Foster Parent Well

The hardest questions foster kids ask are often the ones we cannot answer: Will I get to stay here? Is my mom okay? What happens next? When you are wired to fix problems, saying “I don’t know” can feel like failure. We see it differently. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is sit down beside a child in the middle of the unknown and refuse to leave them alone in it. I’m joined by Kristen Dobson, foster mom of more than a decade and author of the children’s book But Here. Kristen shares the real story of how her family entered foster care, the vulnerability of getting licensed, and what the system has taught her about trust, surrender, and advocating with open hands. We also talk about the limits every caregiver faces and why remembering “I’m not the savior” is not cold. It is honest, stabilizing, and deeply freeing. We get practical about building felt safety for kids from hard places: predictable routines, consistent mealtimes, bedtime rhythms, and small daily actions that communicate, “You are safe and you are loved.” We also explore how to merge a child’s needs into your home with respect, from food to traditions, and why listening without fixing can be the most powerful form of support. If you’ve been craving language for big feelings, But Here offers a gentle starting point for kids and the adults caring for them. If this encourages you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who feels worn out by uncertainty, and leave a quick rating and review so more families can find this support. But Here Kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/lollybooksbuthere/but-here Website: www.kristendobson.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61572371564395 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Kristen_N_Dobson Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

We talk with former foster youth and adoptee Mary Ann McMillan about why belonging is a deep need that shapes identity, relationships, and resilience. We dig into practical ways to protect our kids’ dignity, tell the truth about hard stories, and keep showing up in the ordinary moments that build safety over time. • Mary Ann’s foster care and adoption background and how early loss affects relationships • why same-race adoption can still carry major belonging and culture gaps • building identity through open conversation and safe connection to biological family • faith as an anchor for being fully known and finding stability • inviting outside mentors and community so kids hear truth from more than parents • standing up for kids with extended family and guarding what gets shared online • teaching boundaries and self-advocacy without excusing harmful behavior • naming grief and gratitude as a lifelong reality and normalizing therapy for parents and kids • simple daily “thorns and joys” practice to spot good without demanding gratitude So keep those messages coming. And if this episode or the show has been a help to you, would you just take a minute and leave a rating and review? Book: https://www.lifeway.com/en/product/bridging-resilience-P005851233 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/m.a.mcmillan/ Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Trauma-informed care isn’t a better behavior chart. It’s a whole new way of seeing what’s happening underneath the behavior in the body, the brain, and the nervous system and it changes how we parent the moment we truly get it. We sit down with Dana Hargus, a mental health counselor with 25 years of experience and the founder of Biofeedback and Counseling and Restore of Ada. Dana explains why so many foster and adoptive kids don’t need “more discipline” first, they need regulation and felt safety. We talk about what constant transitions and multiple placements do to a child’s trust, why correction without connection backfires, and how expecting gratitude from kids who are grieving can quietly break attachment. Along the way, we connect the dots between trauma, fight flight freeze, developmental delays, and the real-life moments that push parents into reactivity and burnout. Dana also walks us through biofeedback (neurofeedback) in plain language: what it is, how it works, and why it can help with anxiety, rage, sleep issues, PTSD symptoms, and chronic stress by training the brain toward calmer patterns. We dig into the Restore of Ada model and why a whole-person approach matters, including gut health, toxins, heart rate variability, and practical nervous system supports that don’t require perfection. You’ll leave with doable next steps like grounding, morning sunlight, hydration, protein, breathing, and building one sustainable habit at a time. If you’ve been looking for trauma-informed parenting tools that actually match what your child’s nervous system can handle, this conversation will give you a clearer lens and real hope. Subscribe, share this with a foster or adoptive parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find this support. Dana's Links: Restore of Ada: https://restoreofada.com/ Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/restoreofada Instagram: https://instagram.com/restoreofada Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

“Would you please hold her until she dies?” That question stopped us in our tracks, and it’s where Judy Wright’s story begins. Judy and her husband foster for 12 years, welcome 55 babies, and think they’ve seen it all, until a two-month-old leaves the NICU weighing four pounds with intense medical needs and an uncertain future. What follows is a raw look at medically fragile foster care, where love and skill have to grow side by side, sometimes on no sleep and with a lot of fear. We walk through what it actually takes to bring a fragile infant home: learning monitors, preparing for CPR, doing glucometer checks, and giving insulin injections to a tiny baby. Judy also shares the emotional side that foster parents don’t always say out loud, the tension of nurturing attachment while also doing painful but necessary care, and the steady faith that carries her through the hardest nights. Then the story turns into a masterclass in foster parent advocacy. Judy notices patterns others dismiss, pushes for donated breast milk, finds a pediatrician willing to think outside the box, and watches dramatic changes unfold. The medical mystery deepens with a discovery that reshapes everything: Jaden is born with no pancreas. We also talk about trauma-informed care, medical trauma in the NICU, and why foster and adoptive parents often become the most accurate experts on a child’s “normal.” We end with permanency, adoption transition, and what it looks like when adults choose the child’s best interest over their own comfort. If you’ve ever wondered whether you could handle a high-needs placement, or you’re in the thick of it right now, this conversation will give you language, courage, and hope. Subscribe, share with a foster parent friend, and leave a review to help more families find this support. What’s one area where you need courage to advocate today? JUDY WRIGHT: Alongside her late husband, John, Judy Wright fostered fifty-five children over twelve years, many of them medically fragile. Their home became a place where readiness was ordinary: bassinets carried up in the night, doctor visits folded into the week, and children held without any promise of what would happen next. The work brought her inside hospitals, courtrooms, case plans, and the daily realities of caring for children whose lives were already marked by instability, medical trauma, and loss. In 2012, she and John were named Michigan Foster Parents of the Year by the Michigan Supreme Court. She did not set out to become a writer. She became one because some things she witnessed could not go unwritten. Just Hold Her drawn from the spiral notebooks she kept during one child’s long medical vigil, is her debut memoir. The memoir came later. The work of staying came first. Judy speaks to foster, medical, and faith-aware communities about presence, caregiving, and the courage required to remain available. Book: https://justholdher.com/ Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

We talk with foster parent and pediatric physical therapist Dr. Trevor Carlson about why early childhood development still affects our kids long after infancy. We walk through practical milestone windows, red flags, and simple ways we can help our kids build skills with hope and clarity. • Why missed early milestones can show up later in regulation and connection • When to talk with the pediatrician and ask about early intervention • How to describe concerns when we do not have a full history • Gross motor milestones to watch from rolling to walking • Why crawling varies and what it can support later • How prenatal drug exposure can affect brain arousal and sleep • The difference between physical therapy and occupational therapy • Clues that suggest a neurological issue, including asymmetry • Why parent education and everyday play drive progress • Where to find Dr. Carlson’s book, blog, email, and milestone checklist Would you just take a minute to leave a review wherever you listen? Baby Movement Milestones: A Simple Guide for Foster Parents to my website. infantpt.com/fosterparentwell Dr.Trevor Carlson: trevor@infantpt.com www.infantpt.com Dr.Carlson's Book: https://www.amazon.com/Tummy-Time-Walking-Building-Foundation/dp/B0DRK3WG5Z?crid=AR92ASCKUFH5&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.51VlWH4zo3jSb2t4Mp3AKkwRnypcnRupeEwusdu8T9zhG6V-Uz5V8EngEDZ4duPoMlLFu3QDLahu4074wKTfib_FVi1F7OrrlWLCc0W-5qbamSVidgVuwV1vW--LtIBN_4l2GKLNaPfbrOzD-_D0MH40MkejBfVIj7CmjIpXRosuMOCffjC6pwVGG6al5tv4C5oJFYM9dOgqAxsstHbeIe_9IRkaohF1iAzhOU9L4ns.wTqjbg1EPHmN-0xOa2T03T0F0cWr-5r2MzeCWAPSt1U&dib_tag=se&keywords=tummy+time+to+walking+book&qid=1737383341&sprefix=tummy+time+to+walking,aps,185&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=tummytimetowa-20&linkId=e3537184621b4a7be8126c6bd7b4beb0&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

We talk through what it really takes to advocate for foster and adoptive kids at school without turning every meeting into a battle. We share a trauma-informed lens for reading behavior, partnering with teachers, and building plans that support nervous systems instead of rewarding or punishing survival responses. • why back-to-school transitions hit trauma-impacted kids harder • Jennifer’s adoption story and how TBRI reshaped her parenting and school work • the Four Rs of trauma-informed care and what “trauma-told” looks like • why systems protect systems and how teacher constraints affect support • fight flight freeze fawn fib as stress signals, not character flaws • why home and school can see different behaviors from the same child • co-regulation ideas to share with school staff and what to ask for • scaffolding safe alternatives for unsafe behaviors without being permissive • how progress often shows up as proximity frequency duration before intensity • compassion fatigue in both parents and educators and how gratitude helps Before we go, make sure you check the show notes for all the links that Jennifer mentioned today. And hey, if you missed last week's episode on transition, go back and give it a listen. TBRI: https://child.tcu.edu/tbri/ TBRI Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-tbri-podcast/id1566206875 Empowered to Connect: https://empoweredtoconnect.org/ Empowered to Connect Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/empowered-to-connect-podcast/id1522355545 Robyn Gobbel: https://robyngobbel.com/ The Baffling Behavior Show: https://robyngobbel.com/podcast/ Dr Lori Desautels: https://revelationsineducation.com/ Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The fastest way to turn a peaceful day into chaos is a simple transition: shoes on, screens off, cleanup time, bedtime. For foster parents and adoptive families, those small pivots can hit like a tidal wave, and it’s easy to wonder why a child who seems “fine” suddenly spirals. We’re opening season four with a practical, hope-filled conversation on transitions and why trauma makes change feel so hard. Dr. Brandy-Lea McCombs joins us with deep experience in education and trauma strategies, plus her own perspective as an adoptive mom. Together, we unpack what’s happening in the brain during transitions, including executive function demands and the role of the prefrontal cortex when kids have lived through stress, chaos, and loss of control. We also talk honestly about holidays, moves, school routines, and the long arc of growing up when a child’s developmental age doesn’t match the number on their birthday. You’ll walk away with concrete, trauma-informed parenting tools you can use right away: pre-talk that doesn’t overwhelm, side-by-side “walk and talk” conversations, visual supports like calendars and checklists, countdowns and timers that build trust, predictable routines, color coding, and night-before prep to make mornings calmer. We also explore how to slowly scaffold independence without stripping away the supports that help kids succeed, and how faith can live alongside science when we’re setting expectations for obedience and regulation. If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs steadier days, and leave a review so more families can find this support. Ways to connect with Brandy: Email: mccombsb@nsuok.edu Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stl234/ Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Foster care is one of those topics people say they care about until the details feel too heavy. That’s exactly why I wanted this conversation with Dr. John DeGarmo and Jen Lilley to be unfiltered, practical, and full of hope, because foster parenting is hard, kids in care are real, and vague inspiration is not enough when a placement call comes at 10:30 at night. John brings decades of foster care advocacy and training, and Jen brings the raw, lived experience of fostering and adoption while raising kids and using her public platform to shine a light on child welfare. We talk about their book, Call to Foster: An Honest Guide to Getting Started, and who it’s for: the person quietly wondering “Could I do this?”, the foster parent on the edge of burnout, and the social worker who needs a resource that tells the truth without scaring good people away. We name the myths that hurt families, especially the “you must be a superhero” narrative, and why it can pile on shame when you’re already stretched thin. We also dig into why awareness equals advocacy, how trauma impacts kids for years, and why this work deserves urgency in every community. Faith is woven through the conversation in a way that stays honest about suffering and big emotions. We share what foster care has taught us about control, surrender, resilience, and finding support that actually helps. If you’re considering fostering, already in the trenches, or looking for a concrete way to support foster families, you’ll walk away with language, perspective, and next steps you can use today. Subscribe for more real foster care conversations, share this with a friend, and leave a review telling us what stood out to you. Called to Foster: https://a.co/d/00WC1p2e Visit The Foster Care Institute: https://www.drjohndegarmofostercare.com/index.html Dr. John’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100078889265859 Jen Lilley Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen_lilley?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== Jen Lilley’s Website: https://www.jenlilley.com/ Halo Project: https://haloprojectokc.com/ Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The hardest seasons are the ones we want to hide, and they are often the ones other foster parents most need to hear about. We are coming to you from the messy middle, where trauma meets puberty, where kitchens are loud, and where you can love the people under your roof with your whole life and still feel like you have nothing left to give. If you have ever thought, “I cannot encourage anyone right now because I am barely surviving,” this conversation is for you. May is National Foster Care Awareness Month, and we wrestle with a real question: how do we recruit, advocate, and invite others in without selling a highlight reel? Polished foster care advocacy can isolate families who are struggling and can give future foster parents unrealistic expectations. We talk about a faith-filled “both and” framework: foster care is hard and holy, grief and gift, exhausting and sacred. We also name the reality underneath adoption and reunification, and why telling the truth can actually build trust and reduce shame. You will leave with practical, trauma-informed ways to advocate without oversharing: tell one true thing, reframe the ask so people can support through respite care, meal trains, rides, tutoring, mentoring, court advocacy, and donations, and invite questions instead of applause. We also get honest about sustainability, because rest is advocacy, and a burned-out foster parent is not a recruiter. If you are considering fostering, we share the clearest counsel we know: expect cost, expect Jesus, and do not do it alone. Subscribe to the Foster Parent Well Podcast, share this with one person who needs it, and if it helped, leave a review so more foster, kinship, and adoptive families can find steady support. Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Five parenting “truths” get repeated so often they start to sound like gospel: let them be bored, they should sit through church, eat what I make, obey right away, and don’t worry because kids are resilient. But when you are fostering, adopting, or parenting children impacted by trauma, those messages can pile on pressure and leave you wondering why your home feels harder than everyone else’s. I share why that disconnect is not proof you are doing it wrong. It is often proof the advice was not made for your child’s nervous system, history, or needs. We talk about why boredom can feel like a lack of safety, how structure and predictability can reduce chaos, and what scaffolding unstructured play can look like in real life. We also dig into faith spaces, including the unspoken expectation that kids should “perform” in big church. I explain why church should be a place of connection, how movement breaks and gradual exposure can be wise, and how spiritual formation happens far beyond the sanctuary. You will also hear a personal story that reframes what growth and sanctification can look like over time. Then we move into two everyday battlegrounds for many foster and adoptive parents: food and obedience. We explore why food is often about trust, control, and sensory needs, plus practical ways to offer safe foods without turning dinner into a war. Finally, we challenge the idea that resilience is automatic and replace it with a trauma informed view: resilience is built through consistent care, safe relationships, and support. If you are craving permission to parent differently and still feel confident you are doing good work, press play, then subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more foster and adoptive parents can find this space. Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Quiet, unseen moments often carry the greatest weight in foster care: packing lunches, sitting in courtrooms, driving to visits, and praying in the dark when no one’s clapping. We open with a moving reunification story—a true sending where a mom and baby are wrapped in prayer, gifts, and a promise of ongoing community—and use it to reframe what impact actually looks like over the long haul. Pastor James Griffin of Cross Point City Church joins us to share why their church mobilized around foster care and adoption through a biblical, personal, and local lens. We talk about the call to care for the vulnerable, the role of grandparents and spiritual family in breaking cycles, and the practical reality that hundreds of kids nearby need trauma-aware, loving homes. James lays out a path for anyone discerning their role: start with prayer, seek wise counsel, and consider joining a care community to support a foster family before taking the licensing plunge. Along the way, he returns to a simple but freeing reset—our job is faithfulness; God’s job is fruitfulness. We also get honest about the grind. Why do so many families burn out? Isolation. Together we unpack habits that protect endurance: prayer as a daily confession of weakness, leaning on a church community that refuses to let families carry the weight alone, and embracing the long game of Galatians 6:9—do not grow weary in doing good, because a harvest will come. From baptisms across foster, adoptive, and biological families to ministries reshaped by trauma-informed care, we trace how quiet yeses ripple into visible change and generational restoration. If you’re on the fence, this conversation offers tangible first steps and a vision big enough to overcome fear. If you’re exhausted, it’s a reminder that you are seen, supplied with daily grace, and never meant to do this alone. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a review to help more families find hope and practical support. Crosspoint's Website Instagram: @pastorjamesgriffin and @crosspointcity Facebook: Crosspoint City Church Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What if the hardest conversation in your home could become one of the most healing? We sat down with licensed clinical social worker and adoptive mom Susan Paa to talk about how to speak with kids about their biological families in a way that is honest, compassionate, and hopeful. No scripts that erase pain. No platitudes that glamorize harm. Just grounded wisdom you can use tonight. We unpack the core lens that changes everything: compassion. When we learn the wider context behind addiction, domestic violence, mental health, poverty, and generational trauma, our language shifts from blame to dignity without excusing unsafe behavior. Susan shares why phrasing like recovery is possible matters, how to honor birth family humanity, and simple ways to affirm kids daily—You have your mom’s eyes; your dad’s creativity is in you—so trust is present before heavy truths arrive. Timing matters, too. Drawing on Erikson and Piaget, we explore why ages eight to ten can be the best window to share a child’s full story: before abstract thinking blooms and identity turbulence hits, facts land as facts and integrate with less shock. We cover how to address sexual trauma wisely by first teaching a healthy framework for bodies, consent, and God’s design, then layering detail with care. Along the way, we model both-and thinking: you can love your first family and name what wasn’t safe; you can miss them and feel secure here. You won’t get every word right. You can still create a home where every person in your child’s story is spoken of with truth and honor. Listen for concrete language, timing cues, and a faith-shaped posture that holds dignity and safety together. If this served you, subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with a foster or adoptive parent who needs fresh courage today. Find Susan on IG: @paasusan1 Replanted Conference: https://replantedconference.org/ Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

A tender, necessary conversation about where infertility, foster care, and faith collide—and how to walk that road with honesty and hope. We welcome writer and foster/adoptive mom Cristiana Amato (The Feathered Nest Blog) to share what seven years and 39 placements have taught her about grief, reunification, adoption, and the kind of love that stays when outcomes aren’t ours to control. We start by naming the ache of infertility and why healing needs to come before fostering. Cristiana explains how an infertility diagnosis initially pointed her toward adoption, and how pre-service classes and prayer shifted her family toward fostering with open hands. Together we unpack why foster care isn’t a cure for infertility, how unprocessed grief can unintentionally sabotage reunification, and why comments like “Just adopt and you’ll get pregnant” miss the mark for families with complex medical realities. We close with practical guidance for those considering fostering after infertility: commit to prayer and therapy, clarify motives, prepare to champion reunification, and build support systems before saying yes. If you’ve ever wrestled with calling, grief, and what’s best for kids, this conversation offers candor, nuance, and hope. If the episode speaks to you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and join us as we keep learning to foster parent well. Blog thefeatherednestblog.com Facebook https://www.facebook.com/share/1BbQWHjUkz/?mibextid=wwXIfr Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thefeatherednestblog TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@thefeatherednestblog Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Imagine standing shoulder to shoulder with women who carry the same holy weight you do—joy, heartbreak, and the unseen moments that never make a post. That’s the backdrop for a candid conversation on why self-care isn’t a luxury for foster and adoptive parents; it’s spiritual warfare that keeps us present, steady, and able to love when the storm rises. We unpack how cultural “self-care” got hijacked by indulgence and numbing, and replace it with a clear, workable definition rooted in both faith and physiology. From the biology of stress—cortisol spikes, dopamine dips, and oxytocin drains—to the very real load of secondary and primary trauma, we name what’s happening in your body so you can train, not just try harder. Think rowboat self-care: practices you can do in the middle of meltdowns, school calls, and court dates. With scripture as your compass and community as your lifeline, small habits become supply lines for a mission that matters. You’ll hear practical rhythms for spirit, soul, and body: short bursts of scripture and worship that anchor truth, gratitude and friendship that lower the emotional temperature, and simple body care that rebuilds capacity—hydration, three balanced meals, daily walking, and strength training to metabolize stress. We also talk about planned refuels outside your environment and how to beat the “start Monday” myth by doing the next right thing today. This is a warm, honest, first-person guide to guarding your temple and refusing the quiet drift into burnout. If this conversation serves you, share it with a friend who needs strength for the storm, subscribe for more faith-filled tools, and leave a quick review so others can find the show. Your steady presence matters, and with the right supply lines, you can keep rowing with hope. Self Care Reset Guide- https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/selfcarereset Throw the First Punch book- https://a.co/d/00J30SJo Taryn Smith IG- https://www.instagram.com/tarynsmithmovement/ FILLED- https://www.filledretreat.com/ Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Teen boys who’ve bounced through dozens of placements don’t need another bed; they need a family that endures. We sit down with Stacey Cooper, executive director of Goshen Valley Boys Ranch, to unpack a hybrid model that feels like home and delivers the services that help healing stick. Instead of rotating shift workers, married house parents live with the boys, building daily rhythms around school, chores, sports, and shared meals. It’s a peaceful campus with fishing ponds, basketball courts, and even a couple of donkeys—but the real difference is trauma-informed care rooted in TBRI, faith, and consistency. Stacey walks us through the first 72 hours—medical check-ins, school placement, counseling, and a simple yet powerful ritual: boys choose their own bedding and essentials from community-made welcome baskets. That early voice and choice matters. We dig into why teens sometimes struggle in traditional foster homes, how repeated disruptions damage attachment, and how thoughtful matching places each boy with house parents whose strengths fit his needs—from career coaching and trades to special education expertise. The conversation also opens the hood on caregiver support: weekly training, respite rhythms, extra staffing, and a culture of adult connection that prevents burnout and stabilizes kids. Faith runs through the work in everyday ways—gentle words, patient correction, showing up again tomorrow. Youth group nights, church camp, and weekly Compass Groups add community ties beyond campus. Whether permanency comes through reunification, adoption, or enduring relationships with the ranch into adulthood, the target never changes: help each young man learn to give and receive love. Curious how to help? There are many on-ramps: house parenting, respite care, fostering siblings, tutoring, therapy roles, Second Saturday service, or building welcome baskets. If this conversation moved you, follow the show, share it with a friend who cares about foster youth, and leave a review to help more listeners find these stories. Your steady support helps boys find belonging. GOSHEN VALLEY: www.goshenvalley.org Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What if the outbursts, shutdowns, or “mixed signals” you see aren’t defiance at all, but a nervous system trying to survive? We pull back the curtain on how trauma reshapes a child’s brain and body, why trust feels dangerous, and what it actually takes to build safety that can be felt, not just promised. Drawing from lived experience as a foster and adoptive mom and the lens of TBRI-informed practice, I break down acute, chronic, and complex developmental trauma in simple, practical terms you can use today. We explore how survival mode steals energy from learning and language, why a nine-year-old may function like a four-year-old socially, and how that gap should change our expectations, routines, and school plans. You’ll hear a clear explanation of stress chemistry—cortisol, adrenaline, digestion, sleep, and cravings—and why bathroom issues, sugar seeking, and mood swings persist when the body never gets the “all clear.” I share how habits like control, hoarding, or rejecting comfort are often survival strategies, not character flaws, and how repetition, predictability, and co-regulation slowly rewire the brain toward trust. This conversation also centers the caregiver’s wellness and faith. Regulated adults regulate kids, so we walk through small, repeatable rhythms that lower stress and sustain your presence: steady routines, protein and hydration, sensory tools, movement, and time with God that refuels patience and hope. Progress is real but rarely fast; safety becomes believable only when it’s experienced over and over. If you need language to explain what you’re seeing, permission to lower demands, and encouragement to keep showing up, you’ll leave with practical steps and renewed courage for the long road of healing. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it today, and leave a review so more caregivers can find the support they’re searching for. The Body Keeps the Score: https://a.co/d/9nMc4UC The Connected Child: https://a.co/d/e9yEOnh The Out-of-Sync Child: https://a.co/d/4BKYkTq Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What happens when a church stops outsourcing “foster care ministry” and starts treating it as discipleship at the core of its life together? We sit down with Callie Priest, Director of Strategic Partnerships at WinShape Homes, to map a clear path from pews to practice- one that helps leaders move past hype and into habits that actually sustain families and heal kids. We talk candidly about the real challenges pastors face: fear of the unknown, volunteer fatigue, and the myth that a few passionate advocates can carry the whole load. Callie lays out a simple framework any church can adapt—raise awareness from the pulpit, appoint a point leader, set a modest budget, and wrap each fostering household with a care team for meals, rides, respite, and prayer. Just as important, she shows how children’s and student ministries can become trauma-informed with predictable routines, calmer transitions, and volunteers who know how to co-regulate. That quiet competence makes a sanctuary feel like a sanctuary for kids from hard places. If you’re a pastor, ministry director, or parent longing for your church to show up wisely, this conversation gives you language, tools, and next steps to begin. Subscribe, share this with a leader in your life, and leave a review so more churches can find practical, gospel-shaped help for foster and adoptive families. Self Care Reset Guide: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/selfcarereset WINSHAPE HOMES WEBSITE: https://homes.winshape.org/ WINSHAPE HOMES INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/winshapehomes WINSHAPE HOMES PODCAST: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-winshape-homes-podcast/id1843219550 Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

When foster care gets messy and the case plan keeps shifting, what holds you steady? We sit down with author, ministry leader, and foster mom Jamie Finn to dig into the gritty, hope-filled heart of caregiving: how to carry sorrow and joy together, how to parent from grace when strategies fail, and how to keep the gospel at the center for kids, bio families, and ourselves. Jamie shares her family’s entry into foster care and the steady refrain that carried them—God is sovereign, God is good—through 30 placements and four adoptions. We talk about the “both/and” of this calling: real brokenness and real beauty living side by side. From kids wrestling with the idea of “father” to parents battling shame and exhaustion, we explore how a perfect Father reframes our stories and restores the capacity to hope. Jamie also introduces her new children’s book, God Loves Kids, a clear, compassionate way to tell the truth about pain while anchoring children in a bigger, unshakable love. If you need encouragement that isn’t shallow, if you’re longing for tools that work in the real world and a vision big enough to outlast court dates and goodbyes, this one will meet you where you are. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a review to help more families find gospel-centered support. Foster the Family: https://www.fosterthefamily.org/ FILLED retreat: https://www.filledretreat.com/ Discount code is: fosterparentwell God Love Kids: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1540904040?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_G24XP1YTX7R51NP6PKH1&bestFormat=true Win a copy of the book! Share this podcast episode on Instagram and tag me @nicoletbarlow and Jamie @fosterthefamilyblog for your chance to win! Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The hardest part of foster and adoptive parenting isn’t always the paperwork or the appointments- it’s trying to care for everyone while running on fumes. We open up about a season of nonstop schedules, takeout dinners, and too much caffeine, and then step back to ask a bigger question: what if wellness isn’t found in doing more, but in returning to God’s rhythms of life? From Scripture’s picture of day and night, sowing and harvest, and Sabbath rest, we build a framework that helps weary caregivers move from survival to steady. We break down five “kingdom rhythms” that change both mindset and body: fasting and feasting, work and rest, pouring out and being poured into, serving and being served, loving and being loved. You’ll hear how gentle intermittent fasting (like a 12-12 window) supports hormones and digestion only when paired with real nourishment, why stress-heavy seasons call for wisdom before adding spiritual or dietary fasts, and how protein, fiber, and regular meals can calm a dysregulated nervous system. We talk practical movement- why walking regulates emotions, how strength training builds resilience that transfers into parenting—and why recovery is not optional if you want strength that lasts. Community threads through everything. We share how solitude with God, a discipleship group that speaks truth, and a church family that shows up with meals and prayer keep hearts soft and steady. You’ll find honest encouragement to receive help without guilt, model dependence in front of your kids, and keep showing up for worship even when it’s messy. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s choosing one rhythm to start—cook a nourishing dinner, take a ten-minute walk, schedule a Sabbath hour, or text a friend for prayer—and letting God set the pace as capacity returns. If this conversation strengthens you, subscribe, share it with another foster or adoptive parent who needs a hopeful reset, and leave a review so more families can find this space. What rhythm will you start this week? Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What if the most loving thing we can do for our kids isn’t to fix their pain, but to guide them through it? We sit down with Isaac Etter—transracial adoptee, educator, and founder of Identity and Parenting Different—to unpack what adoptees actually need: honest stories, practical preparation, and communities that make belonging real. Isaac shares how identity often splits in two for adoptees: Who am I in a family where no one looks like me, and how does my race shape my daily experience? He names a trio many families miss—loss, grief, and guilt—and explains why guilt is so common when adoptees fear disappointing loving parents with honest questions. We dig into how parents can move from protection to preparation in transracial homes, offering concrete examples for talking about bias, public behavior, and safety without making the world feel hopeless. From Nerf guns in the front yard to being followed in a store, Isaac gives language to help kids understand what happened, know where we stand, and feel safe coming back to talk more. We also map an age-appropriate path for lifelong conversations about race and adoption. Start early with everyday affirmation—books, toys, hair care, and mentors that reflect your child—and build toward practical scripts for school, friends, and authority. Belonging grows when the whole family participates in diverse communities, cultural festivals, and routines that normalize the child’s heritage. And when it comes to birth stories, we talk about sharing truth in stages—without vilifying or hiding—so kids carry a coherent narrative into adulthood. Looking for ongoing support? Isaac’s work with Identity and Parenting Different brings post-adoption training and free resources to families, agencies, and states. Listen for the frameworks and scripts we use at home, then share the episode with someone who needs it. If this helped you, subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what’s one conversation you’ll start this week? Link: https://www.parentingdifferent.com/ Connect with me on Instagram: @nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/ On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/