Java with Juli - Making Sense of God and Sex

What if God isn't asking you to fix every feeling before you come to Him? What if you could bring Him your anxiety, your frustration, your insecurity—even the parts of yourself you wish weren't there? This week, Juli's talking with Dr. Alison Cook about learning to notice what's happening inside us without immediately judging, fixing, or shaming our inner thoughts. Plus, you'll hear how understanding our own inner world can change the way we show up in marriage, parenting, and our relationship with God. Guest: Dr. Alison Cook Follow-up Resources: The Secure Soul by Dr. Alison Cook The Best of You (Dr. Alison's daily podcast) Take this free quiz from Dr. Alison to discover the role you took on in your family. Follow Dr. Alison Cook at @dralisoncook Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

How much have you already thought about your body today? For many of us, the answer is… a lot. This week, we're talking about the ways body image can quietly shape our mornings, our marriages, our dating lives, our parenting, and the things we're willing to do. What if our bodies were meant to give us freedom, not keep us stuck? Guests: Hannah Nitz & Val O'Brien Follow-up resources: Being Sexy Has Nothing To Do with Your Body by Juli Slattery (blog) Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Body Ready by Juli Slattery (blog) 3 Ways that Loving Your Body Builds Intimacy in Marriage by Joy Skarka (blog) Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Val O'Brien at @_val_obrien Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

This week, Juli's answering your real questions about sex. Here's what's in the line up: "What do I do if I don't find my husband attractive?" "Before marriage, I thought I was dying for sex. Now, it's a chore. Why?" "I've never had an orgasm and I don't care. Is that wrong?" "Is it wrong to please myself if my husband can't do it?" "How does sex point us to God?" "How do I seduce my wife?" "What do you do if your spouse decides they "don't actually need" sex?" "Nothing is off limits. No question is too awkward. Grab your Java and listen in!" Co-host: Hannah Nitz Follow-up resources: Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women by Cliff & Joyce Penner The Married Guy's Guide to Great Sex by Cliff & Joyce Penner Hot Topic Kit: Building a Great Sex Life Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Mind Ready (blog) Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Body Ready (blog) Prioritize Sexual Intimacy by Getting Your Bedroom Ready (blog) Masturbation: Is It Wrong? (blog) "Is Masturbation a Sin?" You May Be Asking the Wrong Question (blog) Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Have you ever found out that a Christian leader you trusted had a major moral or sexual failure…and suddenly wondered, What am I supposed to do with everything they taught me? Can I still read their books? Can I trust what I learned? Does this mean I could fall too? This week, we get honest about what happens when someone who shaped your faith falls, and how to remember that Jesus—not our favorite pastor, author, or teacher—is the one we ultimately follow. Guests: Hannah Nitz, Josiah Bogue Follow-up Resources: Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Josiah at @josiahdlb

Sex is never just about sex. That's why simple conversations about it can bring up shame, rejection, past wounds, and seriously different expectations. In this classic Java with Juli conversation with the late Dr. Doug Rosenau, he and Juli talk about why couples need more than a shared bedroom—they need a shared language. You'll learn how to: • Talk about sex when it feels awkward • Create words that feel safe and meaningful to both of you • Know what to do when a word or request becomes triggering Listen in now! (Even better—grab your spouse and listen together!) Guest: Dr. Doug Rosenau Follow-up Resources: Hot Topic Kit: Building a Great Sex Life God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Doug Rosenau

What if the question your teenager is asking isn't really the question they need you to answer? This week, we're talking with Val O'Brien of the 10,000 Questions Project about what she's learned from collecting thousands of questions from teens. And here's the surprising part: some of the hardest questions about sex and God are really questions about pain. Instead of jumping straight to an answer, what would happen if we got curious? Asked another question? Sometimes the most important thing a teen needs isn't more information. It's to know, "Do you still love me? Do you see me? Can I tell you the truth?" Guests: Val O'Brien , Hannah Nitz Follow-up Resources: The 10,000 Questions Project Sex & the Single Girl by Dr. Juli Slattery (updated & expanded edition) Follow Val O'Brien at @_val_obrien_ Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

What happens when a pastor has no accountability? Or when scripture is used to justify sexual abuse within marraige? When mental health problems are overlooked? Netflix's Death of the Pastor's Wife raises some hard questions—and they're questions the church can't afford to shy away from. So we're talking about them. Co-host: Hannah Nitz Follow-up Resources: Ep. #319: Is Good Sex a "Right" in Marriage? Video Q&A: We Have Sex Regularly But My Spouse Isn't Satisfied. What Do I Do? Video Q&A: Is It My Responsibility to Meet My Spouse's Needs? A Church Called Tov by Scot McKnight & Laura Barringer Find a Christian Counselor MyCounselor.Online The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE, or you can text START to 88788 Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

We're taking a break for Labor Day Weekend and we hope you'll get some rest too. In the meantime, check out these popular episodes from this year: #595 4 Lies We Believe About Sex #603 5 Ways to Navigate Differences & Build a Stronger Marriage #612 How Your Story Shapes the Way You Approach Sex & Intimacy We'll be back right here next week. See you then!

We all do it—the little "tests" we give our spouses without ever telling them they're being tested. Will he notice? Will she remember? Does he even see me? Does she even care? Maybe it's the party we planned, the extra hours we put in at work, or that new haircut or dress we're hoping they'll notice. We put in the effort…and then quietly wait to see if they pass the test. And when they don't? Well, let's just say it doesn't always go the way we hoped. So why do we do this? And is there a better way to get the connection and attention we're really longing for? Grab your Java and join us for the conversation. Co-host: Hannah Nitz We want to hear from you! Did you enjoy this conversation? Leave us a rating & review in your favorite podcast app. Follow-up Resources: Finding the Hero in Your Husband by Dr. Juli Slattery What's It Like to Be Married to Me? And Other Dangerous Questions by Linda Dillow Blog: Did He Pass the Test? by Juli Slattery Follow Hannah Nitz at @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Your sex life shouldn't be the one area of marriage you never discuss. It's awkward—we get it. And you probably don't think talking about it will help. But research shows that talking about sex is strongly associated with a more thriving sex life. So, how do you actually have the conversation? This week, Juli walks through five conversations couples should be having about sex. If you've ever thought, "We should probably talk about this…" this episode is for you. Co-hosts: Hannah Nitz & Josiah Bogue Follow-up Resources: Hot Topic Kit: Building a Great Sex Life God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery Research cited in this episode is from The Secrets of Sex in Marriage by Dr. Michael Sytsma and Shaunti Feldhahn.

What do you do when your child tells you something that changes everything? What constitutes abuse? And, when should you report it? This week, Juli sits down with trauma expert Dr. Debi Grebenik to talk about how parents can respond when a child has experienced sexual abuse. They discuss what signs to watch for, how trauma affects children, why empathy is more powerful than panic, and how parents can protect their kids while raising them with confidence—not fear. Guest: Dr. Debi Grebenik Follow-up Resources: National Children's Advocacy Center Java #460, How to Have Mini and Many Conversations About Sexuality with Your Kids God's Healing Stinks by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Follow Debi at @drdebigrebenik Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

After eight weeks away, Juli is back—and she's sharing what really happened on her sabbatical. This week, Juli opens her journal and shares the biggest lessons God taught her about burnout, rest, leadership, and learning to live within the limits He designed for us. We also talk about why so many of us struggle to slow down, how Sabbath is more than a day off, and what it looks like to build rhythms of rest into everyday life. Plus, you'll get a first look at an exciting new vision for Authentic Intimacy and what's ahead for the ministry. If you've been feeling exhausted, spiritually dry, or like you're running on empty, this conversation is for you. Guest: Hannah Nitz Follow-up resources: Encountering the Radical Love of Jesus by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) 5 Secrets to Intimacy With God by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Linda Dillow

This week, Juli and her husband, Mike, share lessons they've learned about navigating disagreements, understanding each other's perspectives, avoiding manipulation, and seeking God's wisdom together. Whether you're newly married or decades into your relationship, this conversation will encourage you to build healthier patterns for making decisions as a team. Follow-up Resources: Java #603 5 Ways to Navigate Differences & Build a Stronger Marrige with Juli & Mike Slattery Cruise with Juli on the Love Like You Mean It Cruise ! Save $600 per couple on regular cabins or $400 per couple on suites with code JAVAWITHJULI27. The Very Important Difference Between Conflict & Fighting by Dr. Juli Slattery (blog) Finding the Hero in Your Husband by Dr. Juli Slattery Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

When you're on the brink of divorce, could separation save your marriage? This week, Juli sits down with Dr. Gary Chapman to hear how intentional separation can be an act of love rather than a sign of giving up. You'll learn when separation may be appropriate, why outside counsel matters, and how hope can be rekindled (even in relationships that seem beyond repair). Whether you're personally facing a difficult marriage or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation offers wisdom, practical guidance, and a reminder that God is always in the business of redemption. Guest: Dr. Gary Chapman Become a monthly donor to Authentic Intimacy and get a FREE copy of the new 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Follow-up Resources: Hot Topic Kit: Healing After an Affair One More Try by Dr. Gary Chapman Learn more about a marriage Intensive with Hope Restored Video Q&A: How do I know if my spouse is repentant after a betrayal? Video Q&A: How do I know if I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship or marriage?

Great sex doesn't happen by accident. It takes intentionality. This week, Juli shares four habits of couples who pursue sexual intimacy over a lifetime. From the busy years of raising children to the mundane of everyday life, navigating aging and redefining intimacy over time, they explore how you can pursue deeper connection through every stage of marriage. Co-host: Hannah Nitz We'd love to hear your thoughts about this conversation. Leave us a rating and review. Become a monthly donor to Authentic Intimacy and get a FREE copy of the new 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Follow-up Resources: Cruise with Juli on the Love Like You Mean It Cruise ! Save $600 per couple on regular cabins or $400 per couple on suites with code JAVAWITHJULI27. Want to dig deeper? Check out our Hot Topic Kit: Building a Great Sex Life , or pick up a copy of God, Sex, and Your Marriage by Dr. Juli Slattery. Video Q&A: We Have Sex Regularly, but My Husband Never Seems Satisfied. What Do I Do? Video Q&A: Sex Has Never Been Pleasurable in Our Marriage. Should I Just Fake It? Video Q&A: My spouse never wants to have sex. What do I do? Follow Hannah Nitz @hannahnitz Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Why does dating feel so much harder than it used to? Is marriage even still worth it? This week, Juli and Dr. Brad Wilcox dive into the realities of modern dating, offering practical advice for navigating relationships with wisdom and confidence. They discuss everything from fear of commitment and unrealistic expectations to the importance of community, character, and shared faith. If you've ever wondered how to navigate today's dating culture, this conversation is for you. Guest: Dr. Brad Wilcox Become a monthly donor to Authentic Intimacy and get a FREE copy of the new 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Follow-up Resources: Hot Topic Kit: Healthy Dating & Boundaries The National Marriage Project Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

The language of sexuality is changing rapidly, and many parents, pastors, and mentors feel overwhelmed trying to keep up. This week, Juli talks with Dr. Julia Sadusky about what's driving these changes, why so many young people are exploring new identity labels, and why you don't have to toss your convictions out the window in order to stay connected to your kids. Guest: Dr. Julia Sadusky Become a monthly donor to Authentic Intimacy and get a FREE copy of the new 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Follow-Up Resources: Emerging Sexual Identities: Navigating the Landscape of Today's Youth by Dr. Mark Yarhouse and Dr. Julia Sadusky When Your Adult Child Makes Sexual Choices You Don't Agree With by Juli Slattery (blog) Help! I Know I Need to Talk to My Teenager About Sex, But How Do I Do It? by Juli Slattery (blog) Follow Dr. Julia Sadusky at @drsadusky Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

What messages have you been told about your body and your sexuality? This week, Juli sits down with her friends Dawn Jones and Danisa Suarez for a candid conversation about the unique experiences of Black, Latino, and White women when it comes to the messages they received about their sexuality. They touch on topics like body image, beauty standards, shame, and the pressure women feel to either hide or flaunt their sexuality. Guests: Dawn Jones, LPC-S & Danisa Suarez, LPC, CST Become a monthly donor to Authentic Intimacy and get a FREE copy of the new 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. We'd love to hear your thoughts about this conversation. Leave us a rating and review. Dawn Jones' Practice: Legacy Counseling & Consulting Jorge & Danisa Suarez's Practice: CCI Counseling Follow Danisa at @danisasuarezoficial Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

What if the challenges in your sex life have less to do with sex and more to do with your story? This week, Juli talks with attachment expert Marc Cameron about how our earliest relationships shape the way we approach dating, marriage, and sexual intimacy. Whether you're struggling with emotional distance, differences in desire, recurring conflict, or simply want a deeper understanding of yourself and your spouse, this conversation is for you. Guest: Marc Cameron, MA, LMFT Become a monthly donor to Authentic Intimacy and get a FREE copy of the new 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Follow-up Resources: Understanding Your Attachment Style by Marc Cameron Episode #523 How Past Family Patterns Impact the Way You Love Today with Milan & Kay Yerkovich Follow Marc at @marc.cameron.mft Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy

Juli sits down with bestselling author Gary Thomas for a conversation about some of the subtle lies Christians often believe without even realizing it. They're tackling tough questions , like: Can family become an idol? Why do we still struggle with sin after coming to Christ? And what happens when loneliness and isolation become our normal? While this conversation isn't specifically about sexuality, how we answer these questions shapes the way we approach our relationships. Join us to explore how God's truth can lead us into greater freedom, stronger relationships, and deeper intimacy with him. Guest: Gary Thomas Become a monthly donor to Authentic Intimacy and get a FREE copy of the new 25 Questions You're Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Follow Up Resources: The Life You Were Reborn to Live: Dismantling 12 Lies That Rob Your Intimacy with God by Gary Thomas Ep. #589 Feeling Distant? How to Build Emotional Intimacy in Your Marriage with Gary Thomas When Your Adult Child Makes Sexual Choices You Disagree With by Juli Slattery (blog) Follow Gary at @garythomasbooks Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy