The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to this if… Your ex keeps saying supervised visits are "going well" so it's time for unsupervised You got a lawyer letter that says "this won't look good for you in court" You're being pressured into an agreement your instincts say isn't safe You've been told "you'll be accused of alienation" Your ex has done a online course and now claims they've changed You want to know what the courts are saying about supervised time and safety ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning This is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation. Always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. This episode discusses family violence, coercive control and child safety. If you are in danger, call 000. For support: (1800 737 732). ⏱️ Timeline 00:00 – The Creep Strategy 02:30 – Separated Under One Roof 04:00 – What Supervised Visits and Contact Centres Are 06:00 – The Creep in Action: 09:30 – Pressure Tactics: Alienation Accusations & Court Threats 11:45 – Pressure From Your Own Lawyer 12:30 – Step-Up Orders 15:15 – Does Refusing Unsupervised Time Look Bad in Court? 17:00 – The 50/50 Myth Busted 19:15 – The Trap: Agreeing to Unsupervised Time 22:45 – An Ex Who Refuses Supervised Time 25:15 – Dorval & Augustin [2025]: 27:30 – Drew & Mason [2025]: 29:20 – Bergsberg & Hyde [2026]: 36:15 – When Step-Up Orders Are Appropriate 37:30 – Condition-Based Orders, Drug Testing 39:50 –You're Protecting Your Kids, Not Punishing Your Ex 41:00 – The Mediation Phrase 42:30 – How to Answer Pressure Letters 🎧 Episodes Episode 141 – Decoding Divorce Word Salad Legal Letters: Episode 309 – Refusing 50/50 Care? Episode 73 – Drug & Alcohol Abuse: Episode 183 – Parental Alienation False Allegations: 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog for links to cases

🎧 Listen to this episode if… - Your divorce negotiations have stalled and every message gets "no" or no reply at all - Your ex keeps delaying and you can't work out why - You're stuck arguing over percentages and getting nowhere - Your ex is "sitting pretty" with no reason to settle - You're wondering whether it's time to send that final warning letter ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. 🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode touches on coercive control and controlling ex-partners. If you're in danger, call 000. Confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14). Have your negotiations stalled? In this episode, Mum and I go through 10 practical ways to move the needle when your divorce feels completely stuck in three phases. First, the soften-and-unstick approach: diagnosing why your ex is stalling, repackaging your offer, getting off percentages, and showing them how the settlement will actually happen. Then smart pressure: keeping a live offer on the table, treating terrible offers as data, letting the law do the arguing, and making the maths impossible to ignore. And if none of that works, we show you how to make staying stuck expensive from spousal maintenance to the notice of intention to file, the warning letter Mum describes as "an unblocked drain" for stalled negotiations. No one stays stuck forever and we're here with you every step of the way. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Divorce Negotiations Stuck? 10 Tips to Move the Needle 01:00 – Three Phases: Soften, Smart Pressure, Make Stalling Expensive 02:00 – Why Divorce Negotiations Stall in Almost Every Case 03:00 – The Four Divorce Personality Types That Get Stuck 05:00 – Tip 1: Diagnose Why the Stall Is Happening 06:00 – Tip 2: Change the Packaging, Not the Offer 08:00 – Tip 3: Get Off the Percentages 10:00 – Why 50/50 Means Nothing Without Agreed Values 12:00 – Tip 4: Show the How, Not Just the Outcome 15:00 – Tip 5: Keep a Live Offer on the Table at All Times 17:00 – Making Offers When Disclosure Is Missing 20:00 – Tip 6: Treat Terrible Offers as Data and Bank Every Concession 23:00 – Tip 7: Let the Law Do the Arguing 25:00 – Finding Family Law Cases on AustLII and the Court Website 26:00 – Tip 8: Make the Maths Impossible to Ignore 29:00 – The 2% Spiral: When Arguing Costs More Than It's Worth 31:00 – Tip 9: Remove the Comfort Funding the Stall 33:00 – Spousal Maintenance: Not Sitting Pretty Anymore 35:00 – Tip 10: The Notice of Intention to File 38:00 – What Happens After You Send the Warning Letter 40:00 – Recap: All 10 Tips to Unstick Your Divorce 43:00 – Mindset: No One Stays Stuck Forever 48:00 – DIY Divorce Blueprint: Doors Closing 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Take the Divorce Personality Quiz (Ep 302) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/take-the-divorce-personality-quiz-learn-why-your/id1503451022?i=1000748290587 Percentages in Divorce Property Settlements Explained (Ep 214) → https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/percentages-in-divorce-property-settlements-explained/id1503451022?i=1000729446519 Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers (Ep 64) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/costs-family-court-and-calderbank-offers/id1503451022?i=1000575595095 Divorce Dynamic: Balancing Power & Progress (Ep 165) → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divorce-dynamic-balancing-power-progress/id1503451022?i=1000666075743 🔗 Links & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 Podcast blog & notes — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog 🎓 Enrol in the DIY Divorce Blueprint — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enroll If this episode helped you find a way to get your stuck divorce moving again, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen if you… Are exhausted from justifying your divorce to everyone around you Have family pressuring you to "keep it amicable" or reconcile Suspect your ex has recruited your friends, in-laws or family Aren't sure your lawyer is actually in your corner This is general information only, not legal advice always consult a lawyer about your circumstances. This episode discusses family violence and coercive control. In danger? Call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). You can do everything right in your divorce and still be exhausted because of the people standing around you 00:00 – Divorce Support Team: Why the People Around You Matter 02:30 – Why You Never Plan Your Team (But Should) 03:30 – Lyn's Divorce 40 Years Ago: Judgement in a Country Town 04:30 – Your Ex Is Not on Your Support Team 06:00 – Family Members: Who Helps and Who Hurts 08:00 – "Keep It Amicable" Is Code for "Just Give In" 09:30 – When Family Cares More About How It Looks 10:30 – Family Violence: When Family Pressure Becomes Unsafe 11:00 – It's Not Your Job to Explain Coercive Control to Everyone 12:00 – The One Loyal Family Member Who Saw Behind the Mask 13:00 – What to Say to Pressuring Family Members 14:30 – In-Laws: Pausing Even the Good Relationships 17:00 – Enabler In-Laws and When to Distance Fast 19:00 – Family Violence Orders: When Family Contact Breaks the Rules 20:30 – Friends: Who Rolls Up Their Sleeves vs Who Stays "Neutral" 23:00 – Judgy Friends and the Gossip Collectors 25:00 – Screenshots to Your Ex: The Social Media Trap 26:30 – Don't Forget the Fun Friends: Finding Glimmers of Joy 28:30 – Online Support Groups: The Risks Nobody Talks About 30:00 – Commenting Publicly About Your Case: Court Consequences 32:00 – The Tom Holland Rule for Handling Criticism 32:45 – Choosing a Lawyer: What the Right One Looks Like 36:00 – Lawyer Red Flags: Gatekeeping Your Story (Episode 166) 37:00 – Brave Lawyers vs Lawyers Afraid of Court 38:30 – The Three As: Affability, Availability, Ability 39:30 – Why You Need Your Own Psychologist 41:00 – Emotion-Driven Strategy: The Most Expensive Mistake 42:30 – Kids and School: One Contact Person + the Counsellor 45:30 – Church and Faith Communities: Support or Pressure? 49:00 – Your Kids Can't Be on Your Team 50:00 – Bad Podcasts, Reddit and Wrong Information 53:00 – Rapid Fire: Neutral Besties, Slow Lawyers & Nosy Sisters 56:30 – High-Conflict Ex: What Your Team Needs to Be 58:30 – Avoidant Ex: The Friends Who Do the Hard Yakka 59:30 – Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Vetting for Flying Monkeys 1:00:30 – Amicable Split: Why You Still Need a Team 1:01:45 – "It's My Decision": Mum's Cushion Wisdom 🔗 Resources 10 Essential Boundaries for a Healthier Divorce (Ep 173) When In-Laws Interfere in Your Divorce (Ep 305) Legal Gatekeeping: Is Your Lawyer Telling Your Full Story? (Ep 166) 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 | Lifeline – 13 11 14 | Police – 000 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au If this episode helped you work out who belongs in your corner, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.

🎧 LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF… You and your ex wrote something down, signed it, and you think it is sorted You spent a full day in mediation and signed a heads of agreement You have a parenting plan sitting in a drawer and you are relying on it You are about to sign something and you are not sure what it actually means Your ex agreed to something and has now changed their mind You want to know how to lock an agreement in so it cannot be undone ⚠️ General information only, not legal advice. Australian family law, and laws may have changed since recording. Always get your own independent legal advice. 🛟 This episode discusses coercive control, post-separation abuse and signing under duress. In danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732. ⏱️ EPISODE TIMELINE 00:00 – Is Your Divorce Agreement Actually Legally Binding? 01:00 – Welcome, Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning 02:00 – The Four Ways People Reach an Agreement in Divorce 03:00 – Kitchen Table Agreements: Why They Are Not Enforceable 04:00 – Your Property Pool Is Valued Later, Not at Separation 05:00 – The Lotto Case: Post-Separation Money Is Still Shared 06:30 – You Cannot Split Superannuation Without Court Orders 08:20 – Stamp Duty, Refinancing & the Exemption You Lose 11:00 – No Clean Break: They Can Always Come Back for More 12:00 – Time Limits Keep Running While You Wait 13:40 – What a Kitchen Table Agreement Is Actually Good For 15:00 – Recap: The Six Risks of a Private Divorce Agreement 16:10 – Mediation: Is a Signed Heads of Agreement Binding? 18:40 – Settler's Remorse: Why One in Five Deals Fall Over 20:00 – When Your Ex Uses Mediation to Waste Your Time 21:00 – Why Mediation Feels Official When It Is Not 23:00 – How to Prepare Before You Walk Into Mediation 24:00 – Parenting Plans: Are They Legally Enforceable? 25:00 – What a Judge Actually Does With Your Parenting Plan 26:30 – Parenting Plan or Consent Orders: How to Choose 29:00 – Coerced Into 50/50? Stepped Parenting Plans Explained 31:00 – Pressured to Sign a Plan Before They Move Out 33:30 – Consent Orders: The One Agreement That Is Enforceable 35:20 – Contravention: What Happens If They Breach the Orders 36:40 – The Disclosure Catch That Can Undo Your Consent Orders 38:00 – Why Parenting and Property Orders Stay Separate 39:20 – Rapid Fire: Fraud, Duress & Recorded Conversations 40:40 – Which Agreement Suits Your Divorce Personality Type? 42:40 – Baby Steps: Final Thoughts & Next Steps 🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED Consent Orders or BFAs: Which Would You Choose? – https://share.google/BNQYdg1fGEoB1cD3l 📚 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Farmer & Bramley – the lottery win after separation case Woodland & Todd – the property pool is assessed at the date of hearing Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) s 90 – stamp duty exemption on transfers made under a court order 🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚓 Police – 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 Blog & Podcast – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog If this episode helped you understand what makes an agreement binding, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

You left. So why doesn't it feel over yet? 🎧 Listen to this episode if… • You've left, but the healing and closure you expected haven't arrived yet • You can't tell which parts of your anxiety are trauma and which parts are just you • Your body still reacts even though it's been months or years • You're frightened of repeating the pattern with someone new • You're still second-guessing your own judgment and decisions • You want to know where to turn for support and what actually helps Part six, the final episode of our coercive control series, is all about you. Clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova joins Mum and me on the trauma that stays in your body, the window of tolerance and how to widen it, the shark cage, why coercive control has been called a cult of one, and how long recovery really takes. Guest: Krasi Kirova, Clinical Psychologist. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Healing After Coercive Control: Getting Yourself Back 02:00 – Disclaimer and Family Violence Trigger Warning 03:00 – "Which Parts Are Trauma and Which Parts Are Me?" 05:00 – What Trauma Really Is: What Happens Inside You 06:00 – Complex Trauma vs One-Off Trauma Explained 08:00 – "My Body Is Still in the Trenches" a Year On 09:00 – The Window of Tolerance and Why Yours Narrowed 11:00 – Calming Your Nervous System in the Moment 12:00 – Widening the Window: Rest, Sleep and Movement 17:00 – Sensory Tools vs Daily Practices: What Helps Most 19:00 – Co-Regulation: Why You Heal Around Safe People 22:00 – "How Do I Trust My Own Judgment Again?" 24:00 – Trust Is Built in Small Increments, Not All at Once 26:00 – How Capable People End Up There More Than Once 28:00 – The Shark Cage: Building Your Own Protection 30:00 – Red Flags and Writing Your Own No-Go List 33:00 – Testing a New Partner and Knowing Your Alarm Bells 37:00 – Krasi's Research Call-Out: Share Your Experience 39:00 – "Will I Ever Understand Why He Did This?" 42:00 – Still Living by Their Rules: Coercive Control as a Cult of One 44:00 – Rebuilding Autonomy and Learning to Tolerate Guilt 48:00 – Untangling Self-Blame and "The Part I Played" 52:00 – How Long Does Recovery Actually Take? 54:00 – Post-Traumatic Growth and What Becomes Possible 59:00 – Where to Turn: Services That Can Actually Help 01:03:00 – Closing the Series and the Cushions 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Ep 323 – Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-vs-a-bad-relationship-how-to-tell/id1503451022?i=1000774925805 Ep 324 – Coercive Control Separated Under One Roof https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-while-separated-under-one-roof-how/id1503451022?i=1000775886114 Ep 325 – Financial Abuse and Coercive Control https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/financial-abuse-and-coercive-control-when-money/id1503451022?i=1000776879697 Ep 326 – Coercive Control and Your Kids https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/coercive-control-and-your-kids-how-to-protect-your/id1503451022?i=1000777679728 Ep 330 – How Do I Prove Coercive Control? https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/how-do-i-prove-coercive-control-the-evidence-that/id1503451022?i=1000779988943 Ep 216 – The Post-Divorce Glow-Up https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-post-divorce-glow-up-steps-to-emotional-recovery/id1503451022?i=1000731905804 Ep 322 – Survival Mode in Divorce: 3 Anchors https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/survival-mode-in-divorce-3-anchors-to-steady-yourself/id1503451022?i=1000773944015 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au | 🎓 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog Krasi's research survey: https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/bjpm4Gy2 The Body Keeps the Score (Bessel van der Kolk) | The Shark Cage (Ursula Benstead) | Emma Katz research | EMDR If this episode helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast.

🎧 Listen to this episode if… • Your ex has said they will not discuss money until parenting is agreed • You are not sure whether to sort property or parenting first, or both together • You are separated under one roof and nothing is moving • You have been handed an offer with a 24-hour deadline and it feels like pressure • Your ex has suddenly started pushing hard for 50/50 after showing little interest • You are heading into mediation and want to know what to do if they ambush you ⚠️ Disclaimer & Support General information only, not legal advice. Australian family law. Always get advice about your own situation. This episode discusses coercive control and financial abuse. In danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732. Lifeline 13 11 14. Episode Summary "I am not discussing property until parenting is sorted." It sounds like a rule. It is not. Mum and I unpack whether the order matters, where property and parenting really overlap, the time limits you cannot miss, and the eight stalling tactics we are seeing right now – the hostage swap, the circle walk, the 50/50 care play, the disclosure drip, the attrition strategy, the mediation ambush, the generosity trap and weaponised urgency. Plus the interim property distribution most self-represented people have never heard of. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Property or Parenting First? Why Your Ex Wants to Control the Order 02:00 – Where Property and Parenting Actually Collide 04:00 – Why Some Exes Insist on Parenting First 06:00 – When Stalling Becomes Coercive Control and Economic Abuse 07:00 – Property Time Limits: De Facto vs Married Explained 09:00 – Can You Run Property and Parenting Together? Yes 11:00 – Mediation, 60I Certificates and Doing Both at Once 12:00 – Is There Any Good Reason to Keep Them Separate? 15:00 – "Who Died and Made Them Boss?" Taking Back Control 17:00 – Dirty Trick 1: The Hostage Swap 18:00 – The Line That Shuts It Down: "That's Not the Law" 20:00 – The Power Imbalance Test You Can Do Today 22:00 – Dirty Trick 2: The Circle Walk 23:00 – Interim Property Distribution: The Real Circuit Breaker 26:00 – Dirty Trick 3: The 50/50 Care Play 29:00 – Dirty Trick 4: The Disclosure Drip and Section 71B 31:00 – Dirty Trick 5: The Attrition Strategy and Wearing You Down 34:00 – Dirty Trick 6: The Mediation Ambush 36:00 – Filing in Court: Why the Registrar Changes Everything 38:00 – Dirty Trick 7: The Generosity Trap 40:00 – Dirty Trick 8: Weaponised Urgency and Fake Deadlines 42:00 – Sequencing by Personality Type: Which Order Suits Which Ex 44:00 – Rapid Fire: Your Biggest Property and Parenting Questions 47:00 – Rapid Fire for People Already in Court 50:00 – The Double-Sided Cushion: Your Two Sticky Notes 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Episode 213 – The Hidden Connection: Custody Battles & Property Splits in Divorce https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/the-hidden-connection-custody-battles-property-splits/id1503451022?i=1000728151220 Episode 191 – What Your Lawyer Might Forget to Tell You: Unlocking Funds Before Property Settlement Is Final https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/what-your-lawyer-might-forget-to-tell-you-unlocking/id1503451022?i=1000702792838 Episode 218 – Business Tricks in Divorce: 10 Sneaky Tactics to Watch Out For and Outsmart https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/business-tricks-in-divorce-10-sneaky-tactics-to-watch/id1503451022?i=1000733969897 Links & Resources 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au | 🎓 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog Family Law Act 1975 – s 60CC, s 71B, s 79 | Federal Circuit and Family Court – www.fcfcoa.gov.au If this episode helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

You know it was abuse. But written down, each moment sounds small. This is the episode about proving it. Part 5 of our six-part coercive control series with clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova. Mum and I work through your questions on affidavits, evidence, police reports and what the family court is actually looking for. LISTEN IF YOU... - Have kept notes for a year and worry they sound petty - Have been told by a lawyer that coercive control does not matter - Reported to police and were dismissed because there was no stalking or tracking - Are writing an affidavit and do not know what to include - Are still being controlled through emails, handovers and admin after final orders - Are terrified of going back to court This is general information, not legal or psychological advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always get independent advice. This episode discusses coercive control, family violence, financial abuse and sexual betrayal. If you are in danger call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732. 00:00 - Explaining Coercive Control When No One Believes You 01:00 - Series Recap and Meet Clinical Psychologist Krasi Kirova 02:30 - Legal Disclaimer and Family Violence Trigger Warning 03:50 - Stacy: How Do I Make My Notes Matter in Court? 06:00 - Why Each Incident Sounds Petty: The Puzzle Piece Problem 07:00 - Death by a Thousand Cuts: Proving Cumulative Harm 09:30 - When the Judge Spots the Pattern Themselves 10:30 - What Courts Look For: Coercive Control and the Property Pool 14:00 - Your Affidavit Is the Proof, So You Have to Say It 14:20 - Anonymous: Should Infidelity Go in My Affidavit? 18:00 - DARVO Explained: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender 19:00 - Win: Can I Use Voice Memos and Home Security Footage? 21:40 - Legal Gatekeeping: When Your Lawyer Says It Does Not Matter 26:00 - How to Change Lawyers Mid-Case Without the Confrontation 28:00 - Katina: The Police Dismissed My Coercive Control Report 30:00 - The Empower You App and Finding a Station That Listens 33:20 - Roberta: Protection Orders When He Explains Everything Away 35:00 - Why Criminal, DV and Family Courts Do Not Talk to Each Other 37:00 - Samantha: Post-Separation Control After Final Orders 41:40 - Grey Rock, Escalation and When to Get a Risk Assessment 43:30 - Coercive Control Versus Ordinary Co-Parenting Conflict 46:30 - Admin Burden as Control: Fix It in Your Parenting Orders 50:00 - Jenna: When His Lawyer Becomes the Mouthpiece 54:00 - Lee: Fear of Court and a Teenager Who Will Not Visit 58:00 - Court Fear Is the Last Hook They Have Left 01:00:00 - Gina: What Evidence Is Actually Enough? 01:02:00 - Thresholds: Therapist Versus Police Versus Family Court 01:04:00 - The Marathon Analogy: Kicked, Then Blamed for Slowing Down 01:06:00 - Never Stop Documenting Until the Behaviour Stops 01:12:00 - The Magistrate Who Knew What Coercive Control Was 01:14:30 - Krasi's Conference Talk and Next Week: Healing EPISODES MENTIONED DARVO in the Family Court - https://youtu.be/pRMOfozwBKs?si=-YgsXkz8ybMB_lkr Documenting Coercive Control - https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=SY_8UNT5puZ7Uj_F Reporting to Police, Step by Step - https://youtu.be/s7vH5a9y7cA?si=sm1ReJaVxsvqKlNS 1800 RESPECT - 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) Lifeline - 13 11 14 Police - 000 (immediate danger) The Divorce Course - www.thedivorcecourse.com.au The Divorce Course Podcast - www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog Empower You app - free documentation app run by NSW Police Krasi Kirova - clinical psychologist and board-approved supervisor Share your experience anonymously for Krasi's conference talk: [LINK] If this episode helped you understand how to prove coercive control, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

Are you about to separate and have absolutely no idea what happens to the house? Do you keep it? Do you sell it? Do you have to be the one who leaves? And what happens to the mortgage? 🎧 Listen to this episode if… - You don't know whether you can keep the house or have to sell it, The mortgage is in both names and you're panicking about who pays it, You've been told that if you move out, you lose your claim to the house, Your ex is stalling, sabotaging the sale, or refusing to sign anything, You want to keep the kids in the same home and the same school, You're heading into mediation and need to know your options ⚠️ not legal advice. This reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always get independent legal advice. Discussions of financial and economic abuse. If you're in danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732. 00:00 – What Happens to the House When You Separate? 01:10 – Net Equity Explained: What the House Is Really Worth 02:05 – No Special Rule Book, With One Exception: Housing the Children 03:45 – Does Someone Have to Move Out to Be Separated? 05:05 – Myth Busted: Moving Out Doesn't Lose You the House 06:20 – When Your Ex Runs the House Down Before the Valuation 07:10 – Who Pays the Mortgage? Spousal Maintenance Explained 09:30 – Financial Abuse and Section 4AB of the Family Law Act 09:55 – Do You Have to Sell the House If You Separate? 10:45 – Working Out What the House Is Actually Worth 12:10 – How Assets Get Balanced: The Caravan Example 13:15 – Your Options: Keep It, Sell It, or Hold It Jointly 14:35 – Falling Prices, Negative Equity and Bidding at Auction 16:50 – Keeping the House: The Step-by-Step Process 17:20 – Why the Order Comes First: The Stamp Duty Exemption 19:20 – How to Work Out the Buyout Figure 21:30 – Can You Actually Afford It? See a Mortgage Broker 23:15 – Why Every Consent Order Needs a Backup Plan 24:50 – Kids and the House: Does It Give You an Edge? 26:20 – Expensive Suburbs, School Catchments and Staying Put 28:35 – The Tarzan Principle: Getting to the Next House 31:40 – Should You Buy a New House Before Settlement? 34:20 – Selling Together When You Can Barely Speak 35:25 – Staging, "Sold As Is" and Missing Kitchens 38:10 – Choosing a Real Estate Agent You Both Agree On 39:25 – Court Orders to Sell and Holding Funds in Trust 42:25 – When Your Ex Sabotages the Sale 47:40 – The High-Conflict Ex and the House 49:15 – The Avoidant Ex and Avoidant-Proof Orders 51:20 – The Manipulative Ex and Delay Tactics 52:50 – Amicable? Don't Rely on a Handshake 54:40 – Don't Let Buyers Know It's a Divorce Sale 55:55 – When Your Ex Won't Sign: Section 106A Explained 57:20 – What It Costs to Go to Court Over the House 59:00 – A Home Is Just a House: The Emotional Side 🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED What Happens With the Mortgage https://youtu.be/8yNEHlHC-JE?si=hCyc9PcxW3BbTUDd Inheritances https://youtu.be/FKK6NIU4sEk?si=oAOCl-INyhnvO_M0 I Really Want to Keep the House https://youtu.be/sblG_qVXhG4?si=ydHgafJTRDRr6g74 Selling the House https://youtu.be/kd9MUMeKaKQ?si=dTTugpHus_6Qe7oF 📖 FULL SHOW NOTES, including every case, section and resource mentioned in this episode: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7) 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚓 Police – 000 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Family Law Act 1975 – s79(5) and s90SM (housing the children), s4AB (family violence and economic abuse), s90 (stamp duty relief), s106A (registrar signing documents). If this episode helped you please follow, rate, review, and share so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

🎧 LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF… • You're parenting a child with autism, ADHD or suspected neurodivergence through a separation • You don't know how to tell a literal thinker that their parents are splitting up • Changeover is falling apart and your child refuses to go to the other house • Your ex denies the diagnosis, blocks therapy, or says "they're perfect at my place" • You need the court to understand what your child's daily needs actually look like • You're heading into a family report and you're dreading it • You're burnt out, doing all the appointments, and wondering if you've ruined your child Does the family court actually consider your child's neurodivergence when making parenting orders? What happens when your ex tells the lawyer your child doesn't have special needs at all? And can week-about ever work for a child who falls apart at every changeover? In this episode, Mum and I are joined by Amanda Lee – an autistic mum of autistic daughters, a qualified Montessori educator, parenting coach and registered counsellor who has also been through the family court herself. Amanda works with neurodiverse families navigating burnout, relationship breakdown and separation, and she brings both the qualifications and the lived experience. ⏱️ EPISODE TIMELINE 00:00 – Neurodivergent Kids and Divorce: What You Need to Know 01:01 – Meet Amanda Lee: Autistic Mum, Counsellor and Parenting Coach 03:22 – What's Actually Different for a Neurodivergent Child? 04:56 – Does the Family Court Need a Formal Diagnosis? 06:17 – How to Tell a Neurodivergent Child You're Separating 10:09 – Warning Signs Your Child Isn't Coping After Separation 13:59 – You Haven't Ruined Your Child: The Skills They're Building 14:32 – Documenting Your Child's Behaviour for the Family Court 15:27 – Transitions and Two Homes: Making Changeover Easier 20:04 – One Safe Person, One Safe Place: How to Parallel Parent 22:06 – When Your Child Refuses to Go to the Other House 22:58 – How to Write Observations That Hold Up as Evidence 26:00 – Free Checklists at The Divorce Course 27:09 – When Your Ex Won't Take the Kids to Therapy or OT 28:00 – The Ex Who Denies the Diagnosis: Talk About Behaviour Instead 30:24 – Masking, the Fawn Response and "Perfect at Dad's" 33:08 – Telling the School and Building Your Support Team 36:24 – "Therapeutic Purposes Only" Counselling Orders Explained 37:07 – How the Family Court Considers Neurodiversity 38:15 – NDIS Plans, Affidavits and a Day in the Life 40:02 – Choosing a Family Report Writer Who Gets Neurodivergence 41:00 – Preparing Your Child for the Family Report Interview 44:10 – Coaching Accusations and How to Avoid Them 46:15 – When Parents Can't Agree on Medical or Therapy Decisions 49:04 – Therapy Costs, Property Settlement and Child Support 51:05 – Support After 18: Adult Child Maintenance Explained 53:06 – Parental Burnout and the "Good Enough Parent" Standard 56:49 – Where to Find Amanda Lee 🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED • At What Age Can Children Decide Where They Live? –https://youtu.be/hUCh0Nzw0wM?si=3jLmbSGESM3ziQYq • What Is a Family Report? What to Expect on the Day –https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/family-reports-in-your-divorce/id1503451022?i=1000475552908 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Amanda Lee – Amanda Lee Consulting – amandaleeconsulting.com | Amanda Lee Consulting on Facebook & Instagram Understanding Zoe app – shared practitioner notes for your child's support team (may be fundable through NDIS) Teeny Tiny Stevies – ABC Kids / ABC iview (the goodbye-song idea) Videos for children about the family court – fcfcoa.gov.au Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) s 60CC – best interests of the child Family Law Amendment Act 2023 – parental responsibility and joint decision-making changes, in force May 2024 Services Australia – Child Support change of assessment (special circumstances) NDIS – ndis.gov.au LINKS & RESOURCES 🌐 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog ✅ Free checklists (mediation, disclosure, word salad, read a letter like a pro, before you go) – free resources section at www.thedivorcecourse.com.au SUPPORT 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚓 Police – 000 (immediate danger) 🛟 Content warning: this episode touches on high-conflict separation, post-separation abuse, and parents who deny a child's needs. ⚠️ This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. If this episode helped you feel less alone in parenting a neurodivergent child through separation, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to this episode if… • You've been told your property pool is "too big" or "too small" to bother negotiating • You're weighing up whether to accept an offer or go to court, and it doesn't feel fair • You're a stay-at-home parent worried about how you'll manage on a small settlement • Your ex keeps saying "just go get a job" and you don't know if the court sees it that way • You're stuck arguing over a percentage and not sure if the fight is worth the cost • You want to understand future needs adjustments before you sit down at mediation ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction (some rules differ in WA). Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded. Episode Summary You may have been told that because your property pool is very big, or very small, the usual rules don't apply to you. Maybe you're trying to decide whether to accept an offer that doesn't feel fair, or whether it's even worth going to court at all. This one's for you. Mum and I unpack how the size of your property pool changes the way settlement negotiations and decisions play out. The family law framework is always the same – the four steps a court works through don't move – but two of those steps, current and future circumstances (what we used to call "future needs") and that final just-and-equitable check, can look very different depending on whether you're splitting five million or fifty thousand. We talk through why big pools often see smaller future-needs adjustments (because there's plenty to go around), why small pools can see much larger ones (because every dollar counts), and the one habit that will save you years of stress: stop arguing over percentages and start looking at what those percentages are actually worth in real dollars. Mum also explains the Priority Property Pool 500 (PPP500) court track for smaller matters, why superannuation isn't the same as cash in your hand, and why drawing that legal line under your relationship matters even when there's "hardly anything" to divide. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Big or Small Property Pool? Why It Matters 01:00 – The Legal Disclaimer & What Stays the Same for Everyone 01:20 – The Four Steps: What Never Changes in a Settlement 02:00 – What Counts as a Large Property Pool? 02:40 – Big Pools: Why Future Needs Adjustments Shrink 04:40 – Standard of Living: What the Court Will and Won't Do 06:30 – Small Pools: Why Adjustments Can Be Much Bigger 07:30 – Percentages vs Real Dollars: The Mindset Shift 09:00 – Is That 10% Worth Going to Court For? 12:20 – Don't Forget Superannuation vs Cash 14:00 – Stay-at-Home Parents, Earning Capacity & Retraining 17:20 – "Is a Small Pool Even Worth It?" The Myth 18:30 – Why Drawing a Legal Line Protects Your Future 21:40 – The Priority Property Pool 500 (PPP500) Explained 23:30 – Normal-Sized Pools: Follow the Usual Rules 25:50 – Show Me the Money: Look at Dollars, Not Percentages 26:40 – You Are Capable: A Message of Hope 1. Should I Settle or Go to Court? (10 Questions to Ask Yourself) Referenced when discussing how to decide whether the fight is worth it. 2. Property: Why You Shouldn't Negotiate Percentages Referenced when discussing arguing over what "50/50" actually means in dollars. 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog • Priority Property Pool 500 (PPP500) — the streamlined court track for matters with net assets under $500,000 (excluding super). Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia: https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au • Family Law Act 1975 – s 79 (property, married) / s 90SM (de facto): https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html

🎧 Listen to this episode if… - You've left a coercively controlling relationship and your biggest fear is what it will do to your kids - You're wondering why your children can't see the abuse, or seem to side with the controlling parent - Your ex uses the kids as messengers or feeds them misinformation - You're worried about being accused of "parental alienation" for parenting differently - You're navigating parenting plans, orders or supervised time with a high-conflict ex ⚠️ This podcast is general information only not legal advice. Australian family law discussed. Always consult a qualified family lawyer. 🛟 This episode discusses coercive control and family violence. In danger? Call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14. In Part 4 of our Coercive Control Series, Laura and Lyn are joined by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova to answer your questions about coercive control, children and co-parenting. Plus the legal side – affidavits, family reports, Section 61DAB, loophole-proof orders, whether the court listens to a 14-year-old, and why supervised time working isn't a reason to rush to unsupervised. ⏱️ CHAPTERS 00:00 – Coercive Control and Kids: Every Parent's Biggest Fear 02:00 – How Coercive Control Affects Children (Including Adult Children) 04:00 – Research: Coercive Control Harms Kids Like Physical Violence 08:00 – Why Children Can't See the Abuse: The Loyalty Bind 10:00 – Does the Family Court Recognise the Impact on Children? 11:00 – The Problem With Family Reports 13:00 – Naming Coercive Control in Your Affidavit 14:00 – When Kids Are Used as Messengers 15:00 – Why Protective Parenting Is Double Duty 18:00 – Dr Emma Katz: Build the Opposite of the Coercive Regime 21:00 – Teaching Kids Emotion Regulation and Assertiveness 24:00 – Why Normal Co-Parenting Advice Doesn't Apply Here 26:00 – Making Your Home Non-Porous 27:00 – Alienation Accusations vs Parenting Differently 29:00 – Bombarding Messages: Why You Can Ignore Them 31:00 – Section 61DAB: Your Day-to-Day Parenting Decisions 32:00 – Manipulation and Misinformation: Correcting the Record 37:00 – The "Adult Matters" Myth in Family Court 38:00 – When Kids Side With the Controlling Parent 43:00 – How to Tell the Kids You're Divorcing 48:00 – Best Books to Help Children Through Coercive Control 52:00 – Krasi's Message to Every Protective Parent 55:00 – Helping Kids Heal When They Won't Open Up 60:00 – Parenting Plans With a Narcissistic Ex: 50/50 Traps 62:00 – Loophole-Proof Orders: Why "As Agreed" Needs a Default 65:00 – Will the Court Listen to a 14-Year-Old? 67:00 – Parental Alienation: What the UN Report Says 69:00 – The Gillick Test: Teens Accessing Psychological Support 70:00 – Sudden 50/50 Demands and Recording Phone Calls 72:00 – Supervised Time: Why Good Behaviour Isn't Evidence 🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED Part 1 – Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Blmekx03XEJIzshzS3glJ Part 2 – Coercive Control While Separated Under One Roof https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1503451022?i=1000775886114 Part 3 – Financial Abuse and Coercive Control: When Money Becomes the Weapon https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1503451022?i=1000776879697 The Parenting Order Loopholes Your Ex Will Exploit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBZYy44FhPY Can Kids Decide Where They Live? How Children's Wishes Count https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1503451022?i=1000771958744 🔗 RESOURCES Krasi Kirova, Clinical Psychologist – https://kirovapsychology.com.au Krasi's feedback form for survivors – https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/bjpm4Gy2 Books: The Big Bag of Worries | Every Moment of Every Day (Christine Cuccio) | The Sky Is Red and My Boundary Balloons (Tyra Schwartz) | I Can (Natasha Harris) Family Law Act 1975 – s60CC and s61DAB 🌐 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

🎧 Listen to this episode if… Your ex is using money to punish or control you in divorce proceedings Your ex is stalling the settlement, ignoring emails, or pressuring you to sign before you're ready You've been told it "couldn't really be financial abuse" because you earned your own money or had access to the accounts Your partner refused to work or quietly drained joint funds Your lawyer suggested leaving coercive control out of your settlement You need the courage to name what happened ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer. Laws may have changed since recording. 🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning This episode discusses coercive control and financial abuse. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). Lyn a Family Lawyer and I are joined again by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova to answer your questions about financial abuse the part of coercive control that hides inside bank accounts, businesses, superannuation and settlement negotiations. Krasi breaks down the three faces of economic abuse – control, employment sabotage and economic exploitation – and Mum covers what Section 4AB of the Family Law Act actually says, what evidence courts look for when the abuse happened behind closed doors, and how to find the courage to name it. 00:00 – Financial Abuse and Coercive Control: Was It Really Abuse? 03:00 – Financial Abuse When You're the Breadwinner 04:00 – The 3 Types of Economic Abuse: Control, Sabotage, Exploitation 08:00 – My Husband Won't Work – Is This Coercive Control? 12:00 – Secret Accounts and Hidden Spending 15:00 – "I Learned to Stop Asking Questions" – Control Through Consequences 16:00 – Section 4AB Family Law Act: Financial Abuse Is Coercive Control 17:00 – The Avoidant Ex and Post-Separation Abuse 19:00 – When Courts Award More: The 14% Adjustment for Coercive Conduct 21:00 He Won't Accept the Separation 23:00 – Proving Subtle Coercive Control in Court 24:00 – What Evidence Family Courts Actually Need (It's Not Criminal Proof) 27:00 – Making Your Story Live for the Judge: Notes, Dates, Chronology 29:00 – The Three Ds Framework: Demeaning, Disempowerment, Distortion 31:00 –Proving Covert Control and Narrative Isolation 39:00 – Trying Hard's Question: Pressured to Sign the Settlement Too Soon 43:00 – Alex's Question: When Your Ex Uses Adult Kids to Pressure You 46:00 – Krasi's Call-Out: Share Your Experience for the Psychology Conference 48:00 – Samantha's Question: My Lawyer Said to Leave Coercive Control Out 52:00 – Spousal Maintenance Years After Separation: What Courts Consider 54:00 – Gretchen's Question: When the Ex's Lawyers Play Coercive Games 55:00 – Miss Resilient: Private School Fees, Child Support and Spiteful Neglect 59:00 – Next Week: Coercive Control, the Children and Co-Parenting 60:00 – Jesse and Sandy: Finding the Courage to Name the Abuse 61:00 – The Lighthouse Program and Evatt List: Extra Safeguards in Court 65:00 – The Domestic Violence Pendulum: You Will Find Your Voice 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🌐 The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Krasi's free Three Ds handout - https://kirovapsychology.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/3Ds-Handout-1.pdf Krasi's Psychology Conference questionnaire https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/bjpm4Gy2

Coercive Control While Separated Under One Roof: How to Survive It | The Divorce Course Podcast (Part 2) 🎧 LISTEN IF YOU… • Are separated but still stuck under one roof • Were told you "can't leave" without a parenting plan • Suspect you're being watched through cameras, phone or car • Are scared to move money or make a move • Want to plan a safe exit and set real boundaries ⚠️ General education only — not legal or psychological advice. Discusses coercive control, financial & tech abuse. In danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14. Part 2 of our six-part coercive control series with clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova and Family Law Specialist Lyn Galvin, all about surviving it while you're still in it. 00:00 – Separated but Stuck Under One Roof: You're Not Alone 01:00 – Six-Part Series, Guest Krasi Kirova & How to Send Questions 02:00 – Meet Krasi Kirova & Lyn Galvin 03:00 – Legal & Family Violence Disclaimer 04:00 – Does Coercive Control Continue After Separation? (Sally's Question) 05:00 – The Three Ds: Disrespect, Disempowerment, Distortion 06:00 – Why They Won't Move Out — The New Under-One-Roof Tactic 07:00 – Is Separation Under One Roof Required? Davis & Davis (Sarah's Question) 08:00 – "Can You Make Them Leave?" + When Your Ex Makes Up the Law 10:00 – DARVO Explained + Why Placating Doesn't Work (Nini's Question) 12:00 – How to Prove Escalating Abuse + Judges Are Trained 13:00 – Chronologies as Evidence + The Three-Year "Separation" Trap (Anonymous) 15:00 – The Stuck Feeling Is Entrapment — You Can Leave Without a Plan 17:00 – Cameras, Doorbells & Surveillance In Your Own Home (Loans' Question) 19:00 – Tech-Facilitated Abuse: 70% Is Everyday Tech + The Omnipresence Effect 20:00 – Is My Car Being Tracked? AirTags, Apps & What to Do (Marie's Question) 22:00 – Removing Tech Safely: Order Matters, Sweepers & Bluetooth 24:00 – When Your Ex Uses the Kids to Spy (She Bear's Question) 26:00 – Talking to Your Child About Privacy + Family Reports 28:00 – Krasi's Call-Out: Share Your Voice for the Psychology Conference 31:00 – Moving Money Without Awakening the Bear (JT's Question) 33:00 – Getting Your Ducks in a Row: The Safest Way to Leave 36:00 – 21 Years In — How Do I Announce I'm Leaving? (Tash's Question) 37:00 – The Shark Analogy: Why "Nicely" Doesn't Change the Reaction 38:00 – "You Moved Money Without My Consent" — Financial Control (Jessie's Question) 40:00 – Boundaries vs Buffers: Why Boundaries Can Backfire (Anonymous) 44:00 – Parenting Apps, Grey Rocking & the Three Anchors 45:00 – Legal Abuse, Comeuppance & the 14% Uplift Case 46:00 – Intervention Orders + A House-Sharing Idea for the Stuck 🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED Can You Make Them Leave? — https://youtu.be/_XAG5c1hOkU Tech-Facilitated Abuse (WESNET SafetyNet Australia) — https://youtu.be/rc8b27R_k9k The Three Anchors with Sonia Bestulic — https://youtu.be/aHULu7ffPj4 Capturing Coercive Control in an Affidavit — https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw 🔗 RESOURCES 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Police 000 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Free Before-You-Go Checklist & Tech App Worksheet — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Share your voice for Krasi's conference (anonymous) — https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/bjpm4Gy2 Tech safety — https://techsafety.org.au Davis & Davis [1984] — the case confirming it's unreasonable to expect separated people to live under one roof If this episode helped you, please follow, rate, review and share so others stuck under one roof can find it too. Next week: Coercive Control & Financial Abuse.

Listen to this episode if… You keep asking yourself "is it me, or are they controlling?" The examples online always sound more extreme than what you're living You're walking on eggshells but second-guessing whether you're allowed to feel that way You've been told to "just set boundaries" but it only seems to make things worse You want to understand coercive control from both a psychological and a family-law angle Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning This is general education – not legal advice or a psychological diagnosis. It discusses coercive control and abuse. If you're in danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14. Episode Summary "Is it me, or are they controlling?" That question ran under almost every message you sent in – so we turned it into a six-part series, and this is Part 1. Laura and Lyn are joined by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova to answer the one nearly everyone asked: is this really coercive control? Krasi shares her three Ds (disrespect, disempowerment, distortion), explains why coercive control is a pattern and a function rather than a list of behaviours, and how good qualities like compromise and empathy get weaponised. Lyn explains how family law treats coercive control differently from the criminal courts. 00:00 – Is It Me, or Are They Controlling? 03:30 – What Best Illustrates Coercive Control? 04:30 – The Restaurant Metaphor: Pattern, Not a Checklist 06:00 – The 3 Ds: Disrespect, Disempowerment, Distortion 07:30 – Psychology vs Family Law: Section 4AB 09:00 – Family Court vs Criminal Court: Different Tests 10:00 – When You Lose Sight of What's Reasonable 12:00 – How Compromise & Empathy Get Weaponised 13:00 – When Your Ex Wasn't As "Extreme" as the Examples 16:00 – Is Anger & Yelling Coercive Control? 18:00 – Can It Exist Without Financial Control? 19:00 – Repeated Pressure & Monopolised Decisions ( 22:00 – Stonewalling, Delay & Deflection 25:30 – The PA Dynamic & Exploitation 28:00 – Needy or Controlling? How to Tell the Difference 30:00 – Blame-Shifting, DARVO & Perspecticide 33:00 – Infidelity, Guilt & Trying to Leave 39:00 – Silent Treatment as Punishment 43:00 – Why He Does Less When You're Sick 45:00 – Emotional Abuse vs Coercive Control 47:30 – Can the Main Breadwinner Be Controlled? 53:00 – Why Do They Do It? Can Survivors Heal? 58:00 – The Anxious, Controlling Attachment Style & Have Your Say – Krasi's Conference Call-Out 📌 Have your say: Krasi is presenting on coercive control at the Australian National Psychology Conference. Share what you wish psychologists and therapists understood – anonymously, with optional audio. Link in the show notes. Entry form https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/bjpm4Gy2 Resources The 3 Ds of Coercive Control – the deep-dive episode with Krasi. https://youtu.be/bRmLZBRs--o?si=YZ1951oDofDe_lw7 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Police 000 Section 4AB, Family Law Act 1975 – definition of family violence Guest: Krasi Kirova, Clinical Psychologist If this helped you start to name what you've been living, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find it too.

Listen to this episode if… You feel like you're just reacting to whatever your ex or their lawyer throws at you You're exhausted, foggy, and making life-changing decisions while running on empty You can't tell anymore whether your choices come from your intuition or from fear You find it hard to speak up for yourself in mediation, in court, or even to your own lawyer You've lost a bit of yourself and want practical ways to feel grounded again You want to move from just surviving your divorce to actually flourishing through it This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. This episode touches on coercive control and post-separation abuse. If you or someone you know is in danger, call 000. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). If you're feeling stuck in survival mode reacting to every email, every legal letter, every move your ex makes this episode is the deep breath you've been needing. Laura is joined by Sonia Bestulic, award-winning author, speaker and wisdom teacher, whose book Flourish for Mums found Laura right in the middle of her own divorce. Together they unpack what survival mode actually is, why so many of us get stuck in it, and how to gently move out of it. 00:00 – Are You Stuck in Survival Mode During Your Divorce? 01:00 – Meet Sonia Bestulic: Author, Speaker & Wisdom Teacher 03:50 – "I Just Burnt Out": How Survival Mode Shows Up 05:30 – Why Your Mindset Can Affect Your Case as Much as the Law 07:00 – What Survival Mode Really Is (Fight, Flight, Freeze) 08:00 – The Lion Metaphor: A Fuel System Built for Short Bursts 09:30 – The Warning Signs You've Been in Survival Mode Too Long 10:50 – When Post-Separation Abuse Is Designed to Exhaust You 11:40 – The Three Anchors & Building Your Support Team 12:40 – Anchor One: Nourishing Your Intuition (Your Sacred GPS) 14:50 – Coercive Control & Learning to Trust Yourself Again 15:40 – The Morning Body Scan: 15 Minutes That Reset Your Day 18:30 – How to Tell the Difference Between Fear and Intuition 21:30 – Anchor Two: Energetic Integrity & Energy Hygiene 23:30 – Inner Boundaries: What's Mine to Carry and What's Theirs? 25:30 – Choosing When to Read That Email From Your Ex 26:40 – The Power of Nature to Recalibrate Your Nervous System 28:50 – Gratitude: The Highest-Frequency Circuit Breaker 30:00 – The Gratitude Candle & the Kindness Squirrel 32:50 – Anchor Three: Sacred Self-Advocacy 34:50 – Speaking Your Truth Without the Fight Energy 36:40 – Why Energy Speaks First (Even in the Witness Box) 40:40 – Daily Practices: Dance, Laughter, Music & Breath 43:50 – The Cup of Gratitude Ritual 45:40 – The Roots Metaphor: The Deeper the Roots, the Taller We Grow 48:40 – The One Thing You Can Start Today 49:50 – Where to Find Sonia & Her Books 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) Lifeline — 13 11 14 Police — 000 (immediate danger) The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au The Divorce Course Empowerment Playlist — on Spotify Sonia Bestulic — books Flourish for Mums and Raising Empowered Humans: Unlocking Kids' Self-Leadership and Lifelong Flourishing (Amazon, global delivery). https://soniabestulic.com.au/

🎧 Listen if… - You've been told you "can't touch anything" until property settlement is finalised - You're scared opening your own account will start a fight - You're watching money vanish from the joint account and can't stop it - You're the lower earner, worried about being left with nothing while you wait - You're paying for everything and scared of being called financially abusive if you stop - You've got a kids' savings or education account and don't know where it fits Disclaimer: General information and education only, not legal advice. Please consult a family lawyer about your situation. 🛟 Discusses financial abuse & coercive control. Can you really not touch any money until property settlement? Mum and I unpack what you can and can't do with your bank accounts after separation: the difference between managing day-to-day finances and dividing property, what happens to accounts in your own name versus joint accounts, and how to handle it whether your ex is amicable, high conflict, or controlling. We cover opening a new account, freezing joint accounts, what to do if it's emptied, kids' accounts, child support myths, and the warning signs of financial abuse. ⏱️ CHAPTERS 00:00 – Banking Through Separation: The Questions Everyone's Afraid to Ask 02:00 – Education Only & Why Your Lawyer Comes First 03:00 – The Two Big Myths: "Freeze Everything" vs "Take Everything" 03:30 – Power Dynamics & Who Makes the Early Money Decisions 04:00 – Managing Day-to-Day Finances vs Dividing Property 05:30 – What Happens to Your Bank Accounts When You Separate 06:00 – "It's Yours": Accounts in Your Own Name 07:00 – Joint Accounts & Why You Can Take Your Share 09:30 – Amicable Divorce: Take It, Then Tell Them 11:00 – High Conflict: Don't Stay Beholden to Your Ex 12:30 – Manipulative & Controlling Exes & the Groceries Analogy 13:30 – Is Taking the Money Financial Abuse? Section 4AB Explained 14:00 – Spousal Maintenance & the Joint-Account "Time Bomb" 15:30 – Post-Separation Spending, Wastage & Gollings & Scott 17:30 – Opening Your Own Bank Account (Yes, You Can) 18:30 – Why You Should Choose a Completely Different Bank 20:30 – "Will My Ex Find Out?" Tech Abuse, Passwords & Disclosure 22:30 – Where Should Your Wages Go? 23:00 – Coming Up: A Coercive Control Q&A With Krazi Kirova 23:30 – When Your Ex Won't Move Out or Pay the Bills 24:30 – Reasonableness & How a Judge Will See It 26:00 – Giving Notice, Justifying It & Part N of the Financial Statement 27:00 – The Two People This Goes Badly For 28:30 – Talking to the Bank & Their Limits 29:00 – How to Freeze a Joint Account (Two to Sign) 31:00 – Stopping Large Withdrawals & ATM Limits 32:00 – When the Account Gets Emptied: Spousal Maintenance Options 33:00 – Urgent Spousal Maintenance Orders Explained 35:00 – Protect vs Punish: Two Money Mindsets in Divorce 36:00 – Homework: Talk to Your Bank Anonymously 37:30 – Splitting the Cash 50/50: Does It Lock In Your Settlement? 39:00 – How to Document It (A Text Message Is Enough) 40:30 – Kids' Bank Accounts: Who Controls Them? 41:30 – Splitting Kids' Accounts & Trustee Options 42:30 – Using the Kids' Money to Live On (If You Have To) 43:30 – Kids' Accounts Are Part of the Property Pool & Disclosure 44:00 – Child Support Myths: The "Every Dollar for the Kids" Trap 45:30 – The "Basket of Goods" Approach & Living to Your Means 47:30 – Warning Signs of Financial Abuse 49:30 – Real-Time Spend Alerts, Passwords & Your Safety 50:45 – Day-to-Day Finances vs Property Settlement: The Recap 51:30 – Get on the Mailing List So You're Not Blindsided 52:00 – Final Homework: Go Open That New Bank Account 53:30 – Crochet Corner & Sign Off 54:30 – Commonwealth Bank Next Chapter & Banking Support 🎧 EPISODES Technology Abuse / Tech Safety – passwords, devices & safety checklist: https://youtu.be/rc8b27R_k9k Balancing the Power Dynamic – when one party stalls while the other pushes for settlement: https://youtu.be/coWlWcIq180 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Police 000 Web: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog Q&A questions: thedivorcecoursepodcast@gmail.com CommBank Next Chapter – financial abuse support. Helped you feel less stuck about your money? Follow, rate, review and share so others can find it too. All our best, Laura & Lyn Your Guides By Your Side Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen If… Your child has said they don't want to go to the other parent's house Your ex keeps saying "once they turn [a certain age] they can choose" You're worried your child is being pressured, coached, or caught in the middle You're hearing two completely different stories from your kids at handover You're amicable and thinking of just "letting the kids decide" (please listen first) You want to understand how children's views actually reach the court General information only not legal advice. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your situation.🛟 Discusses family violence & coercive control. In danger: 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline 13 11 14. About This Episode Mum and I unpack what the Family Law Act actually how children's views really reach a judge (family reports, child impact reports, ICLs), and how kids' wishes play out across the four divorce personality types. ⏱️ Timeline 00:00 Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With? 02:00 Why the Family Court Won't Ask Kids to Choose 06:27 The Best Interests of the Child Test (Section 60CC) 09:06 What Age Can a Child Decide Where to Live? 11:34 How a Child's Wishes Are Actually Heard in Family Law 13:25 Child-Inclusive Mediation Explained 15:22 Therapy, Family Reports & Expert Evidence 19:48 How to Get a Family Report Outside of Court 22:35 How Family Violence Changes Parenting Decisions 27:22 2024 Family Law Reforms & Common Custody Myths 28:29 Can You Force a Teenager to Follow Parenting Orders? 31:58 The Reality of Enforcing Orders With Teens 33:03 How to Future-Proof Your Parenting Orders 34:03 Why Older Teens Have More Say in Where They Live 34:35 The Manipulative & Controlling Ex: Hidden Motives 36:42 How to Spot Coercion & Coaching Tactics 39:04 Love Bombing, Bribery & When the Mask Slips 41:54 High-Conflict Exes: Kids Caught in the Middle 45:20 The Avoidant Parent & Parentification 49:02 Amicable Co-Parents: Why You Still Shouldn't Let Kids Decide 51:07 Key Takeaways: Voice Heard, Not Decision Made 54:43 Closing Notes & Legal Disclaimer 🎧 Episodes Mentioned Decoding the Child's Best Interests Referenced when discussing the full 60CC best-interests factors https://youtu.be/k4-QTbfW8XM?si=4ltIq0y0ceoMQWym Child-Inclusive Mediation Referenced when discussing how children's views are gathered out of court. https://youtu.be/HrEU6dFc0Ko?si=xvSAyfnMJ9oEfXnN Handover Hell – When Your Child Refuses to Go Referenced at the end for listeners dealing with handover-day resistance https://youtu.be/YphzOPZmC3k?si=Wf1RwzJMf-ix4N4K Support & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Police 000 The Divorce Course → https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au If this helped, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others can find it too. All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side

🎧 Listen if you're wondering when you can make an offer, you've received one that floored you, you feel pressured to "be the reasonable one," your ex is high-conflict or controlling, or you've been told you have to go to mediation first. ⚠️ General information only, not legal advice Australian family law. Always consult a family lawyer. 🛟 Discusses coercive control & legal/financial abuse. Support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – What Is an Offer in a Divorce? 01:50 – What an Offer Really Is (and What Counteroffers Are) 02:30 – Do You Need a Lawyer to Make an Offer? 03:30 – Why Emotional, People-Pleasing Offers Backfire 04:30 – What You Need Before You Make an Offer: Your Property Pool 05:00 – Future Needs, Super vs Cash 06:00 – Knowing What You're Giving Up With Eyes Wide Open 07:00 – Rushed & Blindsided Offers: 08:00 – Buying Time Before You Agree 09:00 – Can You Get Out of Something You Signed Under Pressure? 10:30 – When Can You Make an Offer? Anytime You're Informed 12:30 – The Best Time to Make Your First Offer & Saving Legal Fees 13:50 – The Mediation Myth: You Don't Have to Go 15:40 – Why People Only Get Realistic at Mediation 17:00 – Time-Limited Offers: Pressure, Deadlines & the Downside 20:00 – Standing Offers: 22:00 – Do Offers Work in Parenting 24:30 – Calderbank Offers & Section 114UB Explained 25:50 – Offer Strategy for an Avoidant Ex 28:30 – Offer Strategy for a High-Conflict "Yeah, But" Ex 31:20 – Offer Strategy for an Amicable Ex & Collaborative Law 36:20 – Can You Offer Directly to Your Ex While Lawyers Are Engaged? 37:00 – Making Offers to a Narcissistic or Controlling Ex 39:00 – Don't Feed the Reaction: Grey Rock & Shuttle Negotiation 41:50 – What to Do When You Get a Bad Offer 42:50 – Ambit Claims & the Central Practice Direction 44:00 – Ask for the Authorities: Turning a Bad Offer to Your Advantage 46:30 – The Consequences of Refusing a Reasonable Offer 48:50 – Genuine Steps, Compulsory Offers & Costs Protection 50:00 – Why Offers Stay Hidden From the Judge Until the End Calderbank Offers & Costs — • Costs, Family Court and Calderbank Offers ... Can You Really Mediate With a Narcissist? — • Mediation and negotiation tips for divorci... — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Enrol (DIY Divorce Blueprint, AU) — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🎧 Listen to this episode if… You're wondering if you actually need a lawyer for your divorce at all You're worried that spending too much now means you can't afford court later You're scared that "lawyering up" will make your ex worse You think it's all-or-nothing and want to know the middle ground Your ex is high-conflict, avoidant, controlling, or amicable and you need a strategy that fits ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. It reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your situation. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your circumstances. Laws may have changed since recording. Most people think there are only two options when it comes to lawyers in a divorce hand everything over, or go it completely alone. But that's not the truth, and believing it can cost you thousands. In this episode, Laura and Lyn break down the three ways you can actually use a lawyer. Then they get into what nobody talks about how your divorce personality type should completely change how you use a lawyer. A manipulative and controlling ex who runs up your fees needs a very different strategy to an avoidant ex who panics at a law firm's letterhead This isn't an episode telling you to avoid lawyers. It's about using them strategically for the parts where legal expertise genuinely matters, and not for the parts that just drain your property pool. 00:00 – Do You Need a Lawyer for Divorce? The Big Myth 01:40 – The All-or-Nothing Lawyer Myth & Talking About Costs 03:00 – Why Spending Too Much on Lawyers Early Can Backfire 04:00 – The 2 Critical Times You MUST See a Lawyer 05:00 – Why Seeing a Lawyer Early Bursts Unrealistic Expectations 06:20 – Before You Sign: Why a Lawyer's Eye Matters 08:20 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: The First-Class Ride 09:50 – The 3 Ways to Use a Lawyer: Step In, Step Out 11:20 – Divorce Personality Types: Manipulative & Controlling 12:50 – Using Your Lawyer Strategically Against Fee-Running Tactics 15:00 – Should You Take a Lawyer or Barrister to Mediation? 17:00 – Divorce Personality Types: High Conflict 19:00 – Divorce Personality Types: The Avoidant Ex 21:30 – Divorce Personality Types: The Amicable Ex 23:40 – Project-Managing Your Lawyer & the Addario & Addario Case 26:00 – Why Understanding the Process Stops Panic Spending 33:00 – The Middle Way + Legal Aid & Community Legal Services 34:00 – The DIY Divorce Blueprint & Sign-Off 🎧 Episodes How Much Does Getting Divorced Actually Cost? — https://youtu.be/x-sgBNjlTHo?si=ubdIhcS1mjSrQqEk Bombarded With Legal Letters — https://youtu.be/z11Id8YdQn4?si=ucYfGThRuRcFYoH6 Mediation or Manipulation? — https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=BMV5KY4CquSx1_dN Do You Need to Take a Lawyer to Mediation? — https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=vNwQueYHJhFrY3aP Community Legal Services: How to Use Them — https://youtu.be/4sEUhu6r07Q?si=1oYsGQ3vF1Eb2Y4M 📚 Links & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 The DIY Divorce Blueprint — enrolments open until 10 June 2026 (click "Enroll Now") 💌 If this episode helped you understand how to use a lawyer wisely – and where you can save thousands – please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find it too.

🎧 Listen to This Episode If… You want a real, plain-English breakdown of divorce process fees You're terrified to leave because you've heard divorce costs hundreds of thousands of dollars Your ex is telling you "leave the lawyers out of it" and you're not sure if they're right You've already started racking up legal fees and you're wondering where it's all going You want to understand exactly what you can do yourself versus what you actually need a lawyer for You're heading into mediation and don't know if you need a barrister too ⚠️ Legal Disclaimer This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law. Always consult a qualified family lawyer. fees may have changed since this episode was recorded (figures quoted reflect May 2026 pricing). This isn't an episode designed to scare you. Laura and Lyn walk you through where you have control, where you can save thousands by doing the work yourself, 00:00 – The Real Cost of Divorce: Why Some Pay $4K and Others $300K 02:36 – The Big Three Fears 04:14 – How Much Does a Divorce Application Actually Cost? 06:35 – Why Lawyers Charge for "Accepting Service" 08:01 – Negotiation Costs: 11:00 – Hourly Rates in 2026: 12:30 – The Cost of Phone Calls, Reviewing Offers & Meetings 14:30 – How Much to Draft Consent Orders 16:00 – Disclosure: The Biggest Budget Blowout in Divorce 19:00 – Paralegal Rates vs Lawyer Rates: Don't Overpay 20:30 – Drip-Feeding vs Dumping Disclosure 23:30 – Mediation Costs 24:50 – Do You Need a Barrister at Mediation? 27:00 – Half-Day vs Full-Day Mediation 29:30 – Hidden Costs 32:30 – The Court's Scale of Fees vs What Lawyers Actually Charge 33:30 – How Sending Late-Night Emails Costs You 34:30 – How People Waste Money 35:30 – Fighting Over Furniture, Revenge Litigation & Lawyer-as-Therapist 36:30 – Stubbornness, Unrealistic Expectations & Knowing When to Let Go 37:30 – Family Law Doesn't Deliver Justice or Retribution 39:00 – How Much to File Consent Orders ($205 Court Fee) 41:00 – How to Be Smart: When to Use a Lawyer and When Not To 41:30 – Saving Thousands on Disclosure by Doing It Yourself 43:00 – The One Meeting Strategy: Walk In Prepared, Walk Out Saving $10K 46:00 – Who Pays for Legal Fees? Section 114UB Explained 47:30 – Fee Exemptions, Cost Agreements & What to Expect 49:30 – Laura's Confession: The Bag of Receipts Story 🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. How to Choose a Mediator (Free vs Private Mediation) https://youtu.be/HKda6QswjAE?si=R27SD6WSDiLiI3VA 2. Do You Need a Lawyer for Mediation? https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=ur8ZMCkzPQ9dYFZN 3. Furniture in Divorce: How to Deal With It Without Blowing Your Budgethttps://youtu.be/oZ5h-gxckXU 4. Consent Orders Explained https://youtu.be/-DC72tq8FRM 🎟️ Free Webinar — Register at www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat") Family Law Act 1975 – Section 114UB (each party bears their own costs) https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/ https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/costs https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/legal-costs The Divorce Course Disclosure Checklist —https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosure_checklist_o