, autism and Tourette’s, his experience of emotional neglect, and the loneliness of feeling misunderstood. We talk about how childhood experiences shape self-worth and relationships, finding belonging through boxing, and dealing with setbacks when you’ve put everything into something. Corrie also shares what supporting other people now means to him, how his partner has helped him understand himself, and why having direction doesn’t mean the difficult days have disappeared. Follow Corrie on Instagram (@coza_boxing) and LinkedIn . Read Between the Chapters on Substack for my reflections on the ideas and stories from the podcast. If someone came to mind while listening, send them this episode. Follow The Lonely Chapter wherever you listen for more conversations about the chapters that change us.
Being told to talk isn’t the same as being heard. In this conversation, consultant clinical psychologist Martin Seager returns to The Lonely Chapter for episode 121. We explore masculinity, emotional wellbeing and the difference between encouraging someone to talk and helping them feel understood. From boys’ experiences at school to men’s groups and male-friendly therapy, we discuss listening, loneliness and belonging. I also ask whether the pressure to provide can leave men tying their self-worth to what they do for others, and why male victims of domestic abuse can struggle to be heard. Listen to our first conversation: Why Men Struggle in Silence | Martin Seager on Men’s Mental Health . Explore Martin’s work through The Centre for Male Psychology and his article, Making better connections with men and boys . If this brings someone to mind, share it with them.
Some truths are hardest to tell the people we love. LBC presenter Iain Dale hears them on live radio. In this conversation with Sam on The Lonely Chapter, he reflects on the trust that leads callers to share things they have never told their partners, friends or families. We begin with Constance, a regular caller approaching her 102nd birthday, who wondered whether she would speak to him again. Her call opens a conversation about listening, empathy and the human connection between a radio presenter and someone they have never met. Iain discusses coming out to his parents at 40, finding his opportunity at LBC at 48, and the online abuse that left him tearful on the train home. Sam draws on his experience volunteering with Samaritans as they explore emotional boundaries and what it means to listen to someone in distress. They also discuss social media anger, refusing to manufacture a rant for a clip, the future of radio in the age of YouTube, and Iain’s memoir, Have I Said Too Much? My Life in Politics & the Media. Follow The Lonely Chapter for conversations about the chapters that change us, and share this episode with someone who would value it. Iain’s podcasts, book and website Where Politics Meets History — with Iain Dale and Tessa Dunlop Iain Dale All Talk Have I Said Too Much? My Life in Politics & the Media Iain’s website X / Twitter Instagram
Someone can look as though they’re coping while carrying pain other people don’t see. For Suicide Awareness Month, I’ve brought together moments from seven previous episodes of The Lonely Chapter about struggling privately, feeling heard, and what helped people through. Dr Susie Bennett begins by exploring the pressure some men feel to appear fine. Brandon Day shares the gap between outward success and private distress. Martin Seager and Lisa Sugarman consider what it means to listen well. Jason Kubiak recalls practical support during divorce and homelessness, while Liz McConaghy reflects on losing the identity and belonging military life had given her. We return to Susie to consider immediate safety and longer-term support. This compilation moves from hidden pain to the relationships, conversations and practical help that mattered in people’s lives. I hope it helps you understand yourself, or someone you know and love, a little better. Content note: This episode discusses suicide, suicidal thoughts and mental health struggles. Please take care of yourself as you listen. SUPPORT If anything here feels familiar, support is available. In the UK, you can call Samaritans free, day or night, on 116 123 . Samaritans support information: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/ ORIGINAL EPISODES Find these titles in The Lonely Chapter’s back catalogue, listed in the order their extracts appear: Why Men Hide Their Pain Until They Break | Dr Susie Bennett | #107 When High Performance Leads to Burnout | Brandon Day | #105 Why Men Struggle in Silence | Martin Seager on Men’s Mental Health How to Start Difficult Mental Health Conversations That Really Help - Lisa Sugarman Why Strong Men Don’t Always Ask for Help | Jason Kubiak | #110 Why Peace Was Harder to Survive Than War | Liz McConaghy | #111 The Hidden Epidemic of Male Suicide | Dr. Susie Bennett Follow The Lonely Chapter for more conversations about the chapters that change us.
Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose. You can prepare properly and still fail. Treat someone well and still be left. Work hard for an opportunity and receive no answer. So how do you live well when effort cannot guarantee the outcome? In this solo episode, Sam explores Stoicism as a practical philosophy for the moments when reality refuses to cooperate. Drawing on ideas from Epictetus, Seneca and Marcus Aurelius, he examines the difference between what we can control, what we can influence and what we eventually have to accept. Through stories about relationship boundaries, rejection, a triathlon in which almost everything went wrong, fear in the fire service and lessons learned while volunteering with Samaritans, Sam considers how easily we add painful interpretations to difficult facts. He also explores the difference between emotional regulation and emotional suppression, why resilience can become harmful endurance, and how modern Stoicism is sometimes used as an excuse to avoid vulnerability. The episode ends with a practical reflection involving control, acceptance, the four Stoic virtues and memento mori: the reminder that our time is finite. This is an episode about responsibility without certainty, overthinking, emotional wellbeing and deciding what deserves your limited attention. Read Between the Chapters on Substack: https://lonelychapterpodcast.substack.com/
What does it really take to lead when you don’t know the right answer, and the consequences of getting it wrong are real? Dave Berke is a retired US Marine Corps fighter pilot, former TOPGUN instructor and ground combat leader who served in Ramadi alongside Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. Today, he is Chief Development Officer at Echelon Front and the author of The Need to Lead . In this conversation, Dave takes us inside what TOPGUN actually teaches about decision-making, humility and remaining calm under pressure. He explains why leadership is learned rather than inherited, how to remain decisive without becoming convinced you are right, and how he earned the trust of Marines who had far more ground combat experience than him. Dave also reflects on assigning his own team to Ramadi, losing Corporal Chris Leon, carrying responsibility without being consumed by guilt and returning to his family just six days later. He shares why the emotional control that served him in combat could not simply be switched off at home, and what his wife and children have subsequently taught him about leadership. This is a conversation about ambition, trust, loss, emotional control and what leadership demands from us in the cockpit, in combat and around the people we love. Find Dave: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidrberke/ Echelon Front: https://echelonfront.com/ Dave’s Echelon Front profile: https://echelonfront.com/instructors/dave-berke/
Why can someone appear to be doing fine, stay busy and remain constantly connected—yet still feel that they belong nowhere? Christian d’Ippolito is the founder of The Spartan Project and former leader of Steel Warriors, an anti-knife-crime charity that transforms confiscated knives into outdoor community gyms. After almost two decades in media and marketing, Christian began applying what he knew about storytelling and influence to community building, youth empowerment and social impact. Christian and Sam discuss why everyone needs somewhere to belong, what can draw young people towards destructive communities, and why removing bad choices means little if society fails to offer credible alternatives. They also explore the limitations of individualised self-improvement, the loss of trusted role models, material pressure, AI’s growing influence, calisthenics as a tool for measurable progress, and the small actions that can move someone from isolation towards community. The conversation ultimately returns to one question: what is your definition of success, and how much of that definition is genuinely yours? Find Christian at https://www.instagram.com/dippo/ Discover The Spartan Project at https://www.thespartanproject.world/
She looks happy. The grief is still there. Rosie Moss has built a beautiful life, raised three children she adores and created a career she loves. She is also still grieving the husband she lost eight and a half years ago. Both things are true. In this episode, Rosie explains the hidden duality of widowhood: the joy that people can find uncomfortable in the early days, the pain they stop noticing years later, and the smallest moments that can suddenly bring everything rushing back. Rosie’s husband, Ben, died in a scuba-diving accident, but his body was never found. She shares what it means to live with grief without closure, why part of the mind continues to ask “what if?”, and how moving forward is not the same as moving on. We also discuss alcohol and grief, Rosie’s journey into sobriety, solo parenting after sudden loss, raising grieving children, late-diagnosed autism and ADHD, widow’s fire and the shame surrounding it, and why another relationship cannot erase the grief of losing your partner. Rosie also offers practical advice on how to support someone who is grieving, why saying “let me know if you need anything” places an impossible burden on them, and the small acts of kindness that can remain with somebody for years. This is an honest and deeply human conversation about widowhood, ambiguous loss, sobriety, parenting through grief and learning to let happiness return without leaving the person you loved behind. Find Rosie and Widowed AF: Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/widowed-af-real-stories-of-love-grief-and-beyond/id1664731014 Website: https://www.widowedaf.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/widowed_af/
The business was working. Adam was running on empty. A year after leaving his dream job to become a founder, Adam Williams had built a thriving podcast studio... But behind the success were relentless hours, no proper break and a business that still depended on him giving everything. In Episode 114, Adam reveals the moment he realised that although the business was working, the way he was working wasn’t. We discuss the reality of entrepreneurship, the warning signs of founder burnout, learning to delegate, escaping the founder bottleneck and what happens when your identity becomes tied to your work. Adam also reflects on ambition, self-acceptance, friendships and losing his mum to cancer at 19; including how grief shaped his perspective on mortality, gratitude and living more fully. An honest conversation about entrepreneur burnout, founder mental health, starting a business, work-life balance, identity, resilience and building a successful company without losing the life outside it. Follow Adam on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ads.wills/ Discover Podcast Room London Bridge: https://podcast-room.com/studios/london-bridge
Being the strong one made Jasper almost invisible. For nearly 30 years, Jasper Calcara built a successful structural engineering firm and became the person others trusted to handle any amount of pressure. But the more capable he appeared, the easier it became for everyone, including Jasper, to overlook what he was carrying. The sudden death of his business partner left him with grief he didn’t process. Years later, when his marriage ended, Jasper was forced to confront the anxiety, low self-worth and loneliness concealed beneath his professional success. Jasper joins Sam to explore male loneliness and men's mental health through his experiences as a leader, father and single man. He reflects on why high achievers hide inside their work, how projecting strength can prevent genuine connection, and what changed when he finally admitted that he needed help. They also discuss fatherhood, finding an honest community, learning to sit with loneliness without numbing it, and Jasper’s 'Be Good. Do Good. Evolve.' framework for building a more sustainable life. This is a conversation for anyone who appears completely capable but quietly feels unseen. Connect with Jasper Calcara: Website: https://jaspercalcara.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaspercalcaraofficial/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Jasper+Calcara
Sometimes real confidence is being secure enough to admit that you might be wrong. In this solo episode of The Lonely Chapter, Sam Maclean reflects on three ideas that have repeatedly surfaced in the conversations since Episode 100: Why confidence and certainty are not the same. Why complex human problems rarely have quick fixes. Why giving someone permission to talk doesn’t automatically make them feel safe enough to be honest. Drawing on conversations with former FBI agent Eric Robinson, London Fire Commissioner Jonathan Smith, Dr Rob Stevens, Chris from Conversations for the End, Brandon Day, Dr Susie Bennett, Jason Kubiak and RAF veteran Liz McConaghy, Sam explores what genuine confidence looks like when we make mistakes, need help or encounter something we don’t fully understand. The episode also examines our attraction to quick fixes for low testosterone, grief, chronic pain, burnout and mental health, and why advice isn’t always what a struggling person needs. This is a reflection on confidence, accountability, leadership, self-awareness, men’s mental health, psychological safety, emotional vulnerability, active listening and learning to replace certainty with curiosity. If this episode stays with you, share it with someone who might need the conversation.
War gave Liz purpose. Peace nearly took her life. Liz McConaghy spent 17 years flying on the RAF Chinook Fleet, completing deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan and serving on the Medical Emergency Response Team. Surrounded by people, purpose and teamwork, she learned to function in some of the most dangerous environments imaginable. But the chapter that nearly ended her life began after she left. Following a medical discharge from the RAF, the loss of her military identity, the breakdown of her marriage, the death of a close friend and the isolation of lockdown, Liz began experiencing symptoms of PTSD without recognising what was happening. In this deeply honest conversation, Liz shares the journey from war zones to loneliness, depression and a suicide attempt, and the long, non-linear process of finding purpose, identity and hope again. We explore why unprocessed trauma can return years later, how grief can follow the loss of a career or relationship, why people in the military and emergency services learn to normalise danger, and what happens when the uniform that defined your life is suddenly taken away. Liz also shares practical ways to support someone who is struggling: asking twice, giving your mental health a number out of ten, opening up about your own vulnerability, having difficult conversations while walking side by side and seeking help before reaching crisis point. This is a conversation about PTSD, military life, loneliness, identity, suicide prevention, mental health recovery, grief, purpose and learning to believe that the light can come back on. In this episode: → Why peace became harder for Liz to survive than war → Life as the longest-serving female RAF Chinook crewman → Iraq, Afghanistan and the Medical Emergency Response Team → The hidden grief of losing a career, relationship and identity → How PTSD appeared years after leaving the military → The phone call Liz does not remember making that saved her life → Why recovery is rarely a straight line → How to help someone open up without forcing them → Why asking “How are you?” twice can make a difference → Finding an identity beyond the uniform → Why nobody needs to reach rock bottom before deserving help Follow Liz: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chinookcrewchick/ X: https://x.com/chinnychick Website: https://www.chinookcrewchick.co.uk/ Read or listen to Chinook Crew ‘Chick’ : https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chinook-Crew-Chick-Longest-Crewmember-ebook/dp/B0BNC5PW8Y
He looked fine, but he was falling apart. In this episode of The Lonely Chapter Podcast, Sam speaks with Jason Kubiak, a firefighter, former professional MMA fighter, father and co-founder of Unified Against Violence CIC. Jason opens up about the period of his life where everything started to collapse around him: divorce, operational trauma, not seeing his children, homelessness, self-medication, isolation and the painful realisation that he did not understand what was happening in his own mind. From the outside, he may have looked capable, disciplined and strong, but privately he was struggling to survive. This conversation explores men’s mental health, firefighter trauma, suicide prevention, emotional isolation, the pressure to be strong, fatherhood, recovery, routine, discipline, asking for help, and the importance of having people who do more than simply say, “let me know if you need anything.” Jason also shares how his experiences shaped the way he now supports others, including his work with Unified Against Violence CIC, a project focused on youth violence, knife crime prevention, public access bleed kits, defibrillators, community safety and giving young people access to belonging, mentorship, sport and support before pain becomes violence. Find Jason on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaykube0067/ Find Unified Against Violence CIC on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unified_against_violence/
Most of us are looking for answers, but maybe what we need is better questions. In this solo episode of The Lonely Chapter, Sam Maclean reflects on the questions that have kept appearing across more than 100 honest conversations about identity, difficulty, purpose, personal growth and what it means to live well. Through personal stories, including leaving veganism after eight and a half years, working in gyms, becoming a firefighter, volunteering with Samaritans and learning the power of silence, Sam explores how our experiences shape us and how the stories we tell ourselves can change the way we live. This episode is for anyone who feels like they are doing okay on the surface, but quietly trying to understand themselves, their past, and what they want life to look like from here. If one of these questions stays with you, sit with it. Write it down. Ask someone else. Sometimes one honest question can open a better conversation. If you enjoy this episode, please follow or subscribe to The Lonely Chapter wherever you’re listening. It really helps the show reach more people who might need it.
What does real responsibility feel like? In this episode of The Lonely Chapter, I sit down with Jonathan Smith, the London Fire Commissioner, to talk about what it really means to lead the London Fire Brigade. Jonathan leads the largest fire and rescue service in England and Wales, but this conversation goes beyond the title. We talk about the pressure of responsibility, the loneliness of leadership, making difficult decisions when there is no obvious right answer, and how to stay grounded when your work becomes such a big part of who you are. We also explore culture inside the fire service, psychological safety, learning from mistakes, imposter syndrome, the difference between being nice and being kind, and why good leadership depends on humility, communication and trust. This is a conversation about leadership, identity, public service, emergency services, accountability, organisational culture, London Fire Brigade, the future of the fire service, and the trace we leave on the people around us. Find Jonathan Smith on LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/jonathan-smith-ba-msc-5974876a London Fire Brigade: https://www.london-fire.gov.uk/
Some men look fine. They’re not. In this episode of The Lonely Chapter, I’m joined again by Dr Susie Bennett, a researcher whose work focuses on male suicide, men’s mental health, emotional suppression and the hidden pain many men carry. We explore why some men appear completely fine on the outside while struggling internally, how men learn to hide pain, and why emotional suppression can become dangerous when it disconnects men from what they are actually feeling. This conversation goes into the “performance of self,” male suicide research, internal unsafety, relational unsafety, childhood experiences, shame, body image, loneliness, male sexuality, unmet human needs, and the empathy gap around men’s pain. This is not a conversation about blaming men or excusing harmful behaviour. It is a conversation about understanding what can happen beneath the surface when men feel they have to cope, stay in control, and carry pain alone. In this episode, we discuss: → Why men hide their pain until they break → Why some men do not realise how badly they are struggling → Signs of distress in men that do not look like distress → Male suicide, emotional suppression and hidden psychological pain → The loneliness of pretending to be okay → Internal unsafety and relational unsafety → Childhood adversity, shame, bullying and emotional regulation → Male body image and pressure around appearance → Male sexuality, unmet human needs and difficult conversations → What helps men begin to feel safe again If you’re new here, please do follow The Lonely Chapter wherever you’re listening - it really helps the show reach more people who might need it.
Firefighting teaches you what pressure reveals. In this solo episode of The Lonely Chapter, I reflect on 5 lessons firefighting taught me about life - and how those lessons connect to confidence, pressure, identity, mental health, emotional intelligence, and the conversations I’ve had on the podcast. Working in the fire service puts you around people on some of the hardest days of their lives. Over time, it teaches you things about human behaviour that are easy to miss in everyday life: how people respond under pressure, how confidence is built, how identity can both protect and trap us, and why people remember how you made them feel more than what you said. In this episode, I explore: → Why confidence comes from competence, not motivation → Why most people are carrying more than you realise → How identity can help you - and trap you → Why presence matters more than perfection → Why people remember how you made them feel under pressure I also connect these lessons to previous conversations on The Lonely Chapter, including episodes with Sean Conway, Brandon Day, James Elliott, Mark Robinson and Dakota Meyer. This is a reflective episode about firefighting, life lessons, resilience, personal growth, confidence, identity, pressure, mental health, emotional wellbeing, and what it means to show up for people when life feels difficult. If you’re doing okay on the surface, but quietly trying to make sense of life, I hope this episode helps you feel a little less alone.
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Observed November 3, 2026. Cached outside the daily freshness window; the positions keep the date they were taken on.
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