Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes
Published by Who shat on the floor at my wedding? And other crimes
Comedy
True Crime
Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? was a question shared by brides Helen McLaughlin and Karen Whitehouse after they tied the knot on 11 August, 2018 on a boat in Amsterdam. It was a question that launched a podcast, which led to the hiring of unqualified detective Lauren Kilby, the purchase of a €99 lie detector, and the bothering of some of the world’s best forensic experts - all in an attempt to find out “poo dunnit”. For season 2, the investigative trio take on a brand new mystery set in Sweden (Scandi Noir if you will) called The Case Of The Tiny Suit/Case. For season 3, the unqualified detectives attempt to solve real non-crime crimes and ridiculous mysteries submitted by YOU - our precious listeners. Their selection criteria for new cases is simple: “Anything the police laugh at is a case for us.” And because ‘time is money’, all cases need to be cracked within 24 hours. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
It's time to put everything Detective Superintendent Nora Holford taught us into practice. Three witnesses. Three people who were there when the crime was committed, who saw things they will never be able to un-see. There's just one problem. No one has any idea who this poopetrator is or how to track them down. With nothing more than a description to go on, we're forced into our most innovative case solving strategy yet. And then out of nowhere, an anonymous tip comes through. One singular text message that changes everything. Part Four drops August 13th. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Check out Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and BTS Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
S3 E32 Dance Floor Dropper - Part Two
44 min
This is no ordinary investigation. We are tackling a case serious enough for the police to get involved. Karen doesn’t trust we can handle this on our own so we join forces with a retired police superintendent. Our unqualified detective agency is swiftly reorganised, a new hierarchy implemented, and we get a glimpse into how real professionals run investigations. For the first time we need to pretend that we know what we’re doing. And as the case gathers momentum, contact is finally made with a masked man claiming to be perp. Part Three drops July 30th. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Go to our Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding to vote on our poll Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
S3 E31 Dance Floor Dropper - Part One
46 min
An iconic nightclub in the North of England has become a crime scene. Someone shat in the middle of the dancefloor. Multiple times. How the hell did they do it without being seen? And more importantly... why? We expected witnesses. We hoped for suspects. What we didn't expect (this early) was a confession. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Go to our Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding to vote on our poll Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
S3 E30 BONUS - Q2 Quarterly Crime Review
42 min
The next installment of our quarterly bonus series has landed. In this episode, we sit down with Performance Consultant Helen McLaughlin (formerly Assistant to the Assistant Detective) to conduct a comprehensive review of our investigative performance. Using industry-leading metrics and stakeholder feedback, we assess our handling of Q2’s cases: Who Shat Under The Silver Service Cloche?, Mayonnaise Madness and Willy Wonka Scam. This quarter, PC Helen is definitely not holding back. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Go to our Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding to vote on our poll Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
S3 E29 Willy Wonka Scam - Part Two
46 min
It’s time for our surprise foursome virtual date with Ian and Alana. The romantic intervention nobody asked for, but one we committed to anyway. Will sparks fly? Or will this be the worst idea we've ever had? Only time will tell. But one thing is certain. Things are about to get… uncomfortable. The next case opens on July 2nd. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
S3 E28 Willy Wonka Scam - Part One
48 min
The Willy Wonka Experience in Glasgow promised a world of pure imagination. What visitors found instead became one of the internet's most famous disasters. This week, we hear the story from the people who lived it; the actor who played 'Willy Wonka', the actress who played the "Sad Oompa Loompa" and a mother and two children who can never unsee what they saw that day. Our investigation begins with one simple mission - identify the biggest victim of the scam and get closure for them. And then our innocent investigation suddenly takes a romantic turn that absolutely nobody asked for. Part Two drops June 18th. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
S3 E27 BONUS - Q1 Quarterly Crime Review
30 min
In this new series of quarterly bonus episodes, we sit down with Performance Consultant Helen McLaughlin (formerly Assistant to the Assistant Detective) to conduct a comprehensive review of our investigative performance. Using industry-leading metrics and stakeholder feedback, we assess our handling of Q1’s cases: Phantom Cleaner, Doggy Bag and Boob Bandit. Were investigative objectives achieved? Are we delivering value to our listeners? And most importantly, what do our KPIs reveal? Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Go to our Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding to vote on our poll Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
It’s time for the final showdown with the perp. The trap is set. Billy will arrive at Tobin’s house, expecting to see his friend for a pop up nacho event. But his friend Tobin will not be there, and there will be no nachos tonight. Instead two detectives will be lying in wait, ready to ambush him, strap him up to the USB polygraph military edition v 3.0 lie detector machine, and ask him the big question: WHY? One thing is certain, we will get the answers we came for. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
The phone number we’ve been accidentally sitting on this whole time is finally called, and the voice on the other end is a shock to say the least. Is this really the work of one person? Or could there be a wider network of mayonnaise molesters operating within Detective LK’s inner circle? We return to the Red Light District to question a dangerously familiar suspect from Season 1. And then… the ambush. But when the moment comes, will the target walk straight into our trap or will he come prepared? Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
Detective Lauren Kilby is no longer just a detective. She is now a victim. Three anonymous deliveries. Unsolicited and increasing in size. Containing a substance that she hates more than anything… Mayonnaise. Someone in her inner circle is behind this, testing her, messing with her. Seeing if she can finally crack a case for once. Then, a suspect from Season 1 resurfaces, and things get complicated. And very personal. Someone out there is watching. We don’t know who. We don’t know why, but we do know one thing: this maniac has messed with the wrong Detective. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
A bachelor party at a beach house in Florida takes a sinister turn when someone leaves behind more than just memories. At 4.30am the groom-to-be entered the kitchen and discovered a silver service cloche covering something that nobody ordered. There’s only one way to find out what truly went down that night, and it may or may not follow standard police procedure… Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
The final showdown with Dave. Detective Lauren Kilby goes full bad cop and takes zero prisoners. The clock is ticking and everything's on the line: friendship, ethics, survival, breasts and most importantly closure. Boob Bandit, IT'S TIME. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
Amber reveals who she caught chewing outside the shelter in the dead of night. Steven and Waz are brought in for questioning. One thing is clear. All evidence and suspicion leads to one suspect. Dave. He's stayed silent for as long as he could. But nobody can stay silent forever... Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
In 2022, six elite survivalists were clinging to life in the Peruvian Amazon after 39 days of extreme survival. Starving and desperate, one of them shot down a huge turkey-like bird. They put it in a pot to simmer through the night, and fell asleep dreaming of the meal that would carry them to the finish line. But by morning, their shelter had transformed from a place of trust and family… into a crime scene. The pot, once filled with hope, was now missing one and a half breasts. The jungle might keep your secrets. But we don’t. We’re coming for you Boob Bandit… Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
It all ends today*. It's time to chase down the last two remaining leads in our frantic mission to get justice for João; Ana from the Slovenian chain, and Joanna from the Dutch chain. Will they lead us to the source of the lie or to to João's parents? A shocking confession from a superspreader reveals how his fake story reached millions. And to close the case, we launch a social experiment designed to rewrite the future of this legend. We didn't think it would end like this but here we are... Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @juanthummler *for now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
After asking listeners to submit their own versions of this story, we start building a global timeline. One that tracks how this story mutated and spread across borders and decades. Then we find it. A newspaper article from 1904. Suddenly João is the least of our problems. And just as we're ready to give up (again)… a key witness steps forward. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
The long awaited investigation returns in our attempt to finally find Justice for João. At the end of Doggy Bag Part 2, we put out a call to listeners across the world asking for any leads connected to this story. What came back was nothing short of shocking. This is the episode where myth meets evidence. Where coincidence becomes pattern. And where we start to believe this story could actually... be true. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
Contact is finally made with the sole witness to this crime - a small leopard gecko who goes by the name Persephone. And against all odds, she leads us directly to our prime suspect. The only person who fits this crime perfectly, with both motive and intent. But when the suspect is finally confronted, a confusing confession sends us spiralling. Reality starts to wobble. And we are left asking ourselves some very serious questions including but not limited to: have we been out-detectived by a gecko? Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes Sound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
What kind of criminal breaks into your home… and cleans it? When a man from Massachusetts leaves the house with his son, he returns to a scene of domestic disturbance. Floors scrubbed. Surfaces polished. Toys in his son’s room neatly rearranged, and intricate toilet paper roses left in the bathrooms. Nothing stolen. Nothing damaged. Just a mysteriously cleaned house, with no explanation why. At first, this appears to be a hopeless case with no leads, no motive and zero suspects. But things take a sharp turn when an unlikely witness emerges. There's only one tiny problem... this witness isn’t human. Undeterred, we attempt to make contact with the creature, embarking on a journey that is as bizarre as it is revealing. And if you thought we’d hit peak unhinged already… you have no idea what’s coming. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. Sound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
How good are we at solving crimes… statistically speaking? After several months of operating the Unqualified Detective Agency, we finally attempt to answer the question no one asked but everyone fears: what is our actual crime-solving success rate? A supposedly simple calculation quickly descends into bickering, selective memory, creative accounting, and a spirited debate over what should and definitely should not count as “solved”. To restore order, we bring in a professional statistician to crunch the numbers properly. The result is a percentage so alarming it raises serious questions about competence, confidence, and whether maths should ever be trusted. If you’ve ever wondered how not to measure success, this bonus episode is for you. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmywedding Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .
