Clearer, not Louder with Beatrice Kamau

In this week’s episode, we discuss what it means when you get along with someone but still can’t rest within the relationship or friendship—and how the internal war between what you keep noticing and what you keep trying to explain away may reveal a deeper difference in values. What you’ll learn in this episode: What it looks and feels like to share interests with someone, enjoy their company, and STILL experience a looming sense of unease within the relationship. The difference between extending understanding to someone and losing yourself—and your values—in the process of trying to understand them. What happens to your voice when you become passive about mismatched values in your relationships—and why following your convictions matters. IG: @clearernotlouder

In Part Three of The Loudest Boundaries Are Unspoken, we discuss how committing to not taking yourself lightly—that is, carrying yourself with high regard—is an unspoken boundary that speaks volumes about how others should treat you. What you’ll learn in this episode: The TRUE, firm foundation for carrying yourself as someone worthy of high regard—one that goes DEEPER than “self-love” and “seeing yourself as worthy.” How the WAY you use your voice shapes how people perceive the strength of your boundaries. What people register when you enter a room before you even SPEAK—and how it influences the way they treat and engage with you. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we explore how to express a boundary without feeling controlling, rude, or as though you’re being “too much.” In Part Two of The Loudest Boundaries Are Unspoken, we chat about managing your attention as a form of boundary—and how people can learn what you are and are not available for without you having to spell everything out-- or say much at all. What you’ll learn in this episode: The difference between trying to control someone else’s behavior and deciding where your own attention will and will not go. What to do when you want OUT of a conversation and someone continues talking ON and ON—even after you've given EVERY body cue imaginable How to decline participation in gossip without delivering a speech, overexplaining yourself, or making the moment more dramatic than it needs to be. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we explore the boundaries people can FEEL—the kind that indirectly let people know how to treat you without you having to bark instructions at them. This conversation is especially for the girl who already knows when someone has made her uncomfortable but feels squirmy and uncomfy about calling it out bluntly or directly. What you'll learn in this episode: The difference between traditional "vocal" boundaries and the boundaries people pick up on without being explicitly told—the kind that make someone think, "For some reason, I better not speak like that around her. Let me adjust myself." The three subtle cues we all give that people pick up on when determining how carefully and thoughtfully to treat us. What it can look like to respond to an insult when directness doesn't come naturally to you—no more giggling to make things less awkward, by the way! IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we explore what it looks like to make friends in adulthood as an ambitious woman—from getting past the beliefs that make putting yourself out there feel harder than it needs to, to finding people who are actually OPEN to connection. We also chat why ambitious women need ambitious friends, beginning again after friendship loss, and a few things I learned from my experience at the Create & Cultivate Festival. What you'll learn in this episode: The two beliefs that quietly make adult friendship HARDER than it needs to be: that putting yourself out there is a humiliation ritual (it's not!), and that everyone is on a no new friends vibe (they're not) Tangible ways to meet and genuinely connect with people—even if you're introverted (i've got 7 for ya!) How to dust yourself off and try again when a potential friendship fizzles and you feel discouraged about trying again. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode we explore how to remain your warm, kind, and whimsical self while being clear and direct (you can be both!). We also discuss why being clear doesn't mean telling people what they can and cannot do and how to be clear and direct sans the fear of being rude, blunt, or "mean." What you'll learn in this episode: The difference between being clear and being controlling—and why they two are NOT actually related How to free yourself from the responsibility of how someone processes your directness How to communicate what you want, what you're available for, and what you will do next while leaving other people responsible for their own choices. IG: @clearernotlouder

***PSST, NO EPISODE NEXT WEEK SEPTEMBER 10, WE WILL BE BACK SEPTEMBER 17 IN LIGHT OF LABOR DAY*** In this episode, we chat: Why being comfortable and confident setting boundaries with other people might start with getting better at telling yourself no—and what your day-to-day choices can teach you about saying no when letting things slide, minimizing the severity of an issue, or simply going along with it feels like... the easier option. What you'll learn in this episode: Why setting boundaries is about more than knowing what to say—and how the way you manage your impulses and emotions in everyday life can show up, positively or negatively, in the boundaries you set with others. What it looks like to tell yourself no when yes is still an option, and why being able to do something doesn't always mean it's in your best interest to do it. How to actually begin building the muscle to hold boundaries with others without the guilt, mind-spiraling, and preoccupation with how they will receive what you say. Book recommendation mentioned: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why you should consider yourself—and the things you're drawn to—interesting and worth paying attention to, not just other people, and how uncovering the unique perspectives God has placed within you connects to the purpose over your life. What you'll learn in this episode: What the people you consider "interesting," "unique," and "cool" are doing differently that causes them to stand out—and why it's not what you think. How dropping performance and developing your own unique point of view around your interests can make you far more interesting than trying to be interesting. How the things you're naturally drawn to and curious about tell a story about the gifts and skills the Lord has equipped you with for the purpose & assignment over your life. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: The FINE line between what it's like to have a connection-- a friendship, a relationship etc-- with someone who is delighted to learn the ins and outs of you and someone who... wants to relate to you on their terms What you'll learn in this episode: What it looks like when you make a decision to no longer FIGHT and adjust yourself in order to be seen. The difference between being mindful about how you communicate to someone and changing who you are to sustain the connection-- adapting vs. self-sacrificing. Why someone NOT taking the time to know the ins-and-outs and quirky little facts about you does not mean you're not worth getting to know deeply-- they might just not be... for you ESPECIALLY if you're a whimsical and curious girly. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: How to stay CLEAR AND FIRM on what you know, want, and believe when someone else's pressure or reactions challenge your boundaries, values and opinions. What you'll learn in this episode: Why a friendly "come onnn" after you've already said no is worth paying attention to—and how easily a decision can become a negotiation you never agreed to have. Why someone telling you all about who they're going to be can distract you from paying attention to who they're showing you they are right now. How dramatic reactions and "well, what about you?" arguments can leave you questioning a choice you were perfectly clear about five minutes ago—and what that can tell you about your discernment. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: The fine line between someone loving you and someone loving who they ARE and who they BECOME around you. What you'll learn in this episode: Why someone can genuinely enjoy being around you—and still be more attached to how they feel with you than to who you actually are. How to recognize the difference between someone who values you for your utility and someone who remains invested in you as a person. The subtle difference between someone who carries your company and someone who carries your story—and why one leaves you feeling familiar, while the other leaves you feeling deeply known. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why it's high time you stop giving everyone but *yourself* the benefit of the doubt when something is off with that friendship, that job, that relationship etc. What you'll learn in this episode: • Why the benefit of the doubt becomes expensive when you're the only one paying for it. • Why grace needs... discernment and why you don't have to overextend yourself under the guise of "giving the benefit of the doubt" • Why assuming everyone would handle a situation the way you would might be keeping you from seeing the truth (because yes, even though you think they would NEVER... they might just) IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why you don't have to wait until you are a shell of yourself, hanging on a thread, practically on life support to leave or change your boundaries in that friendship, relationship, job, or business partnership. What you'll learn in this episode: • The difference between sacrificing yourself and making a willful sacrifice that doesn't steal from you • Recognizing when to say WHEN... early, rather than waiting until you are completely exhausted and unrecognizable to make a decision for yourself • Why noticing that something is... off over and over again—and having an internal WAR with yourself about it—might just be enough. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Staying in a relationship, job, career, or friendship longer than you planned because of the investment of....time even when you're stressed, unhappy, and dissatisfied and... how to gain the courage to choose different. What you'll learn in this episode: • The sunk-cost fallacy and what you might be doing early on that causes you to stay even when you're questioning the relationship, the friendship, the business, or the job. • Why your pride might actually be keeping you in that relationship, job, career, or friendship-- NOT embarrasment, fear of what people may think, or the investment of "time". • You don't have to endure and survive a job, a friendship, or a relationship-- and nearly fall apart and lose your mind in the process-- just because they have *some* good traits that you enjoy amongst all the alarming ones. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: That moment when you're getting to know a friend, someone you're dating, a new workplace, someone you are considering collaborating with and you feel something is... off. You can't put your finger on it, but something isn't... right. But are you overthinking it? Are you being judgemental? Should you just... wait and see? What you'll learn in this episode: • Why whimsical, optimistic girls often overthink a situation that they usually... are right about the first time. • The importance of leaning into your God-given discernment when it comes to clocking when something is... off. • How wondering if you're overthinking what you're seeing may actually be a sign that you struggle with trusting your own perception and... what to do about it. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Embarrassment-- it has a bad reputation. Let's fix that. This week, we introduce a fresh perspective on confidence, embarrassment, and why your willingness to look a little foolish may be one of your greatest assets. What you'll learn in this episode: • The relationship women with a strong sense of agency and confidence have with embarrassment compared to those with lower self-esteem. • The relationship between pride and your capacity to experience embarrassment—and how both influence your willingness to pursue success. • How your capacity to experience embarrassment impacts your ability to fulfill God's purpose and assignment for your life. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why you're not "bad" at sticking to routines, inconsistent, or undisciplined... you just might need to tweak how you approach routines especially if you're a spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of gal. What you'll learn in this episode: How to actually STICK to your routines even when they feel and seem, well, borringg. How routines actually bring out MORE of your playfulness and whimsy A whole new way to view consistency-- and no, this does not look like get it PERFECT or give up. Permission to breathe. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: How they say... you're the "sum of the 5 closest people around you." And while I personally find that particular phrase to be a bit corny, I've come to realize... there's wisdom in that phrase, especially, for the whimsy girl. What you'll learn in this episode: What friendship characteristics negatively impact whimsy, vibrant, playful, and emotionally alive women and which friendship characteristics to look out for as a whimsy girl to support you in your joy and curiosity How to go about finding and cultivating friendships as an adult whimsy girl-- it's not as hard as you think. Why some whimsy girls are meant to have large friend groups and others, 1-2 close friends and why both... are more than okay. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Whimsy as aliveness, joy, optimism, delight, and vibrancy--- NOT childishness-- and why all things whimsical deserve a front seat in your life. What you'll learn in this episode: Why whimsy AND sophistication can exist together at once-- a conversation on how paradox can and should work together really beautifully Whimsy as a reclamation of yourself, your agency, and who God created you to be How whimsy is spiritual and God's gift over your life and a key aspect of your life's purpose IG: @clearernotlouder Read More

In this episode, we chat: The grief and utter SHOCK that comes when relationships and friendships you thought would last... forever end. In this episode, we chat how remembering that no one is above the program might actually take you from difficulty accepting what happened to a calm peace and ability to finally move on with strength and dignity. What you'll learn in this episode: What "no one is above the program" when it comes to betrayal in relationships means and how it might actually help you process the betrayal and grief. Why betrayal isn't as personal as you think it is (even though it feels like it was custom-made just for you, I know!) The liberation that comes from accepting things as THEY ARE not as you wish them to be and... how to get there. IG: @clearernotlouder