Dr. Marie Murphy talks about infidelity and other challenging relationship situations from a non-judgmental perspective. She shares practical tools and advice from her own coaching practice to help you make changes in your love life, and interviews professionals with complementary expertise, such as family law attorneys, mediators, non-violent communication specialists, and more. In addition, Marie discusses the social and historical context of romantic relationships to provide perspective on our taken-for-granted assumptions about how relationships are supposed to be. To learn more, visit mariemurphyphd.com.
So many stories about infidelity focus on the devastation, the shame, and the belief that an affair means your life is ruined forever. But that is not the whole story. In this episode, I'm sharing another conversation with a podcast listener who has made it through the challenges of her infidelity situation and is thriving on the other side of it. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/239 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Most stories about infidelity end with heartbreak, regret, or destruction. But what if that isn't the whole story? In this episode, I'm joined by Scarlett, a longtime listener who generously shares the story of her affair, the end of her marriage, the painful aftermath of losing her affair partner, and the unexpected life she built on the other side of it all. Join us as we discuss clarity, courage, boundaries, closure, new love, and why even deeply difficult experiences can become catalysts for creating a life that feels more authentic than the one you left behind. If you've ever wondered whether life after an affair can be not just okay but genuinely fulfilling, this conversation offers a perspective you may not hear anywhere else. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/238 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Have you ever made a change you knew was right for you, only to wonder why it felt so unsettling? If you've found yourself grieving a life you chose to leave, questioning your identity after making a major decision, or feeling strangely untethered even though you're confident in your choice, this episode is for you. In this episode, I explore why change can feel so profoundly strange, even when it leads us exactly where we want or need to go. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/237 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
What if making major life decisions didn't have to be so agonizing? Many people assume that the bigger the decision, the more time, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil it should involve. But what if you could make major life decisions thoughtfully without turning them into an exhausting, never-ending mental ordeal? In this episode, I share the story of leaving Costa Rica and deciding where to move next, and I use that experience to illustrate a different approach to making major life decisions. Along the way, I explore why we often create unnecessary suffering around major life decisions and how we can avoid making difficult feelings into bigger problems than they need to be. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/236 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
What exactly is an emotional affair, and how do you know if you're having one? Despite how often the term gets used, there is surprisingly little agreement about what an emotional affair actually is. Many people find themselves wondering whether a close connection with someone else crosses a line, only to discover that there are no universal rules that can answer that question for them. In this episode, I take a closer look at the concept of emotional affairs and why I've avoided discussing the topic for so long. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/235 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
What do you do when you've decided you don't want to continue your affair, but you still desperately want to contact your affair partner? So many people assume that if they truly wanted the relationship to end, they wouldn't feel the urge to reach out. But what if those urges don't mean you made the wrong decision at all? In this episode, I talk about why learning how to tolerate the urge to contact your affair partner is very different from resisting or fighting the urge. I explain why urges to reconnect are often the result of habit, emotional conditioning, and the brain's desire for familiar rewards, rather than proof that you should restart the relationship. I also walk you through why it's essential to make a clear decision about whether you actually want the relationship to end before trying to cut off contact. You'll learn how to contact your affair partner less impulsively by becoming more aware of the physical sensations that accompany urges, rather than immediately reacting to them. This episode will help you understand how to allow difficult emotions without acting on them, why urges lose power when you stop resisting them, and how practicing this skill can give you more freedom, self-trust, and clarity in your decisions. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/234 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
What does better sex actually require once you've clarified your desires and started rebuilding a connection with your partner? If you want better sex in a long-term relationship, the next step isn't simply hoping that things improve. It's learning how to communicate, collaborate, and intentionally co-create a sexual relationship that works for both of you. In this episode, I continue our conversation about better sex by focusing on the practical realities of reconnecting sexually with a committed partner. Rather than assuming great sex should happen effortlessly, I challenge you to lead with curiosity, presence, and a genuine willingness to understand your partner as a sexual being, perhaps in ways you never fully have before. Listen in this week to learn how to create better sex by taking initiative, building consistent opportunities for sensual connection, and focusing on what you can control rather than fixating on your partner's behavior. I share why understanding your partner's current perspective matters, how to approach conversations about sex more directly, and why explicit communication is often essential for creating a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/233 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
What if having better sex has less to do with what you do in bed and more to do with how you show up with your partner every day? If your sex life has been unsatisfying or nonexistent for a while, it's easy to assume the solution is something dramatic. But what if the real work starts somewhere much simpler? If you want better sex, this episode will help you understand why presence and focus are essential, even when they take effort. You'll learn how to break out of patterns of distraction and disinterest, how to take responsibility for your role in the relationship dynamic, and how to begin creating the conditions where better sex can actually become possible. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/232 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
What does better sex actually mean to you, and have you ever really stopped to define it for yourself? So many people say they want better sex, but when we look closer, they're focused on specific outcomes or details without ever considering the bigger picture of what creates a genuinely satisfying sexual experience. Tune in this week to learn how to begin having better sex by examining your own desires, your mental and emotional experiences of sex, and the role your thinking plays in generating sexual desire. This is the foundation for having better sex, not just occasionally, but in a way that's intentional, aligned, and actually reflective of what you want. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/231 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
When your infidelity situation starts to take over everything, it can feel like it's the only thing that matters, the only thing worth thinking about, and the only thing that will determine whether you're okay. But what if the problem isn't just the situation itself, but how much space it's taking up in your life? If you've been feeling consumed, stuck, or like your life is on hold, this episode will help you widen your lens and start making choices from a more grounded and intentional place. Join me this week as I explore what happens when you become fixated on your infidelity situation and how that fixation can quietly shrink your world and distort your perspective. You'll learn why staying stuck in that mental loop often leads to more confusion and suffering, and why stepping back to look at your whole life can be one of the most powerful things you can do. I also introduce a simple but meaningful way to reconnect with yourself by asking what it's important for you to be, do, and have right now, rather than getting lost in the past or trying to predict the future. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/230 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Radical un-shaming sounds lovely in theory, but what does it actually look like when you are dealing with desires, behaviors, or parts of yourself that other people insist are unacceptable? In this episode, I'm joined by author, teacher, and counselor David Bedrick to talk about shame, morality, psychology, and the limits of a therapeutic model that divides people into victims and perpetrators, good people and bad people. Together, we explore how infidelity and other taboo experiences are so often approached through judgment rather than curiosity, and why that leaves so much of our humanity unseen. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/229 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Is it possible to deeply love your partner and still want to have sex or romantic experiences with someone else? If you're in a committed relationship that was supposed to be monogamous, and you find yourself wanting more than that, you may feel confused, ashamed, or worried about what that says about you. You may wonder if something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship. In this episode, we'll explore the reality that desire for more than one person is not inherently a problem and does not automatically mean your relationship is broken. Tune in this week as I unpack how our ideas about monogamy are shaped by social and historical forces, why wanting something outside the bounds of monogamy doesn't make you defective, and why your first priority is figuring out what you actually want. You'll also learn how to examine the reasons behind wanting to cheat or open your relationship, and how to think more consciously about the consequences you're willing to tolerate. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/228 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Have you been so immersed in your infidelity situation that it feels impossible to think clearly about anything else, let alone what you actually want from your love life? When emotions run high and the drama feels all-consuming, it can be hard to step back and ask bigger, more honest questions about desire, fulfillment, and the life you're trying to build. In this episode, I invite you to take a step back from the immediacy of your infidelity situation so you can reconnect with what truly matters to you. Tune in to learn how gaining clarity about your own desires can shift how you see your infidelity situation and the choices in front of you. You'll hear why so many of us never define what love, sex, or romance actually mean to us, how unconscious assumptions can drive painful dynamics, and how stepping out of tunnel vision can help you make decisions that align with the life you want now, not the one shaped by drama or fear. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/227 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making a "bad decision" about your infidelity situation? Maybe you're terrified that you'll leave a good-enough marriage to pursue your affair partner, only to have that relationship fall apart. Or perhaps you're scared that any choice you make will doom you to eternal misery. Here's what I want you to know: You are never doomed by any single decision you make. In fact, I have real-time proof of this truth, and I'm sharing it with you on this episode. Tune in this week to hear why you're never doomed by any single decision or set of decisions you make, and how making decisions for clear reasons you like prevents regret, even when the outcomes might surprise you. If you're stuck in analysis paralysis about your infidelity situation, this episode will help you understand that bold decisions aren't irreversible sentences. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/226 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
You had a drunken one-night stand while in a committed relationship, and now you're out of sorts about it. Maybe you're torturing yourself with questions like: "Do I have to tell my partner?" "What does this mean about my relationship?" "How could I have done this?" Here's the truth. Sometimes a one-night stand is simply a reflection of the fact that humans can be attracted to multiple people, but sometimes it's a way to distract yourself from dealing with dissatisfaction in your committed relationship. Join me on this episode as I help you cut through the confusion by addressing the most common questions I receive about this topic. You'll learn how to examine your orientation to your committed relationship honestly, why you need to figure out where you stand before deciding whether to disclose anything to your partner, and how to stop letting this consume your precious time and energy. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/225 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, "Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk"?Or would you rather say, "Thank God I went all in on my desires"? I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I was asking myself "What have we done?!" But here's what I know after coaching hundreds of people through infidelity situations: The bigger your dreams are, the more likely you'll have to go all-in to get what you want. And going all-in? It's uncomfortable. It's not instantly rewarding. But if we hadn't done it, we'd still be sitting on our couch in San Francisco, wondering when the adventure would begin. Whether you're considering leaving your marriage, coming clean about an affair, or making any other big life change, this episode will help you understand what it really takes to go all-in on your desires. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/224 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when someone makes a sweeping judgment about infidelity? Maybe you've sat through conversations where people say things like "all cheaters are damaged people" or "once a cheater, always a cheater," and you've felt your stomach twist into knots. You wanted to speak up, but you didn't. The fear of being found out or judged kept you silent. I get it. The stigma around infidelity can feel overwhelming and isolating. But here's the thing: if you want to see the dominant conversation about infidelity become more nuanced and less stigmatized, you might need to participate in changing it yourself. Join me this week as I explore why changing the dominant narrative about infidelity isn't someone else's job - it's yours, mine, and everybody else's. You'll discover why your voice matters in changing these conversations, how to respond to judgmental comments without defending infidelity, and why speaking up about your experiences might educate people in ways you never expected. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/223 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation. In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity. I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being single and having to deal with the dating scene. This seems like a very dire scenario for a lot of people who haven't dated for a long time. The truth is, unaddressed fears can keep us stuck in all sorts of weird and undesirable ways, and the fear of dating again is one of those fears that can keep us stuck in our infidelity situation for longer than we would like to be. Tune in this week to hear my insights on dating for the first time in a long time. You'll learn how to get clear on what you want out of the experience of dating, why having vague intentions gets you vague results, and how this applies whether you're using dating apps, meeting people the old-fashioned way, or trying any other approach to connecting with new humans. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/222 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise. The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships? I regularly get asked if I work with affair couples, and the answer is absolutely yes - but not in the traditional couples counseling format. Instead, I work with affair partners concurrently but separately. This approach has nothing to do with the affair component of the relationship and everything to do with creating lasting change in relationship dynamics. Join me this week as I explain why I work with affair couples as individuals, and why this approach might be exactly what your relationship needs. You'll learn why your partner's actions aren't actually causing your feelings (even though it really seems like they are), the four options you have when your partner does something you don't like, and why taking radical responsibility for your own experience changes everything. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/221 If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one
Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match. One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you. When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're struggling because they value both partners for very different reasons. They've done extensive comparisons, recognized they're choosing between two good options, and still can't seem to make a decision stick. Here's what most people don't understand: there's nothing wrong with you if you're struggling to choose. But you may need to completely shift how you're thinking about this decision. Tune in this week to learn why you're vacillating between two relationships, and how to break free from this pattern. You'll hear why your brain will probably throw a tantrum about having to make a decision, and the secret to making your chosen relationship thrive. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/220
