Published by Renee Swanson, Bleav
Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.
Listen on Apple Podcasts39 min
Narcissistic abuse and predatory behavior often hide in plain sight — and this episode pulls back the curtain on exactly how. In this special crossover conversation, I'm sharing an episode from Dr. Kerry McAvoy's podcast, Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse , featuring her conversation with Don Hennessy. Don Hennessy is an Irish psychotherapist who has spent decades working directly with abusive men and their partners, giving him a rare, firsthand understanding of how predatory control actually operates. In this episode, Don and Kerry expose the hidden playbook these men use to infiltrate a partner's mind — often so gradually that she doesn't realize it's happening until she's already trapped in it. You'll learn what these predators are truly after, why the tactics are so effective, and why survivors so often walk away wondering how they missed the signs. If you've ever felt gaslighted, found yourself walking on eggshells, or struggled to explain a trauma bonding dynamic you couldn't quite name, this conversation will help you understand the mechanics behind it — and why it was never your fault. Go find Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse wherever you listen to podcasts, and follow Kerry for more. If you're recognizing these patterns in your own life and are ready to move from understanding into healing, I invite you to join me in my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. And if you found this episode valuable, please subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
25 min
Narcissistic entitlement rarely looks like arrogance from the outside. Often it looks like two people with "different expectations" — normal disagreements, normal marriage friction. In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson breaks down why that framing is misleading: in a relationship with a covert narcissist, one partner's expectations are about the relationship, and the other partner's expectations are simply about being served by it. Renee shares her own story of slowly recognizing this pattern — long after she was living inside it — and unpacks the difference between expectations that include both people and expectations that only ever point one direction. She walks through what this looked like in her marriage and her parenting, how narcissistic entitlement disguises itself as normal disagreement, and how DARVO, gaslighting, and walking on eggshells show up in ordinary daily moments rather than dramatic confrontations. She also addresses directly that this dynamic isn't limited to narcissistic husbands — the same entitlement shows up in narcissistic wives, too. If you've ever felt like you were the only one in your relationship doing the self-reflecting, the growing, the adjusting — while the other person's behavior somehow never became the subject of the conversation — this episode will help you name what narcissistic abuse recovery actually requires you to see first. If you're ready to move from understanding these patterns to actually healing from them, I invite you to join my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode resonated, please subscribe so you don't miss future conversations like this one. This information is provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching for educational purposes only, and is not to be used for diagnosis or as a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
24 min
Part two of this CNG Community Chat picks up where we left off, as four moms go deeper into what it's like to parent through covert narcissistic abuse. They talk honestly about whether they see these patterns showing up again in their kids' own relationships and friendships, and close with the one piece of advice each of them wishes she'd been given back when she was standing right where you might be standing now. If this resonates, my coaching program can help you work through it one-on-one — learn more here: www.covertnarcissism.com Want conversations like this one delivered straight to you? Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you'd like to be part of a future CNG Community Chat, you can sign up here: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/community-chats The Covert Narcissism Podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The content shared by the host and guests reflects personal experiences and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or believe you may be in an abusive situation, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or contact the appropriate crisis resources in your area. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
24 min
Covert narcissism doesn't always look like rage — sometimes it looks like a warm smile and a locked tower door. In this episode, we break down two Disney stories that map almost perfectly onto real narcissistic abuse patterns: Beauty and the Beast, and Tangled. The Beast shows the overt side — imprisonment, an explosive temper, a rescue that resets everything, and the exact mechanics of trauma bonding when the source of fear and the source of safety are the same person. Mother Gothel shows the covert side — guilt instead of rage, conditional warmth instead of yelling, isolation dressed up as protection. No raised voice, no locked door by force, and yet a young woman spends her life believing a cage was love. Together, these stories map the full spectrum of narcissistic abuse, and why covert patterns are often the hardest to name — there's no single dramatic moment to point to and say, "there, that's when it went wrong." If you've ever loved someone who scared you sometimes and soothed you other times, or felt loved and small around the same person at once, this episode will help you name what you lived through — and start your narcissistic abuse recovery with clarity instead of self-blame. If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns — but still feel stuck in the same cycles — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com . I am here and ready to help. And don't forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
24 min
In this two-part CNG Community Chat, four moms sit down to talk about one of the hardest parts of covert narcissistic abuse recovery: watching your children start to see it for themselves. In part one, they share the specific moments — some sudden, some slow-dawning — when their kids realized what was really happening at home, and what daily life looks like now as their relationships with the other parent shift. If you've ever wondered how much your kids really see, or carried guilt about what they've lived through, this conversation will meet you right where you are. If this resonates, my coaching program can help you work through it one-on-one — learn more here: www.covertnarcissism.com Want conversations like this one delivered straight to you? Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. If you'd like to be part of a future CNG Community Chat, you can sign up here: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/community-chats The stories shared in this episode reflect the personal experiences and perspectives of community members and are shared for the purpose of support, connection, and healing — not as therapy, diagnosis, or legal advice. Every family situation is different, and if you're navigating covert narcissistic abuse, custody concerns, or your children's wellbeing, please consult a licensed therapist or attorney who can speak to your specific circumstances. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
27 min
When one parent shows up as the "nice, generous" one — buying gifts instead of ever offering real repair, gaslighting instead of listening — kids learn to distrust the very signals that are supposed to keep them safe. In this episode, Renee walks through practical, age-specific tools to help kids and teens of a covert narcissist reconnect with their own nervous system: how to recognize an emotional signal before it becomes a full-blown meltdown, how to separate a parent's gaslighting from their own gut-check, and how to teach a child that their feelings don't need anyone's permission to be real. Whether you're newly separated, co-parenting with a covert narcissist, or supporting kids through narcissistic abuse recovery, this episode gives you language and tools you can use today. If you're ready for more support on your own healing journey, I invite you to check out my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com . If this episode spoke to you, please subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
31 min
In part two of this community chat, the conversation goes even deeper. We pick back up right where we left off — with Denise sharing what it actually took to go no contact after twenty-seven years of covert narcissistic abuse, including the post-separation hoovering, manipulation, and false self-awareness that so often follows a breakup or divorce with a covert narcissist. She also opens up about hitting a devastating low point before finally realizing that no contact was the only way forward — a moment that changes everything for her. We talk about triangulation, and how a narcissistic parent can quietly turn children against the healthier parent — often without either parent realizing what's happening until years later, and what it's like to uncover that damage after the fact. We talk about grief, and how leaving a narcissistic relationship means grieving not just the relationship, but the person you thought you were with, and the future you thought you'd have. We talk about trauma bonding, gaslighting, and why it can take so long to see clearly, even after you've physically left — especially when years of walking on eggshells have taught you to doubt your own perception. This episode also gets into the real, physical cost of narcissistic abuse — chronic health conditions, PTSD, emotional dysregulation, and the mental exhaustion that comes from years of narcissistic abuse recovery work. And we talk about what it actually looks like to start finding yourself again after covert narcissism: rebuilding your identity, reclaiming your self-advocacy, discovering strengths you didn't know you had, and learning to trust your own instincts after a covert narcissist spent years teaching you not to. This isn't a tidy, wrapped-up healing story — it's honest, and it's real. If you're navigating your own narcissistic abuse recovery, whether you've just gone no contact or you're years down the road, this conversation is for you. To work with Renee, visit her website at www.covertnarcissism.com The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
25 min
If you've ever felt like something was missing in a relationship with a covert narcissist — a flatness, a lack of depth, a sense that you're never quite reaching the real person — this episode is for you. In this episode, Renee breaks down the mask covert narcissists wear using a new framework: not a costume hiding a "true self," but a crown covering an exposed nerve that never developed protection. This reframe explains why the mask never fully comes off, and why even gentle honesty can trigger a reaction that feels wildly out of proportion. You'll learn why DARVO, stonewalling, disproportionate rage, and hollow apologies aren't calculated manipulation so much as reflexive alarm responses. You'll also understand why walking on eggshells around someone never actually works — because real intimacy means eventually touching the nerve, no matter how careful you are. This episode reframes narcissistic abuse recovery around a compassionate but clear-eyed truth: the emptiness you sensed was real, and it was never your failure to look hard enough. If this episode resonates and you're ready for support in moving forward, I invite you to learn more about my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. You don't have to untangle this alone. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
25 min
Some of the hardest questions in a narcissistic relationship don't have easy answers — and "do I stay, or do I go" is one of them. In this episode, I'm joined by three women from our CNG community for a raw, honest community chat about life inside a covert narcissistic relationship, and the impossible in-between of knowing something is wrong but not knowing what to do about it. These ladies each share their own version of the fog — the gradual awakening to covert narcissism, the years spent believing this was just normal marital struggle, and the moment they finally had language for what they were living. We talk about what it's like to be married to someone who is charming and beloved by everyone else, while walking on eggshells at home — a form of gaslighting that leaves you questioning your own reality. We talk about the isolation of COVID and how it forced so many people to finally recognize the narcissistic abuse they were living with day in and day out. We talk about the fear of opening up to someone for the first time, and what it costs to carry something invisible, completely alone. We also get into the real reasons so many of us stay in these relationships — financial fear, trauma bonding, health struggles, kids, guilt, the belief that if we just tried harder or understood more, things would change. And we start to unpack how deeply narcissistic abuse impacts the body, not just the mind — the emotional dysregulation, the mental exhaustion, the physical toll of walking on eggshells for years. Whether you're still in the fog yourself, actively trying to make sense of your relationship, or years removed and just now connecting the dots, this conversation on narcissistic abuse recovery will meet you where you are. This is part one of a two-part conversation — part two goes even deeper into what it took for these women to finally leave, and what healing actually looked like on the other side. For more help specific to your journey, visit www.covertnarcissism.com The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
29 min
When you finally speak your truth to a covert narcissist, you expect relief. What you don't expect is what comes next. In this episode — the follow-up to Covert Narcissist Relationships: When You Can't Live the Lie Anymore — Renee Swanson walks through what actually happens in the aftermath of confronting a covert narcissist. Why love bombing feels like hope but is really about control. What a smear campaign looks like and why the people around you believe it. How to recognize when escalation and rage are designed to make you feel like the confrontation was your mistake. Renee also covers the internal experience of the aftermath — the emotional whiplash, the second-guessing, the particular loneliness of telling the truth and still not feeling heard — and what your body is doing while all of this is happening. Plus what you actually need in this season: how to find safe people, stay grounded in the chaos, and begin moving forward without making permanent decisions in the eye of the storm. If you are in the middle of the hardest season of a covert narcissistic relationship, this episode will help you understand what is happening — and remind you that you are not losing your mind. To work with Renee Swanson and address the specifics of your situation, visit her website at www.covertnarcissism.com The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
46 min
Do you owe your toxic aging parent everything... or nothing? Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Stinson, author of The Obligation Myth: Rethinking What You Owe Your Difficult Aging Parent , joins the show to unpack what happens when a critical, dismissive, or covertly narcissistic parent starts needing care — and why "I do everything" or "I do nothing" was never the real choice. We dig into the specific family roles that get assigned in childhood — the scapegoat, the golden child, the invisible child, and the enmeshed child — and how each one carries a different wound, gets triggered differently, and needs a completely different approach to setting a boundary. Dr. Stinson also breaks down how fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) get weaponized differently depending on which role you were handed, and why your role can shift as the family system changes around you. If you've ever walked into your parent's house and instantly felt five years old again, this episode will help you understand why — and what to actually do about it. Lisa D. Stinson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist specializing in complex PTSD, narcissistic abuse recovery, adult children of dysfunctional families, and the psychology of toxic family obligation. Her expertise was forged through extensive experience as an active-duty Navy psychologist, where she predominantly worked with trauma patients. Dr. Stinson holds both a Master's degree and Doctorate from the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant International University, following her undergraduate studies at the University of Alaska Anchorage. Substack: lisadstinsonphd.substack.com Website: lisadstinsonphd.com The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
24 min
There comes a point in a covert narcissistic relationship when you can no longer live the lie. Not a dramatic breaking point necessarily — sometimes it's a slow erosion that leaves you mentally exhausted, emotionally numb, and physically depleted. Sometimes it's a single moment of devastating clarity you can never unsee. In this episode, Renee Swanson shares her own story of hitting the wall in her marriage to a covert narcissist — the slow erosion that wore away her mental bandwidth, her emotional capacity, and her physical health, alongside the quiet moment of clarity that changed everything. She breaks down the two distinct paths to reaching your breaking point, what happens internally when you finally decide to speak your truth, and what to realistically expect when you confront a covert narcissist — including DARVO, minimizing, and emotional manipulation designed to knock you off balance. If you've been walking on eggshells, doubting your own perception, or wondering if you're the only one who feels this exhausted in your relationship, this episode will help you recognize what's happening and find the words to finally name your reality out loud. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
47 min
Have you ever struggled to explain what's happening in your relationship — where nothing looks "bad enough" to point to, but something feels wrong every single day? In this episode, I'm joined by Anne Wintemute, co-founder and CEO of Aimee Says, an AI companion built specifically for survivors of covert abuse, coercive control, and narcissistic partners. Anne spent years working directly with survivors navigating the family court system before she and her co-founder Steven asked a powerful question: could AI help survivors document, understand, and ultimately heal from what they'd been through? Today, Aimee Says has helped over 70,000 users do exactly that. We dig into how Aimee Says detects patterns like restricted autonomy, gaslighting, and coercive control — even when there's no single moment you can point to. You'll hear how it turns lived experience into visual data: bubble charts that reveal the shape of a relationship, timelines that show escalation, and "binders" that prepare survivors for mediation, court, or even just their next therapy session. We also cover how this is fundamentally different from a tool like ChatGPT, how privacy and legal protections work, and where Anne sees this technology heading in the next five years. If you've ever felt like you didn't have the language for what happened to you, or like no one would believe you without "proof" — this episode is for you. Find Aimee Says here. Use code RENEE for your first month free. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
29 min
Overthinking in a covert narcissistic relationship isn't a character flaw — it's what your brain does when it has learned, through real experience, that it cannot afford to relax. If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you already know this feeling: lying awake at 2 a.m. replaying conversations, re-drafting texts, rehearsing arguments before they happen, scanning for a pattern that keeps shifting the moment you think you've found it. In this episode, Renee Swanson of the Covert Narcissism Podcast breaks down why the overthinking mind develops in narcissistic relationships, how covert narcissists deliberately create confusion to keep you uncertain, compliant, and focused on them, and why your brain stopped chasing clarity and started chasing relief instead. Renee also explores what changes when your children begin showing the same hypervigilant patterns, and — most importantly — what it actually feels like when a mind shaped by narcissistic abuse finally lands somewhere safe. If you have been told you are too sensitive, too reactive, or that you think too much, this episode is for you. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
41 min
Setting boundaries in a narcissistic relationship isn't just hard — it can feel impossible. In this Community Chat, Renee is joined by 2 ladies from the CNG community for an honest conversation about what boundaries really looked like in their relationships with covert narcissists. They talk about growing up without healthy boundary models, what happened when they tried to voice even the most basic needs, and how guilt, fear, and exhaustion became part of their everyday lives. Miranda shares what it felt like to finally set a boundary and have it met with encouragement instead of punishment. Nicole opens up about the years she spent scripting conversations perfectly — only to have them blow up anyway — and the moment she stopped taking the bait. If you've ever felt like your needs were too much, been guilt-tripped for asking for basic respect, or wondered why something so simple felt so terrifying, this episode will help you feel seen. Topics covered: Why boundaries were absent or unmodeled in childhood What happens when you set a boundary with a narcissist The guilt that comes even when you know the boundary is right The exhaustion of over-explaining and people pleasing What it feels like the first time a boundary is actually respected How to start setting boundaries when you're scared The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
24 min
Covert narcissism and high control religion follow the same rulebook — and if you grew up in one before entering the other, this episode will explain why it all felt so familiar. In this deeply personal episode, Renee Swanson shares her own experience navigating both a high control religious upbringing and a covert narcissistic marriage — and the moment in a counseling office when she realized the two were running on the exact same operating system. The same rules. The same tools. The same results. This episode is not about turning anyone away from faith or church. Many people find genuine healing, community, and support through their faith — and that experience varies from person to person and congregation to congregation. This conversation is specifically about high control religious environments and the impact they can have on a vulnerable nervous system. In this episode: How high control religious environments train the fawn response into you before you ever enter a relationship The specific rules of a high control church — and how each one mirrors the rules of a covert narcissistic relationship How negative emotions get labeled as spiritual failure — and what that does to your ability to trust your own feelings Why the covert narcissistic relationship felt familiar rather than alarming How fawning stops being a response and becomes a reflex Speaking directly to both those still inside a religious CN relationship and those who have already left Whether you are still inside or have already left — this episode was made for you. Learn more about Renee's coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes, and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
26 min
When someone you love is in real, chronic pain — how do you set a boundary without feeling like a monster? This episode tackles one of the most complex and underaddressed dynamics in narcissistic abuse recovery: what happens when covert narcissism and chronic illness exist in the same relationship. Prompted by a heartfelt question from a listener in a long-term marriage, this episode explores how legitimate vulnerability — illness, mental health struggles, financial hardship — can become a tool for guilt and obligation in the hands of a covert narcissist. We walk through the caretaker trap, how caring people get conditioned into carrying everything, and the crucial difference between supporting someone and being responsible for them. You'll also learn what it looks like to set boundaries with empathy — not harshly, not meanly, but firmly and with care — even when the person on the other side is genuinely suffering. If you've ever felt guilty for having limits, this episode is for you. Topics include: The caretaker trap Legitimate vulnerabilities used as leverage Difference between support and responsibility How a narcissist responds when you try to step back Wetting boundaries with empathy in chronic illness situations. Ready to stop navigating this alone? Learn about coaching at covertnarcissism.com The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
22 min
Covert narcissistic abuse doesn't just hurt you — it rewires you. In this episode, Renee breaks down why your fight/flight response gradually turned into fawning, and why that isn't a character flaw — it's survival. You'll learn why fight, flight, freeze, and fawn aren't random reactions. They're a hierarchy based on how much self-advocacy you feel you have. And in a covert narcissistic relationship, that self-advocacy gets quietly, systematically dismantled — until fawning becomes your automatic default. In this episode: Why the four trauma responses are actually a hierarchy of self-advocacy How covert narcissists punish fight, flight, and freeze — and reward fawning Why so many survivors grew up already partway down this hierarchy How a controlling or narcissistic parent trained you for this dynamic long before you met your partner Why religious upbringings can add a powerful layer of conditioning — and why this topic is getting its own full episode Why you keep ending up in narcissistic relationships — and why it has nothing to do with bad luck Why healthy relationships can actually feel uncomfortable to a nervous system wired for chaos This is episode one of a three-part series. Episode two will look at what this hierarchy looks like in your day-to-day life. Episode three will explore what it actually means to start rebuilding your self-advocacy. If you've ever asked yourself "why do I keep ending up here?" — this episode is for you. Learn more about Renee's coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes, and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
32 min
Have you ever felt like you were in a relationship that slowly burned you out — and you couldn't quite explain why? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, host Renee Swanson breaks down Taylor Swift's "Dear John" through the lens of covert narcissistic abuse — and the patterns it reveals are ones you may know all too well. We're talking about the moving goalposts. The walking on eggshells. The version of someone you keep trying to get back to. The moment you finally stopped picking up the phone. And the long list of "traitors" that tells you everything you need to know. This isn't a music review. It's a roadmap. If you've ever felt gaslit, depleted, or like you couldn't trust your own instincts in a relationship — this episode will help you see it clearly, maybe for the first time. Topics covered in this episode: Why smart, self-aware people get caught in narcissistic relationships The intermittent reinforcement cycle — give love, take it away Walking on eggshells and hypervigilance in relationships Gaslighting and why the people around you could see it when you couldn't The "tired, lifeless eyes" effect — what getting run dry really looks like How to recognize a covert narcissist before the fire catches you What clarity after the relationship finally feels like — and what to do with it If you're ready to stop just understanding what happened and start actually moving through it, visit covertnarcissism.com to learn more about working with Renee one-on-one. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
19 min
If you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you already know something feels deeply wrong — but you may not have the words for it yet. One of the most destructive and least talked-about patterns in narcissistic abuse is emotional dysregulation. And when a covert narcissist can’t manage their own emotions, the entire family pays the price. In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, we break down exactly how a covert narcissist’s emotional dysregulation affects your marriage and your kids — and why the damage runs so much deeper than most people realize. We talk about what emotional dysregulation really looks like in a covert narcissist — because it’s rarely what you’d expect. We dig into the toll it takes on you as a spouse: the hypervigilance, the walking on eggshells, the self-doubt, and the relentless mental exhaustion that comes from a mind that is never allowed to rest. We also talk about what happens to your children when they grow up inside this family dynamic — and the quiet, lasting ways narcissistic abuse shapes the way they see themselves and the world. If you’ve been running on empty and can’t figure out why, this episode will help you understand exactly where your energy is going — and why narcissistic abuse recovery requires more than just awareness. Topics covered: What covert narcissist emotional dysregulation actually looks like How narcissistic abuse creates hypervigilance in the spouse Why you’ve lost your autopilot — and what that costs you every day The overthinking drain: why your brain never stops and never resolves How children of narcissists silently adapt in unhealthy ways Why the whole family system reorganizes around one person’s emotional fragility Why narcissistic abuse recovery requires support, not just information Ready to stop surviving and start healing? Visit covertnarcissism.com to learn about coaching with Renee. The information provided by Renee Swanson, the Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be used for diagnosis and should not be considered a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your situation. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her own personal experiences as well as from those she has spoken with over the years. Nothing in this material claims that any specific person has narcissism, and it should not be used to refer to any specific individual as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material in order to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. Doing so would be an unauthorized misuse of the information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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Observed July 30, 2026.
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