Good Inside with Dr. Becky

Every parent asks their kid some version of the same question: “Who's your best friend?” Adam Grant thinks that's the wrong thing to be asking, at any age. His new book Vibe breaks friendship into four types: pals, allies, companions, and associates. Most of us assume we need one person who's all four. Grant's research says that's a setup for disappointment, and that kids who are genuinely well-liked at school still feel excluded and isolated if they don't have one "bestie." Dr. Becky and Adam get into why it takes about 50 hours, on average, to make a friend (and up to 200 to make a close one), why a scary hike or a rough IKEA build can bond people faster than anything easy, and why the person who reacts the biggest in your house usually ends up running it. * Thank you to Yoto for making this episode possible. Get 15% off your order with the code DRBECKY15 at YotoPlay.com . New customers only, ends October 31, offer valid on select products only. Terms apply. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We spend too much time making sure our boys know the right answer, and not enough time helping them build the emotional skills to act on it when the stakes are high. “Should you respect someone’s no?” Yes. “Should you speak up when something bad is happening?” Yes. Our kids can ace that test. Now add rejection. Add wanting to belong. Add: “If I say something, my friends might turn on me.” Knowing the right answer isn’t the same as being able to act on it when the moment gets hard. In this episode, a special recording of a live event with the Good Inside community in response to recent headlines about sexual assault, Dr. Becky shares three emotional skills we can start building in our boys today. These aren’t everything - sexual violence is not an individual parenting problem, and it won’t have an individual parenting solution. But these aren't nothing, either. They're some things we can do now, long before the stakes get higher. Read Dr. Becky’s notes on this episode on the Good Inside blog . Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Melinda French Gates has run some of the most powerful rooms in the world. She co-founded and co-chaired the Gates Foundation. She's sat across from heads of state. And in her 40s, at the top of her career, she started doubting herself in meetings she'd run a hundred times before. She talks to Dr. Becky about why: chronic insomnia; undiagnosed perimenopause; a body that had learned, years earlier, to override its own signals, first in a male-dominated work culture, then in a college relationship that taught her not to trust her own read on things. They get into a Gallup survey Melinda’s organization Pivotal Ventures ran this year of 5,000 adults, where half the respondents who'd been pregnant said they struggled with their mental health during or after it. And they talk about what Melinda calls the "10,000 paper cuts": the small, repeated moments, a comment talked over in a meeting, a doctor who doesn't quite listen, that teach women to stop trusting their own gut long before anyone tells them to, directly, all at once. Becky and Melinda work out what actually rebuilds that trust, in doctors' offices and living rooms alike. Plus: what Melinda's granddaughters are teaching her about the phrase "I'm not ready yet," and the running joke she and her own kids share that perfect is creepy. * Thanks to Carter’s, Good Inside’s new Confidence Program is free for every family for the next six months. Click here to learn more. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Frida : Shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today Perelel : Use code GOODINSIDE for 20% off your first order at perelelhealth.com/GOODINSIDE Yoto : Get 15% off your order with the code DRBECKY15 at YotoPlay.com . New customers only, ends October 31, offer valid on select products only. Terms apply. Care.com : For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium Membership.**Offer applies to initial term of http://Care.com membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. Care.com does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit www.care.com/safety . Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Two parents came to Dr. Becky on the same day, both worried about their kid's confidence. One had a kid who wouldn't join the group. The other had a teenager who wouldn't leave the group. Dr. Becky says: maybe confidence isn’t what we think it is. She breaks down what confidence actually means, then she names three things well-meaning parents do that quietly work against building that kind of confidence. Thanks to Carter’s, Good Inside’s new Confidence Program is free for every family for the next six months. Click here to learn more. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Was today a good day? Did my kid seem happy? If the answer is no, even a little, it can feel like the whole day failed, like you failed. Dr. Becky sits down with Kate Bowler , a professor at Duke University, to make the case that happiness might be the wrong thing to optimize for in the first place. Happiness, Kate argues, is really just ease: a hundred small circumstances lining up so nothing feels hard. Which means chasing it for your kids can quietly turn you into what Kate calls a professional happiness manager, smoothing every rough edge before it reaches them. Joy is different. It doesn't need conditions to line up. It shows up in weird obsessions, a dumb dance in the kitchen, a dry pasta fight, a moment at the worst point in Kate's own life (she spent years navigating a serious cancer diagnosis) when something good found her anyway. Kate and Becky talk through what kids already understand about joy that adults forget, why so many moms don't believe joy is even available to them, and a practical exercise Kate uses to name the resentments that quietly block it. Read A Blessing for Parents Who Are Trying , adapted from Kate Bowler’s latest book, Joyful, Anyway . * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Skylight : Get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight Calendar at myskylight.com/becky Girl Scouts: If you have a daughter in kindergarten through 12th grade, visit girlscouts.org to learn more Yoto : Get 15% off your order with the code DRBECKY15 at YotoPlay.com . New customers only, ends October 31, offer valid on select products only. Terms apply. Care.com : For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium Membership.* Offer applies to initial term of Care.com membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. Care.com does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit www.care.com/safety . Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group ; a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations. Today, he teaches some of these same skills to parents - and it turns out the thing that gets a hostage-taker to put down a weapon isn't that different from what gets your eight-year-old to put down the tablet. Obviously, kids aren’t actual hostage-takers, but in this conversation, Chris and Dr. Becky get into why kids saying "no" is actually a sign of a healthy nervous system, not defiance. Why "how was your day" always gets you "fine," and the one-word fix that doesn't. Why asking your kid "why" almost always backfires, and what to ask instead. And the reframe Chris uses with his own team to get a reluctant partner, coworker, or teenager to actually engage: "are you against this?" * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Frida : Shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today Airbnb : Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb SmartyPants : Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today Care.com : For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium Membership.* Offer applies to initial term of Care.com membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. Care.com does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit www.care.com/safety . Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Misty Copeland grew up sleeping on a motel floor with five siblings, unsure where the next meal was coming from. At 13, she walked into her first ballet class and felt something she'd never felt before: safe. Dr. Becky talks with the first Black woman to become a principal dancer at American Ballet Theatre about the years she was asked to paint her skin to match the rest of the corps, the mentors who taught her to advocate for herself, and what confidence looks like once you stop having to prove it. Plus: how she's raising her own son with the stability she spent her childhood without, and why she still wants him to struggle a little. Misty Copeland has written a new book for middle grade readers called “ Firebird Waltz ” - the first in a new series called Star Fire Academy. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Skylight : Get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight Calendar at myskylight.com/becky SmartyPants : Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today Frida : Shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today Oso & Me: Use the code OSOGOOD15 for 15% off clothes newborn through age ten Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We all know too much screen time isn’t good for kids—and our instinct as parents is to protect them from it. But when fear shapes how we manage screens at home, it can quickly turn into shame the moment they pick one up. In today’s world, where screens are woven into so much of daily life, the real challenge is to face that reality with thoughtfulness – and to make choices guided by our values, not by guilt. In this favorite episode from the archive, Dr. Becky sits down with screen time expert Ash Brandon, EdS (@thegamereducator) to talk about the moral judgments, practical boundaries, and family-specific choices that shape our approach to screens. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: SmartyPants : Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today Frida : Shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today Pampers Easy Ups: Start your potty training journey with Peppa Pig Pampers Easy Ups Care.com : For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium Membership.* *Offer applies to initial term of Care.com membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. Care.com does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit www.care.com/safety . Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Twelve weeks of parental leave. Then you're back at your desk, wondering why it feels so hard. Today we’re posting an episode from Rattled, our podcast for parents of newborns and babies, because it’s about something everybody experiences. It’s the final part of our three-part series with Care.com on finding care for your baby, and it's about a transition nobody preps you for: going back to work. Dr. Becky sits down with Lauren Smith Brody , journalist and author of The Fifth Trimester, who's interviewed hundreds of working moms about this exact moment (and lived it herself). Lauren calls her own first day back "the second cutting of the cord." She's got names for feelings you didn't know had names: benevolent discrimination, gatekeeping, the 0.5x version of yourself who has to show up the second you walk through your front door. They also get practical: how to turn decisions into systems before decision fatigue wrecks your evening, what a "ramp up" program actually looks like, and why mom guilt is, in Lauren's words, "a sexist, classist social construct" you can solve for like a math problem. This episode is brought to you in partnership with Care.com . Find background-checked nannies, sitters, and daycares at Care.com , and use code BECKY35 for 35% off your membership. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Pampers Easy Ups: Start your potty training journey with Peppa Pig Pampers Easy Ups Airbnb : Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb LMNT : Get a free gift with your purchase at drinkLMNT.com/goodinside Oso & Me: Use the code OSOGOOD15 for 15% off clothes newborn through age ten Care.com : For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium Membership.* *Offer applies to initial term of Care.com membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. Care.com does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit www.care.com/safety . Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you’ve yelled at your kid, you’re not a bad parent. You’re a good parent with an overwhelmed nervous system. In today’s revisit from the Good Inside archives, Dr. Becky breaks down the science behind yelling, snapping, and shutting down. She explains why our bodies react before our brains can catch up – and how understanding this will help you pause, reset, and reconnect. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Skylight : Get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight Calendar at myskylight.com/becky SmartyPants : Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today Pampers Easy Ups: Start your potty training journey with Peppa Pig Pampers Easy Ups Care.com : For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium Membership.* *Offer applies to initial term of Care.com membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. Care.com does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit www.care.com/safety . Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your kid hits. Melts down the second you leave the house. Argues about everything, all day, every single day. You've tried the time-outs, the consequences, the calm-down corner. Nothing works. Why are we always at that cliff? Dr. Becky spent two hours in a Reddit thread literally called "Nothing Works" and pulled three real posts to build this episode. Her answer: you're intervening at the cliff, when the real leverage is on the road that led there. She walks through the exact minute-by-minute buildup (the snack request, the "just one more minute," the phone glance) where a parent could've exited before the blowup, plus scripts you can actually use. Back to school brings big changes - new routines, new teachers, new challenges. Our new Back To School program helps you prepare for day one, navigate tricky moments, and build your kid's resilience. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Pampers Easy Ups: Start your potty training journey with Peppa Pig Pampers Easy Ups Airbnb : Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb LMNT : Get a free gift with your purchase at drinkLMNT.com/goodinside Little Spoon : Get 50% off your first order at littlespoon.com/rattled with code RATTLED Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What does depression look like? It’s not always… sadness. It can be anger. Irritability. Picking fights. Checking out. Taking risks that don't make sense. It can look, to everyone around you — including you — like a character problem, not a medical condition. Christopher Choukalas is an ICU physician at UCSF. Six months after his twin daughters were born, he had every symptom on the paternal postpartum depression list. He had no idea. In this episode, Dr. Becky and Dr. Choukalas go through the symptom list live — and talk about why this form of depression is so easy to miss, what it costs the whole family when it goes unnamed, and what getting help actually looked like for one father who needed it badly. Christopher G. Choukalas, MD, MS is the author of Even the Darkest Night: A Father's Journey of Hope and Healing from Paternal Depression. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: SmartyPants : Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today LMNT : Get a free gift with your purchase at drinkLMNT.com/goodinside Girl Scouts: If you have a daughter in kindergarten through 12th grade, visit girlscouts.org to learn more Little Spoon : Get 50% off your first order at littlespoon.com/rattled with code RATTLED Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when two become three, or four, or five? Who is responsible for the needs and wants of a couple when days are filled with playdates, pick-ups, and meal preps? Nights lack the erotic energy that couples need not only to survive but to thrive. This week, Dr. Becky consults with the renowned couples therapist, Esther Perel, to talk about what parents can do to rekindle their desires. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: SmartyPants : Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today Airbnb : Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb LMNT : Get a free gift with your purchase at drinkLMNT.com/goodinside Skylight : Get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight Calendar at myskylight.com/becky Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Belle Burden was, by her own account, the good girl. Quiet, compliant, the kid who wrote her own book report and did her homework on Friday afternoons. Then one night in the second week of the 2020 lockdown, a stranger left a voicemail: your husband is having an affair with my wife. By 6 a.m. her 20-year marriage was over, and the life she thought she could count on stopped making sense. In her memoir of the event and its aftermath, Strangers , Belle traces how she got to this place - and how she found her way back. They get into the stuff we all carry: why "being good" can quietly cost you yourself, how kids notice far more than we give them credit for, and why it's never too late to tell them the truth. Dr. Becky wrote up her thoughts on how to get the "good girl" tendency out of your own emotional driver seat. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Girl Scouts: If you have a daughter in kindergarten through 12th grade, visit girlscouts.org to learn more LMNT : Get a free gift with your purchase at drinkLMNT.com/goodinside Pampers Easy Ups: Start your potty training journey with Peppa Pig Pampers Easy Ups Little Spoon : Get 50% off your first order at littlespoon.com/rattled with code RATTLED Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's a lot of noise about what AI will do to jobs. What will it do to one of the most important jobs in the world: parenting? Dr. Dana Suskind is a pediatric cochlear implant surgeon and neuroscientist who has spent her career on how young brains get built. In this conversation, she and Dr. Becky start with a piece of bait — can a parent be replaced by a machine? — and spend the next half hour on the science of why the answer is no. They get into attachment and why the messy, inconvenient, friction-filled version of connection is the version that actually wires a child's brain. Why a frictionless AI that always agrees with you might be the real risk. A rubric (DETECT) for judging any piece of kid-facing tech before it comes in the house. And the idea Dana calls the most freeing thing she learned writing her new book: good-enough parenting isn't a nice thing to say, it's a biological necessity. Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Ole Henriksen : Use the code DRBECKY30 for 30% off the Banana Bright+ Eye Crème Airbnb : Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb SmartyPants : Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today Little Spoon : Get 50% off your first order at littlespoon.com/rattled with code RATTLED Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When a woman becomes a mother, her brain physically reorganizes around the baby. We've known this for a while. What we didn't know (until recently) is that the same thing happens to dads. Dr. Darby Saxbe is a neuroscientist and psychologist at USC, and one of the only researchers in the world scanning fathers' brains before and after they have kids. What she found: the same regions that change and streamline in new mothers change in new fathers. The more hands-on a dad is, the more pronounced those changes are. Dr. Becky and Dr. Darby get into what "losing gray matter" actually means (it's not what it sounds like), how paternal postpartum depression shows up differently than maternal (and why it almost always goes unrecognized), and why the awkwardness of new fatherhood isn't a signal that you're wrong for the role. Dr. Saxbe's new book is Dad Brain . * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Skylight : Get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight Calendar at myskylight.com/becky LMNT : Get a free gift with your purchase at drinkLMNT.com/goodinside Girl Scouts: If you have a daughter in kindergarten through 12th grade, visit girlscouts.org to learn more Little Spoon : Get 50% off your first order at littlespoon.com/rattled with code RATTLED Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

“If I don’t push my kid, they’ll waste their potential.” A lot of us believe this. But is it true? Myleik Teele joins Dr. Becky to work through a question that haunts every ambitious parent. What unfolds is an honest look at whose anxiety is actually running the show — and whether the drive we're trying to install in our kids is something we need to figure out for ourselves first. They get into: what ability vs. effort actually predicts about your kid's future, the moment Myleik saw a straight-A report card and felt something twist inside her, and the specific pressure Black parents carry into every one of these conversations. Dr. Becky wrote up some conversation starters that might help if you're worried your kid isn't reaching their full potential. * Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Ole Henriksen: Use the code DRBECKY30 for 30% off the Banana Bright+ Eye Crème LMNT : Get a free gift with your purchase at drinkLMNT.com/goodinside Girl Scouts: If you have a daughter in kindergarten through 12th grade, visit girlscouts.org to learn more. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Cassidy Freitas grew up watching her mom — a Hispanic judge who fought her way into white male spaces with no margin for error — come home carrying that same no-error version of herself. Her dad pushed straight A's as the path to financial safety. She absorbed all of it. And then she became a mom. She had a plan. A written, formatted, shared-with-her-doctor birth plan. When it fell apart in the operating room — her daughter already here, her husband saying "look at her," and Cassidy turning her face away — the drive that had gotten her through everything else had nothing to offer her. Dr. Cassidy is a therapist and the author of Mom Needs a Moment . In this conversation with Dr. Becky, she traces how perfectionism forms in childhood as a survival strategy, why it works right up until you have a baby, and what it actually looks like to loosen the grip without losing your edge. There's a phrase she comes back to: context is the bridge to compassion. You can't have compassion for the way perfectionism shows up in you as a mom if you don't understand where it came from. * Looking for more support navigating pregnancy, postpartum, and life with a new baby? Good Inside Baby gives you practical tools, scripts, and expert guidance for the moments that can feel most overwhelming in early parenthood. Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Ole Henriksen: Use the code DRBECKY30 for 30% off the Banana Bright+ Eye Crème Airbnb : Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb Coterie : Get 20% off with the code GOODINSIDEBABY20 Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Parents are being sold creativity like it's a subscription box. Workshops, kits, frameworks, scripts: the message being that your kid needs more imagination and it's your job to install it. Austin Kleon, author of Steal Like an Artist and Don't Call It Art , has a different take: your kid already has it. The imagination, the playfulness, the willingness to not-know — it's all there. The question isn't how to give it to them. It's how to stop blocking it. And maybe, while we're here, how to get a little of it back ourselves. Dr. Becky and Austin talk about what creativity actually needs to thrive (not a workshop), what so-called "problem kids" and great artists have in common, why your kid's obsession with garage doors is not a problem, the link between play and depression, the game that got Austin through the pandemic, and the teeth-brushing song Becky invented entirely by accident. Read Dr. Becky’s ideas for how to be a playful parent when you don’t feel like playing . * From the newborn days to the teen years, Good Inside now supports parents through every stage of childhood — with practical guidance for the moments that matter most. Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Play-Doh : Shop Play-Doh at Walmart for a summer of imaginative play Skylight : Get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight Calendar at myskylight.com/becky LMNT : Get a free gift with your purchase at drinkLMNT.com/goodinside Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You and your partner love your kids. So why does it sometimes feel like you're parenting in completely different worlds? In this listener-favorite episode from the Good Inside archives, Dr. Becky talks with a mom named Carmella who feels stuck between two parenting styles: she's the one holding the routines and boundaries, while her husband tends to be more flexible in the moment. The result? More conflict, more emotional labor, and a growing sense that she's carrying the weight of consistency alone. Together, they unpack what kids actually need when parents approach things differently, how to talk about parenting without turning your partner into the enemy, and why being "on the same page" doesn't mean becoming the same parent. Because parenting was never meant to be carried by one person. With Family Plans , annual Good Inside members can now invite a coparent or caregiver into their account - so you’re building from the same foundation, sharing the same language, and supporting your family together. Click the link to learn more. Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Play-Doh : Shop Play-Doh at Walmart for a summer of imaginative play Airbnb : Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb Oso & Me: Use the code OSOGOOD15 for 15% off clothes newborn through age ten Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.