Published by Victoria Hutchins
A self-development podcast with philosophical, psychological and literary flair hosted by Victoria Hutchins, the creator of @thedailyvictorian and nationally bestselling author of MAKE BELIEVE. Episodes every other Sunday.
Listen on Apple Podcasts30 min
Be honest: do you ever perform for no one? Do you spectate your own life instead of living it? Have you ever caught yourself changing pieces of you, from your clothes to your voice to your hobbies, in order to impress someone you don’t even like? This episode is for you if you’ve ever sucked in your stomach in a completely empty room. Or scrolled through your own social media posts, imagining someone else looking at them. It’s for you if you've ever looked at yourself through someone else's eyes for so long that you've forgotten what you look like through your own. In it, we’ll unpack how we get trapped under the male gaze through the work of Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir, Susan Sontag, Margaret Atwood, Ada Limón, and more. Then, I'll walk you through 7 rituals that have actually helped me climb out from under it. This is not an episode about giving up on love. It is a field guide on how to stop twisting yourself into inauthentic shapes to earn validation to fill the void of love. If you want to become the subject of your own life again, I think you'll like this one. RITUALS FOR DE-INTERNALIZING THE MALE GAZE: EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 07:28 1. The gaze audit (Sartre) 08:40 Subject self versus object self 10:01 Foucault’s panopticon & self-surveillence 10:54 How to do a gaze audit 14:11 2. Photo and mirror detox (Sontag) 15:42 3. Interrogate “I do it for myself” (de Beauvoir) 16:50 de Beauvoir v. Sartre: existence precedes essence? 17:21 Do we have to stop shaving to be good feminists? 18:14 How to trace the origins of your grooming habits 18:47 The marketing origins of shaving 20:02 5. Bechdel mode 21:35 The importance of non-man focused conversation 22:25 6. Pleasure inventory (Mary Oliver) 22:56 The antidote to self-surveillance according to psychology 23:45 How to take a pleasure inventory 24:49 7. Pre-situationship prep 26:44 Love poem with apologies for my appearance (Ada Limon 27:51 The surprising unobjectifying power of being really loved and really seen 28:48 Lightning round recap EPISODE LINKS My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok
36 min
In stories, the narrator tells you which ordinary things are portals to magic and adventure. In real life, you have to find them yourself. This episode reveals 5 secret portals to the next version of yourself: seemingly ordinary choices, traits, and habits that are thresholds to the future version of you who lives with more courage, clarity, and freedom. It’s for you if an old version of you has died but the new one hasn’t been born yet. You might have recently experienced a big life change: a move, or a relationship ending, or a career change. Or maybe you know one is coming. It’s for you if you have an unshakeable feeling that there is a more alive version of you out there, if only you could figure out how to get to them. We’ll examine the work of philosophy’s greatest minds, like Nietzsche, Kant, Kafka, and the Ancient Greeks, to uncover the hidden thresholds between who you are and who you're becoming, and point out clues for how to spot them when they appear in your own life. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 04:54 I missed you 06:05 Help me keep Soul Gum ad-free 07:35 Talk to me!!! 08:18 1. Intuition is a portal 08:49 Nietzsche’s beef with Socrates 10:44 The neuroscience of intuition (Gary Klein) 12:31 I exist because of a woman’s intuition 13:03 The tension between ambition & intuition 14:13 Mary Oliver on reacquianting with your intuition 15:05 Small ways to reconnect with your intuition 15:42 2. Solitude is a portal (Pascal) 16:39 The fear of being alone with your thoughts 17:33 2014 study on the discomfort of being un-stimulated 18:05 Solitude as a tool in my creative process 18:58 Brain drain study: it is that d**n phone 19:30 Going phone n*k*d 20:12 3. Aligned friendship is a portal 21:36 Nietzsche: Friends should be your “best enemies” 23:06 Friendship as a mirror 23:40 The research of social contagion 24:18 Look for friends that show you what’s possible 24:52 4. Nature is a portal 25:40 Our increasingly sanitized relationship with nature 26:15 Kant, the sublime, and the gorpcore of it all 28:41 The ego-interrupting power of awe 29:45 5. Action is a portal (Kafka’s Before the Law ) 31:29 Mary Oliver on the most regretful people 32:00 You deserve to know what’s on the other side of fear 32:33 Leap by Joy Sullivan 33:34 For the Ones Who Left by Me (Victoria Hutchins) 34:29 Lightning round recap 35:40 Subscribe, rate, share, talk to me!!! LINKS My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok
6 min
See you soon - I'll miss you! Make sure you're subscribed so you know when Soul Gum is back. WHERE TO FIND ME: MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) Join the waitlist for future retreats! Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month! Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
46 min
Everyone wants love, but no one can tell you exactly what love is. In this episode, we deep dive into seven philosophical perspectives on love, ranging from the Ancient Greeks to the existentialists. If you’re curious whether Plato thought soulmates were real or Kierkegaard would tell you to text your ex, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro (the philosophy of love) 03:19 What even is love? (hypotheticals on love) 07:07 Ancient Greek philosophy on love 07:35 Origins of the concept of soulmates (Plato’s The Symposium ) 09:03 Socrates’ ladder of love 13:03 Enlightenment thinkers on love 13:15 Love as social performance (Rousseau) 13:58 Rousseau’s two types of self love 15:22 How self love affects how you love others 17:31 The humanity formula (Kant) 19:49 Practical vs. passionate love (Kant) 22:07 Love as a trick (Schopenhauer) 24:04 Why do opposites attract? (Schopenhauer) 24:28 Is love just biological encouragement to reproduce? (Schopenhauer) 26:06 Existentialists on love 26:14 The tension between love and freedom of choice (Sartre) 27:50 Love as an objectifying force (Sartre) 30:32 Jean Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir’s non-monogamous love story 31:40 The relationship between love and possession (de Beauvoir) 33:06 How your fear of being seen impacts your ability to give and receive love (Sartre, Doestoevsky, de Beauvoir) 36:54 Kierkegaard’s Works of Love 37:22 Unreasonable standards in love (Kierkegaard) 42:24 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Plato, The Symposium (c. 385–370 BCE) Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract (1762) Immanuel Kant, Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals (1785) Immanuel Kant, The Metaphysics of Morals (1797) Arthur Schopenhauer, The World as Will and Representation (1818) Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love (1847) Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground (1864) Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943) Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit (1944) Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949) Gordon Marino, The Existentialist’s Survival Guide (2018) MY LINKS MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) Join the waitlist for future retreats! Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month! Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
43 min
Ever wonder why some people seem to have endless creativity while you’re stuck with half-baked ideas that never make it out of your Notes app? In this episode, we explore the habits, tips and artistic processes of creative geniuses ranging from Plato and Picasso to Mary Oliver and Rick Rubin. I reveal the 7 secrets of creative geniuses that helped me stop chasing perfection, relight my creative spark, and actually enjoy the process of making art. If you’re ready to stop gatekeeping your own creativity, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro: Why creativity matters for everyone (not just artists) 03:58 1. Great creatives don’t let perfection be the enemy of creation (Plato’s Republic , perfection vs. forms, Ira Glass on “the gap”) 11:28 2. They separate creation, refinement, and critique (Rick Rubin, The Creative Act ) 14:41 3. They focus on next possibilities, not ultimate goals (Stuart Kauffman’s adjacent possible, evolutionary biology, Bhagavad Gita, Rick Rubin on artistry vs. craftsmanship) 20:56 4. They embrace flow and anti-flow (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on flow state; Mary Oliver’s editing process; Stanley Kubrick’s many takes) 25:52 5. They thrive under constraints (Barry Schwartz’s paradox of choice; Mary Oliver writing Wild Geese as a constraint exercise; Parkinson’s Law) 30:35 6. They know that if they don’t create it, someone else will (Rick Rubin on how ideas move, Elizabeth Gilbert’s hand-off story with Ann Patchett) 34:01 7. They know that no one really knows (Socrates on knowing nothing, imposter feelings, why your contributions matter) 37:57 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE • Plato, The Republic • Studies on the impact of perfectionism on performance and creativity ( 2022 and 2025 ) • Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being • Stuart Kauffman, At Home in the Universe • Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience • Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook ; “Wild Geese”; On Being interview with Krista Tippett • Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice • Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) • Join the waitlist for future retreats! • Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
43 min
What happens when your faith collapses? In this episode, I share my story of spiritual deconstruction and how I learned to believe again—sort of. This isn’t a “how to get your faith back” story. It’s the story of tearing my faith down to the studs, sifting through the rubble, and deciding what was worth keeping. We’ll talk god shaped holes, Kierkegaard, Camus, Pascal’s wager, and the surprising peace of not needing all the answers. This episode if for anyone who is currently filling their god-shaped hole with TikTok marathons, self-help books and spiral-inducing questions. If you started at church camp and have landed in full-blown nihilism, press play. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro: the story of how I lost my faith and got it back (sort of) 08:01 1. Why spiritual crises often happen at the worst possible time 10:35 How my own spiritual crisis began 18:07 Kierkegaard on despair and the self 19:47 2. Why spiritual health gets worse before it gets better 26:19 The delight of spiritual curiosity 27:43 3. Choosing how to fill the God shaped hole 29:42 Absurdism and optimistic nihilism (Camus) 30:57 Pascal’s Wager explained and what it gets wrong 32:51 Approaching belief pragmatically (belief as a choice) 33:53 What “god” means to me now 35:33 Can you make yourself believe? Should you? 36:16 On stepping in the same river twice (Heraclitus) 36:49 Five reflection questions (Rainn Wilson) 38:14 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death (1849) Rhett McLaughlin’s Spiritual Deconstruction Story Blaise Pascal, Pensées (1670) St. Augustine, Confessions (c. 400 CE) Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (1942) Heraclitus, Fragment 49a (c. 500 BCE) Rainn Wilson, Soul Boom (2023) Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays (2016) MY LINKS • Listen to my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Spotify • Watch my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Youtube • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!) • Join the waitlist for future retreats! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok RESOURCES • Chat with a Trevor Project counselor now • ANAD helpline • 988 lifeline
35 min
Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect 06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect 08:47 The trolley problem (Foote) 14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically 16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle) 18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative 20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates 23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts 23:49 the Gottman institute 24:44 Confrontation don’ts 26:14 Confrontation dos 26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships 26:53 Bids for attention 27:59 Soft startups 29:08 Repair attempts 32:09 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961) Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE) Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785) Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013) Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) MY LINKS MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop Join the waitlist for future retreats! Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
38 min
Want to become a better conversationalist? You should! Good conversations can open doors, build friendships, and even change your life. But in an age of goldfish attention spans, hot takes, and chronic fear of being seen, real connection is harder than ever. The good news? Conversation is an art, but it’s also a science. In this episode, we walk through 5 things great conversationalists do differently, according to philosophy and psychology. If you want to feel less robotic on dates, network without cringing, vibe better with your friends, or just not panic when someone says “tell me about yourself,” this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: 00:00 Intro 04:07 1. Seeing conversation as a skill 11:03 2. Starting lots of conversations 18:30 3. Asking more questions 25:06 4. Leaving room for the unexpected 29:08 5. Expecting reality, not hyperreality 33:27 Lightning round recap 36:19 Challenge MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Simulacra and Simulation , Jean Baudrillard (1981) TALK: The Science of Conversation and The Art of Being Ourselves , Alison Wood Brooks (2025)
45 min
Feeling stuck, numb, or overwhelmed? Crashing out for the third time this week? Good news! Philosophy, the sad girl discipline of academia, has lots of advice for you. This episode breaks down 5 reasons why we get stuck according to philosophical greats like Franz Kafka, Soren Kierkegaard, Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and more. We’ll talk about practical strategies to climb out of your spiral and start feeling like yourself again. If your search history includes ‘why am I like this’ and ‘how to feel okay again,’ press play. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 04:53 You’re stuck because… 05:00 1. You’re free 05:18 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard) 06:04 We’re condemned to be free (Sartre) 07:13 The fig tree allegory (Sylvia Plath) 13:21 2. You’re choosing information over experience 13:35 Mary’s Room hypothetical (Jackson) 22:49 3. You’ve outgrown a version of yourself 23:02 The Metamorphosis (Kafka) 26:54 4. You’re expecting sense in senseless places 27:04 The Trial (Kafka) 35:14 5. You think nothing matters 35:24 Mechanical life (Camus) 36:34 The moment of the absurd (Camus) 37:13 The myth of Sisyphus (Camus) 40:08 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: On Anxiety , Soren Kierkegaard (1844) Being and Nothingness , Jean Paul Sartre (1943) The Bell Jar , Sylvia Plath (1963) The Big Secret , Deepak Chopra (2008) Epiphenomenal Qualia , Frank Jackson (1982) The Metamorphosis , Franz Kafka (1915) The Trial , Franz Kafka (1925) The Myth of Sisyphus , Albert Camus (1942)
30 min
19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed every transformation followed a sacred three-step pattern. In this episode, we walk through the three metamorphoses of the soul from Nietzsche’s 1883 work Thus Spoke Zarathustra . We’ll talk about why a chapter of chaos might be necessary to become your fullest, truest self, and how Nietzsche’s stages apply to modern life. This episode is for you if you're experiencing or anticipating a big shift, no matter whether it relates to your career, relationships, creativity, spirituality, identity, or everything at once. If you’re feeling lost, restless, or ready for reinvention, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 06:34 The camel spirit 11:32 The lion spirit 17:25 The child spirit 25:40 Lightning round recap 26:43 Challenge MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join the waitlist for future retreats! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
32 min
Thought daughters, this one’s for you. This episode is your guide to keeping your mind fed all summer long. In it, I share the note-taking system that’s changing my life, a 10 minute morning routine that primes your brain for creative work, recs for intellectually stimulating podcasts, books, and newsletters, and more. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:14 1. Take notes 06:57 2. Write by hand 08:42 3. Get out of your echo chamber 11:01 4. Remember the Zeigarnik effect 14:54 5. Change your conversation norms 18:08 6. Practice hard attention 21:11 7. 10 minute morning rule 22:33 8. Chew your brain food 23:54 9. Show what you don’t know 26:20 Newsletter recs 27:41 Philosophy podcast recs 28:08 Poetry recs 29:40 Lightning round recap
36 min
So your life just changed. Maybe you moved, your relationship ended, or you quit a job. You've found yourself in new territory without your usual routines, roles, or scripts. You're Googling “who even am I?” every night. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In this episode, I’m sharing 8 things I wish I knew during past seasons of change in my life. The in-between is uncomfortable, but it's also full of possibility. If you’re in a messy middle right now, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 03:35 How to follow your intuition 06:38 How to know the right choice 10:50 The effect of your ego 14:10 The impact of who you keep close 19:27 The importance of confrontation 23:21 The impact of tiny choices 26:40 How to shift into the next chapter 28:59 Hard versus wrong SOURCES Smoke filled room study Balloon study bell hooks, all about love Audre Lorde essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action Churning of the ocean story from the Mahabharata
51 min
How you spend your weeks is how you spend your life. In this episode, I walk through five powerful philosophical, psychological and spiritual concepts—including Nietzsche’s eternal return, Aristotle’s golden mean, the planning fallacy, and Parkinson’s Law—that will help you create a weekly routine you love. I also let you in on my own weekly routine, including a Sunday night ritual to rewire your brain and my top tips for planning weeks that change your life. EPISODE OUTLINE 04:21 Nietzsche’s eternal return 12:27 Aristotle’s golden mean 19:04 The jar principle & Parkinson’s law 23:16 “I don’t have time” vs. “it’s not a priority” 25:28 The planning fallacy (Kahneman) 31:59 Dharma 37:22 My weekly routine MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join the waitlist for future retreats! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
44 min
The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural 07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do 16:07 3. You should care what some people think 18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people 19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually 26:21 6. You don’t know what people think 30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are 35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own 37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good 39:27 Lightning round recap 42:29 Challenge EPISODE LINKS • The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz • Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl • The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga • The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir • The Art of Living by Epictetus • Spotlight Effect Study • Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain Centers • Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of Loneliness MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join the waitlist for future retreats! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
49 min
Is the self something we find—or something we create? We’re constantly told to “be ourselves,” but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder we’re all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophers—from Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jung—understood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your personality instead of living it, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:49 Sigmund Freud 09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth) 10:55 Carl Jung’s theory on masks and shadows 12:15 The chill girl mask ( Gone Girl ) 13:34 Shapeshifter ( MAKE BELIEVE ) 14:38 The masks vs. the Self 15:04 Rousseau’s natural vs. social man 17:15 Using logic to hide from passion 17:55 For the ones who left ( MAKE BELIEVE ) 19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questions 21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity 23:08 Sartre’s concept of bad faith 24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social class 26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks) 27:25 But also, the playing field isn’t level 27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions 29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denial 31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion 33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protection 34:01 Kant’s categorical imperative 34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity 35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions 36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true self 37:17 Does everyone have a calling? 38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions 38:33 The “love it for you, want it for me” folder 39:53 Nothing grows if you don’t water it 40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions 41:50 Lightning round recap EPISODE LINKS • Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933) • Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943) • Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949) • Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
44 min
In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If you’re in a rut—whether it’s burnout, a creative freeze, or a “what now” spiral after a big life change—I made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This one’s part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:00 My “what now?” rut 06:46 Roadmap out of your rut 08:06 1. Get your story straight 08:29 You haven’t ruined your life 09:48 My bar exam story 15:48 You are not alone 16:26 Lifequakes 17:55 You are not lazy 18:54 Are you burnt out? 20:44 The classic existential crash out 22:14 Are you in functional freeze? 23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle 26:31 2. Make a plan 26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter) 30:01 Smallest possible actions 32:47 Lower the bar or you won’t reach for it 33:43 The photography class experiment 38:13 3. Have grace for yourself 38:21 How dare you say you’re not trying? 39:20 What you have to give right now is enough 39:53 Lightning round recap MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
48 min
What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability? In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress . If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you, this one’s for you. A few things we dive into: A research-backed formula for attraction (and how to use it without playing games) The role of the “spark” in attraction The psychology behind common dating pitfalls in your 20s The stigma of being single The commitment-readiness scale (and why it can land you in situationship after situationship) Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS —a roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:51 The formula for attraction 04:21 1. Proximity 07:10 2. Similarity 11:43 3. Familiarity 14:03 The 3 month rule 16:55 The curse of comfort 19:31 The sunk cost fallacy 21:06 The fear of starting over 22:37 4. Reciprocity 23:13 The harm of playing games 26:36 5. A spark 27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls 27:31 1. Repetition compulsion 31:04 2. The stigma of being single 36:45 3. Situationships 38:23 The commitment-readiness scale 40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship <3 42:09 Lightning round recap 43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you? PERSON IN PROGRESS If you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today! PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here !
27 min
What if the things you believe about life, love, success, and happiness are backwards? In today’s episode, we’re diving into 10 paradoxes: the little plot twists, contradictions, and life surprises I wish someone had warned me about. Learning these the hard way cost me a lot of time and heartbreak, and my hope is that sharing them now saves you some of yours. Hit play for a big, juicy reality check. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 01:23 1. The likability paradox 03:12 2. The paradox of choice 06:09 3. The paradox of knowledge 06:52 The Dunning-Kruger Effect 08:22 4. The paradox of failure 09:12 Not choosing is a choice (Jean-Paul Sartre) 10:33 5. The paradox of tolerance (Karl Popper) 11:03 James Baldwin on agreeing to disagree 12:20 6. The paradox of moving on 12:46 Ironic process theory 14:19 7. The paradox of pleasure 15:37 Aristotle's virtue-based happiness 16:08 Viktor Frankl on happiness 17:07 The dopamine trap 18:03 8. The paradox of freedom 18:33 Self-determination theory 20:02 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard) 20:52 9. The paradox of shadow sides (Carl Jung) 22:54 10. The paradox of the comfort zone 24:46 Lightning round recap MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
32 min
Getting back in the saddle? I love that for you. But here’s the truth: staying on track takes more than motivation. If you’ve been craving a fresh start but don't know where to start, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down 8 of the most common ways people sabotage their own progress—from relying too much on discipline to using self-hate as fuel. Whether you have a big dream or just want to get unstuck, you deserve to enter your next chapter with eyes wide open. Let’s talk about the philosophy and psychology of making a comeback stick. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:40 Eight ways to sabotage a comeback 03:22 1. Believing you're behind 06:19 2. Being apologetic about what you want 07:18 You hold yourself back when you move in silence 08:41 You're being judgmental when you assume people are judging you 10:28 3. Underestimating the subconscious mind 10:45 The neuroscience of manifestation 12:46 Self-deprecation is manifesting too 14:37 4. Focusing only on your how & not your why 14:47 Nietzsche's will to power 15:20 Chasing superficial whys 17:14 5. Underestimating the power of small changes 19:38 Results are a lagging measure of effort (James Clear) 21:30 6. Focusing on what you can't control 21:55 Amor Fati: loving your fate (Nietzsche) 23:22 PS: My book MAKE BELIEVE is out now 24:05 Stop feeling bad for yourself for not figuring it out sooner 25:58 7. Waiting until you're ready to start 26:30 Hiding in the planning phase 26:51 The confidence-competence loop 27:50 8. Using self-hate as fuel 29:56 Lightning round recap 30:56 Give yourself some credit EPISODE LINKS Michigan State Study on accountability Mind Magic by Dr. James Doty Study using fMRI showing impact of visualization on motor cortex The Gay Science by Friedrich Nietzsche MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join me in Bali June 1-7! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
34 min
The tariffs won’t just affect your wallet—they’ll also affect your soul. In this episode, we walk through 5 spiritual side effects of an economic downturn (per Abraham Maslow, Karl Marx, and Simone Weil). Then we’ll talk through 3 philosophically-rooted tips for tending to your soul during (yet another) unprecedented time. Are the people wearing milkmaid dresses to the club a recession indicator? What would Karl Marx think about you hating your coworkers who won’t stay late at the office? How can we prioritize spirituality at a time like this without being navel-gazey? Let’s talk about it. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 03:16 5 spiritual impacts of a recession 03:45break 06:39 1. Accessing spirituality gets harder 06:52 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs 08:37 Simone Weil and Simone du Beauvoir clash 11:05 Everyone’s an existentialist until the rent is due 12:31 2. Resurgence of traditional faith systems 12:39 Hemline index 13:36 Moral panics during recessions 13:52 Today: trad wives, homesteading and Catholic core 14:28 The link between economic security & decline of religious affiliation 16:33 3. Disconnection from nature and each other 16:58 Karl Marx’s 1844 paper on alienation of labor 21:23 4. Escapism becomes more tempting than ever 21:44 Lipstick index 22:40 TikTok restock videos as a recession indicator 23:10 Alcohol sales during recessions 23:54 TikTok shop dupe culture as a recession indicator 24:35 5. We’re ripe for spiritual expansion 25:42 The god shaped hole (Pascal) 26:27 3 practical tips for spiritual health during a recession 26:42 1. Other people are not your competition 27:28 “Be kind to people and ruthless to systems” 27:40 2. Tactile hobbies and reconnecting with the fruits of our labor 29:38 3. Spirituality during hard times is best served pragmatically and people-focused 31:58 Challenge: noticing me versus them moments MY LINKS • MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now • Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop • Join me in Bali June 1-7! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok