The Gerard Cosloy Radio Hour (That Feels Like Two Hours)

earlier this week I was looking up an old Popular Mechanics story about a global oxide shortage (hoping for some insights as to why Cassette Store Day is no longer a thing — I mean, there could be no other reason, right) and instead saw a report that despite a US ban on biological weapons, the CIA developed a HEART ATTACK GUN made from shellfish toxin. I’m no expert on this stuff, but it seems it would have more sense for the CIA to simply take American’s enemies to dinner at Red Lobster and let nature do its thing. Or failing that, train aspiring Jason Bourne2Losers in the art of Ox Baker’s HEART PUNCH. If you’re thinking this was all a huge pretext just to use a photo of Ox Baker, you’re smart enough to run the CIA.

there’s so many things I deeply appreciate about Blabbermouth.com but there’s no feature on the site nearly as crucial as their devotion to updating us with detailed progress reports such as these. If Sully from Godsmack’s spoken word album is “70 percent done”, we can wait with bated breath for the news down the line that at some point he’ll be “80 percent done”. If you’re spending today mourning the end of yet another music news site, ask yourself if they really did enough to keep you informed about how close Michael Schenker is to completing his followup to 2011’s ‘Temple Of Rock’ (surely he’s at 60% by now)

While some of my friends are rightfully taking exception this morning to the announcement of NewsMax and Meta’s “content partnership”, I am very sorry to say I’m instead firmly focused on the misdeeds of the latter concern. To wit, the IG algorithm serving me a relentless, mind-numbing spate of clips from “The Nanny” (CBS, 1993-1999). While my friends are graced with a never-ending array of Sopranos, Breaking Bad and death match wrestling videos, I get nothing but a steady diet of Fran Drescher. I don’t know if there’s anything that can be done about this (at the very least I am entitled to some compensation), but i am prepared to complain about it for at least two hours. #onlyfrans #outofthefryingpanintothefran

there’s been a succession of counter-cultural figures whose passings have been confirmed over the past week, and as always it is terribly important that you take great pains to publicly express that you never liked their work (anyway), or even better, you were at one time or another, an acolyte, yet thru growth and maturity have since come to understand their work was shit and you presently disavow it. Because we desperately need such affirmations from persons we don’t know, had no relationship(s) to the deceased and all of our lives are richer knowing about the personal journey of random voyeurs and tourists. But enough about reactions to the death of David Clayton Thomas — the here and now is right on top of us (for the next 120 minutes, anyway)

in honor of today’s crucial England v Argentina tilt, I’d planned on playing The Special Moments’ 2009 opus, ‘Eric : The Falklands Follies’ from start to finish , however at the very last moment the licensing dept. rang and said permission had been denied. It seems Baz and Reg Lumley are attending the match in Atlanta today and regardless of which side wins, they intend to lead the stadium in a full throated singalong of “They Dropped A Bomb (On Me)” and would prefer not to have this occasion undermined (usurped, most likely) by this program. Which is fair enough, the Lumley’s are having-a-moment right now, as we like to say in the music biz, and I for one would not be surprised to see some stadium-sized reunion shows confirmed on the back of this nostalgia wave. OK, that’s enough Special Moments spoilers for one morning.

I have to confess, until very recently I was not fully aware of the phenomenon commonly referred to as "rage bait". Live Bait, Squirrel Bait, Live Skull’s 1985 masterpiece ‘Bringing Home The Bait’, sure, rage bait, maybe not. But that was before I saw countless "Best American Band Ever" lists posted on social media over the past week and upon learning The Cheater Slicks didn't crack the top ten in any of them, well, yeah, I was genuinely enraged. All of that said, I'm not gonna be on the outside looking in with this whole rage bait windfall business. I'm neither diginified or wealthy enough to turn up my nose at some clicks-4-pennies action so here we go, episode 319 without one single track featured from The Cheater Slicks' new 'Cafe Bourbon St 06/26/26 release. It's an inexcuseable, incomprehensible omission, one as callous as it is deliberate. As the saying goes, if you cannot beat 'em, Wally Joyner 'em.

life is full of crushing disappointments. Turn up for early for the “America 250” party, only to learn Danny Tantrum’s set has been cancelled (“technical issues”, yeah, right) . You spend nearly 3 entire minutes making a “Fire (David) Stearns” sign and you’re kicked out of Citi Field by Steve Cohen’s goon squad (“the sign is not big enough”, ok, fair enough). Jump headfirst into the modern print-zine revival and get sentenced to 100 years in prison (“these were not printed by Conde Nast” — and where did it say otherwise?). Maybe “disappointing” is putting it mildly. Disheartening, discouraging, infuriating, aneuryism-inducing, FUBAR, take your pick. But that’s why I’m here, each and every Wednesday (Thursday for the bandwagon-hoppers) - giving you the clarity, focus and the sense of purpose you’ll need (to be even more disheartened, discouraged, infuriated and aneurysm’d for another 7 days.

I don’t know if you’re like me but I suspect you might be — looking on in abject horror as the entire internet persists in curb-stomping an individual who had the temerity to declare themselves, “ the most relevant and impactful music critic of my — and any — generation”. Yeah, I know, more impactful than Gary Bushell? More relevant than Luke Winkie? Not bloody likely, however what sort of world are we living in where self-styled pundits aren’t allowed to take great pride in their work? Were I to publicly insist that this program was the most relevant and impactful online radio show-of-all-time, would I be met with a similar level of ridicule? Probably not, as I’d only be stating the obvious, but I would like everyone involved to cool down for a moment or two and recognize that you cannot spell “gauche” without ACHE. Not correctly, anyway.

in commemoration of the New York Knicks’ stunning dispatch of the San Antonio Spurs last week, I attempted to fashion an infographic for this week’s show that displayed a new JD & The Straight Shot album designed in the style of Kurt Vile’s ‘Philadelphia’s Been Good To Me’ (admittedly, “Being Charles Dolan’s Son Has Been Good To Me’ doesn’t roll off the tongue nearly as well). My Photoshop skills are beyond primitive, so like so many other lazy motherfuckers, I resorted to AI. And that’s when the shit hit the (w)fan — not only was I roundly shamed for my efforts but Thursday’s celebratory parade down the Canyon of Heroes has been CANCELLED. I am truly sorry and when we do this again in another 53 years, I promise to make better decisions. Please enjoy a promotional still from Charles Oakley’s “Chopping It Up With (Charles) Oakley” (no longer available on Tubi)

I dunno about YOU LOT but in these troubled, dumber than dumb fuck times I need all the distractions I can get. Preparations for this week's episode were slightly dented by my spending most of the past several days pouring over footage from a pair of 2026 celluloid achievements, to wit, Lifetime's "Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery" (with an incredible star turn from 14 year NBA vet turned podcasting sensation Matt Barnes) and Sword Of The Spirit Publishing's "Beauty & The Atheist"*, the latest epic from author/director Donald James Parker (of "Gramps Goes To College" infamy). It does seem a bit of a shame these films couldn't have been combined into one, given some similar touchstones (the bible, podcasting, robotic dialogue), but maybe there's still time for the Sword Of The Spirit and Lifetime cinematic universes to collide. Before we're all turned to pillars of salt, anyway. * - h/t Doug Mosurock for updating me on Gramps' latest tussle with woke-itis.

nary a day passes when I am not filled with INCANDESCENT rage at some influenza-peddler sharing their deep thoughts about some imaginary micro genre or other. Hyper-slop. sketchers-gaze. It’s all too much for any sensible, learned person (or if you prefer, me) to endure. But then it hit me — why allow these grifters and dumbfucks to dominate the discussion? What’s stopping me — with my wealth of experience in deceiving the general public and my nearly unmatched avarice and commitment to self-interest, from doing likewise and reaping the vast rewards on offer? And with that, this program (starting next week, anyway) will be entirely devoted to your new favorite microgenre, SFW PORNOGRIND. The only reason preexisting Pornogrind (which is most assuredly, NSFW) has not reached critical mass (heck, there’s not even a program on EVR expressly devoted to the scene) is because, well, it’s a tad too pornographic. But if we can knock down the porno portion a good 10 or 15 percent, it becomes sufficiently PG-13 (or, if you prefer, and I sure as fuck prefer, SFW PORNOGRIND. Perhaps you’re wondering, “why not just, ‘grind’?” The answer, of course, is that there are too many programmers with poor enunciation who will make it sound like “grime”, and that’s a completely legitimate genre that does not deserve to be tainted by association with this discussion.

today marks the 6th anniversary of this program’s launch - when it all began in those scary days of 2020, I never would’ve imagined it would turn into the most popular and acclaimed online radio show in the world. As it turns out, nothing of the sort would come to pass, however a lot of other terrible things DID come to pass and nearly every week feels like shaking off reality in order to enter THE DENIAL ZONE for two hours (the exceptions of course, being the weeks in which i am THIS CLOSE to passing out during the broadcast and I usually remember none of it the following day — it hope it has a similar impact on all of you). I am exceedingly grateful for all the support and conversations this show has generated. It would be the height of exaggeration to say I can never repay all of you — I just choose not to, otherwise i would be broke. (above : commemorating the wool anniversary in advance by not playing Legionaires Disease band’s greatest hit, not because it’s in poor taste but rather because I’ve played it too many times, already)

I’m sure you’ve all read accounts of the diabolical 1-877-Kars-4-Kids commercials being banned from the airwaves in California due to their deceptive nature (ie. you cannot actually swap a kar for a kid, not lawfully anyway) and while this is very good news for the collective sanity of Golden State residents, i am afraid i have to ask — what , if anything, is the court system doing about JG FUCKING WENTWORTH? Fair enough, if you have a structured settlement and need-cash-now, I suppose there are worse options than dialing 1-877-CASH-NOW but there is no telling how many acts of self-harm have directly provoked by these advertisements. (above : this guy’s name is not JG Wentworth and that’s not freshly squeezed orange juice in his hand)

during storms last week, a huge portion of a neighbor’s even bigger tree came down in my front yard and for several days there was no effort to sort out the damage. Friends suggested I ring 311, which seemed a little presumptuous — for starters, there’s nothing in their background to suggest they’re any good at providing municipal services, and secondly, it’s two thousand twenty six ffs, shouldn’t I be calling the Nick Hexum Quintet, instead? As it turns out “311” is the number we ring here in Austin for non-emergency services. And then, this week’s episode is number 311. I’m totally ok with the probability the cosmos is fucking with me, I just wish the reference points were less brutal .

this week’s show tackles one of the more discouraging developments in recent times, mainly the ill-advised decision on the part of “Coronation Street” writers to wrap up 4 (ok, 5 but i really DGAF about Jodie) major storylines simultaneously. I don’t think i am exaggerating when i say this is the worst thing that has ever happened. Did someone mishear a colleague singing the praises of Anti-Cimex and thought to themselves, “yeah, what a great idea, let’s make the entire thing one fucking huge anti-climax?” Because that’s the only reasonable explanation I can come up with. FUCK .

i did my best to make this week's program special but i must confess, it was very difficult finding the time to select the music and make proper notes now that I have become engulfed in the burgeoning industry that is posting-photos-of-kollapsed-kallax-shelves. You all know how obsessed I am with monetizing these accounts and there's an endless demand for photos of kollapsing kallax. Were it not for issues with the payment processing companies (both those founded by Peter Thiel and those founded by people who aspire to be Peter Thiel), we'd already have a subscription model ala Only Fans in place. For now, however, it's all just for the love of the game. The Kollapsing Kallax Game, where everyone is a winner (provided they're not your shelves).

It's still Realicide To Me, Damn It. Only Death is Realicide. Is it Realicide or Is It Memorex? Is it Realicide or is it Desenex? Anti-Cimex > Anti Fungal. Ludwig van Beethoven > “Beethoven” (1992, dir - Brian Levant) > “Beethoven’s 2nd” (1993, dir - Rod Daniel) > “Beethoven’s 3rd” (2000 dir - David Mackey Evans) > Camper Van Beethoven. Enjoy this week's show, it's later than you think. Enjoy yourself, shirts from Primark are often prone to shrink.

with tax returns coming due today in the United States, I’m sadly obliged to reflect upon the 2010 flight undertaken by former Billy Eli Band bassist Andrew Joseph Stack III , who crashed his single engine Piper Dakota aircraft into the Austin TX offices of the Internal Revenue Service. Prior to this act of domestic terrorism, Stack could occasionally be seen maintaining the low end for the Eli Band at South Congress’ late, not so lamented Trophy’s, a bar one my dear friends described back in the era as a nightspot where shoe fights were not uncommon. Whether you’re filing your own return, using online software or employing one of the region’s many qualified CPA’s (HIT ME UP FOR RECOMMENDATIONS) , my sincere hope is that we can all emerge from this process without resort to self-harm or someone-else harm.

this week’s program concerns a matter that has utterly captivated music media the past several weeks, namely the debut album from aspiring cellist / 13 year NBA veteran PG Jason “White Chocolate” Williams. Now, I know what some of you are saying. He’s a total clown. He cannot play the cello for shit. He sucked on defense. All of these things are undeniable, however as I consider Williams’ earnest musical attempts (aided in no small part by the International Anthem players), I think we need to keep an open mind and stay focused on the single most important factor here — maintaining good professional and personal relations with Williams’ PR team.

over the past couple of years I have thoroughly enjoyed my association with East Village Radio, however this glorious run has come to a conclusion as I’ve accepted a very lucrative offer to join the on-air staff at Sirius’ XMU. While I’ll not have nearly the same sort of creative control afforded by EVR’s rather lax management, I am absolutely convinced you’re GONNA LOVE “The Tame Impala Hour That Feels Like 9 or Ten Hours”. There is a slight issue in that the negotiations were only conducted via email and I still have no idea if it’s pronounced Tame sounds-like-lame or Tame-ee, like Taime Downes, the award winning composer. So maybe someone can assist in the chat tomorrow. It would be a great way of saying thanks for all I’ve done for EVR, paying it forward, if you will.