Conversations on Sex, Addiction, and Relationships

In this new episode of Conversations on Sex, Addiction, and Relationships, Jeanne Vattuone and Dan Drake welcome Melissa, founder of WeTonglen, a private online community created to support women impacted by sexual betrayal and relationship trauma. Melissa shares her own path from feeling isolated, misunderstood, and uncomfortable in early support spaces to finding genuine connection with others who understood her experience. That journey ultimately inspired WeTonglen: a carefully moderated, women-only community offering resources, peer connection, discussion spaces, and links to professional and peer-led support. Together, Jeanne, Dan, and Melissa explore what makes a support group feel emotionally safe, including confidentiality, clear boundaries, and a culture that encourages sharing personal experience rather than giving unsolicited advice. Listen to this insightful episode now and learn more https://www.wetonglen.com/about

In this new episode of Conversations on Sex, Addiction and Relationships, Tim Stein, Jeanne Vattuone, Wendy Conquest, and Dan Drake welcome Michael Lazar, an expert in sex addiction and gambling disorder, for an important conversation about the rapidly changing world of online gambling. As sports betting, prediction markets, day trading, cryptocurrency, and gambling apps become increasingly accessible through mobile devices, gambling no longer requires a trip to a casino. The hosts explore how this shift has made gambling more private, immediate, normalized, and difficult for families and loved ones to detect. They also discusses the importance of screening for gambling concerns in sex addiction treatment, seeking qualified professional support, and recognizing when gambling-related depression requires immediate help. Learn more by listening to the full episode!

In this powerful mailbag episode, Tim Stein, Jeanne Vattuone, Wendy Conquest, and Dan Drake, tackle one of the most common and painful questions from partners in recovery: "Did you have to hate me to do this?" A listener in early recovery shares his wife's struggle: she believes he must have been angry with her or even hated her to act out in his addiction. But his experience was rooted in shame, fear, and feelings of inadequacy, not anger toward her. Whether you're the one in recovery or the betrayed partner, this conversation offers clarity, validation, and hope for navigating the complex emotions that come with post-disclosure. Have a question for our next mailbag? Email us at conversations.sar@gmail.com. Listen now and share with someone who needs to hear this!

What happens when a couple is caught between staying and leaving, and neither option feels safe? In this episode the podcast hosts, Wendy, Dan, Jeanne, and Tim sit down with Dr. Stevie Hall, the author of Therapeutic Separation: A Workbook for Couples Facing Addiction to explore a third path. Stevie breaks down what a therapeutic separation actually is: an intentional, structured break (often around 90 days) that's far different from the ambiguous separations that so often create more harm and confusion. The conversation covers when separation is indicated, the difference between physical and "controlled" (in-home) separations, and how to build a clear agreement. Whether you're a clinician guiding couples through this process or someone weighing whether separation might be right for your relationship, this episode offers a compassionate, practical roadmap for navigating one of the hardest decisions a couple can face. Watch or listen now, and if this episode could help someone you know, please share it.

This exciting new episode explores the rapidly emerging world of AI companionship and its impact on relationships, attachment, and mental health. Conversations hosts, Jeanne Vattuone, Dan Drake, Tim Stein, and Wendy Conquest are joined by Elizabeth Abbruzza and Connie Zollner of Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center to unpack how artificial intimacy is showing up in clinical practice. They examine why AI companions can feel so compelling and how that appeal can quickly become addictive, especially for individuals with trauma or insecure attachment. The conversation also dives into the relational consequences, including how AI use can disrupt partnerships, create secrecy, and lead to experiences of betrayal. With thoughtful insights and real clinical examples, this episode sheds light on a complex and fast-growing issue that is reshaping how we understand intimacy, connection, and addiction.

Meditation isn’t about clearing your mind. It’s about changing your relationship to it. Conversations Hosts, Wendy Conquest and Tim Stein, explore how meditation can strengthen recovery for addicts and support grounding for partners. They unpack the myth of “emptying the mind,” the power of sitting with discomfort, and how building mental resilience helps interrupt addictive cycles and emotional reactivity. This conversation highlights meditation as a practical, trainable skill for creating space, choice, and ultimately, peace of mind. Join Wendy and Tim as they share real-world insights on building a consistent practice and why meditation is powerful but not a quick fix.

Conversations host Dan Drake and Wendy Conquest explore with Jeanne Vattuone and Tim Stein on their new workbook 'Finding the Way Through'. It is a comprehensive, 15+ year-in-the-making resource for sex and pornography addiction recovery. What sets this workbook apart is its integration of rigorous sobriety work with a consistent focus on partner sensitivity, challenging the traditional “stay on your side of the street” model. The conversation unpacks how the book guides readers through the full arc of recovery, from denial and early sobriety to emotional growth, relational repair, and long-term healing. Each chapter blends education, practical exercises, real-life addict stories, and dedicated partner sensitivity sections that help bridge the empathy gap between addicts and betrayed partners. This Conversations episode offers a powerful look at a shifting paradigm in recovery, one that centers empathy, inclusion, and mutual understanding from day one. Subscribe today!

In this new episode, Conversations hosts, Jeanne Vattuone, Tim Stein, Wendy Conquest, and Dan Drake talk with guest, Dr. Stevie Cotet, about empathy and why it matters so deeply in sex addiction recovery and relationship healing. Dr. Stevie explains empathy as both an internal process and an external response, and discusses common barriers like shame, dysregulation, and skill deficits. The conversation also explores how empathy shows up differently in individuals and couples, why realistic expectations matter, and how assessment can help clarify strengths and growth areas. Dr. Stevie shares research-based insights on building empathy, supporting partners, and understanding the emotional challenges that often come up in recovery. Listen to the full episode today! Do you want to learn more about the online assessments? Visit relationalempathy.com.

In this latest episode on Conversations on Sex Addiction and Relationships, the team dives into a tough but essential question: Why do addicts lie and are they even aware they’re doing it? Tim Stein, Dan Drake, and Wendy Conquest, unpack how lying often starts as an early survival strategy rooted in trauma, where being fully authentic didn’t feel safe. Over time, this evolves into patterns of denial, omission, and “motivated reasoning,” where the brain unconsciously twists reality to avoid discomfort, conflict, or shame. The hosts explore why even small lies can deeply damage trust, how ongoing dishonesty erodes relationships more than the truth itself, and what it actually takes to rebuild honesty in recovery. If you’ve ever struggled to understand dishonesty in addiction or felt the impact of it in a relationship, this episode offers real insight and clarity. Listen or watch the full episode on Conversations Podcast, and don’t forget to follow and share to help others find these conversations.

What counts as an emotional affair? In this episode of Conversations on Sex Addiction and Relationships, Wendy Conquest, Tim Stein, Jeanne Vattuone, and Dan Drake unpack emotional affairs. How they begin, and why they can be deeply painful even without physical cheating. The conversation will look at how emotional affairs can blur lines through texting, personal disclosure, and unmet emotional needs, especially when someone starts turning outside their primary relationship for support or intimacy. If you’re wondering whether a connection has crossed the line, this episode offers practical insight into emotional infidelity, trust, and how to respond with honesty and accountability. Listen now on all podcast platforms and subscribe for new episodes.

What does it really mean to be a sex addict? In this episode of Conversations on Sex Addiction and Relationships, hosts Tim Stein, Jeanne Vattuone, and Wendy Conquest unpack the confusion around sexual compulsivity, pornography use, betrayal trauma, and intimacy issues. They explore how to tell the difference between normal sexual behavior and addiction, what red flags to look for, and how shame, secrecy, and early exposure to sexual material can shape lifelong patterns. Join the discussion about anxiety, coping, trauma, and the healing power of self-awareness and recovery. Whether you’re questioning your own behavior or supporting a loved one, this episode offers grounded insight from certified sex addiction therapists (CSATs).

When someone is caught in the cycle of sex addiction, it can appear that their only value is acting out in the addiction itself. But beneath the surface lies something much deeper. In this episode on Conversations on Sex Addiction and Relationships, Tim Stein, Wendy Conquest, and Dan Drake unpack what values really mean in sex addiction recovery. They explore the disconnect between what addicts say they value, like connection, honesty, and loyalty, and the behaviors that often contradict those beliefs. Together, they examine how trauma shapes values, why autonomy and intimacy can feel unsafe, and how recovery offers a path to realignment moving from “I value” to “I want to value.” Drawing from their clinical experience, the hosts discuss how humility, awareness, and action help recovering addicts not just define their values, but live them authentically.

In this mailbag episode 'The High-Functioning Addicts' on Conversations Podcast, Wendy Conquest, Tim Stein, and Dan Drake tackle a listener’s question about “high-functioning” sex addicts. These are people who appear to have everything under control yet still find themselves in patterns of secrecy, betrayal, and shame. What happens when addiction wears the disguise of success? The Conversations Podcast hosts explore the subtle defenses that protect the illusion of control, the difference between compulsivity and authenticity, and why recovery work can be transformative even for those who don’t see themselves as “out of control.” Join the conversation as they discuss denial, ego, and the quiet chaos that lies beneath the surface of the “high-functioning” addict’s life and how true freedom may begin with humility and honest self-reflection. #transformational #addictionrecovery #selfreflection #authenticity #betrayal

Conversations Podcast hosts - Wendy Conquest, Dan Drake, and Tim Stein sit down to name the everyday dynamics that quietly erode even committed relationships. They move beyond sex addiction to look at what harms connection in “ordinary” couples: assumptions and misattunement, the numbing presence of smartphones, the difference between healthy anger and aggression, dishonesty and lack of authenticity, and the pull of fantasy over reality. Using concepts like the “three H’s” (Do you want to be Helped, Heard, or Held?), love languages, and attunement, they offer practical scripts and questions partners can use in real time to reconnect instead of disconnect. They also explore how AI, social media, and cultural pressures make it harder to show up honestly and what it looks like to practice mindful “etiquette” so honesty doesn’t become brutality. If you’ve ever wondered why your relationship feels stuck, distant, or “off” even without obvious betrayal, this conversation offers a clear, compassionate roadmap back to emotional and physical intimacy. Subscribe to Conversations on Sex, Addiction & Relationships today to watch their latest episode!

Betrayal shatters your world. Can you find a way to be brave and heal? Join Jeanne Vattuone, Wendy Conquest and Dan Drake as they speak with this week's Podcast Guest, Tammy Gustafson, on Conversations. Tammy unveils her 6-year journey writing Broken to Brave, sharing her four phases of healing after intimate betrayal. From dysregulated nervous systems to demystifying the path forward, this episode offers betrayed partners clear guideposts, honest hope, and proof that thriving is possible. Available now on all podcast platforms and YouTube.

When does simply noticing someone cross into objectifying them? In this thought-provoking conversation, Wendy Conquest, Jeanne Vattuone, and Dan Drake unpack the difference between normal human noticing and objectification — a key theme in recovery and relationships. They explore questions like: - Can someone in recovery notice someone’s attractiveness without crossing a boundary? - How can betrayed partners feel safe in a world full of triggers? - What role do stress, self-awareness, and truth-telling play in keeping connection alive? Join us for an honest look at human nature, recovery, and rebuilding trust. Available on all podcast platforms and subscribe on YouTube.

Technology has transformed nearly every part of modern life from how we work and communicate to how we seek comfort, connection, and even therapy. But as it continues to simplify daily tasks and free up time, a deeper question emerges: what do we choose to do with that time? In today’s episode, we explore the double-edged nature of technology, its potential to connect us, and its power to isolate us. They discuss how digital tools have reshaped connection, mental health, and even addiction, especially in a world that’s increasingly online. Together, the panel reflects on: - How technology shapes emotional connection and loneliness - The rise of technology and gaming addiction - How to find balance between digital tools and real human interaction This conversation offers a thoughtful look at how to stay grounded, intentional, and human in an age of constant screens and virtual communication.

Is secrecy a core part of pornography addiction — or just one possible sign of a deeper struggle? In today’s episode, we explore the complex intersection between porn use, shame, secrecy, and addiction. They unpack what “problematic use” really means, why some people hide their behavior while others don’t, and how early experiences and family culture can shape an individual’s understanding of sexuality and self-control. Together, the panel discusses: - Why secrecy may (or may not) signal addiction - The connection between shame, secrecy, and self-judgment - How upbringing and normalization influence behavior - What “average” porn use really means — and when it becomes harmful - How to identify the difference between use, misuse, and addiction This conversation is for anyone seeking clarity, education, and compassion around pornography use and its psychological impact. It’s not about judgment — it’s about understanding the patterns that lead to distress, disconnection, or harm.

What happens when men are the ones betrayed by sex addiction? In today's episode, author and therapist Adam Nisenson joins the Dan Drake, Wendy Conquest, Tim Stein and Jeanne Vattoune to unpack a topic rarely discussed — male betrayal trauma. Through his book A Man’s Guide to Partner Betrayal, Adam gives voice to men who’ve been silenced, shamed, or overlooked in conversations about infidelity and healing. Together, the panel explores: - Why betrayal hits men differently and how society teaches them to hide it - The impact of shame, ego wounds, and emotional isolation - How unprocessed anger and silence can turn into long-term pain - Practical ways men can heal and reclaim their worth after betrayal Join the conversation: Why do you think men’s pain is often dismissed when it comes to betrayal? Drop your thoughts in the comments. Learn more about Adam Nisenson’s work: A Man’s Guide to Partner Betrayal — available wherever books are sold. Subscribe for more real conversations about relationships, trauma, and healing. Turn on notifications so you don’t miss new weekly episodes. #BetrayalTrauma #MensMentalHealth #EmotionalHealing #Relationships #TherapyTalk #AdamNisenson

When betrayal strikes, it’s not just pain, it’s the kind of anger you’ve never felt before. In this episode, the panel talks about how to feel and express anger without going into rage. You’ll hear honest stories and professional insight on: - Why anger feels powerful in the moment but hollow afterward - How men often feel their anger isn’t validated - Healthy ways to express and release rage without letting it consume you - The importance of writing, processing, and releasing emotional energy Share your thoughts: Have you ever felt trapped in anger after betrayal? How did you move through it? Subscribe for more real conversations about healing, trauma, and emotional recovery. Turn on notifications to join us weekly for new episodes that go beneath the surface. #BetrayalTrauma #MensMentalHealth #AngerManagement #HealingJourney #EmotionalHealing #TherapyTalk #SexAddiction