YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship is a podcast about understanding the misunderstood. Hosted by neurodiverse relationship expert and educator Jodi Carlton, MEd, the show explores autism, ADHD, and other forms of neurodivergence through honest conversations, expert insights, and lived experience. Each episode examines the questions that so many people struggle to answer: Why do we misunderstand each other? Why do relationships break down? And what happens when we stop assuming and start getting curious? Whether you are neurodivergent yourself, love someone who is, or simply want a deeper understanding of the human mind, you’ll find practical tools, compassionate perspectives, and thought-provoking discussions that challenge common assumptions. Together, we’ll explore relationships, communication, emotional processing, nervous system differences, family dynamics, and the science behind why people think, feel, and connect so differently. Because clarity changes everything.
If you're in a neurodiverse relationship — whether you're ADHD, autistic, or both — intimacy can be one of the most complicated things to navigate. In this episode, Mona Kay & I get real about routines, spontaneity, physical intimacy, and the hidden pattern that quietly undermines intimacy for neurodiverse couples: fawning. From date night strategies that actually work, to what happens when one partner has learned to tolerate instead of communicate — this conversation goes places most podcasts won't. 🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss our next episode where we continue the conversation. 📩 Send us your questions: podcast@jodicarlton.com Chapters: 0:00 Teaser 0:42 Intro 1:28 Routines, Structure & the ADHD/Autistic Couples 3:27 Date Night Strategies That Work for Both Partners 7:17 Communicating About Sex — When, How & Why Not During 8:42 Physical Intimacy & Predictable Patterns 10:43 Codependency, Fawning & People-Pleasing in the Bedroom 11:28 Sex & Vulnerability 18:16 The Resentment Cycle & When Sex Comes to a Halt 18:19 To Be Continued... 18:26 Outro Find us at www.jodicarlton.com and www.neurodiverselove.com 👩💼 About Jodi Carlton, MEd I’m Jodi Carlton, MEd, a neurodiversity educator, relationship expert, author, and coach with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals, couples, families, and professionals better understand autism, ADHD, and the realities of neurodiverse relationships. As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I combine professional expertise with lived experience. My own family includes multiple neurotypes, and after spending nearly two decades in a neurodiverse marriage, I understand both the challenges and the opportunities that can emerge when different minds meet. My work also explores the important distinction between neurodivergent differences and harmful relationship dynamics, including narcissistic abuse and personality pathology. My goal is not to tell people what to think, but to help them better understand what they are experiencing so they can make informed decisions about their relationships. On this channel, you’ll find episodes of the YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship podcast, interviews with leading experts, educational videos, and practical conversations designed to help you better understand yourself, the people you love, and the misunderstood mind. 📖 Subscribe to The Misunderstood Mind on Substack: https://inside.themisunderstoodmind.com 📅 Book a consultation: https://jodicarlton.com/private-consultation/ 🧠 Explore articles, courses, quizzes & resources: https://jodicarlton.com 👋🏼 Join our Neurodiverse Relationships community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships ⸻ New here? Subscribe for thoughtful conversations about: * Autism and ADHD * Neurodiverse relationships * Communication and conflict * Alexithymia and executive functioning * Narcissistic abuse and personality pathology * Boundaries, healing, and healthier relationships Whether you are neurodivergent, love someone who is, or work with neurodiverse individuals and couples, you’re welcome here.
Are you neurodivergent and trying to navigate dating? Especially after a divorce? We can relate! In this episode, my co-host, Mona Kay, and I get real about our personal dating experiences after divorce, the patterns we've learned to recognize in neurodiverse partners, and how to spot toxic, narcissistic behavior. From info dumping on first dates to sensory quirks in the bedroom, we share candid, sometimes funny, always insightful stories that will help you navigate neurodiverse dating with more clarity, compassion — and better boundaries. Be sure to tune in for Episode 7 to catch the second half of our conversation. Topics covered: - Spotting neurodivergence (and narcissism) on dating apps - Info dumping on dates — and what to do about it - When autism and narcissism overlap - Alcohol, self-medication & neurodivergence - Sensory sensitivities in romantic and physical intimacy - How to adapt without losing yourself Timestamps: 0:00 – Teaser: When autism masks toxic behavior 1:24 – Welcome & intro: Meet Jodi & Mona 1:46 – Today's topic: dating, sex & neurodiverse relationships 2:16 – Dating in your 50s and 60s as a neurodivergent person 9:01 – Mona becomes a dating coach for her friends 9:18 – The guy with a strict 2-hour bandwidth for dates 10:35 – Real talk: there was one man who info dumped for 3 hours 11:42 – Tips for autistic daters: giving your partner space to talk 13:57 – Jodi's story: dating someone autistic AND narcissistic 17:24 – Love bombing, triangulation & the "harem" 19:13 – Don't assume it's just autism — key warning signs 20:16 – When you're constantly dysregulated in a relationship 20:49 – Mona's experience: dating an autistic man for almost a year 21:18 – Alcohol & neurodivergence: self-medicating to socialize 21:55 – Needing 6 beers just to go to a restaurant 24:10 – Sensory & intimacy differences: holding hands, kissing 28:10 – Eye contact during intimacy — an honest conversation 29:38 – The cold water toothbrush moment 30:52 – When sensory reactions feel like rejection 32:07 – Where to find Jodi & Mona Find Jodi: jodicarlton.com Find Mona: neurodiverselove.com Don't forget to like, subscribe, and send us your questions! 👩💼 About Jodi Carlton, MEd I’m Jodi Carlton, MEd, a neurodiversity educator, relationship expert, author, and coach with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals, couples, families, and professionals better understand autism, ADHD, and the realities of neurodiverse relationships. As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I combine professional expertise with lived experience. My own family includes multiple neurotypes, and after spending nearly two decades in a neurodiverse marriage, I understand both the challenges and the opportunities that can emerge when different minds meet. My work also explores the important distinction between neurodivergent differences and harmful relationship dynamics, including narcissistic abuse and personality pathology. My goal is not to tell people what to think, but to help them better understand what they are experiencing so they can make informed decisions about their relationships. On this channel you’ll find episodes of the YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship podcast, interviews with leading experts, educational videos, and practical conversations designed to help you better understand yourself, the people you love, and the misunderstood mind. Watch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/0olYTzv_BQ0 📖 Subscribe to The Misunderstood Mind on Substack: https://inside.themisunderstoodmind.com 📅 Book a consultation: https://jodicarlton.com/private-consultation/ 🧠 Explore articles, courses, quizzes & resources: https://jodicarlton.com 👋🏼 Join our Neurodiverse Relationships community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships New here? Subscribe for thoughtful conversations about: * Autism and ADHD * Neurodiverse relationships * Communication and conflict * Alexithymia and executive functioning * Narcissistic abuse and personality pathology * Boundaries, healing, and healthier relationships
Is your relationship struggling because of neurodivergence — or because you're just not compatible? In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Jodi Carlton and Mona Kay get honest about one of the hardest questions neurodiverse couples face. In this episode: The two extremes of autistic commitment: the revolving door and staying forever in a toxic marriage Why blaming the diagnosis is unfair to your partner AND the neurodivergent community How compatibility changes when you move in together, get married, or have children Why traditional marriage therapy often makes things worse for neurodiverse couples Nesting — the alternative living arrangement helping neurodiverse families find peace Jodi's personal story of neurodivergent burnout after her kids left for college How ADHD and autism create opposite conflict styles in the same household How to ask genuinely curious questions — and why most questions are actually setups Whether you're in a neurodiverse relationship, raising a neurodiverse family, or just trying to understand yourself better — this episode will help you stop blaming the diagnosis and start building real understanding. 🔔 Subscribe for new episodes 💬 Send us your questions: podcast@jodicarlton.com ⏱ Chapters 0:00 Intro — Meet Jodi & Mona 1:33 Episode Begins — Commitment Extremes in Autistic Relationships 2:23 Mona's Story: He Would Have Stayed Forever 2:51 Loyalty, Aversion to Change & Letting Go 4:46 Mona's Coaching Philosophy: Compatibility Over Neurotype 5:49 You Can't Blame It on the Diagnosis 7:05 Compatibility Changes — Moving In, Marriage & Kids 7:53 Nesting: A New Container for the Relationship 9:10 Jodi's Story: Dating After Divorce 9:35 Neurodivergent Family Burnout 14:04 Key Lesson: Understand Yourself & Your Partner 15:00 Jodi's Tip: How to Ask Curious Questions 16:13 Mona's Experience: Check Yourself 17:52 Wrap-Up & Closing
Have you ever felt like your emotions were wrong — or like your partner simply couldn't understand why you were upset? You might be experiencing the impact of alexithymia in your neurodiverse relationship. In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton open up about their own long marriages to neurodivergent partners — and the years of unintentional hurt that came from not understanding why they felt so misunderstood. In this episode: -What alexithymia is and why it's so common in neurodiverse relationships - interoception challenges affect emotional communication. -Why your autistic partner may logicalize your emotions — and what they actually mean by it. -The difference between not caring and not knowing -A beautiful listener story about loving an autistic partner with awareness -Whether you're in a neurodiverse relationship, recently discovered your partner is autistic or ADHD, or are neurodivergent yourself — this conversation will help you feel less alone. ⏱ Chapters 0:00 Intro — Meet Mona & Jodi / About the Show 1:28 Episode 2 Begins — Our Neurodiverse Marriages 2:36 Mona's Story: 30 Years of Unintentional Hurt 3:03 Communication Breakdown: Logicalizing Emotions 4:21 What Is Alexithymia? 5:11 Interoception & the Body-Brain Disconnect 6:18 The Bewildering Reality of Feeling Wrong 7:34 Jodi's Story: Alexithymia Wasn't Our Issue — But... 15:20 Emotional Flooding & Communication Differences 16:45 Writing Novels He Wouldn't Read 18:13 Listener Comment: "He Was the Best Partner I've Ever Had" 19:46 Unintentional Hurt & Looking Through Different Lenses 21:30 Outro — Find Us & Closing 🔔 Subscribe for new episodes every week 💬 Submit your questions and topics in the comments or via our show notes links Find Mona: neurodiverselove.com Find Jodi: jodicarlton.com
Have you ever felt like your emotions were wrong — or that your partner just couldn't connect with what you were feeling? In this episode, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton share candidly about their decades-long marriages to neurodivergent partners and the years of confusion, shame, and unintentional hurt that came from not having a name for what was happening. They break down alexithymia — one of the most overlooked challenges in neurodiverse relationships — along with interoception, emotional flooding, and the communication differences that left both partners feeling unseen. They also share a touching listener comment about what it looks like when understanding finally arrives. If you've ever wondered why your partner seems to logicalize your emotions, dismiss your feelings, or simply not register your pain — this episode is for you.
Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton introduce their new podcast, “Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life,” sharing their backgrounds and why they partnered to create a more personal, casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent. Mona, host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast since 2020, describes discovering her marriage was neurodiverse late in a 30-year relationship, her divorce in 2018, and her related projects, including conferences, a docuseries, conversation cards, coaching, and support groups. Jodi shares how understanding neurodivergence began with her 23-year-old daughter’s autism diagnosis, discovering that her own marriage was neurodiverse after 19 years and a divorce, her work coaching neurodiverse couples worldwide, and her upcoming book, The Misunderstood Mind. They invite viewers to send questions to shape future episodes and note the show will be published on both of their podcast platforms and YouTube channels. 00:00 Meet Mona and Jodi 00:35 New Podcast Launch 01:10 Send Questions In 01:28 Why We Teamed Up 02:30 Mona’s Story and Mission 04:55 Jodi’s Journey and New Book 08:37 Show Topics and Healing 11:53 Community and Networks 13:37 Family Patterns and Narcissism 18:47 Bodies Hormones and Health 22:39 Coaching vs Therapy 30:57 Wrap Up and Where to Find Us _________________ Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love. Visit us: neurodiverselove.com jodicarlton.com
Autism is not a childhood disease. It's not something we catch, acquire in childhood, or grow out of — and the science on this has been clear for decades. In this episode I'm responding directly to the current conversation about what autism is and isn't, and setting the record straight with research, personal experience, and 20+ years of working in this field. I cover what autism actually looks like across the lifespan, what the DSM-5 levels mean in real terms, and why the push to find a "cure" fundamentally misunderstands what autism is. I also speak honestly to families who are struggling at the more profound end of the spectrum — because their experience is real and deserves to be part of this conversation too. Autism is a lifelong, hereditary, natural variation of the human brain. And our world wouldn't be where it is without it. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. ➔ Watch on YouTube ➔ Read the blog: Autism Isn’t a Childhood Disease—It’s Time We Embrace Neurodiversity at Every Age ➔ Free quizzes, assessments & resources at jodicarlton.com
Neurodivergence has been framed as something to fix for far too long—and that framing is doing real harm. In this bonus episode, I'm talking about the neurodiversity paradigm shift: moving away from a deficit-based model and toward understanding neurological differences as natural variations in the human brain, not personal failures. I share the research, the language that's holding us back, and the personal moment that started my own journey: sitting in a workshop and realizing—with chills—that the speaker was describing my daughter. When we stop trying to fix neurodiversity and start understanding it, everything changes: our relationships, our communities, and how we see ourselves. 👉 Watch this episode on YouTube 👉 Read the blog: A New Perspective on Neurodiversity: Understanding Differences Without Judgment 👉 Free assessments and resources
Neurodivergent parenting comes with a kind of exhaustion that's hard to explain—and even harder to admit. As an ADHD mom with an autistic daughter and an ADHD son, I've lived every stage of it: the sensory overwhelm and specialist appointments in the early years, IEP battles and school advocacy in the middle years, and the delicate push toward independence as your kids grow into adulthood. If you've ever felt like you're running on empty, or wondered if any of this gets easier, this one is for you. Part personal story, part permission slip. Follow the show so you never miss an episode! 👀 Watch this episode on YouTube 👉 Read the blog: Hey Mama, I See You — Navigating The Exhaustion of Parenting a Neurodivergent Child
Autism microaggressions are everywhere. And most people delivering them have no idea they're causing harm. "You don't look autistic." "We're all a little autistic." "You're too articulate to be autistic." These comments feel like compliments. For autistic individuals, their partners, and their families, they land like paper cuts—small, accumulating, and quietly damaging over time. In this bonus episode, I unpack why these well-meaning comments are so harmful, how confirmation bias and outdated stereotypes lead even professionals to dismiss autistic people, and what masking is really costing the people we love. I also share something my daughter—diagnosed autistic at five, and told repeatedly that she doesn't look it—asked me to read on her behalf. Autism doesn't have a look, but it does deserve to be seen. 💙 ➔ Watch this episode on YouTube ➔ Read the blog: Autism Microaggressions: Why "You Don't Look Autistic" Does More Harm Than You Think ➔ Free assessments and resources
ADHD relationships don't come with a manual—but Part 2 of my conversation with Jana and Matt gets as close as anything I've recorded. We zoom in on what actually helps neurodiverse couples move from "you're doing it wrong" to clear, workable requests, and why old scripts keep running even after real growth. Jana shares two practical accommodations that changed everything for them: adjusting seasoning so everyone can eat comfortably, and normalizing separate sleep spaces to protect deep rest. Matt explains why requests land so differently than criticism—and how problem-solving as a team builds connection, trust, and day-to-day ease. Missed Part 1? Start there first 🎧 Watch this episode on YouTube Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community
ADHD / neurotypical relationships come with a specific kind of friction—and nervous system dysregulation is often at the center of it. In Part 1 of my conversation with Jana, an ADHD resilience coach, and her husband Matt, a neurotypical engineer, we unpack the "thinker/feeler" dynamic, the pursuer–retreater cycle, and what it looks like when dysregulation hijacks a hard conversation. We get into the practical tools that helped them shift the pattern: active listening, pausing for your "best self," and one surprisingly effective strategy—recording tough conversations to spot misunderstandings and reset the narrative. Ready for Part 2? Listen here. Watch this episode on YouTube Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community
When emotions run high, meltdowns happen, and communication breaks down, what helps neurodiverse couples stay connected? In Part 2 of this conversation, Randall and Ashley share how they’ve learned to manage overload, communicate through shutdowns, and rebuild calm after conflict. Ashley explains how Jodi’s “I’m okay” mantra helps her separate Randall’s emotions from her own, while Randall describes the tools that help him prevent meltdowns—like weighted blankets, routines, and clear recovery time. Together, they reveal how empathy, preparation, and boundaries create safer connection and a stronger marriage. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/LR3i_mUUiPQ Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships
Holidays, routines, and even dishwashers can test any couple—but for neurodiverse partners, those differences can feel magnified. In this episode, Jodi talks with Randall and Ashley about what they’ve learned since discovering Randall’s autism and how it’s changed their relationship for the better. They share simple but powerful tools—like Jodi’s “2-or-10” scale for deciding what’s worth energy, and the “I’m okay” mantra that helps calm emotional overload. Together, they show how curiosity, communication, and empathy can make all the difference in a neurodiverse relationship. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/aGgmicw8wu4 Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships
The holidays can be stressful for any couple—but for neurodiverse partners, surprises, travel, and changes in routine can make the season especially tough. In this short bonus episode, Jodi shares a sneak peek from her upcoming interview with Randall and Ashley Rowland, who open up about what makes holidays challenging for them and the “plan B” strategies that keep things calm and connected. It’s just 9 minutes long, and it might make your holidays a little easier too. Watch this bonus episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/8AztxuKAFjQ Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships Get access to Jodi's Holiday Stress Buster Toolkit for Neurodiverse Couples and learn practical tools to help your holidays run smoothly.
When you first realize that autism or ADHD is part of your relationship, it’s so common to encounter “doomsday” narratives online—stories that make neurodiverse couples feel destined for disconnection. In this episode, Mike and Amy are back for Part 2 to share what actually happens after the discovery and how they’ve stayed connected through burnout, resentment, emotional differences, and communication challenges. Mike was identified as autistic in adulthood, long after their relationship began. Together, they talk honestly about the shifts they had to make, the misunderstandings that once felt overwhelming, and the unexpected strengths autism brings into their home and partnership. If you missed Part 1, I encourage you to listen to that episode first. It covers how they discovered Mike is autistic and the early strategies that helped them build a more workable, sustainable rhythm together. In this episode, we talk about: Why so much advice about autistic–neurotypical couples feels negative The strengths, focus, and “superpowers” autism brings into daily life How Mike recognizes autistic burnout earlier and what helps prevent shutdowns The difference between being angry at your partner vs. angry about the situation How gender roles and emotional labor shape hetero neurodiverse relationships Communication tools that have made a difference—soft startups, scripting, and meta-messages What both autistic and allistic partners need when they’re at different stages of awareness or acceptance We also speak directly to therapists and coaches about the importance of understanding neurodiversity as its own specialty and how easily it’s misidentified without the right training. About Today's Guests Mike and Amy have been together for 18 years. Mike discovered he is autistic four years ago, which opened up a completely new understanding of their relationship dynamic. Today, he advocates for autistic adults and is currently writing a forthcoming memoir on late-diagnosed autism. Amy is a licensed therapist in Illinois and a coach for clients in other states. She specializes in supporting autistic adults, partners in neurodiverse relationships, and parents raising neurodivergent children. She also trains other clinicians in recognizing adult autism and working effectively with neurodiverse couples. Connect with Amy: amatthews@prairiewellness.org Learn more: prairiewellness.org About Your Host I’m Jodi Carlton, a neurodiverse relationship coach with more than 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, educator, and author. As a neurodivergent woman who spent 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raised neurodivergent children, I bring both professional expertise and lived experience to this work. I help individuals, couples, and families around the world find clarity, confidence, and connection in their neurodiverse relationships. Explore resources, quizzes, and courses: jodicarlton.com Questions? Contact me: gethelp@jodicarlton.com
When autism or ADHD first shows up in a relationship—especially through a late diagnosis—it can feel confusing, overwhelming, or even destabilizing. Many couples begin searching for answers only to find negative, discouraging narratives about neurodiverse partnerships. In this episode, I talk with Mike and Amy, a couple who discovered as adults that Mike is autistic. Their story is deeply relatable for anyone navigating a new understanding of neurodiversity in themselves or their partner. They share openly about the early misunderstandings, mismatched expectations, and emotional tensions that shaped their marriage—and the strategies they put in place to protect their connection instead of slipping into resentment. This conversation offers a grounded, human look at what really happens when a diagnosis reframes your entire relationship dynamic. In this episode, we talk about: How Mike’s late autism discovery reshaped their understanding of past conflicts The early signs and communication patterns they didn’t recognize at the time Why so many couples feel “blindsided” before diagnosis How masking, missed cues, and emotional differences created tension What helped them shift from frustration to clarity The early strategies that made life more workable and reduced resentment How they built trust and safety while adjusting to a major identity shift Mike and Amy’s honesty brings so much relief to listeners who feel alone, confused, or stuck in patterns they can’t explain. Their story also sets the foundation for Part 2, where we explore burnout, emotional labor, and more advanced communication tools. About Mike & Amy Mike and Amy have been together for 18 years. Mike discovered he is autistic four years ago, which provided language and clarity for years of misunderstandings neither of them knew how to name. Today, Mike advocates for autistic adults through writing and organizational leadership. Amy is a licensed therapist and coach who specializes in supporting autistic adults, their partners, and parents raising neurodivergent children. 📧 Connect with Amy: amatthews@prairiewellness.org 🌐 Learn more: prairiewellness.org — About Your Host I’m Jodi Carlton, a neurodiverse relationship coach with more than 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, educator, and author. I’m also neurodivergent myself, diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. My work is rooted in both clinical expertise and lived experience—19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children. I help neurodiverse couples and families gain clarity, communication skills, and emotional confidence so their relationships can genuinely thrive. Explore resources, quizzes, and courses: jodicarlton.com Questions? Contact my team: gethelp@jodicarlton.com
Can a neurodiverse relationship thrive long-term—even when the work feels messy, nonlinear, and hard? In Part 3, the final episode of this roundtable series, Jodi and the panel of neurodiversity experts explore the skills that make progress possible: forgiveness, repair after conflict, and practical tools that help partners bridge intent and impact. This conversation digs into what progress actually looks like (hint: it’s not linear), why discomfort is part of the process, and how couples build something that works for them—not just what’s “supposed to” work. 💬 What You’ll Learn in This Episode: How forgiveness can support healing without minimizing real pain What effective repair looks like when most problems are ongoing, not “fixed” Why tools and strategies matter more than “it should be natural” thinking How to tolerate uncertainty and stay connected through discomfort Key markers that show a couple is moving forward together Whether you’re navigating a neurodiverse relationship yourself, supporting someone you love, or working with couples in this space, this conversation is packed with real insight and practical strategies you can start using right away. 👉 Missed Part 1? Watch here: https://youtu.be/rXeUypJeQX4?si=yz0jiOYVdGy007-J 👉 Missed Part 2? Watch here: https://youtu.be/rqW5GRhu5Fs 📍 Episode Timestamps: 00:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work? 01:56 – Progress Looks Messy: Awareness, Micro-steps, and Tolerance 07:26 – Forgiveness, Healing, and Real Repair (Gottman Lens) 11:35 – Lived Experience + A Daily “Autism Moment” Journal Tool 18:03 – Stop “It Should Be Natural”: Tools That Fit Neurotypes 22:46 – Intent vs. Impact, Acceptance, and Calling Out Toxic Dynamics 27:20 – Forgiveness for You, Acceptance ≠ Approval, “Space Between Stories” 31:14 – Markers of Progress: Impact Over Intent, Build Your Own Tools 👋🏼 Meet the Experts: This episode features insights from: Laura Schreiner – Licensed counselor (IL) specializing in neurodivergent individuals & couples. https://www.laurasnc.com Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. – Host of Neurodiverse Love Podcast, creator of Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards & Workbook, and organizer of the Neurodiverse Love Conference. https://www.neurodiverselove.com Heidi Hackney – ICF-certified coach, mentor, & co-founder of Autistic Voiceover Artists (AVA), supporting autistic adults in the voiceover industry. https://thecan-docoach.com Natalie Roberts – Award-winning neurodiverse relationship coach, co-founder of Loving Difference, and co-host of Myth Busting Neurodiverse Relationships. https://natalieroberts.com Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes – Autism researcher, ordained minister, author of Uniquely Us, and host of Neurodiverse Christian Couples Podcast. https://www.holmesasr.com Debbie King – Counselor specializing in neurodiverse relationships, trauma, & toxic family dynamics, offering global support via Zoom. Robin Tate, M.A., M.S., BCC, ACC, CAS – Neurodiverse couples coach, certified autism specialist, and founder of Robin Tate LLC. https://www.robintatellc.com Jana Smith – Resilience and nervous system coach; expert in chronic illness and Cassandra Syndrome recovery. https://www.janamsmith.com #neurodiverserelationship #autisminmarriage #adhd #forgiveness #repairafterconflict #cognitiveempathy #communicationtools #neurodiversity _________________________________________________ 👩💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change. 👉 Find resources, quizzes, and courses: https://jodicarlton.com 🔔 Subscribe & Follow for more real conversations and strategies to support #neurodiversecouples.
Accommodating neurodiversity doesn’t have to mean resentment or burnout. In this episode, we explore how a neurodiverse relationship can thrive when both partners learn to balance self-accommodation and mutual respect. Coaches Jeremy & Charity Rochford show how neurodivergent partners can self-accommodate (not outsource to neurotypical spouses) and how neurotypical partners can set boundaries that protect their own bandwidth. You’ll learn concrete tools—transition buffers, noise strategies, visual timers—and how a shared relationship system replaces score-keeping with reciprocity. If you’ve been told to “just run” from a neurodiverse relationship, this episode offers a smarter path. Jeremy (autistic) & Charity (neurotypical) (hosts of the NeuroFam podcast) join Jodi to show how reframing autism/ADHD from problem to predictable pattern unlocks real solutions. We dig into practical rituals that improve connection without enmeshment, plus we explore why “effort is invisible” and how accommodations can increase connection instead of being sacrifices for either partner. Jeremy explains his “software upgrade” mindset (strengthening theory of mind/executive function like training a muscle), while Charity shares how compassion + structure reduce resentment. You’ll leave with scripts, rituals, and a way to accommodate needs without erasing yourself. 00:00 – Welcome to Season Five 01:00 – Meet Jeremy & Charity 04:45 – Autism isn’t the problem: Updating the ‘80s narrative 09:40 – How kid diagnoses led to adult discoveries (and relief) 14:20 – Compassion shifts: Seeing sensory overload vs. “too much” 18:30 – “Software upgrades”: Building empathy & executive function 22:10 – Accommodations that work: Earbuds, car rules, visual timers 29:10 – Resentment vs reciprocity: Why effort is invisible 33:00 – Build a marriage system: Make expectations explicit 35:20 – Accommodate without erasing yourself (Disney example) 👥 Meet Jeremy & Charity Rochford Jeremy and Charity Rochford—known as Team Rochford—are certified life coaches and co-founders of NeuroFam, where they specialize in coaching for neurodiverse couples, parents, and families. Married for 25 years and raising two autistic children, they blend professional expertise (Jeremy has a BA in Communication Studies; Charity a BA in Psychology) with lived experience to deliver a truly balanced perspective. NeuroFam’s coaching is forward-focused and results-based—helping families create practical systems, reduce resentment, and build relationships that thrive. Jeremy works primarily with autistic/ADHD men, fathers, and young adults, while Charity supports neurotypical partners, mothers, and women navigating ND/NT family dynamics. 🔗 Resources Mentioned in This Episode NeuroFam website https://www.neurofam.com NeuroFM Podcast https://www.ourneurofam.com/neuro-fm-podcast Book: Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen https://www.stoneandheen.com/thanks-feedback Course: How to Communicate in Your Neurodiverse Relationship https://jodicarlton.com/courses/relationship-2-0-crack-the-communication-code/ Tony Attwood https://www.attwoodandgarnettevents.com/ — 👩💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change. 🔔 Help the algorithm help other couples — Like, Subscribe & Share! Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships. #NeurodiverseRelationship #AutismInMarriage #ADHD
Autistic + ADHD partners often collide around regulation. Here’s how to stop the clashes and build connection with real-world scripts, rituals, and repeatable practices. If you need clear, practical tools to make a neurodiverse relationship feel calmer and more connected, this episode delivers! Jodi and licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) break down exactly how autistic self-regulators and ADHD co-regulators can stop clashing and start syncing up—so both partners feel seen, safe, and respected. Greg shares the exact rituals he and his wife use after 30+ years together—like a 20–30 minute transition buffer before reconnecting after time apart, a simple “commute-call” habit that creates connection without pressure, and a prepare → attune → debrief framework for handling events like parties or family gatherings. You’ll hear why effort often feels invisible, why “fair” doesn’t always mean equal, and how shifting from content fights to process check-ins changes everything. We also dig into scripts for setting capacity limits, what shutdowns and alexithymia look like, and a quick connect → ground rhythm you can try today. If you missed Part 1, circle back for the mindset shifts that make these tools stick. 💡 This episode is especially helpful for: Autistic–ADHD couples who keep clashing over how they calm down or connect Partners who want closeness without losing themselves (empathy + boundaries) Late-identified adults looking for simple scripts and daily rituals to cut conflict and feel safer together 00:00 – Welcome to Season Five 01:48 – When couples therapy backfires (“the wrongness trap”) 03:02 – Self-regulation vs. co-regulation in ASD and ADHD 06:43 – The 20–30 minute transition ritual that prevents conflict 09:10 – Why effort is invisible and scorekeeping fails 17:14 – The commute-call ritual for daily attunement 20:26 – Two rules for safety in communication 26:53 – The couple’s event game plan: Prepare → Attune → Debrief 31:24 – Reflection over rehashing: how growth really happens About Greg Fuqua: Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise. Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay. Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships. Resources: Greg’s website: https://www.gregfuqua.com/ Neurodiverse Connections Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@NeurodivergentConnections/featured More from Jodi: Visit jodicarlton.com (free resources, assessments, and courses) • Watch Part 2 of my conversation with Greg: Coming Soon: October 1! Questions? Email: gethelp@jodicarlton.com — 👩💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change. 🔔 Help the algorithm help other couples—Like, Subscribe & Share! Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.
Keep the useful structure, then change the audience, point of view, and voice until the idea is unmistakably yours.
